In a recent conversation with my good friend Anastasia, we were discussing our new blogs. How much fun we were having writing them, how much we appreciated the comments and e-mails from our readers (of whom a few aren’t even pre-existing friends – yeah!), and how disconcerting it is to know that people find our sites while conducting searches for topics related to excrement and deviant behavior.
I have already mentioned that someone found my blog in a Google search for “how big is a piece of poop.” That makes me wince every time I type it, read it or just think it. Why would someone want to know that – and what does that mean anyway? Okay – I guess I don’t want to know what it means…but I definitely have concerns for the person that would conduct such a search. What is wrong with them? Don’t they have anything better to do with their time? I can only assume that it would be a toss up between creepy Google searches and journaling about what they’ve seen through holes they drilled behind the ladies room toilets at work. Visible shudder.
But Anastasia has had to endure an even worse assault on her own PG-13 sensibilities. This happened one day when she noticed that one of her viewers was located in Thailand. Feeling intrigued, she clicked on the link to see what he/she/it viewed (which post attracted the attention of this reader from such a far flung land?) Before she even got that far, she was faced with the news that this new fan located her website in a Google search for “girl butt sex.” No actual time was spent reading her blog, it was (thankfully) unsubscribed from further related searches and there have been no return visits since the first. The obvious question is, “which post did THAT search pull up?” Ah – of course. It was the one titled “Golden Girls Kick Sex and the City’s Butt.” (This was one of her first posts, and after the “sex/butt” related search occurred she changed the title.)
Anastasia’s blog, The Gift is a record of her daily musings, most of which tend to cover topics such as women’s roles in society, career, family and marriage. Where on earth does “girl butt sex” figure in? All it took was some random key word combination. And as someone who is very familiar with Anastasia’s writing, I am now fairly certain that no one is safe. Even those of us that are actually trying to keep it clean.
The frustrating part of this is that Anastasia would have loved to write about it – and she’s a great story teller. But as a fairly high profile person who would like to maintain some level of anonymity, she can’t. If she actually puts “girl butt sex” on her blog, who knows how many more perverts will come looking for her…
Of course – there are also plenty of innocuous searches that have linked to us. Those for The Big Piece of Cake have included: “funny Mormon rules” (obviously in response to my posts over the past two days), “purse cakes” (sorry ladies – cupcakes are about as fancy as I get in the baking department), “Darth Vader underwear” and “big size underwear” (resulting from the pictures I posted of Oliver’s ridiculous Target brand Darth Vader and Yoda big boy pants), “big cake for mom” (aaawww – so sweet), “woman pushing a fully clothed man into a pool” (no woman involved, but Oliver and my dad spent hours doing this on our Key West visit the other week), and “Gina Davis pregnancy” (related to my celebrity pregnancy post – and Gina Davis, by the way, is about as PG-13 as you can get).
So with the exception of poop-obsessed deviants, I guess I haven’t had it that bad. Of course, now that I’ve said “girl butt sex” at least four times and included “sex pervert” in my post title, that may soon change. Well, bring on the sex perverts from Thailand. I’m far from high profile, and they won’t bother me as long as they don’t linger. But this whole experience has left me feeling somewhat soiled – and my overactive imagination will most likely have me checking the bathroom walls for peep holes in weeks to come.
Kate – You are crazy and funny and WONDERFUL! I’m so lucky to have you in my life.
I’ve got to go back to funny on my blog…it’s been too serious!
You make me LOL!!
I distinctly recall a post yesterday that you were taking today off from the bloggy world. Got sucked back in, didn’t cha? The first comment I got on my blog was from Danielle at Captain Pork Chops warning me that this was a huge time suck. She was totally right. But it’s the most fun time suck, too.
I had to change my blog name and address because of the Google searches I was getting. I used to be Chubby Bellies. Use your imagination on where people went with that–poop included. About 30% of my traffic was from freaky searches. No thanks!
Still no freaks at my site. I just get people who have trouble with their dishwashers. Or need ideas for kid’s books.
so i recently came across your blog and i’ve been reading every post – so funny!
i was thinking that maybe the person who searched ‘how big is a piece of poop’ is an adolescent boy. I have a 14 year old brother. That sounds like something he would do. in fact, it may have been him. so for that, i’m sorry.
Although I don’t get too many sex related searched, I do get tons of hits from people who typed, “my husband is an asshole.” I think it is incredibly funny. My husband? Not so much.
Funny Stuff!
I get tons of traffic from people all over the world looking for Mr. Potato Head. This is because of a post I wrote about my son peeing on Mr Spud. Luckily, his eyes were not in and he didn’t see it coming!
No freaks here either. Most of the hits involve cat puke or the cat pee remover Anti-Icky Poo.
The weirdest one is “Man peeing on Vikings lable” huh?
So funny. I haven’t had any really bad ones, but you made me laugh with this. It’s a big internet and there are definitely creeps out there!