I recently discovered a blog written by a woman who, without fail always makes me laugh. Loudly. Sometimes for a long time. And usually sporadically throughout the day when something she wrote pops into my head.
I have been wishing that she lived next door so that we could become the kind of friends who drop by for no reason other than to tell each other funny stories about the other neighbors. It’s obvious in her writing that she’s quirky, irreverent, a laugh a minute…and Mormon. So here is where any Mormons that may be reading this are either perplexed as to why I’m surprised OR insulted and consequently vowing not to read another word of my offensive post (let alone anything else that someone as ignorant as me might have to say). But truly, I’m not trying to be rude. I’m just admitting to having had some vague preconceptions about Mormons being so focused on their religion that they might tend to take themselves a little too seriously to be SO DAMN FUNNY. Okay – so here is one of my favorite posts from Every Day I Write the Book:
This Is How I Really Feel About Our Hamster
Hamster, I look forward to the day that I casually walk past your cage and you are dead. I would never kill you outright; neither will I suffer when you inevitably, irrevocably pass away from neglect. To be sure, we have provided life’s necessities to you: food, water, a clean cage. I don’t hate you–what do you think I am, some kind of monster? No, but I don’t love you either. No one really loves you and that’s your fault. Here are all the things you have failed to do when we brought you home and entered into the two-way promise of pet ownership:
Be charming
Learn tricks
Endear yourself to us in any way
Show any signs of sentience
Have any redeeming qualities whatsoever
Not stink
What gives, Hamster? I refuse to get into some co-dependent hate/hate relationship with you. Your self-defeating behavior sickens me. You have no sense of delayed gratification or appreciation for normal bio-rhythms–stuffing your face with all your food immediately and running incessantly on your tread mill in the middle of the night. If you could purge after you binge, would you? Stop right there–I can’t do this with you.
Sometimes I imagine simply flicking you out into my backyard to be swooped up by a passing bird of prey. But frankly, to die in the noble clutches of a soaring hawk is too good for you. This is how I really feel.
Even my husband was cracking up when he read this. And his usual reaction to my request that he read a good blog post involves heavy sighs and put upon expressions. But this is one funny Mormon.
Chris (my husband) says that she is probably a “Jack Mormon” which according to him means that she drinks on the sly. I think that Mormons would find this more offensive than my ignorance of their talent for comedy. But Chris grew up in an area of Phoenix, AZ where he was one of the few non-Mormon kids in his class, at least until high school when they moved to a different neighborhood. And he feels that this makes him fairly knowledgeable about the Mormon culture (for lack of a better word). He said they are generally very friendly and kind, almost unbelievably wholesome in their sense of family and community, and incredibly close knit (making sure that even the least athletic Mormon kid was picked for a team before choosing a really good non-Mormon player). And apparently there are some who do break the rules and drink – they are called Jack Mormons.
My guess is that Kacy is just naturally funny and doesn’t need a cocktail to make people laugh. My only complaint about her blog is that she doesn’t post often enough (only about once a week). But this may be due to the fact that she has ANOTHER blog with a group of other mostly very funny Mormons. It’s called Light Refreshments Served (I think one of them is actually a professional actress/comedian, and it looks like she has her own blog, Oh Judy!). Not all posts are supposed to be funny – and okay, I’ll admit that most of the Mormon references like “mission”, “Ensign“, “gospel doctrine class” and “Young Women” go over my head. But just like in any other blog – the writers are telling stories – stories about their lives, their families and friends, the things that are important to them. And yes – many if not most of those stories happen to be totally hilarious (I especially love “Kacy’s Neighborhood Watch” installments).
If there are in fact, any Mormons reading this – I hope that you’ve stuck with me this far and appreciate the fact that I’m really just poking fun at myself and basically recognizing that I need to take my head out of my ass. I don’t like it when people make assumptions about me – so this is just another reminder to myself to “do unto others.” (Do Mormon’s use that one? I only have significant religious experience with Catholics – and that sentiment big with the Catholics.)
