I’ve had to do a little Spring shopping for myself since my work wardrobe has dwindled to some tailored capri pants, a couple of dresses and a very outdated Ann Taylor pants suit (I could be the spokesperson for DC fashion – and I don’t mean that in a good way).
We’re less than wealthy at the moment, therefore I’ve turned to the thriftier shops to augment my sad little wardrobe. So far this has included Target (hey – if I’m already there buying paper towels, I may as well check out the ladies’ fashions), Old Navy (mainly for casual items – snort, because you know, I’m getting all of my formal stuff at Target…) and H&M.
Apparently, the less expensive stores tend to cater to a more “youthful” clientele – so I’ve gotten to see quite a bit of what is current and trendy with girls for whom I would have been too old to to babysit as a teenager.
As a result, I’ve realized that I’m REALLY old.
And I haven’t thought of myself as old before. I’m still in my thirties (with three fun filled years left baby!) and Cindy Crawford has made sure that my crow’s feet are under control… But there is NO WAY that I can pull off some of the “now” looks I’ve been seeing.
So I’ve ended up with a running list in my head of trends that are making me feel like I should be draping myself in Lily Pulitzer and meeting the girls at the country club for bridge. [In my “I’m old” fantasies, I also have more money. Hey – whatever gets you through the day, right?]
Here are the Top Nine:
Rompers: I believe I had a few variations of these in college. Probably from Express. In my opinion, when a “youthful” look has come full circle, it means that I’m now too old for it. NEXT!
Pleated Front Pants: Fifteen to twenty years ago, saying that you had pleats in the front of your pants (that weren’t jeans) would be like saying that you have something called “knees” to help your legs bend. ALL pants had front pleats back then. I’m not sure why…but maybe Meg Ryan could answer that question. Her entire wardrobe in When Harry Met Sally featured now inexplicable fashion trends like slouchy sweaters, vests and felt hats. But I really have no idea why pleated front pants are back in. Is this a hipster thing? Are they ironic? Either way – they are NOT flattering, and my feeling is that if I’m going to wear pleated front pants, I may as well just get it over with and put on some mom jeans.
Embellished Headbands: And DON’T think I’m not crying over this one… I would love to emulate Blair Waldorf with her beautifully feminine accessory of choice. Each one is sigh inducing and many tears have been shed over my far-too-oldness to pull off this look. Other ladies my age might be able to do it – but I’m kind of a plain jane pushing forty who lives in the suburbs. So I’ll have to blow a farewell kiss to that fashion statement. xoxo…
Boho Chic: Isn’t this “out” yet? One would think so since it seems to have been “in” for eons. I can only guess that Mary-Kate Olson, Mischa Barton and Nicole Richie have started a union… ANYWAY. The maxi dress? Makes a woman of my years and casual suburban lifestyle look like an aging hippie. Those flowing peasant blouses? Not only will people ask me if I’m pregnant, their next question will be whether I did in vitro. And have I seen fringe in recent magazines?! If I think about that last one, my head may explode.
Turquoise Eye Makeup: I see these images in magazines and flashback to 1985 when I was applying it with a spatula. This is fine for high fashion, but for every day “fancy,” anyone over the age of 20-mumble-mumble will end up looking like a working girl (and I don’t mean a retro Melanie Griffith). Bottom line: people with crows feet shouldn’t go there.
Strategically Ripped Jeans: Only teenagers wear torn clothing on purpose. Give it up grandma.
Daisy Dukes: You know, you would think this would be obvious…but you would be wrong. Celebrities over the age of should-know-better-by-now are still trying to rock this look. And though I should be fair in noting that the daisy dukes penchant seems to have been usurped by “boyfriend shorts” this year – bad trends do seem to linger. While cut off jeans are perfectly acceptable in environments such as the beach, your own home and the 11th grade, I personally think that in any other context, a woman in daisy dukes may as well just slap on a sandwich board that says “Cougar” and be done with it.
Anything from Forever 21: I KNOW! Wails of protest sound across the blogosphere at comments such as these… But really, the fact that the store is named “Forever 21” makes me feel pathetic to even consider entering. Why is staying 21 forever such a great thing? When I was 21, I was a senior in college, skipping class, cultivating a moon face with over consumption of cheap beer, and tying plaid button down shirts around my waist as a fashion statement. Since I’ve never been in Forever 21, this is an incredibly uninformed opinion. But I’m taking a stand here. I don’t care how inexpensive the trendy clothes are. If I’m going to risk bumping into the same 15 -year olds that I might find at Wet Seal and Claire’s Accessories, then I just won’t go in. It’s a matter of principle…and cellulite.
