Not the ones I know personally of course. They are aware of the fact that I gave birth to three children in 18 months and cut me a little slack. They’ve also seen me in action and know that I’m all about the empty threats.
Oliver! Do you want to go upstairs and take a nap!?
[Oliver hasn’t taken a nap since February 2008. Even he knows I’m bluffing on this one.]
No, I mean the ones who vaguely know me, but have never had the opportunity to meet me (i.e. the ones who walk purposefully past me and “my brood” George Costanza style, hoping that I will assume that they are very, very busy – no time to be friendly).
They hear me screaming at my children pretty much non-stop whenever we’re outside and I can only hope that they think, “well – at least she’s not beating them.”
George! Get over here! No! That is a NO-NO! Running away from mommy is a NO-NO!
[The No, No. Yes, Yes book doesn’t make quite the impact on my toddlers that one would hope.]
My poor neighbors. Every morning when we leave the house to go to work/daycare, it begins. I really do try to get everyone in the car as quickly and as efficiently as possible. But, inevitably, I have one escapee.
Eleanor! I said it’s time to GET in the car. Do NOT laugh at me, I am SERIOUS. Come over here RIGHT NOW! Do you want a spanking?!
[Eleanor is the only one whom I “spank” since she’s the only one who seems to take this seriously. Said “spanking” generally means a firm pat on her bottom. Which of course sends her into paroxysms of keening tears. She gets the shaming thing. The boys? Not so much – still figuring out what works for them…]
Since everything I yell at them outside begins with their names, it’s safe to say that anyone within a mile radius knows OLIVER! GEORGE! and ELEANOR!
And I’m not always yelling at them. Often I just “call out to them.” The yelling only comes into play when danger is involved. Or total lack of respect for my authority. Or outdoor nudity. Otherwise, I just call their names.
For example, at the grocery store. We can no longer contain them all in carts. That fun car thing on the front of “family” carts? They just climb on top of it while I’m pushing. Half the time, I’d be happy to leave them there since it means they can’t run up and down the aisles. But that kind of arrangement seems to be frowned upon by the other store patrons. And you know – I can’t stand to have complete strangers disapprove of me…
If I really need to keep them immobilized, I might throw all of them inside the cart. That way I can shove them back in when they try to climb out. But then there isn’t much room left for the actual groceries. So that only works for trips to pick up one or two items.
Plus – it is again “frowned upon” to push a shopping cart full of kids in various stages of escape. Something about the possibility of head injuries or whatever…
So nine times out of ten, I’m chasing them around the store trying to keep them in my line of sight while unloading all of the various and sundry items they fling into the cart (this ranges from cookies to boxes of Depends undergarments – they are not always particular about their choices).
I only do the serious shopping when I have Chris with me. It’s still “zone defense” but the ratio of parent to child is a little better.
The grocery store staff and other customers hear my children’s names pretty much from the minute we arrive…
Eleanor! Come back here! You have to stay where I can see you, honey…Listen to me Eleanor, that’s VERY dangerous…
…through the inevitable meltdowns…
I’m sorry George, but you are going to have to stay in the cart…NO George, don’t climb on me. I can’t carry you sweetie, you’re too big. GEORGE! DO NOT hit me! That is a NO-NO!
…to the checkout scramble (why do I NEVER remember to pick the aisle without candy?!)
No candy Oliver. I’m sorry – no. We don’t need that. Put it back Oliver. Give that to me…give it to me….OLIVER! GIVEITTOME!
There is a reason that I’m thinner now than I was before I had kids…
The general theme of all of this yelling at/calling to my children is mainly safety. So I can’t worry too much about what people think. I’d rather look like a complete bitch who yells at her kids than a frantic mother who can’t find them anywhere in the store.
And I guess at the end of the day, people are pretty understanding.
Amused even.
And often very nice.
The other day at Trader Joe’s, I had just caught up with Oliver in front of a sample display of cheese. Before I could even suggest that he stop and try some, the TJ’s staff person stationed there smiled at him and said, “Hi Oliver, can I interest you in some cheese?”
Sigh.
So yes, I think it’s safe to say that wherever we go EVERYBODY knows our names. Not so sure about the “always glad we came” part though…
Oh my! I am laughing at the images of your kids at the grocery store. You are one brave woman.
