Jill from Scary Mommy – Social networking and design dynamo – just try to match her. You can’t.
Marinka of Motherhood in NYC – one of the the funniest women online, hands down.
Amy of The Bitchin’ Wives Club – a perfect storm of creative talent and undeniable charisma.
(By the way – both Marinka and Amy are two out of three for the humor category. Apparently, I have very good taste in funny people.)
That’s three out of fifteen presenters. And believe me, I’m not nearly plugged in enough to be familiar with even 20% of the people whose posts were submitted. So I’m feeling quite proud on their behalf.
I can’t wait to hear them read their words on stage AND to see the art that will be auctioned off reflecting each piece.
And that’s part two of “the good!” Kirtsy has teamed up with BlogHer to curate an exhibition of works of art – each of which will represent one of the 75 posts that were finalists. These pieces will be auctioned off to benefit The Nature Conservancy and help in the long-term healing of the Gulf Coast.
One of my favorite photographers, Robin of Around The Island, will be there in spirit as her own work is shown and auctioned. Again! My friend! So proud… (She writes more about the reception HERE.)
But what about the bad? What could be bad about that?
Well – here’s the bad.
One of MY nominations that I was so confident would be in the top 15 didn’t get picked. But it’s not all bad… Anymommy (of Is There Any Mommy Out There fame) was still a finalist for Matching, and I very much look forward to seeing the art created to represent her breathtakingly poignant writing.
I could say the same of Ann from Ann’s Rants, Jessica of Bern This, Sue of Laundry for Six and Renee of But Why Mommy who were also finalists. I’m thinking it was a hard call on their entries (and I could even say that “they were robbed!” but I won’t go there…)
So yeah – many wonderful blog friends have been recognized in one way or another. I’m really happy for them – and can’t wait to tell them so in person.
But.
There’s the ugly…
I’m sorry – but I’m trying to keep it real here because…well no reason really – I just feel like it today. And lucky you – you get to hear about it!
Before I get into the muck and grime, I’ll start with a little tale about a three year old angel of a girl named Eleanor. Eleanor is a delight. She’s lovely and full of fun (and – cough, cough – my daughter) – and she is at a very impressionable age.
The other week, we were in California on vacation with my in laws who had a fantastic time being a very bad influence on my children. Late night baseball game outings…unlimited snack food that they never get at home…special presents just because they want them… You know – grandparent stuff. And one evening my sweet little girl was lucky enough to have their undivided attention. They played a kids’ bingo game with the odds drastically stacked in Eleanor’s favor.
And then the sh*t talking started.
Mama Sue: Eleanor – we’re not going to let Papa win! YOU’RE going to win.
Eleanor (very much liking this line of thought): Yeah! YOU’RE not going to win Papa. I’M going to win. You CAN’T win!
And so on and so on and so on [insert uproarious indulgent grandparental laughter here].
SO CUTE, right?
I actually thanked them at the time for my own future hell to come when faced with the next preschool gaming situation.
Fast forward a couple of weeks, and we are playing another bingo game at home (what is it with us bingo anyway? We may as well hustle on over to the community center for seniors’ night out this Friday…) Anyway – we were playing a very fair game that included Eleanor, a semi-involved George and a completely disinterested Oliver. Eleanor immediately started in with her “I’m gonna win” talk, even though her brothers couldn’t have cared less. Since no one was getting special treatment, George (who may have been in the kitchen looking for snacks at the time) won.
Chris said, “Hey look! George is the winner!” And…Eleanor fell to pieces. She really believed that she would always win. No one ever talked to her about the reality of losing. So after some piercing glares and and semi-subtle head tilting from me, Chris took Eleanor aside to talk about what it means to lose.
And as I listened, it occurred to me that the bottom line is the same for everyone regardless of age. If you lose – you have to keep trying. Don’t get mad – just try again. It’s not anyone’s favorite answer. In fact, it’s tedious at best…but it’s very simply true. You really can’t win them all. In fact you might lose them all – but you have to try to have a chance.