Skinniness: Okay – this is a good one – practically a public service announcement. So listen up. While, it has nothing to do with retail stores, the notion that too much weight loss adds years is a realization that I came to sometime in my late 20s. When you are “older,” being skinny makes you look “old.” It’s true for everyone. When you lose that youthful baby fat, your face takes on more angles. And if your ass has no fat on it, then neither does your face. Combine this with the normal laugh lines that we all get, and you end up looking ten years older. Who cares if your legs look fantastic in those daisy dukes – your face looks like it belongs to the Crypt Keeper. And you can just forget about plastic surgery being the answer. Everyone can spot a face lift. Okay – maybe I can’t, because I’m naïve like that…but other people can. So you have to decide. What is more important to you? What your ass looks like in inappropriate shorts or what your face looks like when you smile at someone you want to find you beautiful? It’s your choice – so think long and hard about this one.
That’s the short list. Surely there’s more – but I think that’s enough. I do find it sad that I can’t wear everything I love (I’ll take a brief moment of silence here to grieve missing the Gossip Girl headbands window of opportunity). But I also think I have much to look forward to.
Whatever happened to “growing old gracefully” or “looking great for your age?” Neither of these had anything to do with emulating girls who are only just old enough to legally buy a bottle of wine.
I’ve decided to officially embrace my age – at every age. I am 37 and I look 37. I could look better – but I could also look worse. Most of the time I feel comfortable in my own skin, and I feel comfortable with my style.
Comfort doesn’t have to mean sweat pants and mom jeans, and it doesn’t have to mean giving up creativity in fashion. I love fashion, but that doesn’t mean I love every trend. Some just aren’t me – and some just aren’t appropriate for me any longer. And that’s just fine.
In a few years, I want to look like a very attractive 45-year old. And then I want to look like a lovely middle aged woman with teenage kids. And then I want to look like an elegant mother of the bride or groom.
I can do all of that without grasping at youth that is no longer mine to claim.
They say that being young is a state of mind. I would say it’s also a state of personal maintenance…but more so a state of mind.
Feeling young at heart is a cliché – but it’s also the best and happiest way to live. When you feel young and beautiful in your heart, it shines through all of the fine lines and gray hairs. You may want to pick up a little Miss Clairol, and of course don’t forget Cindy’s fountain of youth… But in the end, the people you actually care about will look in you in the eye, not in the ass.
And no matter what your age, you want to be able to look back at them with clear confidence in the fact that you’re fine just as you are. You should look fondly back at who you were, and eagerly forward to who you will be. It’s part of what makes each age worth a little nostalgia and not worth the humiliation of seeing your new favorite outfit on a girl half your age.
At the end of the day, we’re all in this together. So we should encourage each other to be okay with the aging process. To emulate trendsetters from our own generation. And to actually embrace our age and own it like an Hermès Birkin Bag – a classic that only increases in value over the years.
I agree with most of what you wrote. It’s embarrassing to see some women grasping at an age they’ll never see again, however I don’t begrudge any woman for trying to look healthy and attractive… for her age. I’m 42 (will be 43 in a few weeks) and look my age, but I also use Retin-A, I try to exercise and eat right, wear flattering, but AGE-APPROPRIATE clothing. My hair used to be very long, and I’ve adopted the over-40-Mom-bob because it just wasn’t swingin’ like Demi’s.
I don’t even pay attention to trends anymore. Frankly, the 20-something set doesn’t look good in most of that stuff. So many of the younger gals don’t take care of themselves!
Funny post!
I love it. Just this past weekend at a neighborhood party one of the women who was about 45 was dressed like a rhinestoned up 20 year old. She was a size 0 and even though an attractive lady she looked a little silly and her face looked old and drawn.
I love my extra 20lbs now.
Kate, as a 47-year-old woman in pretty decent shape, I salute you.
I’m actually embarrassed for some of the fashions I see (I’m a bus rider, so let your imagination run wild). If you wore the fashion the first time, the next time it comes around I can almost guarantee that it will not look “right”…
On the other hand, there are an awful lot of gals in their teens and 20s who are shockingly overweight and soft wearing pants and tops several sizes too small — why? Another blog topic, I suspect…
Pearl
Oh so true!! =]
Hmmm, I am not a fan of most trends anyway, to be honest! The last several times I've gone into H&M, I've walked out empty handed and headed for the Ann Taylor Loft a few blocks away!
