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Years ago, I came across a website that in retrospect, I now recognize as a blog. But back in 2002ish I didn’t know what blogs were. So I just thought of it as a website devoted to the various bizarre home projects of the blogger’s “redneck” next door neighbor.
Here are some highlights:
First, let me say that my redneck neighbor is not destitute or under-privileged. The guy owns a business, drives VERY nice new cars, he just doesn’t care about his house. In order to protect the ignorant, we’ll call him John Doe # 8 or JD8 for short.
October 1997 – They are here!
Well, it should have been a sign of things to come but my neighbors move into their brand new house. Inventory: 1 artificial Christmas tree, clothes, stereo system, TV, no furniture). The Christmas tree is nicely decorated (remember, it’s October). We can tell what the tree looks like because the windows have no miniblinds so at night, you can see right into the house as you drive up. They have also decided to wrap some strands of Christmas lights around their front porch railing. I guess there’s no electric outlet nearby because they never turn these lights on.
The Structure
In case you have not noticed by now, JD8’s favorite hobby is to build things poorly. His next project is yet unnamed. All my friends call it the chicken coop. There are several theories as to what this building really is. The theories include: chicken coop, two-story deck, two-story chicken coop, work shop, shed, etc. It would be easier for you to see it [link to picture] than for me to describe it. Once thing is certain, it is HUGE. Unfortunately for JD8, I called the city and he has been asked by the fine folks at “code enforcement” to stop building whatever that is. He needs to get a building permit. Luckily for the neighborhood, that thing will not meet building code regardless of what it is.
Neighborhood thugs
In case you don’t remember, long ago, JD8 had placed a basketball goal right outside our bedroom window. Unfortunately for JD8, some neighborhood thugs put a couple bricks through the back-board. Unfortunately for me, the same bricks also took a chunk off the side of my house.
JD8 decides to move the basketball goal to the curb to be picked up by our city’s waste disposal specialists (garbage men). Well, from the look of JD8’s house, the garbage men aren’t sure if it’s really garbage so they never pick it up. The broken basketball goal sits by the curb for several months when JD8 decides to put it back on his driveway. He does not use it again. Here is a picture [link to picture] of the basketball goal. See the Christmas lights in the background? This picture was taken in the summer.
A few years later, I tried to pull up the site to forward the link on to a friend – only to find that he had decided to pull it from the web. Maybe the redneck neighbor discovered the site? There were no details provided about the decision, but I’m sure that many cyber tears were shed over it.
You are most likely asking yourself how I was able to include these samples of the hilarity that was “Redneck Neighbor.” I can do it because I FOUND IT AGAIN! It’s not the site I remember, so it must be a different version – one that the blogger never got around to deleting or destroying or whatever it is you do to make a blog disappear (having never done it before, I don’t know the lingo). Anyway – pretty much everything I remember is there, so I’m thrilled. And in the spirit of the season of giving… I give you…the gift…of Redneck Neighbor. No thank you notes required – seriously, I just like to make people happy.
Note: If you are my mom, and didn’t realize that “I FOUND IT AGAIN!” was a link to the website, here is that link: http://www.joespc.com/carlos/redneck.htm. Love you mom!
UPDATE (1/5/09): Chuck from Beyond the Cheddar Curtain commented with the following:
I read somewhere that Carlos’ neighbor eventually sold his house and moved, and Carlos later did the same thing himself, so he took the site down, but someone archived his old entries, which he is cool with.
I believe his neighbor stopped acting quite so rednecky after a while (perhaps the police visits had something to do with this) but I’m not sure.
Then he e-mailed me the link: http://fuzzycats.com/redneck.htm. Thanks Chuck!
Whoo!!! Wiping away tears . So frickin’ funny! Thanks for sharing!
Read the whole thing top to bottom and laughed my head off….Can’t wait to share with my husband so we can laugh together.
That is great!! Thanks for sharing. I wish my neighbors were that blog worthy. Well maybe not.
And yes, you are the only woman on the planet that does not like Oreos. What is wrong with you?!?!?
Oh my god so freaking funny!!!
OK, that is hysterically horrible. It’s hard to imagine that it’s even real! What a nightmare. It’s funny that in JD8’s attempt to show his national pride he had two american flags laying on the ground! Someone needs to teach him that that is a sign of disrespect. I guess it’s par for the course, though, right?
Kwel
thanks for the great laugh this morning!!!
there is always “that” kind of neighbor lurking somewhere, huh?!?
I just spent 30 minutes reading the whole thing and I have come to one conclusion.
I think that is my Ex-husband!
That’s funny stuff! Thank you for the gift. I love how you spread good cheer and make people happy! ;)
I haven’t laughed so hard in months – I can’t stop. The picture of the burned out deck with the row of empty beer bottles left on the railing was priceless but the 3 shots of the brick mailbox with the Jesus on top was beyond belief.
Thank you Kate, but I learned from Matt a couple of weeks ago that you click on the highlighted words to see more. Thanks for your concern for your techimpaired parent. Love you too! Mom
That was hilarious.
I think back on the days when I didn’t know about blogs. What did I do online?
oh too funny!
I read somewhere that Carlos’ neighbor eventually sold his house and moved, and Carlos later did the same thing himself, so he took the site down, but someone archived his old entries, which he is cool with.
I believe his neighbor stopped acting quite so redneckky after a while (perhaps the police visits had something to do with this) but I’m not sure.
I too went through the disappointment of losing "my redneck neighbor". I am so pleased you found this. I was still visiting regularly when he took it down and he had written something about the neighbor finding himself a lady friend and she didn't really approve of his many projects. That website was the source of some of the heartiest laughs I've ever had :)
I actually printed out all of redneck neighbor years ago when I first saw it. My wife died of cancer recently and I was going through the library/computer room cleaning things out when I came across my copy of it, so decided to look it up again. How crazy stumbling onto you!
Years ago when I was reading the Redneck Neighbor site, I had no idea that I was reading my first “blog.” Probably one of the funniest blogs ever written. And of course – I’m so sorry about your wife.