SO that brings me to the ugly involved in this year’s BlogHer Voices of the Year selections. As much as we are over the moon excited for the winners – it’s unavoidable that some others were very disappointed.
Because you know what? I’m one of them. And I’m hideously embarrassed to admit that.
When a good friend asked if I’d like her to submit anything for me, I honestly hadn’t considered even trying. I mean, I like what I write, and my small circle of friends and readers give me positive feedback – but I’ve never been the one picked out of the crowd. Always a bridesmaid and never a bride and all that… And really that’s been kind of fine with me because I’ve always felt far more comfortable in the faded perimeter of the spotlight.
But just the idea of submitting something of mine gave birth to “what if.” And that is a very powerful concept. So for once I was bold and asked for recognition. I forwarded two links to posts that mean a lot to me – ones that fill me with emotion when I read them – and said “send them in.” Doesn’t sound like much – but it’s a BIG deal for a mild mannered girl such as myself.
Then time passed and my “what if” was put into the proper perspective. It was a “wouldn’t that be nice – but it’s highly unlikely” (the overcompensating, insecure hope of “what if”).
Most of the time, I really didn’t consider it, but every once in a while something would be mentioned about Voices of the Year, and I’d notice that pretty little “what if” sparkling on my right hand ring finger. I’d taken it for granted, but was happy to admire it now and again.
At some point last week, I read that the 75 finalists as well as the 15 winners would be announced today. And I did something previously unthinkable.
I hoped.
I dreamed.
I even planned.
Why not? I typically live so small – what would it hurt to think big for a little while. Even knowing that disappointment was probable, couldn’t I weigh the universe in my favor with my longing? The Secret said it totally works! Ah well…I think we all let our imaginations get the best of us sometimes.
Last night when I was talking to Chris about BlogHer and the agenda (he’s in the conference planning world, so he’s actually interested), I explained how the Voices of the Year session was planned. I mentioned that I had a couple of posts submitted, “but – they’re two out of a thousand – so you know…”
His reaction was a little more positive though. He said “why not you?”
And that small part of me that wants to be bigger than I really am thought, “that’s right! Why NOT me?” So for one whole night I believed in myself. Not just “what if” – but “why not?”
Well – I don’t need to give too much detail on the obvious outcome. Even if you’re not familiar with the list of finalists, you can pretty much guess that I wasn’t one of them.
And I was disappointed. Not so much that I wasn’t one of the top 15 (remember – I like the peripheral area of the spotlight), but more so because the words that once poured directly out of my heart weren’t even an almost.
It’s not pretty – but it’s the truth. And we’ve all experienced this at some point in our lives, so I’m not afraid to put it out there. I would be very surprised if there was anyone who couldn’t relate to this on some level.
But you know what? I don’t think disappointment or jealousy or envy are so bad. They’re just feelings. And at the very best, they are a sign of trying. Of wanting. Of putting ourselves out there and risking rejection. There is honor in that. And I’m proud of my battle scars.
Envy isn’t a particularly attractive emotion – it’s even classified as a sin (one of the top seven!). But a little green eyed monster never hurts anyone if kept on a short leash (and kenneled as quickly as possible). At worst – it shows our ugly. At best, it keeps us real.
So for anyone else who felt a little “why not me” today (or even “why never me?“), I’d like to honor you for trying. It takes courage to try. You’d be surprised how many people never do.
And in return, I’d like to ask you one thing. Please read my own small attempts:
I still believe in myself. And I’ll probably submit something of my own next year. I hope you do the same.
Have courage. Be bold. Keep trying.
Hey – it worked for Susan Lucci.
Kate you know I love you and this blog – and I totally don't understand why they didn't pick you! I love that you keep it so real… You're a real inspiration for me to do the same! I was bummed, but not surprised, that they didn't pick me either. And like you, I'll just keep on trying. Forever! Hate to. Sound repetitive but I just loved this post – I read it twice!