Ach, you’re hilarious. Love this list. I take issue with the F21 ban simply because I think everyone can shop everywhere if they limit themselves to flattering pieces that fit into their established styles … but I hear what you’re saying!
Now see, I can imagine you rocking the Lily Pulitzer while still looking fresh. Even though I wear a lot of “young” tennis shoes, I haven’t worn a pair of shorts that goes above my knees in years. And just think–in 2 decades or so, we can get excited about shopping at Chico’s!
hi cate- love this post! as a 45 year old i can certainly relate. we get the fashions about two years after you so now i´ll be ready… do as the spaniards- invest in a pretty scarf and wear it around your neck- new wardrobe-done…hugs-jane
ok classic…so last night while we were at my daughters “t-ball game” the last team member shows up with his MOM. though this lady was pretty she also had the tight daisy dukes on with the tight kid tee with the huge fake implants…
long story short…i just feel bad for them because they just stand out and you would think that they would understand that when you are our age…you just shouldn’t dress like that. they can still be attractive yet classy!!!
anyway secretly we were all just a bit jealous as it reminded us of our young and wild days! :) hehehe
k J CREW….J CREW…J CREW
you can never go wrong with an outfit or two from J CREW :)
ps i just saw you and you DO NOT LOOK YOUR AGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I see that all the time here in Stepford, complete with the “enhancements”. Bonus points for the women in their forties wearing those clothes and have their tramp-stamp showing. Nice.
As for me, I’m a big fan of BlackHouse/WhiteMarket, NY and Company and Coldwater Creek. And Target, of course. :) Sadly, some of the stuff in Chico’s is starting to look cute. And I’m only 38…
Great post Kate. I'm sure you're not surprised that I totally wear the sparkly headbands still – and will forever, maybe! I've never been in H&M or Forever 21 – they just appeal to me. I have always loved Lord and Taylor clothes, but they're so out of my budget right now so I end up getting clothes at Old Navy and Target too. Oh well – I think I look cute enough. And my favorite line from that post: the people who love you look at your eyes, not your ass. Hysterical!
i’m with you sister…we’re at the age where we have to look in the mirror and say does this flatter me not is this the coolest thing ever! and how about the trends that the teens and tweens are wearing that look horrible on them. we need to teach our girls young that just because it’s “cool” doesnt mean you should wear it. i see all of these girls (of normal size) squeezing into the skinny jeans with their muffin tups exploding over and their butt cracks hanging out. bad, very bad!
It just cracks me up to hear you talk about getting OLD! You look so great! I certainly agree that the current fads are usually not for anyone but Heidi Klum. And speaking of long and skinny, Katherine Hepburn started the trend for pleated pants by wearing men’s trousers ( great on her or Heidi Klum). Here in Key West we see many, many, many unlikely Daisy Dukes wearers with droopy cheeks hanging out and outrageous boob jobs. Ugh! Caroline, who works with me, told me she saw an old friend recently who had butt implants to give herself a big booty! Now that’s a trend I’ll never understand!
I am in my late twenties, and I feel too old for a lot of the clothes at Target. It is pathetic. I really like Old Navy though. And I LOVE Macy’s.
Too funny.
I have been shopping at Target and Old Navy due to a lack of funds as well. There are so many things I wouldn’t even think of trying on because they would never look good on my (almost) 40 yr old body.
I’d like to be a youthful 40 but I don’t want my girly bits hanging out or covered in something that is just plain wrong. So I live in Gap jeans and Ts.
I’m 8 years older than you, and I definitely believe in the idea that “if you wore it the first time, you’re too old to wear it when it comes back again.” However, some of the fabrics and construction are better quality than they were back then, and a little bit of spandex in jeans is a godsend, even if you can manage to look good in skinny jeans without it – which means you’re my 14-year-old.
Speaking of 14-year-olds, we took her clothes shopping this weekend, and it really throws me how much the styles for high-school kids now remind me of what we wore in high school 30 years ago.
I actually do own one cardigan that I bought at Forever 21, but aside from that – yeah, who wants to be 21 forever?
I loved this post, by the way :-).
And who can get in and out of the car with a maxi dress on anyway?
Not to mention the substantial hazards of trying to parent in one.
