On Friday, I had a very odd experience at Target. Please don’t stop reading if you think this already sounds boring. I promise it’s not. And there is nudity involved.
I – like every other good suburban mom – use Target as a one-stop shopping resource when I need a variety of items that are not usually found in one place: diapers, socks, light bulbs, margarita glasses, Goldfish crackers…what have you. But I must admit that it has taken me a long time to allow myself to consider buying my own clothing there.
I first tried to dip my toe in that water when I was pregnant with my first son and heard all of the hype about how fantastic the Liz Lang collection was. Apparently the Target near my work at the time was periodically attacked by locusts, because it looked like a war zone and the maternity section offered only a few pairs of black pants (none of which were in my size), some metallic “evening wear” ensembles and about 50 purple t-shirts. I didn’t return.
I was eventually drawn back by the promise of nice but inexpensive clothing for my children. But I resisted their women’s apparel for years based on the premise that I felt uncomfortable buying my own clothes in the same store that sold Halloween costumes for dogs.
This past summer, I got over myself right around the time I walked by an Isaac Mizrahi display and couldn’t deny it any longer. I had to admit it. I saw things. I liked them. And I heard the actual words reverberate in my head, “oooh – that’s cute.”
My first purchases were mainly tops, and since I can usually buy a shirt without trying it on, I never actually had to use the Target dressing rooms….Until Friday. I saw a dress. I loved the dress. I had to have the dress. But the idea of bringing it home and it not fitting sounded unbearable. Or more accurately, I was there without any children and was feeling less lazy than usual – so I sought out the dressing room. Here is where things get weird (and partially nude).
As I entered my dressing room (noting how clean and roomy it was by the way), I was surprised to see that there was not only one – but two mirrors in the space so that I could have both a front and back view of myself. This is pretty impressive for a store that sells dog food.
I quickly took off my own clothes and tried the dress. I was excited – I really wanted it to fit. And it did! It looked great. And forgive me for this minor tangent, but I actually saw it worn by a star’s fourteen year old daughter in a copy of Us Weekly from last week that I finally got around to reading on Saturday. This tells me two things. First that I have a youthful sense of style and second that I am woefully behind on my tabloid reading.
I took off the dress and triumphantly tossed it on top of my purse. No need to put it back on the hanger – I was taking it home! Then my cell phone rang. Since I was on my lunch break, I assumed it was work. I grabbed the phone and right before answering, I caught sight of something that stopped me in my tracks. I saw a full, flourescent lit view of my backside clad in only underwear. And not underwear that resembled a bathing suit either – I mean there was very little left to the imagination. It was disconcerting to say the least.
Now I’m not going to get into an unproductive critique of my various physical flaws. In fact – I’m pretty comfortable with the size I’m wearing these days. But after 36 years and two pregnancies I am not going to be visiting the MTV beach house anytime soon. I look my age. And I look like a mom. But at the very least, I would rather not look at my bare backside.
(That’s it for the nudity – so if you’re still bored, you can stop reading.)
After this moment’s pause, I answered the phone. It was my Uncle Dick. I don’t know if my Uncle Dick has ever called my cell phone before – or my home phone for that matter. I usually talk to him when I’m at my parent’s house.
If there is one thing that I wouldn’t have imagined doing ever in my lifetime – it’s chatting with Uncle Dick while I’m naked in a Target dressing room. But – you know, it was good to hear from him and all.
Apparently, he called to tell me that he’s been reading my blog (Hi Uncle Dick!) and he really likes it. This was actually quite touching since I didn’t really think that many of my family members (aside from my parents and brother) had been following it.
But he wasn’t just calling to give me compliments. He was calling to give me an idea for something he thought I should write. Something he thought could be really big.
I’ll have to leave it at that for now, since this is getting kind of long. (I know – cliffhanger!) But tomorrow’s post will continue where I’m leaving off. Until then, you’ll just have to be satisfied with the image of me staring with horror at my cellulite while brainstorming about blog posts with my Uncle Dick.
