This is not what I think (boy wouldn’t that be a sign of self loathing). This was a search used to find my blog. Someone who works for Pfizer in New York City finds us annoying and actually went to the trouble of conducting a Google search for related information on the internet. Like there are websites that offer resources for the poor urban people that have to put up with those irritating suburban moms.
And if there are, it appears that my blog is one of them!
The Big Piece of Cake was selected because of a line from my old Babies are the New Black post: “That’s what suburban moms who read Us Weekly do. We judge. In our stained sweatpants.” This link made the cut due to the fact that it included the words “suburban moms” and “so.” Not surprisingly, the researcher spent “0” seconds on my site. And who could blame them since all they saw that day was a misleading blog name promising baked goods and a post about my obsession with dolls. Sorry to disappoint.
Initially, I just had a little laugh over those crazy keyword searches that people conduct, and conceded that the search could have been for information less obvious than the selected words would indicate. It’s possible that my friend at Pfizer didn’t actually need data on annoying suburban moms and was really just looking up a movie quote or a funny story they read in the news.
You never know with internet searches. I’ve certainly conducted some weird ones myself. Just yesterday I wrote an entire post about the most beautiful blog family I’ve ever seen, only to discover that I lost the link to their site. My solution? See if I could locate the blog in a targeted Google search of course. The key word combinations I came up with were pretty bizarre. Here is a sample: “Mormon blog with four beautiful daughters.” Is that creepy sounding or what? One would think that I’m a psychopath putting the finishing touches on my homemade girl cages. Yikes! But in reality, I was just writing a funny post about not believing that such a beautiful family could possibly exist. I’m still peeved about spending time on that post for nothing. So if you are incredibly good looking, have four Nicole Eggert look-alike daughters and once linked to my Mormons Are Funny post, please comment so I can be in touch.
Back to my point – this odd keyword search made me think. Are suburban moms annoying? If I’m just speaking for myself, I’d probably choose “off balance” over “annoying” – but you know, semantics. If we’re going to take the search literally and go with the actual definition of “annoying,” “causing vexation : irritating <an annoying habit> <annoying questions>,” I’d have to say yes. We are annoying. And there are several points in favor of this conclusion.
First, we are rather pampered by the ease of our suburban lifestyle. Even though we don’t live in the city, we’re also not in the country and have pretty much any retail necessities that one could imagine in close proximity to our homes. And unlike urban families, we can drive everywhere with very few worries over traffic. While I am the first to complain about the hour it takes to get my group out of the house and buckled into their car seats (a sure sign of an annoying suburban mom), I also know that I’m much happier tooling around in the comfort of my own vehicle than trying to navigate the public transportation system.
Secondly, we don’t have as many opportunities to parallel park, so we irritate downtown drivers with our geriatric parking style – often pulling out completely to start all over again when it’s clear that we overestimated the amount of space we had. And pulling up to the car parked in front of us? Why would we ever do that? It’s not like city street parking is hard to find or anything. Oh – it is? Well how the hell would we know that? The shopping centers and strip malls we frequent all have parking lots.
And let’s talk about those vehicles we drive. I’ve already written about my own tank, but it’s pretty safe to say that most suburban moms drive some form of a minivan or SUV. I can defend this choice based on my own inability to find an economy car that accommodates three car seats – but I already covered that in the other post I mentioned above. The bottom line is – necessary or not, we drive big cars. And people can’t see around us on the road. And we’re usually so distracted by our children fighting, crying, puking, etc. in the back that we really don’t notice that we’re weaving, driving too slow or confusing people with the blinker that has been on for the past five minutes.
So based on our driving and parking styles alone, you can imagine how much other annoying suburban mom fodder I could pull together. But I’ll close with the obvious. The annoying suburban mommy bloggers.
What can I say about us…? Well, we’re kind of whiny. Whether we call ourselves career women or work at home moms, we do A LOT of complaining on our blogs. Of course we also exclaim over the daily joys of motherhood and the angels that were sent to us in the guise of offspring. But seriously, we do our fair share of kvetching. You think you don’t? Comment and I’ll come visit your blog to check it out. You’ve obviously discovered some nirvana that remains hidden from the rest of us. Please – disclose your secret.
And on the flip side of our communal bitchfest, we also torture people with syrupy sweet anecdotes about our children. We are SO proud of our little monsters that we fully expect to win awards for world’s cutest kids (which by the way is a title that was most likely already given to the world’s most beautiful family referenced above – sorry). Even when we are complaining about them or recounting amusing stories about their bad behavior, you know that we’re secretly pleased by what little characters they are. GOD we’re annoying.
I have based pretty much all of these observations on my own subjective experience. So if you’re feeling a bit ruffled and misrepresented, just let me throw a disclaimer out there. I am quite possibly one of the most annoying people I know. I have numerous flaws that rub people the wrong way, and I write about them all the time. My annoying habits related to my status of “suburban mom” are such a small part of the truly irritating person that I am.
