In a recent conversation with my good friend Anastasia, we were discussing our new blogs. How much fun we were having writing them, how much we appreciated the comments and e-mails from our readers (of whom a few aren’t even pre-existing friends – yeah!), and how disconcerting it is to know that people find our sites while conducting searches for topics related to excrement and deviant behavior.
I have already mentioned that someone found my blog in a Google search for “how big is a piece of poop.” That makes me wince every time I type it, read it or just think it. Why would someone want to know that – and what does that mean anyway? Okay – I guess I don’t want to know what it means…but I definitely have concerns for the person that would conduct such a search. What is wrong with them? Don’t they have anything better to do with their time? I can only assume that it would be a toss up between creepy Google searches and journaling about what they’ve seen through holes they drilled behind the ladies room toilets at work. Visible shudder.
But Anastasia has had to endure an even worse assault on her own PG-13 sensibilities. This happened one day when she noticed that one of her viewers was located in Thailand. Feeling intrigued, she clicked on the link to see what he/she/it viewed (which post attracted the attention of this reader from such a far flung land?) Before she even got that far, she was faced with the news that this new fan located her website in a Google search for “girl butt sex.” No actual time was spent reading her blog, it was (thankfully) unsubscribed from further related searches and there have been no return visits since the first. The obvious question is, “which post did THAT search pull up?” Ah – of course. It was the one titled “Golden Girls Kick Sex and the City’s Butt.” (This was one of her first posts, and after the “sex/butt” related search occurred she changed the title.)
Anastasia’s blog, The Gift is a record of her daily musings, most of which tend to cover topics such as women’s roles in society, career, family and marriage. Where on earth does “girl butt sex” figure in? All it took was some random key word combination. And as someone who is very familiar with Anastasia’s writing, I am now fairly certain that no one is safe. Even those of us that are actually trying to keep it clean.
The frustrating part of this is that Anastasia would have loved to write about it – and she’s a great story teller. But as a fairly high profile person who would like to maintain some level of anonymity, she can’t. If she actually puts “girl butt sex” on her blog, who knows how many more perverts will come looking for her…
Of course – there are also plenty of innocuous searches that have linked to us. Those for The Big Piece of Cake have included: “funny Mormon rules” (obviously in response to my posts over the past two days), “purse cakes” (sorry ladies – cupcakes are about as fancy as I get in the baking department), “Darth Vader underwear” and “big size underwear” (resulting from the pictures I posted of Oliver’s ridiculous Target brand Darth Vader and Yoda big boy pants), “big cake for mom” (aaawww – so sweet), “woman pushing a fully clothed man into a pool” (no woman involved, but Oliver and my dad spent hours doing this on our Key West visit the other week), and “Gina Davis pregnancy” (related to my celebrity pregnancy post – and Gina Davis, by the way, is about as PG-13 as you can get).
So with the exception of poop-obsessed deviants, I guess I haven’t had it that bad. Of course, now that I’ve said “girl butt sex” at least four times and included “sex pervert” in my post title, that may soon change. Well, bring on the sex perverts from Thailand. I’m far from high profile, and they won’t bother me as long as they don’t linger. But this whole experience has left me feeling somewhat soiled – and my overactive imagination will most likely have me checking the bathroom walls for peep holes in weeks to come.
Originally posted on July 16, 2008. Visit Scary Mommy for links to more Flashback Friday Posts!
Hilarious!! How in the world did you find out those people were doing those kind of searches and landing on your site?!
I used to get some really nasty searches back when I was The Candy Cane Forest. *shudder*
It's creepy what people are searching for out there.
I feel so creeped out when I read about how some people find my blog. Ick.
I got such a disturbing key word search entry a couple weeks ago, I don't even want to look now!
There is a "Melissa Midwest" let's just say men (maybe some women) are very disappointed when they find my blog. BTW- my name isn't even Melissa.
Now I'm creeped out too! How DO you find that? And what did you do about the Thailand-creept-person? I can only imagine what I am attracting with all my potty stories and curses!
me again. After I read this, I really started to wonder what kind of stories Hallie over at The Wonderful World of Weiners has to tell! Her blog is awesome btw!
http://wonderfulworldofweiners.blogspot.com/
yikes! It IS creepy………
I actually just changed my blog so it's not set up to be searched by google anymore…since I got a real pervert looking for something that made me so angry I wanted to cry.
Some of the searches I get really crack me up, especially when I think of how disappointed all those Eastern European men searching for "getting up crack" must be when they find my post with a photo of a spectacular sunrise titled "Almost makes getting up at the crack of dawn worth it".
I get the most disturbing searches with my name. Even more upsetting though, is how long the perverts stay and read for. I just try not to think about it!!
My hits almost exclusively deal with potty training…just what I always dreamed of being famous for.
Girl butt sex? Ugh. But funny!
Hey! I was honestly shocked that you are the only other Visi Girl with a blog on facebook… can that be right?
LOVE it keep it going!
xoxo
I found you by googling " how to break the big turds down in Alaska. "
Hmm.
hahaha..
Oh boy! I have had yucky people find my blog with "dog sex, blue poop, Itouch as a sex toy, gray pubic hair" and these are just a few. It totally creeps me out.
Dang it, now I have to be careful what I call my posts—how annoying!
I do get A LOT of hits from my Cheryl Tiegs post—the one about plastic surgery….hmmm.
I'm sure you can only imagine what my google searches look like…
I'll spare you. ;-)
This just gave me the creep. Not your writing. You know how I like your writing, but that anyone is searching for that kind of thing. ICK! And then some.
yeah, that is totally creepy – so sad that there are people who actually google that kind of content.
Oh My!