This post made me laugh because I can completely relate. Well, except for the twins and the 18 months apart part.
My kids are 2 years apart and I am forever yelling, calling, shouting out empty threats and telling them about the danger of running away from me in low, menacing tones very close to their ears when I can get a hold of them. sigh.
Loved this post.
Ha! This post was spot on.
I once had a mom at my son's school introduce herself to me by saying, "Hi, I don't think I know your name, but I definitely know your daughter's. I hear it all the time when you're chasing her around: Graaaaaaaaaace! Graaaaaaaaace!"
I remember in the moment finding it humiliating and humorous at the same time.
I love your blog!
i don't over abuse the names, instead i over abuse one word each time. like getting on the plane today with gabby leading the pack "go go go go go go go go go go"…people must think i either have a studering problem or that i think my human children are animals. haha
I totally believe the "I'm thinner now than before I had kids". If I was chasing after three kids 18 months apart, I'd weigh 98 pounds. But instead I have two under six which results in me stess-eating and now I'm going in the OPPOSITE direction of thinner!
this post made me smile!
(someday, I'll be able to relate..hopefully sooner rather than later!)
I'm laughing out loud! I have seen these parents in the grocery store and I am always amused/sympathetic.
I have to laugh now because Chris and I are thinking about trying for #2 within the year and if I can't laugh with you then I might talk myself out of it. :)
Oh, everything about this rings so very, very true! Honestly, I'm waiting for the day when I pull up to the grocery store with my boys and discover they've renamed the place to their names because, honestly, it's all anyone hears when we're there!
So funny. You are not alone. My neighbors and every one who visits any of our local parks feel exactly the same. The contractors in our back yard think I am a raving lunatic. The list goes on.
I think we're living parallel lives.
I laugh…but only because I was there not so long ago. :)
So glad you, too, are still trying to figure out what works for your boys. Spanking doesn't always do much at our house either. I am sure my neighbors think I do a tad bit of screaming at the kids, but like you, it's all about safety.
I only have one child – and yet, I can still totally relate. My husband volunteers with Little League and I have had some many of the players parents come up to me and say "Hi….my name is so and so, my sons plays on this team, and I just think that Madaline is adorable" and I am left to say "Hi – that nice, thanks – but, who are you?"
That made me laugh out loud…"well – at least she's not beating them."
It's tough with two kids so I can't image how to care for three little kids and not raising your voice from time to time.
"Hi Oliver, can I interest you in some cheese?" I LOVE it!
OMG! I am glad that I am not the ONLY one!!!! :)
Ha! I am SOOO with ya on the one mile radius! And I speak to the queen, Hannah, SO much that whenever I am speaking to Will or Taylor (or the dog even), Hannah's name comes out first due to habit.
Wow, you certainly are brave! Not sure if I could handle that ;-) No worries, though… I'm sure everyone can tell that you care about your kids and you're a great mom!
Awww, I think that's sweet. You're just adding to the sense of community!
At least they're never sad to see you go! And that's a positive thing! (Haha.)
I'm fairly confident that the older folks that live next door to me have purchased a summer home somewhere because of the yelling and crying that goes on in our back yard.
too funny! I call my youngest a nickname and she responds, that's not my name, I'm…. ah kids.
You have just very aptly described my life.
I can so relate. I used to be so embarrassed when I saw any of my neighbors. Then I overheard one of my neighbors teenaged daughters calling her mother a "stupid bitch." Now I just smile when I see them.
Oh my dear….you are a saint to even GO anywhere! I would probably stay home shrinking and shaking in the corner.
YES! Do you remember Bill Cosby's "Jeffrey" routine where every passenger on a plane knew Jeffrey's name because his mother yelled it continuously for an entire flight?
That's my life.
With the fits that my boy throws I can't believe my neighbors haven't called social services. I only deal with two kids at the grocery store so I shouldn't really complain. Let's just say I can still relate!
Oh Kate, I love you! I do smile when I see someone going through my same experience, mostly to know my kids are not the only ones. So ditto! and I love this post. =]
When my kids were a little younger, everyone knew their first AND middle names, as in, "Nicholas Taylor, put that down!" Okay…in all honesty, lots of people STILL know Nicholas' middle name. The fact that not everyone know the girls' middle names these days means we're making progress.