Your list is spot-on. The beauty of aging is that we hopefully get wiser, too, and while I’m sure there are some mistakes I’ve made with clothes – thankfully undocumented, for I know my place! – it is possible to pull off a smart and sexy age appropriate look. Trying to look like a woman in her 20s when there’s 20 more years to your actual age is really not a good look. It’s still possible to dress youthtful at 40, but it just looks better in a more polished way when you do it right.
OMG, Maxi dresses are EVERYWHERE yet look good on approx. 0.000009% of the population. And I’m so with you on the romper trends.
But, fair disclosure, I totally have an embellished headband that I’m in love with…probably b/c I wish I was Blake Lively! ;)
Front pleated pants and torquoise eye-shadow? Quelle horreur!
Dang I must be way to old cause I am 24 and refused to wear those things like ummmm 6 years ago.. But I yet will always be a t-shirt and jeans girl!
I too wish I could wear those ridiculously cute headbands like Blair Waldorf. Adorable. I’ll mourn with you.
Oh, and I am sooo with you on pleated pants. Why would anyone do that to themselves??
Ugh, so many of the women that do these things buy their toddlers the little half shirts & trampy clothes!
Thanks for stopping by my blog & helping to make my SITS day special!
I have to confess I have shopped at Forever 21 and left with one dress out of the fifty items I tried on (oh wait, okay, a couple of regular cotton tees as well).
I hate pleats and think they were made by men to torture women into thinking they look horrible even though the body underneath is just fine thank you.
“But in the end, the people you actually care about will look in you in the eye, not in the ass.”
That is my very favorite line I have read in a LONG time.
For reals.
What a great post! I cracked up when I read about the headbands, b/c I had been wondering if I could pull one off. Thanks for giving me the answer!
My rear has always been my worst fature, oops, I meant to write feature, and I definitely could never pull off daisy dukes. In fact, this summer all my shorts are knee length or longer.
I indulge all my fashion whims with my daughters. They love embellished head bands. They aren’t really in to the maxi dress thing though.
Oh dear—-I hope you never run into me anywhere, cause I will be the close to 50 lady with the bright eyeshadow and the trendy skinny jeans and the comfy knits from Forever 21…
I decided to take the advice of my More magazine—the fashion magazine for women over 35—-“You need to find what style makes you feel the best that you can be, and embrace it! Because when you do, you will exude confidence and look beautiful!”
So, thats what I do. And I’m not ashamed of it!
I hated some of this stuff the first time round – why do they have to bring it all back?
There is an award sitting at my desk/blog for you!
You are hysterical, and I have to say, I totally agree with you — it is time for women (including me) to accept the fact that we are women and not girls. Though as a fashion junkie, it does upset me at times when to see some of the clothes that even if I CAN fit in, I know I shouldn’t rock at the next BBQ…
But I think I can still carry off those rompers ;)
I did the turquois eye shadow in the 80’s ohhh I loved it I caked it on slaathered it and if I did enough of it I swear my eyes would look blue (their brown by the way)
I have always admired many European Women for the way they seem to carry themselves with style, having a few signature items, be it an accessory or even a lip color – these are the things that make me happy – at any age.
pve
I struggle with this age-appropriate clothing all of the time!! I was never one to wear pleated pants the first time around, as they added more baggage to my body, let alone the second time around.
Target and Old Navy have become a staple for me. I still adore J Crew, Gap and Banana Republic but we’re in a recession and I’m a SAHM. Something’s gotta give and it looks like it was my wardrobe.
I played Daisy Mae in Lil Abner when I was 14. That was my one and only chance to wear Daisy Dukes. Even if I had the legs to get away with the look now, I wouldn’t do it.
40 is the new 30 but let’s be realistic. I’ve always opted for classic styles with a bit of trend thrown in here and there. I’m at such a loss now. I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. Still trying to define my style in mid-life. Gasp! There I said it, mid-life. It’s not so bad. I’m actually looking forward to 50….just not YET.
Great post.
Much love from NJ,
Sue
xoxo
Capris are a mom’s best friend.
Are we really middle-aged? I keep thinking my mom is, then I remember she’s 63 and I’m 40. Ugh.
You are so not old. BTW, find yourself a TjMaxx, Nordstrom Rack, or Marshalls,it might be that in between to pick up a deal on a few key pieces.
With 39 fast approaching….I am so glad that I don’t have to wear all of those fashions anymore. I like a more classic look and I’ve decided that high heels are completely out for me anymore. I can’t walk in the damn things and they give me blisters. Growing older means letting go of the things that don’t work for you anymore…long hair and heels for me!
Great post…I really enjoyed reading it!