And when I say “I am” – I really mean, that “we all are.” Come ON Pfizer employee in New York City (I’m back to assuming that the search was intended for evil). Do you really think that you’re any less annoying than the rest of us? Of course not. It’s all so subjective. I was once a city kid that had never even heard of my current neighborhood. I’ve done my fair share of eye rolling and guffawing over the suburbs – but now that I’m on the other side, I see that it goes both ways. No one is safe. We’re all annoying. And on a good day, we choose to call this state of affairs “diversity.”
*Before commenting on this – please read the “Pfizer employee’s” comment and my response (I think we’re #22 and #23). Thanks!
how did you find out that Pfizer from NYC thinks your annoying? Everyone has an annoying side…no one is absolutely perfect! LOL, and if they are, then that’s annoying! HAHA! I hate driving my tank of an SUV, but having three kids, and two of them in carseats, it’s hard to fit and have any breathing room! I have to say i’m a pretty good parallel parker though. :)
I have lived in the country, the ‘burbs, and the city and let me tell you – they are ALL annoying. This Pfizer employee shouldn’t give the suburban moms all the credit.
You crack me up Kate. We are pretty annoying. Sometimes I get so annoyed by other mommy bloggers that I have to take a 2 or 3 day break from reading their blog. SERIOUSLY. If I am that annoyed (and I am one of them), I can only imagine how annoying we are to other people.
I completely agree. There are a few blogs that annoy me so much. But it’s like a bad wreck-I can’t help but watch them make fools of themselves.
However, I am NOT annoying. Ha ha ha. Okay, I’m joking. I’m sure plenty of people cringe when they read my lovey dovey stories about my hubby and daughter.
Kate, I just LOVE this post. I’m cracking up that your google search could make you look like a Morman daughter snatcher! And yes, I am ever so annoying on many levels. You just scratched the surface of my annoying-ness, and I loved reading about it.
I loved this post. I annoy MYSELF sometimes, and I’m quite sure my blog is super annoying.
I was once a single city chick who was annoyed at suburban moms. Now I see the eye-rolls all the time. I want to say, “take a moment to think about your childhood, who drove you around, who took you to the grocery store to annoy other shoppers. Who raised you?”
Now pass the cake, pour me some coffee and I’ll tell you what my adorable kids did today while my minivan is parked in front of your house blocking your neighbors driveway.
Oh yeah, and I’m sure you didn’t really mean what you said about the Mormon family with beautiful children. My family is the most beautiful of all. My magic mirror told me so.
We’re all annoying, no matter where we live. I blame our children.
You are so funny! I hope that Pfizer employee does that search again and reads this post. haha! And good luck finding the gorgeous mormons. I’m sure you’ve already checked your history and cookies?!
You can imagine the searches I get since my name is Stiletto Mom. I had to stop looking, people are scary!!!
I am a proud and whiny Suburban Mom. Guess what? I think people who work at Pfizer are annoying. (Well, not anyone who works at Pfizer who reads your blog because they are obviously cool…you know, the rest of them.)
I think Caroline got it right we are all annoying because of are kids. They annoy us so we must annoy others. I live 3 blocks from the city and I don’t think I would be any less annoying if I moved three blocks away.
And by the way, my kid is clearly the cutest in the universe so don’t bother looking elsewhere.
Yes, I am annoying. How do I know this? Because my husband tells me at least once a week that I am.
I have also been told that my organizational skills are annoying.
I’m pretty sure that Dave thinks I am annoying….
IM a city mom and Im very very annoying
Now I’m all depressed and self-conscious. I had no idea I was so annoying. But you’re right. I am! Oh the agony. Wonder if Pfizer has anything to help with that?
I’m not sure WHAT I am, but I am sure I am annoying.
oh my, that is quite the google search! Well sign me up, for I am right there with you.
Love the last line.
Hilarious!!!
Thank you for the sweet comment about my Mom! xo Keli
This is one of my favorite posts of yours!
I’m cracking up over it, because the last time I lived in a suburb was about nine years before I became a mom, and the title of my blog has always been a tongue-in-cheek reference to a series of articles I wrote back in THOSE days. I still mock the suburbs mercilessly even though that’s where I spend the bulk of my time running errands — the parking is EASIER! LOL!!
You know who annoys me the most? Minivan moms who park to close to my SUV. Look, ladies, I know your car has doors that slide open, but mine actually open out. So if you don’t want vicious door dings in your Windstar, give me enough room to get my door open and get my toddler out of his carseat. Rant over.
I love this post!
your points are so true… so true for everyone except me ;)
I had to ‘work’ downtown yesterday and it made me realize how cushy us suburban moms have it sometimes :)
This was funny! You’re right – we are ALL annoying – suburban moms or not.
I think what bugs me about people like the Pfizer people is that they never bother to read some of the mom stuff out there all the way through. There is some good stuff out there….some annoying stuff for sure, but, there are some good writers out there and not too sound too gushy I think you’re one of the ones with the good stuff, Kate.
