This morning, while unremarkable, seemed to fly by at record speed. My office was closed today with the understanding that everyone would work from home. So I planned to work on some projects while the children watched too much TV and pushed each other down the stairs. I’m kidding of course – at least about the stairs – but I really did need to stay plugged in and couldn’t take a full vacation day. I decided that if it looked like I wouldn’t get anything done, I’d just have to officially take the day off, but sneak in work when I could.

Miraculously – the children were happy to just play with each other, and spent a good hour “marching” around the first floor in a parade that seemed to have something to do with the Sister Suffragette song from Mary Poppins. And string. I’m still not sure what the string had to do with anything.

I had planned to take them out to lunch so they’d have at least one activity outside of the house. But it was snowing and I didn’t know what that would mean for the roads.

Nothing, apparently – but the upshot of all of this independent indoor playtime was that I didn’t get to tire them out as I had planned. And when nap time for the twins rolled around, they were none too thrilled.

I tried reading them books (our usual wind down activity), but no one wanted to sit still. So I gave up and just put them in their cribs with the expectation that they’d do some screaming before they actually fell asleep. This isn’t so unusual, but of course, they picked today to learn that they have the ability to escape.

George has known how to climb out of his crib for a while now. I discovered this one night when I rolled over in bed to find him standing there looking at me. But it didn’t happen again, and I hoped that he would be like Oliver and lose interest in the activity almost immediately (seriously, it was great – even though Oliver knew how to climb out, he NEVER did).

Today was the day though… And not only did George climb out of his bed, he showed Eleanor how to do it as well. Within a few minutes of settling down with Oliver, the Little Einsteins and my computer, the twins wandered into the room. As if it was all an unfortunate misunderstanding – one we would never speak of again.

Nice try! I tossed them right back in and said “too bad, so sad – go to sleep.” I didn’t actually say that, but my tone was very clear.

As soon as I arrived back downstairs, I heard the unmistakable sound of two little pairs of feet hitting the floor. I went upstairs, met them at their door as they were exiting, and calmly escorted them back to bed (which is code for threw their little asses back in the clinker).

I’ve been through this with Oliver on vacation before (he had no compunction with escaping from the pack n’ play) and knew that they would continue to defy me. So I decided that I would allow it as long as they played quietly in their room. I couldn’t make them sleep – but I could make them have quiet time.

After listening to the pitter patter of little feet for about 15 minutes, I decided my plan sucked and that I’d better go put them back into their cribs. They really do need naps and I didn’t want to face an evening alone with them if they were going to be sleep deprived monsters.

I arrived to find them happily pulling apart the blinds. Eleanor, whom we tend to think of as the brains in the operation could tell I was serious about what George obviously considered “all this nap malarkey,” and submitted willingly to the inevitable. George on the other hand was outraged that I would put him back into the cage that he had already rejected twice. He even threw a leg over the railing and screamed the equivalent of toddler obscenities at me. We then engaged in a silent face off – his rage vs. my parental authority – for a minute or two. This could have gone on indefinitely if I didn’t hear Oliver sound the alarm downstairs: “UH OH -PEE PEE!“

I should probably explain that even though Oliver is fast approaching age four, and has been potty trained since last summer, he still wants me to help him pull down his pants. For the most part, I attribute this to habit. But it should also be noted that he is not particularly slim through the hips and if hard pressed for time, may have trouble getting his pants down before it’s too late. And he does tend to put things off until the last minute, so it’s understood in my house that when Oliver yells “uh oh – pee pee!” that means “run, do not walk – this is not a drill – I repeat this is not a drill! “

I narrowed my eyes, repositioned George inside the crib railing and firmly admonished him to stay put. I flew down the stairs and arrived in the powder room to find that I was too late. Said pee pee was entirely outside of the toilet.

Oliver is generally very good about not having accidents, so we don’t give him a hard time about it. I responded to his defeated “uh oh – pee pee” with my usual pat on the head and promise that “we’ll fix it, it’s okay.“

Once Oliver and the powder room were put to rights, I took a quick peek up the stairs to make sure I didn’t see toddlers dismantling the linen closet. No sign of activity – but I did hear a fair bit of wailing. One voice only, and high pitched enough for me to easily identify as George. Thankfully, it was muffled, indicating a face firmly (and irately) pressed into the crib mattress. So he seemed to be resigned to his fate.

Ultimately, they did sleep. But George was up again in 45 minutes, crying for me. At least Eleanor had a normal nap. Regardless – everyone went to bed an hour early tonight. Since they have no concept of telling time yet, I can usually trick them into this on the days they stay at home.

A few random things about today:

George has been talking about skoppa ball for a while, and I just realized that he’s saying “basketball.”

Eleanor has decided that she’s from Minnesota and now says “oh ya!” whenever an affirmative is required.

Oliver only wore pants for a cumulative ten minutes today.

“Renesmee” is the most ridiculous name I’ve ever heard in my life (you have to be at least halfway through the fourth Twilight book to understand this).

I opened a wine bottle at 5:30 p.m.

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