OMG!! I am cracking up at you teasing your audience with nudity right at the outset in order to keep us interested in a story about Target!!
For the record, my Target’s maternity section sucks, too.
Thanks for following me on Twitter. I’ve seen you comment, but never knew you had a blog before! Bookmarking you.
I really hope that Uncle Dick is having a good laugh reading this right now.
And agreed…after having twins, mirrors and my backside are not friends.
Who was on the cover of the US weekly? I’m totally going to find the picture (hi. I have a subscription). haha.
and clothes from target are the best. Practically half of my clothes are from target.
Im guessing you went really in a dressing room at all. Were you in the mirror dept.
I really love Target! It’s perfect for the “momiform” clothes. Cute, inexpensive, and I don’t care too much if they get ruined.
Missives from Suburbia – I knew that Target was going to be a hard sell…And I really was more or less naked for the “action” of this story. Oh – and you did actually comment on one of my posts a while back – and it was much appreciated. I had written a little bit of hate mail to my friend’s ex boyfriend, Mayank. I was happy to see that other women understood that it was supposed to be funny and not “psycho” (my husband’s description).
Insta-mom – I hope he is too. I certainly didn’t tell him I was naked when he called! Glad to have an on-line twin mom friend!
Christine – It was the issue with Jennifer Love Hewitt on the cover. Can’t remember who the star was – but it was one of those little square pictures with a short blurb underneath. An you could only really see the neckline of the dress in the picture. But the scalloped neckline and sleeve style are so distinctive – I knew it was my dress immediately. I’ll e-mail you later if I can find the magazine and look up the page number.
Suzie – I admit to being flakey now and again – but I have of yet to mistake the mirror department for a dressing room! At least I hope so…
HAHAHA. You are so stinking funny.
I’ve bought many a maternity outfit at Target, I have to confess. I was pregnant 7 times in 6 years, so I needed cheap place. I think I might even have ten of the 50 purple t-shirts you referred to. Haha.
And now I suppose I should confess that I’ve bought quite a few non-maternity clothing items from Target. And shoes. Most especially shoes. Lots and lots and lots of shoes from Target. Okay, I think I’ll stop now. I’m embarrassing myself.
I can’t wait to read more about Uncle Dick’s idea. Haha. So funny!
OMG, I can’t believe you wrote the story with uncle Dick, knowing uncle Dick will read it!
You are a hoot! :)
I love how supportive your family is…the thought of any of my uncles even knowing that I have a blog gives me instant hives.
Anxious to hear what Uncle Dick’s idea is. We call our financial advisor Uncle Dick (he’s not a relative – but he’s good to us).
Very cute post. Waiting for the second act…
Target clothes are pretty cute for the price. I bought most of my maternity clothes there.
Anyways, can’t wait to hear more about Uncle Dick’s idea!
Looking forward to part II. I’ve bought lots of shirts at Target, but I can’t say I’ve braved the dressing room yet!
LOL! Great post!
I tried to buy Liz Lange jeans when I was pregnant and I couldn’t get them over my KNEES! They suck!
I tried on some Target clothes in April and they fit terribly!
Now, I have to go dig my US Weekly out of the trash!
Kate, I didn’t even need the nudity– you had me at “Target!” My sister and I were driving and discussing how a trip to Wal-mart could be satisfying and you didn’t even have to sleep with it. She summed up both of our opinions when she said, “But I WOULD sleep with Target!”
BTW, about 5 years ago I bought a hot pink wool coat there (Isaac Mizrahi) that still looks great.
hahah I just read that issue yesterday. I found the picture you’re talking about. That’s a cute dress ( or at least what I could see of it hah).
Anyways, I dislike talking on my phone in dressing rooms because everyone can hear your conversation.
I love target.
Oh my… I have a few articles of clothing from target, but generally it’s a miss for me. Although I do agree the double mirrors are fab! (except when you actually have to look at your ass!)
Target is my favorite store for all the reasons you mention – ink cartridges, kids’ birthday presents, a case of juice boxes, a couple of summer tops, and a gallone of milk. Perfect!