Well, as a 2 year mommy pro or rookie, depending on how you view it, I’m quickly learning that moms can be annoying no matter where they come from. It’s like I used to be a woman and now I’m a mom — mom is treated like some sort of creature that’s stepped out of the woods. I find that most of the blogger moms are normal like I think I am…it’s the moms in my ‘real life’ that I find incredibly annoying! Too bad we can’t have virtual playdates for our kids.
Well Moms, I am the Pfizer employee who you all seem (especially you Kate) to think was somehow saying something about suburban moms being annoying! although I may now have a whole new view on how annoying suburban moms CAN be! Well…I am NOT an urban dweller (as I was described!) I live in the suburbs of NYC and…on top of that I am a suburban mom! I was googling “suburban moms who find commuting annoying”. I was shocked to see my search brought up in the blog and not just brought up but misinterpreted! I understand why you search for people who hit your site…I work in marketing but really…..you should know how searches are easily misread. Wow….I was only looking for suggestions and support/advice from other moms who also work and find it difficult to travel and leave their kids and all that goes with that. I I often feel distanced from my fellow workers who live in the city and don’t have kids. Instead of finding support or help I find myself misrepresented in a blog. The judgmental reaction to my innocent (yes…I had no EVIL intent) search only reinforces how I know people look at suburban moms and moms in general, and it isn’t a pretty picture!! Being judgmental isn’t cute or quirky and it isn’t a trait I want to teach my children! But if you are going to judge perhaps get the real story first.
That said, Kate, I find your blog interesting and helpful and really funny! I will continue to read it, I just have to get past the whole “pointing me out with all the wrong facts” thing. :)
Hi Pfizer employee!
Listen – I am SO SORRY for making you feel singled out. That wasn’t my intention, and if I wasn’t so long winded – that probably would have been more clear. Here are the things I put in the post as an attempt to show that I knew it was probably an unrelated search and that I was taking it as an opportunity to poke fun at myself and other women like me:
“Initially, I just had a little laugh over those crazy keyword searches that people conduct, and conceded that the search could have been for information less obvious than the selected words would indicate. It’s possible that my friend at Pfizer didn’t actually need data on annoying suburban moms and was really just looking up a movie quote or a funny story they read in the news.
You never know with internet searches. I’ve certainly conducted some weird ones myself.”
also
“Back to my point – this odd keyword search made me think. Are suburban moms annoying?”
That was my intro for all the reasons that we ARE annoying.
Then that “(I’m back to assuming that the search was intended for evil)” was supposed to be tongue in cheek so I could make my *aren’t we all annoying* conclusion.
Since you work for a huge company in a major city – I figured that it was anonymous enough to use the “Pfizer employee” label without actually getting personal.
And to be perfectly honest – the search showed that you spent “0” minutes reading the post. So I assumed that you didn’t actually read it (or my blog for that matter).
SO again – I apologize for “using you” like that. I wouldn’t have if I thought you would notice or care. I’m glad you like my blog – as I’ve said in my other comments sections in the past everyone is welcome!
I’ll put a note on this post that readers should check out your comment and my response before making any of their own comments. I LOVE that you had your say. I don’t get enough of that kind of thing here – even when I try to push the envelope…(of course – I’m a rather conservative pusher).
All of that said – are you my cousin who works for Pfizer in NYC? Hey – you never know, small world and all… If so – e-mail me! Or just e-mail me anyway to say hi. Thanks for taking the time to comment.
-Kate
Hi Kate,
Thank you for your response and I appreciate you taking the time to clear up your intentions. No worries…I don’t feel used:)
I definitely picked up the “tongue in cheek” and the sarcastic edge to your writing…you are a witty and talented writer!
I actually only spent o min on your blog origionall because I was just researching what sites to revisit while I’m not at work…so as you see, I came back!
I will continue to read your blog and enjoy it1 Thank you:)
By the way…I am an annoying mom as well. Come to think of it, I was annoying before I was a mom too, so much for that excuse!
Wow, I totally got the tongue in cheek message of your post and didn’t think twice about who the searcher was. I don’t think you really singled her out at all.
Anyway, glad you have a new reader out of her!
And your post is hilarious btw. We are annoying. Just like urban people are annoying when they come to the suburbs (tongue in cheek please) ;) I just hope I’m not one of those annoying mommy bloggers that everyone’s sick of. Maybe I am…my readership dropped by one or two over the past couple of weeks. I don’t complain too much. Nor do I brag (overtly). We can’t please everyone though can we.
I agree with Meagan…there are some that are SO ANNOYING, constantlyl shoving their children down your throat. OK, you wanna have a blog about your kids? Go ahead, free world! But don’t try and ATTRACT PEOPLE TO YOUR SITE and have them fall in love with them…it ain’t gonna happen. Once out of politeness I’ll look, and second time I never go back. Ugh…