When I started my blog in the summer, I had no idea what direction it would take. But I was pretty sure that the only people reading it would be my friends.
Then I got a comment from a blogger that I had just started reading on my SECOND post. Of course, she was like my only commenter… But it made me think that just maybe other people, people that I didn’t actually know might want to read what I have to say. How exciting! But then I had to think about what I had to say.
I started out just writing for myself and about whatever happened to be on my mind that day. And it wasn’t always about my family or my children. So I thought that I wasn’t a mommy blogger.
And I was fine with that. I read lots of mommy blogs, but I didn’t necessarily feel like I, personally could really represent. In fact I said as much in that second post. I often feel like I’m still the high school babysitter trying to decide if I can get away with letting my kids have as many cookies as they want because it’s easier than fighting with them (and because I probably want another cookie too). So who am I to wax poetic about my parenting experiences and the miracles that happen every day in my house? Because really – I find it miraculous that they are all dressed and fed (that is if Goldfish crackers count) in time for me to load them up in the car to go to daycare. And that doesn’t do much for my mommy street cred.
Then as I continued to write about this and that, I got a comment from another blogger who wasn’t actually a mom. I found that as I read her posts, I related to her more than some of the moms I was reading. So it was suddenly clear – I didn’t have to be a mommy blogger. It wasn’t necessary for me to chronicle every setback in potty training or to report every milestone. If I got bored writing about it, then people would probably get bored reading about it. Instead I just wrote about my kids when I felt like it and didn’t when I didn’t.
I found several other blogs written by women who aren’t mothers (most younger than me) and was beginning to feel very well rounded in my social networking (I was even learning blogger lingo). But here is the problem. While I could enjoy reading stories about their fabulous travel plans, wild nights out, commitment to fashion and personal style, and even their scandalous pasts – any relating that I did was in retrospect (except for the scandalous past part since I’ve always been pretty PG-13). Sadly, I was starting to feel like the once cool older sister, realizing that her younger sisters are the cool ones now (disclaimer: I have never actually been cool, and I don’t have little sisters – but you know what I mean). While I still continued to read, comment and relate – I had to admit that I only had a visitor’s pass to the club. Eventually, I’d have to go home and change some poopie diapers.
So I’ve emerged from this online identity crisis with the realization that in fact I am a mommy blogger. A rather inconsistent mommy blogger – but a mommy blogger nonetheless. And it’s time to commit. I’m signing up for a lifetime membership. I can continue to visit the other clubs. I mean they ARE online – no intimidating bouncers to make me want to slink away in my virtual mom jeans. But I do have those poopie diapers to get back to…
And really – who decides what a mommy blogger writes about anyway? Just because some women establish their blogs as virtual scrapbooks or journals that their children can read and cherish in years to come, that doesn’t mean that I can’t write about pseudo-celebrity stalking. And as time goes on, I’m starting to realize that there are more mommy bloggers like me anyway. Not everyone is writing reviews on the latest and greatest developmental toys (although I’m very appreciative of those that do since I hate doing my own research). I’m not sure where I got the idea that the mommy blogging genre was a internet sorority for perfect mothers. In fact, I suspect that the ones that seem perfect to me would beg to differ.
I spent so much time assuming that I didn’t fit into this group, that I completely missed the fact that no one is setting any rules. I’m a mom and I have a blog. So that automatically makes me a mommy blogger right? Although I suppose that if I wrote about monster truck rallies or swinging in the suburbs it would be a different story. But that’s neither here nor there since I don’t. Clubs are created for people who have something in common, not everything in common. So why should I be afraid of being blackballed?
I’m not. At least not anymore. “Hello, my name is Kate and I’m a mommy blogger.” [This is where the other mommy bloggers should respond “Hi Kate.”]