I entered a travel writing contest… that was one where I really let myself think 'maybe'. And I've finished a novel, so, I have this coming in spades! Keep trying. One day they'll pick you, they'd be mad not to.
Do I ever love you for this.
I just recently started following via Ann @ Ann's Rants…
your last few paragraphs choked me up, because that is me. I am Miss Runner-Up. I think my head and neck are permanently tilted looking up.
I didn't submit anything to BlogHer because I don't think they are interested in poetry. And the very thought of submitting scares me! Plus I really am terrible at all of the marketing and networking that goes behind it.
But I am so glad for Jill, Marinka, Amy, my darling soul sister Ann, The hoot and a half that is Jessica and the lovely Renee. For them I am a happy spectator.
And I am glad for you Kate, for this beautiful post.
And for everyone else who is discovering themselves through writing and learning that they love that gal inside…win or lose
Peace ~ Rene
Awesome Susan Lucci reference! You know you are tops in my book! Thanks for being honest about this. I know a lot about living small, and a lot about hoping, too.
And for Eleanor, my Word Verification is: disolve– which is pretty much what happens when a lot of people lose games.
I am right there with you! It feels like rejection which so hits home for me, but when there are a thousand, there will be 900 who don't get picked. I am one of them too. And it IS hard. I have been blogging since 2003 but only really became a part of this community when I had my son last year. I am still very much an outsider and very much in awe of the talent I read/meet every day. I love the Susan Lucci reference! And I always tell myself that I would still write and blog whether anyone noticed or not. It's been true for me all these years, I'm not quitting now. Hope to meet you in August!
I'm so impressed that you submitted an entry. I love reading your blog, and I'm inspired by your courage to continue to put yourself out there. There are lots of us who appreciate it!
I feel the same way. Don't tell anyone.
(It's human, love.)
See you in August!
This post is me. So, so, so me. I can't believe you are writing it and I am not, my friend. Thank you for the good wishes and the honestly. xo
i loved it but YES…NEVER GIVE UP!!!
xoxo
You are an amazing writer and an incredible human being. Even submitting a piece to something like this is a fantastically brave step and worthy of recognition and praise, I am so incredibly impressed at how you were able to admit your disappointment and still step up to it.
I don't know if you remember, but my greatest fear before I opened my etsy shop was that people wouldn't like what I was putting out there, I was (am) desperately afraid of being Mr. Tanner. Putting yourself out there is HARD – I'm so very proud of you for doing it.
The odds for this were staggering – only 90 out of a 1000. Not being selected – this year – just means that this year's crop was of such high quality that literally hundreds of truly wonderful posts didn't find their place. Your writing is excellent and it touches people deeply each and every day. Believe that, and believe in yourself.
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My photography is available for purchase – visit Around the Island Photography and bring home something beautiful today!
This is a good blog, it is encouraging to see people giving value
through great post.Thanks
I am one of the 90, and one of my best friends in the WORLD is reading… and I still feel sad. Because I so, so badly wanted to be chosen for the keynote. Bad. And now I feel like this was my last shot, this was BlogHer saying "this far, but no farther, sweetheart".
So.. yeah. I think we all get it.
I appreciated your honesty. I admired your candor. I loved that you salut the majority of those who didn't win or are rarely (if ever) recognized and … more than anything, I loved that you are interested in reading others. My new hero for the day!
Well, you have my vote! I love your touching stories. You write in a way that so many can't. You always manage to hold my attention whether you are being funny or touching. I am so glad I found you!!! Better luck next year!!!!!
PS – I really like this post today and maybe you want to enter it next year.
You were robbed!! Robbed!!
I get what you're saying. I really do. I think sometimes it hurts to hope because of, obviously, disappointment, but it hurts to keep hope at bay too. We live these lives that aren't really alive then….you know what I mean? I struggle with having hope often.