So this is my shout out to the funny Mormon ladies. Check them out when you need a good laugh. It’s my new preconceived notion about the Mormons – they’re all about the jokes.
Yeah, you are totally right. That hampster thing was hilarious. I’m going to check out her blog!
Just wanted to report that my hamster is still not dead, unfortunately.
(insert adolescent shriek here) Kacy – I’m honored that you would even read this! (and maybe a little scared that I really did offend you…) Thanks so much for commenting (and as usual – making me laugh out loud!)
Full Disclosure: I am Mormon. Do you know that the writers of Napoleon Dynamite are Mormon? As is Jon Heder? And that there are several subtleties in that film that only Mormons really get? PS: I know Kacy personally and she is not a Jack Mormon. She’s not perfect (not a single Mormon is) but she’s all in.
I think Mormons are hilarious because they have to work so hard at being funny without chemical additives (alcohol, etc).
Raising my hand as a Mormon and a huge Kacy fan!
My sons won two goldfish and even goldfish smell, so I was secretly delighted when they died. Of course I hid my excitement, like an empathetic mother should, and that’s when all the acting training pays off.
That hamster story was hilarious.
Ditto on the pet thing. We got my daughter HERMIT CRABS thinking they would be less smelly and die really quickly. No and No. Gah.
I love Kacy (know her IRL and Lisa..)
Mormon moms are the new funny…I think.
BTW..I followed you over here from Light Refreshments..
I just read your post below this one and I loved the intro paragraph… I also threaten my kids with things I have no intention of following through on..
I saw on your side blog that you have the Inside a Black Apple link. I LOVE her stuff. I bought a few prints… sigh.
Also, back to the Mormon thing..if your husband grew up in AZ he DOES know a lot about Mormons (I am one too…). Another “small Mormon world” thing… Lisa’s (of Oh Judy) husband grew up with Design Mom’s husband and they all went to HS with Kacy. See small mormon world. That is another thing about us. Get 5 of us in a room and we will all know people in common/be related, etc, etc…
Love your blog. It made me smile.
Thanks for introducing me to this hilarious blog!
What!? Kacy isn’t a Jack-Mormon? Oh my garsh, who’d a thunk it?
All the wards I’ve lived in across this country, I’ve met so many hilarious LDS memebers. So my only shock is that you haven’t. But Mormons that swear, they come a dime a dozen.
Oh come ON, anonymous! A dime dozen? Puh-lease! It’s more like a quarter a dozen. I don’t know what the heck (NOT hell) you’re talking about! :)
Yes, we are so very about the jokes. This is a great post. I love seeing how people come to know more about mormons. My husband is in lots of discussions with non-mormons and anti-mormons on youtube (where LOADS of lies/absurdities are posted about us). Glad you’re finding out about us by getting to know some of us, if only through blogs!
I just wanted to leave you a comment because 1: I just discovered your blog and think it’s really funny (but didn’t really want to comment just to tell you that), and 2: I’m Mormon and wanted to let you know that I’m absolutely offended. Totally joking. I definitely understand that people think Mormons are crazy/boring/self-righteous (and some are), but the majority of us are pretty cool. Well, at least I am. :) I gotta go check out kacy’s blog now. Keep up the comedic posts!
I stuck it out!
Boy, if thinking Mormons aren’t funny is the worst thing you used to think about us, well then, you’re awesome.
(And so is Kacy.)
Most of us “mormon moms” are probably more like the great women on lightrefreshmentserved, and of course Kasey. I’m also Mormon, and I’m so thrilled that someone is talking out loud about all the things I say to myself in my head… Mormons can be funny- if we don’t take things too seriously. Love your blog.
It looks like you’ve got youreslf a whole new mormon following. I loved your post because it doesn’t belittle us – just makes observations.
And because I’m in total agreement about the hamster thing.
Whats interesting to me is that there are so many funny Mormons, and yet church is still sooooo boring.
I think you should start working for the Romney campaign. He's gonna need you.