We’re now half way through my Summer Hiatus, and my guest for the mid-mark is another DC blogger, LiLu of Livit, Luvit.
LiLu is this hilarious young potty mouth who for some reason decided that she liked my mommy blog. This of course thrills me to no end since I have great memories of my 20s and love the idea that I’m somehow still “relevant” (just don’t ask me anything about current popular music – I’m too busy listening to my old lady books on tape).
I’ve only been following LiLu for a short time now, but I think that she may have the best Snuggie review I’ve ever read. She is known for her, um…off color stories (see her TMI Thursday link below), but she has also written some very lovely posts about personal identity. Apparently, she decided to honor me with another one of these, even though I told her that she had full creative license since I was feeling reckless (seriously – I was a little scared). Instead of scary beer sodden, stanky leg vlogs, she sent me a little jewel that gives more than a hint of the amazing woman and writer that she is becoming with every day.
Welcome lovely LiLu!
I Used to Be There
Hi, everyone! I’m LiLu, visiting y’all over here from Livit, Luvit.
I was très excited when Kate asked me to take over her spot for a day, for a couple reasons. First of all, Kate and I are fairly new e-buds and I don’t know a lot of you…YET. That is all about to change, because I am totally going to e-stalk all of you! So there’s that to look forward to. Second of all, my perception is that it’s a slightly different crowd over here, and I’m interested to see how you all react to my particular brand of crazy. (See examples here, at the hub of the disgusting and insane TMI Thursday.)
If you’ve ever been over to my place, you’ll know that I’m A) in my mid 20s and B) totally going through my quarter-life crisis. Or, as I put it, doing the splits into Grown-Up World.
You see, I’m in that middle, limbo-y place, where I am so definitely not a college student anymore (and sure don’t want to be one), but I don’t yet feel like an ADULT. I still drink, but I go to bed early. I live with my (wonderful!) boyfriend, but the next step is still a few years away, and we’re both glad about it. My friends are just starting to get engaged and married (and I’m just starting to get used to it), but the idea of a child scares the ever-living CRAP outta me. Last time I visited my college girlfriends in NC, I was shocked when I realized we were sitting around a dinner table in a house that my friend owned, with a meal we’d prepared on the table… yanno, all civilized-like. It is, for lack of a better word, very weird.
But if I’ve learned anything in the past few years, it’s that “It Will Happen To You.” Everything I thought I would never feel or want or imagine, is slowly, piece by piece, happening to me. And then I look to a year ago, and think, “Oh, I was so silly then, thinking I’d never want to be in a relationship/have a real job/get married someday!”
I was out with a 22 year old last week. Now she’s a good egg and not at all immature, but she is still, well, 22. At one point, I looked across the table and thought, “I remember that being me, being the youngest at the table and feeling good about it when people said, ‘Oh, you’re a baby.” I used to be there.
And, soon, I know I’ll be 28, more secure and comfortable (financially AND emotionally, I hope), looking at the 25 year olds and thinking the same thing; I used to be there.
One day I’ll be engaged, watching the single girls wanting to find their someone; the people in relationships that don’t yet have an end to their story. Will I feel smug, or envious? Either way, I know I’ll think, I used to be there.
Eventually, as far fetched as it still may seem, I will get married. My big day will come to pass, and I will look at the engaged friends eyes and think; I used to be there. I’ll talk to my younger friends and say, Take your time, enjoy being on your own. I used to be there.
And finally, (god forbid!) one day… I might be a mother. I might join the ranks of the fantabulous mommy bloggers, and again look at the 20-somethings drunk out in bars and think; I used to be there.
I suppose the most important question is… when we think that, do we feel regret? Pity? A sense of loss? Or just a healthy dose of nostalgia?
From everything I’ve heard, this ride keeps getting better and better… I really hope they’re right.
Thanks for having me, Kate!
UPDATE: I just noticed that LiLu just happened to get a mention in DC Blogs Noted today! You can link directly to her “notable” post HERE.
I love this LiLu! I am the queen of nostalgia. Sometimes I wake up from a dream about playing outside as a little girl or running around with my friends in college and I can literally taste the longing to go back again.
Then in the waking world, it’s just a hint, a sigh, a brief flash – and then it’s gone when something more immediate and wonderful (like a sticky kiss from one of my children) presents itself.
So I think you get a little longing along with the nostalgia – but only for a moment. Since it really does get better and better.
Thanks again!
Kate- thanks for the sweetest intro ever! You are so lovely for having me in your corner of the interwebs. Glad to be here :-)
I’m at the point where I’ll look at people in their early 20s and mid-20s and think, damn! that was me just a mere 5 to 9 years ago! It’s super weird.
Well I’m wayyyyy past my mid-20’s, iIn fact I’m staring down 40 in just a few very short months, and I *did* have a great time in my twenties, but you know what? I wouldn’t go back for all the money in the world. At 39 and 3/4 I’m comfortable with who I am, old enough to be happy with who I am on the inside even when the outside isn’t all that I’d hoped (but working on that!). Life is settled, and it’s good. My adventures as a nearing-40 mom of two are different than the ones I had in my roaring twenties, but I can still go out till three on occasion (and do, though there’s invariably hell to pay in the morning) while also finding adventure in the whole new world that’s opened up for me.
What am I saying? Damned if I know.
Actually, what I’m saying is don’t rush it. Enjoy where you are, but know that the best is in fact yet to come. And better yet, by the time it does you’re old enough and wise enough to recognize it and enjoy it for what it is.
