Remember when people used to joke about getting stoned and watching the Teletubbies? Well, I’ve never actually seen the Teletubbies since they were a bit before my time – but I think that people who are drunk should check out some My Little Pony episodes.
Because anyone who attempts this while sober may lose their mind and require immediate hospitalization. And heavy doses of anti-hallucinogenic drugs.
My Little Pony screenings should really be included in accepted U.S. torture techniques. I would take five days of sensory deprivation over five hours of the ponies. (Okay – so that’s not really true, but you get my point.)
You may not be familiar with My Little Pony due to a lack of daughters or the great fortune of giving birth to them prior to this particularly odious phenomenon. If that is the case, I would ask you to imagine everything that has ever been annoying about girls. Then add a purple and pink color scheme, cloying lesson-based story arcs, squealing, giggling, slumber parties, dance contests, fashion shows, make overs and a dash of glitter. All with tinkling chimes for every scene change. Oh yeah – and ponies.
I was first introduced to My Little Pony movies when my daughter, Eleanor received one of the ponies for Christmas last year (not from me) and it came with a little “Meet the Ponies” DVD. It’s been almost a year, and we only JUST started watching this thing.
You see, unfortunately for Eleanor, our house is outfitted for boys. She’s simply outnumbered – Thomas Trains and Matchbox Cars prevail.
Sure we have plenty of the gender neutral Disney and Nick Jr. DVDs – but if we ever err on the side of “boy” or “girl” toys, Barbie eats G.I. Joe’s dust.
Until the ponies… Eleanore LOVES those damn ponies.
The first time she watched a My Little Pony episode, it was late at night and she was up with some kind of ailment (I think it was the night she burned one of her hands). In attempt to distract her from her discomfort, Chris looked for something girly for her to watch – something that she typically misses out on in this house of boys.
So he turned on My Little Pony. And she didn’t blink for the entire 45 minutes. She was rapt. It was like the mother ship was calling her home.
And now we live in fear of those dreaded words: “I want ponies.” Because she’s brainwashed her twin brother into thinking that he likes it too. George asks for ponies almost as much as Eleanor does. As you can imagine this thrills Chris to no end.
But back to getting drunk and watching My Little Pony… I have to admit – it is kind of hilarious.
The very first one I ever saw had me in total hysterics (and I wasn’t even drunk). That particular episode opened with a pony rock concert. Complete with screaming groupies and a hunky front man. It was quite possibly the most bizarre thing I’ve ever encountered. I couldn’t stop laughing. Eleanor was very serious about her pony enjoyment and gave me sidelong looks of disdain.
Lucky you! I found the clip:
Really my biggest question here is “who set up the mics?” The absence of opposable thumbs presents far too much suspension of disbelief for my liking…
Then the other day, we caught this little gem. A pony love story with bad advice from both the girl ponies and the boy ponies (very Summer Lovin’ in spirit):
But if you can’t stomach the undiluted syrupy sweetness, here is a version that anyone can enjoy:
Hey – even Pink likes ponies…
LOL! People get stoned and THEN watch this shit? Just watching it made me think I was already stoned.
Seriously.
And now I have the munchies.
Hilarious Kate! Thankfully my girls never got into the ponies. They have one pony Christmas video that they watched a couple of times.
They did have a thing for Strawberry Shortcake. At one point we listened to the CDs in the car for three months straight.
So glad I have boys.
Maya's got an entire herd of those damn ponies, but thankfully she doesn't know that there is actually a tv show about them.
And I plan to keep it that way.
I'm not even looking at those clips – I haven't had my morning coffee yet and I suspect that it would be too much for my poor uncaffeinated system.
I think you should talk to my mum. Apparently I liked them when I was little… I'm sure she had strategies…
I made Lily's three Pretty Pony movies magically disappear. I simply could not stand having them as an option- pure and utter torture!
Ok I'll give it to you that the ponies are bad but I think they might tie in an annoying contest with Thomas videos. Snarky little trains.
Kind of scary. I had to turn it off when it looked like the the evil manager was abducting the baby ponies. Maybe it all turns out happy and syrupy sweet in the end but for now i"ll have to stick to "Bones".
I was reading this as my boy came downstairs this morning….and I let him watch one of those clips. Now he wants more.
Dang it.
I used to LOVE My Little Ponies when I was a kid back in the '80s! Ah, those were the days:)
My Little Pony time is actually worse than Stairmaster time. At least while on the Stairmaster, you can actually burn calories. MLP time is just pure torture with no payoff.
Just wait until she gets hooked on Dragon Tales. Ick.
Wow. Those are seriously freaky. What's with the giant lips on the rest of the band members in the first clip? The Pixie hasn't gotten involved with the Pony's yet – thank goodness. I'm sure it's just a matter of time though!
Hilarious! You have my deepest sympathies, Kate. xx
There was a quiz on FB which was titled "My Little Pony name or Porn Star Name". Cracked me up.
Thank goodness for boys. I just have to deal with Pokemon, Bakugan, and the like.
For a few uncomfortable moments, I thought Night Shade's manager had something in mind for the baby horses that was even seedier than it was! That would have been a Very Special Episode of My Little Ponies!
Oh my Lord Kate. I seriously think I might have gagged a little watching those. I am never telling my girls of the existence of the little ponies. Ever.
My Little Pony, Bratz, any of that other crap do make me happier with my boy house. I do remember an Easter "special" free on demand that was positively cloying.
I do feel your pain though, we had an Elmo fetish for a while. oh that voice! Like a bad trip.
Holy crap. I think my ears AND eyes AND brain are bleeding!
I think I need to get stoned now.
I will now add these to the list of gifts we are NEVER giving Fiona! Such a funny post Kate!
my daughter used to torture me with these, too. the voices? blech.
Oh my word. We only caught the tail end of he pony movies. (Ha! Tail end! Ha ha!) Grueling. I just hope God saves my from the whiney mess that is Caillou.
Yes, one must get stoned, then watch this and Strawberry Shortcake. ACK!
This is awesome. Especially because I rented My Little Pony for Annie just the other day. She was sick and I was on my way home from work, so I stopped at the video store. I found the movie and plunked it down on the counter along with my Junior Mints. The girl at the counter asks, "Is that all for you today?" I answer, "I hear it's great."
I'm totally going to watch it with a glass of wine.
I LOVE YOU MY LITTLE PONY!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm not familiar with this but if it helps my angel to keep busy and shone away from tantrums, I might try this strategy.