I’m also going to try to get more involved in my local mommy blogging community. My friend Nicole has informed me that DC Metro Moms is currently taking applications for new writers. So I sent the contact an e-mail. Now I just live in fear that she will somehow miss my touching family focused posts (like Is Nothing Sacred? and Insecurity Blankets) and instead read all of the weird random ones (like I Hate This Chair and Mormons are Funny). Either way – wish me luck.
Even if DC Metro Moms decides that I’m not DC metro mommy blogger material, I’ll still feel secure in my new identity. I love who I was and will continue to enjoy all of those wonderful writers who provide daily reminders with their hilarious anecdotes and musings. But I’m also proud of who I am now and all of things I AM doing right as a mother. And one of those things is keeping a sense of who I am aside from the responsibilities that come along with motherhood. Because I’m more than just a mom. And sometimes I write about that too.
Labels, shmabels.
And good luck.
I’m glad you have found peace with who you and what you are. And why would that DC thing not want you? You’re great! Tell them I said so. (On second thought, maybe you’d better not do that.)
good luck I am sure they will want you! Yr fabulous love! xoxoxo
I understand. This week I haven’t been able to post a thing because I am having an identity crisis. “Why am I blogging? I don’t want all these anonymous readers knowing about my life. Should I stop writing about my kids, because suddenly more people are reading and it puts us all under a microscope”.
Your blog is great because it is like a box of chocolates….you never know what you are going to get…a give away, a celebrety update, Mom and family info or a funny story, all of it well written. You are doing great!!
If we have kids we are all mommybloggers, but that does not mean to say they occupy our every thought or word, as much as we love them – We bloggers cannot be pigeonholed!
I’ve struggled with the same identity crisis. I’ve been a mom over half my life, which means I don’t have cute little babies and preschoolers to write about…and even if I did, I would want to write about many other things anyway!
But if a “mommy blogger” is a “mom who blogs,” then I am one, even if I feel like a poser sometimes. You’re right, though – there aren’t any content rules except for the ones we make for ourselves, which we can change at any time.
Good luck with DC Metro Moms – it’s a great group! I blog for the LA Moms Blog, which is one of their sister sites.
You’re a great blogger…mommy or otherwise. DC Metro Moms will want you and if they don’t…SCREW ‘EM!! :)
I write about lots of weird, random things too. Except your blog is much more well thought out than mine. I tend to write posts in a hurry, so my writing usually sucks ass.
Anyways, good luck!
Great post. I can relate to this identity crisis. Some of my fav blogs are house blogs. You know, decorating trends, etc. I like to read them, but I don’t want to write them.I guess I’m a mommy blogger, too. And now that my kids are getting older, I think I could be on the verge of being a “tween blogger.” Can’t wait to heare what happens w/ DC Metro Moms. I’d pick you, Kate!
I’m the same why you are. I just blog about what ever the hell I want to that day. And if people like it, then great. If not, who cares?
But I like you just the way you are!
I hear you. So much of what I write has nothing to do with being a mom. Yet I am certainly a mom and I do write about that too. Confusing.
Multi-faceted is good. :)
Good for you! I am totally a mommy blogger, but I read plenty of non-mom blogs. Why can’t we all just be “female bloggers.”
I started my blog as an outlet and so that I can share silly stories about my kids and pictures. I wanted some kind of chronicle of my days. Mostly, I want my kids to read it someday and get to know all of me. The mom parts and more importantly… the non-mom parts too. I want them to know that I had a whole life before they were born and I have thoughts other than what to make for dinner.
Yeah, whatever, I mostly like to post pictures of my adorable offspring and have everyone tell me how gorgeous they are.
I love your blog no matter what you call yourself because its fun, well written and generally awesome. They would be lucky to have you write for them.
Break the mold! Go crazy! Just pick up after yourself when your done thank you very much Im not your maid
Hi Kate…
And by the way, DC Metro Moms will totally want you. Their sister site Deep South Moms took me, and I’m not nearly as funny or gifted a writer as you. Can’t wait to see you over there!