Aack, I sound so sappy. I’m really a world-weary cynic at heart. At least sometimes ;-).
This was brilliant, LiLu. And, as one of those “used to be there” broads, completely spot on.
As someone on the slightly younger end of this spectrum, I know that even I think “I used to be there” at some points. I wonder if you ever stop doing that?
It is so crazy, isn’t it? I often think I want to be back there (college land) and then I realize that my life is much better now.
I think the next three years will be a lot of change for ALL of us, and I am looking forward to seeing where we are then. Nice post, as always my dear :)
Oh LiLu this post brought tears to my eyes – it is so beautifully written, and I’m such a sap at heart. And I’m with Kate – it really does keep getting better and better. Much as I loved my singleton days, my days as a mom and wife are where I want to remain, forever!
I’m in my mid-thirties and I totally remember feeling the same way you did at your friend’s house in North Carolina. I was in my late twenties, still living the swinging single life in DC and went to visit a friend who just purchased her first house in Stafford, GA – I couldn’t believe we were in a house that she owned, eating food from her kitchen. God, that night I felt old.
And now look at me – bought and sold homes, married, kid. Quit my job to stay home with a baby?! Holy shit I can’t believe that’s me. haha!
I guess what I’m saying is I think we all probably feel what you so eloquently wrote about today. And I loved the nostalgia it induced – my mental walk down memory lane was wonderful – thank you! Now I’m off to read those other posts you and Kate linked too!
This was really sweet. The thought of the aisle-walking/diaper-changing/PTA meeting-attending scares the living bejesus out of me, but I remember being seven and petrified of teenagers.
It’s like going into the ocean for the first time each year: it’s as shocking as it is soothing.
Honestly, I think it will always be that way…
I look forward to being in my 80s, looking at those crazy 70-year-olds and thinking, you know, I used to be there…
Pearl
I’m the baby 22 year old you refer to right now. And I look back at the 18 and 19 year olds and think the same. I think that right now I appreciate where I’ve been but I’m still looking forward to what is coming and enjoying what is happening right now…. Well, kind of. I’m so over this college thing.
This was great! I agree with Kate, it’s a little bit of longing combined with fun nostalgia.
I’m almost 30, but still in the same basic stage of life as LiLu. Sometimes I look at 22 year olds and realize how old I am. It’s amazing how much of a difference a few years makes in your 20’s!
This was absolutely perfect.
I think that it'll be nostalgia…I'm a little different. I have a lot of friends who are older and do have kids…and I look at them with longing sometimes…
But then I remember that I still have a long road ahead of me and everything will happen in its own time.
<3
I literally stumbled upon your blog (your’s Lilu) a couple of days ago and lurked on your “Stanky Leg” vlogs. I (the 42-year-old who still dreams of being a FlyGirl) actually practiced the Stanky Leg move. To frickin’ funny that you are here on Kate’s blog. NEVER would have expected it.
Great post. My name’s Chris, and it’s nice to meet you.
You fit in everywhere. Your kinda crazy works.
LiLu I am not that much older than you but perhaps I got started a little sooner. My mere 29, I am still the only one of my friends STILL happily married and not divorced, three kids and I we own our own home. It is indeed totally weird being the “grown up” of the group. I do wish for the days of partying and drinking but only for a minute. The last time I had a drink was right before I planned to conceive my third babe. I ended up going out and drinking so much that I was awakened at 6 in morning by my hubs who found me passed out, lying in puke in our garage. I am definitely glad that doesn’t happen all the time anymore! But that brief glimpse of what used to be was November 2007. So, I think I’m ready to party it up again!
Anyways, it does get better, and as wierd as it sounds now my hubs and I look forward to our kids growing older and him retiring. At 29, I know. Fun will always be there but the future holds all kinds of fun. Just think how many TMI stories you will have as a mom! Too many!
I used to hate being out of college and would always feel a sense of loss when thinking back or meeting college kids.
I think the coolest thing of my 20s has been that the age range of my close friends has really expanded. I have friends in their mid 30s and older who I look to for life lessons. Likewise, my friends in their early 20s ask me for advice (and I still learn a thing or four from those kids). That’s not to say I refrain from advising college seniors never to graduate/apply to grad school. But I like to think I have more substantive advice to contribute later.
I think you’ll find that everyone has a bit of Peter Pan in themselves. We act responsibly and mature, but never really think of ourselves as being finished with the process of becoming a grown up. Our personal benchmark for being an adult can be pushed back further and further, but that’s not a bad thing.
I think I came to this perspective because I have always considered a grown up to have all the answers. I know I don’t and never will have all the answers. I just need to get to the point where I realize no one else does either.
Ya Rach- we should just start a joint blog about our Quarterlife crises!
Lilu, I have seen you on Kassy K’s blog. So, how fun to see you here!!
I am 34. I’m completely in the middle – waaay past the 20’s and not in the 40’s which apparently is the new 20. So, I’m in the middle and in this unsure place in life. But, I know who I am. That’s what I love about the 30’s – the certainty of who I am.
This is a great post!
LiLu, this is such a good post and I am pretty much in agreement with you :)
Wonderfully put, LiLu! And like Kate said – it really does get better and better… ;)
Regrets? Hell no! The past is what makes you who you are in your present, wherever ‘there’ just happens to be. My past is good, I LOVE my present, and I’m looking forward to the future… see ya there :)