…the following thoughts (internal AND verbal) occur:
It’s a little early, but I deserve this. It’s been a long day of whining and crying and whining and crying and whining and crying…
What’s wrong – why are you crying? What do you mean he called you a penguin? Why is that bad? I’m confused.
This house is disgusting, I need to clean.
Don’t you even think about bringing that light saber up here! Light sabers are downstairs toys and you know it.
Is wine giving me wrinkles? I think it might be giving me wrinkles…or is it smoking that gives you wrinkles? Okay, maybe wine is safe. Glass number two!
Yes, I have to cook that in the oven. No the microwave won’t work. I don’t care if it’s faster – it won’t work…Because I know…Because I’m smart…Because it will make the dinner CATCH FIRE!…Of course that’s true.
I lie to the children a lot…
Did you finish your pizza? You can’t have dessert unless you finish your pizza. AND WHY is it exactly that you’re complaining about pizza, again? Other children are forced to eat green beans and you are crying about three more bites of pizza. What is wrong with this picture?
I think I’m spoiling the children…
Oliver – go downstairs and let me get some cleaning done. No you can’t have more ice cream. I’m serious – go downstairs and play. I said go DOWNSTAIRS and play with your brother and sister. That’s why I HAD them!
Now THAT didn’t sound good. And it’s not even true…George and Eleanor were totally an accident – I mean, surprise.
[insert ridiculous amount of aimless puttering]
THIRTY MINUTES! You have THIRTY MINUTES to play before we go brush teeth. Yes you do. No Eleanor, I said thirty minutes. And ten minutes is less than thirty. Your bargaining techniques need some polishing.
She really is the prettiest little girl. Thank god, she didn’t get my earlobes.
No you can’t watch that DVD – it’s too long. We’re going upstairs in twenty nine minutes. We can watch it tomorrow. Oh I’m sorry, do you want to go upstairs right now? Because we can do bedtime right now… No? I didn’t think so. Yes – you can color.
Twenty minutes…I’ll read some blogs and finish the dishes later. Glass number three!
Yes you can sit on my lap. Okay – you too.
Awww. She’s so sweet… I’m so glad the baby’s okay. Virtual hugs to her in comments! And he cracks me up. That middle boy reminds me of George. I’ll have to tell him about the time George got sent home for biting… And she is so brave. I need to tell her what an inspiration she is to me. I mean, to go through all of that and…it’s just so unbelievable that any single person would have to…I need a tissue.
Oliver! What is all over your…? You need a bath. No it’s okay – it’s too late anyway, but I need to at least wipe some of that off.
Do I still buy wipes?
George stop pinching my fat, that’s not nice. No – that’s not my butt – my butt is much lower, but thanks for asking. You are too cute! Yes – I’m squeezing too hard because I can’t help it. Because you’re my baby. No – you’re not A baby, you’re MY baby. So are you. Yes you too. How many kids can I pick up at one time? Oliver – climb on my back.
So running around the coffee table really IS fun. Who knew?
Oh my god – we should totally make nachos!
I’m starving.
No wait – it’s time to go upstairs. Who wants a piggy back ride!?
[20 minutes later, everyone is in bed]
I really need to cut back on the evening wine. It makes me so sleepy.
omg!!!!
this post was hilarious and soooo true. we ALL do this…
i have so many of these same thoughts that is why this post is so perfect!
man. still laughing :)
OMG, you are seriously HILARIOUS. You've got a gift with the comic word….love you! :)
Ha Ha! Kind of makes me want to go pour myself a glass right now!
So sweet. I love it.
Pearl
5 o'clock is my favorite time of night!!
Oh how I could relate … so very very much!
I just finished my first glass – onto my second right now!
You are hysterical!!!
I love everything about this post. It's funny and so very real. Bit too real. Ahem.
Wine makes me so sleepy. I have to wait until mine are in bed. Or they'd end up awake at 10pm.
I love this post – just awesome. And so true! I'm out of wine…hmmm….must go shopping!
Love this. And so true!