Please keep putting yourself out there. You'll get noticed. You will. Because you're good. And you have this voice I want to listen to.
Just read your entries, and they are both very good. Which means that the 15 chosen for the conference must be pretty amazing. Congratulations for putting yourself out there and trying!
This was such a brave post. I needed this today. I am going to come back and read it again later.
Can't wait to meet you!
Oh Kate, you made me tear up! I love the way you share yourself. Your blog changed you. I knew the you before this blog and the you after you started, and this blog made you blossom in so many ways and it showed the world what I've known ever since I first met you…you are SPECIAL, thoughtful, kind, understanding, just lovely and a great writer to boot. Miss you. Come over soon. :)
Aw, this is a great post. I would've loved to hear all about your big speech at BlogHer. But you know what? You can just try again next time, right? Until then, you have tons of people who love to come over here and read your words every day and think you are FABULOUS.
Kate, the thing about blogging is that you'll never really know how many people you truly reach. I may live just down the street from you, but I fail to tell you that your posts time after time make me laugh (that is laugh until I cry), make me cry (those sweet, sentimental tears that actually feel good)and make me take a closer look at myself(I can relate to a lot of what you say, but you say it better than I could). Most of all, you remind me to enjoy the simple pleasures in life, keep a sense of humor in any situation and, seriously, go ahead and eat that cake!
Don't be sad Kate. You touch so many hearts with your writing and have us crying with laughter and sadness. You are one of those writers that many different people can relate to and find a special message that feels as though it was meant just for them. Even as a child you had a kindness and empathy that other kids didn't. It's what makes you such a wonderful Mom. I know that someday you WILL write a bestseller.
I love the Auntie post. Right now I can close my eyes and see you "gettin' down" in your little red plaid skirt. Shakin' your little butt and singing "I took my baby to the pizza parlor to get a bite to eat, nah nah nah." I'm wiping away the happy tears at the same time I'm wiping the heart broken tears from the Oliver post. What a wonderful person you are! You have all my admiration and love.
The post about being behind your sunglasses is one of the few I have read in the last four years of blogging that has stuck with me. I think of it. A lot. Every time I tear up behind my own dark shades.
This is a beautiful, heart of it all post, like so many of the things you write. I am beyond thrilled to be included in the art auction and the 75 (and thank you, for your nomination AND your sweet words), but I still get it.
Britt said it best in terms of the feelings of sadness, you said it best for the future. Onward! Try, try again! XO.
i swear, the first thing i thought when i started reading this post is why you weren´t nominated. so you know someone 3,000 miles away really admires your writing. you make it seem so effortless. i love coming here and often leave with a big smile and just a bit of envy of your obvious talent. :) i have a feeling your world is going to get a little bigger this year. hugs sweet kate.
Kate – I've seen you around on many of the blogs I read and was so touched that you came by to offer your support.
I read both of your entries and really felt connected – you're a beautiful writer who helps her audience visualize exactly what you're trying to describe.
I look forward to meeting you too in NYC! What fun it will be!
You put this so much more eloquently than I would have, had I have had the guts to write about how happy I was for my friends last year, and also how disappointed I was (and I’d have even been so petty as to say that I KNEW (!) that mine last year was better than some chosen. It’s so random and relative. Also? One I submitted last year? Had a version of YOU GUESSED IT in LTYM this year. And now, I’m so glad. I’d never have done that at LTYM had it gotten a VOTY last year, and I wouldn’t trade the Listen experience for ANYTHING.
Oh, and even when you’re on the list? Like um, I am now, this year? I still was bummed that I wasn’t a “real” choice. Just one with some votes or whatever. I loved this post. I loved being a part of your show yesterday. I want to hang out with you and our kids. Ok I want to hang out with you, and the kid part too, fine, because important.
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Kristi Campbell recently posted..Stories of motherhood