I wish you well. They would be lucky to have you!! I mean that. I love the way you write.
As bloggers, we tend to write what we know. What occupies our day-to-day lives. As a mom, your kids obviously take up a ton of your time and, as a result, you write about them. I don’t think it’s fair to slap a label on you or your blog. Just as you are more than just a mom, you are more than just a mommy blogger. :]
Oh hai! You linkety linked to ME! :)
Here’s what I think, if anyone cares: you are a person. A person with a blog. As a person with a blog, you can write about whatever the *bleep* you want! Kids, celebrity stalking, binge drinking, whatever! We want to hear what YOU have to say… not because we anticipate some type of niche that it should fit into, but because it’s you and you are interesting. Your identity is just that… yours. When other people try to dictate what that is? Well that just sucks. Aren’t I eloquent? We do what other people want – we are who they want us to be in so many other facets of our life… at work, as a wife, as a mother, etc etc. But this is YOUR space. You do with it whatever you please.
All the mommy bloggers say “Hi Kate”.
We’re mommies first and foremost. But somewhere under there, we’re still people and women.
Blogging is helping to save a little of my sanity because it’s teaching me that there is no perfect mom.
Welcome to the club.
i feel your pain. notice the lack of posting and reading blogs for the past 2 weeks?
yeah…my posts that i just did this week are boring and bla and i want them to get back to my writing posts. we’ll see!
you’re great and your posts are great! don’t give up. just keep at it and it’ll happen if its supposed to and if not…then we’ll keep enjoying them!
smile and i’ll email you tomorrow…
Hi Kate ;-)
I think you have a wonderfully interesting personal blog and I love it. They would absolutely be lucky to have you!
You are a great writer-
You MommyBlogger :)
We must be in a cosmic/same plain place right now because I came over here to link you in a post –
crazy!
Hi Kate.
I can’t tell you how much I identify with this post. I decided also to not let myself peer pressure myself (if that makes sense) and just let it all hang out. One day I’m posting cutsie pictures of my kids (holy crap i have kidsssss) and boasting about potty training and the next day i’m cussing like a sailor and quoting rap songs…that’s just me.
I will tell you that the first post I read of yours was the scary movie one when you wrote the word FUCK. that sold me…a funny mom who loves her kids and isnt afraid to be real and use the word FUCK in a blog (i feel so free right now..hahaha).
So keep on keepin on KCH. You inspire me to be the funny trashy professional potty mouth mom I am :)
Good luck with DC Metro Moms. It would be great to have you!
I’m a “mommy blogger” only in the sense that I have kids and I blog. I don’t write about them all the time…only when I want to make fun of them. Mothers’ lives can be just as funny, dramatic, exciting, boring, etc. as any other type of blogger. We just have a huge audience of women who can relate!
“online identity crisis”. i love how you worded that!
i have one all of the time. some days i feel like my blog needs to go in some sort of direction and be focused or something. but you have just reiterrated for me that it’s my blog i can write what i want to!
Good for you. I’m not sure I like the label of “mommy blogger” because it does feel like you have to just blog about mom stuff, when we are more than “mom”.
Mommy bloggers are a powerful force. Lets own the identity and use it for positive change!
I have been reading blogs ALL DAY. (no work to do) and THIS IS THE BEST ONE SO FAR! (probably because I can relate). I have a jean fetish, and am a makeup Junkie.I have a CRAZY past, and scandelous love life…..well,years ago I did. I drank waaaay too much too often before I had my daughter, and know what it feels like to have girls hate you for no reason and go home crying to Mom. But I AM A MOMMY NOW. Not a S@HM, and while organic baby food sounds great, my daughter has never had an ear indection and grew up on gerber. We love Mac and Cheese,and eat cookie dough-GASP! I feel kinda like an outsider in CYBERSPACE, but never really felt like that would be possible….and I can’t write about Motherhood, jeans, or organic food ALL OF THE TIME! I love ya for saying it first :D