Tag Archives: George

Hot Men’s Fashions Currently Sweeping…My Family

So I thought Eleanor was the most stubborn of my children with her insistence on wearing only dresses… But not so!

Both Oliver and George are standing firm on some of their own inconvenient (for me) fashion statements.

My oldest, Oliver, who was once rarely clothed by choice, has turned into that guy at the beach who refuses to take off his shirt. I’m not sure if it’s poor body image or poor circulation, but that boy won’t take off his damn shirt. Ever. This was kind of ridiculous at the pool – so I had to just buy him a surf shirt and be done with it.



He looks pretty cute though. Wonder if the haircut I plan to enforce on him tomorrow will ruin his scruffy surf boy look.

Then there’s George.

That feels like the theme of my life sometimes…”and then there’s George.”

Chris came back from business trip to Portland, OR recently with “Oregon” shirts for all the kids. George made the executive decision to make this shirt his daily wardrobe and scream his dog whistle shriek whenever it’s not available. I mean I have to wash it at LEAST once a week right? Anyway – here it is:


I know! Why THAT shirt? I don’t even question these things anymore. It’s just one of the arbitrary decrees that come down from Kid Parliament every now and again (why England? I don’t know – I only have five minutes to write this stuff!)

He calls it his “Letter Shirt.” I guess because of the neon letters on it? Either way, I’m disappearing it next week when we’re on vacation. The two blankies are enough. He doesn’t need a third that he can wear.

But I must say…it’s a far preferable alternative to another look he’s been known to bust out now and again. When you have a twin sister and you’re a bit too young to completely understand gender roles, tutus happen:


That kid’s two bananas away from Carmen Miranda!

George has only himself to blame for me posting that incriminating picture online. Stop drawing on my walls fifteen year old George! I don’t care if you haven’t done that in 12 years…I’m annoyed with you now. Disobey me now – suffer the consequences later. Karma’s a bitch kid.

I Think We’re Alone Now…

…the beating of our hearts is the only sou-ound.*

Chris is sitting on our front steps with the kids right now, so I seem to have one of my five minute windows to write a little something…

You know what I’m just loving about summer vacation so far? Being with my children TWENTYFOURSEVEN! Never a dull minute, I tell you…

Well, I do find Max and Ruby kind of dull…but I don’t say anything since it might hurt feelings. The rest of the day though? Laugh-A-Minute.

The whining, the crying, the fighting, the general exactly-when-are-you-going-to-grow-out-of-that-ishness… Good times.

Here is my favorite thing that anyone said all day:

Eleanor: Mo-om! George pooped on the wa-all….

That little rapscallion… What WILL I do with him?

And that’s just the twins. Oliver had me in stitches all day with his antics. Running in front of that truck in the Target parking lot…taking his seat belt off while I was driving 65 miles an hour on the Beltway… Hot on the heels of locking himself in the car in 90 degree weather while I frantically searched the neighborhood for him. Stop it Oliver! You’re killing me! I’m serious.

I thought that we could all use a break from the hilarity sometime in the late morning – so I dragged everyone to the YMCA. They ran around the kids’ gym while I took a pilates class. The first pilates class I’ve ever taken, I might add. And let me tell you – I feel great! I’m hoping that I might actually be able to walk again tomorrow.

Since I didn’t want to set the bar TOO high for our summer fun – I thought we’d better skip the community pool today. And they were all pretty cool about it. After a Valium and five popsicles, Eleanor took this minor disappointment in stride.

We really had to save our strength anyway since this is the second week of Oliver’s auditory processing therapy in Bethesda, MD. And we had that rush hour commute to look forward to.

I don’t know what I enjoyed more… Eleanor having a pee pee accident in the car on the way there with no change of clothes…or Oliver spilling ice cream soup all over himself on the way back. Oliver has an edge since his mess was the result of him shoving his fist into the cup to make this really cool squelching noise…. But no…no, George gets a gold star for the day with his shrieks of frustration over anyone trying to interrupt him. When he was ONLY talking nonstop the whole way there and the whole way back.

They had me at pooped on the wall. They complete me.

Seriously though – I do love those little boogers. And they really did have just as many adorable moments of brilliance today. I can’t remember any at the moment…but they happened. And I’ll treasure them always.

*This post was sponsored by Tiffany and Prozac.

The Worst Fear (Alternatively Titled: Oliver’s Grandmothers Probably Shouldn’t Read This)

Since I’m fairly certain said grandmothers have not heeded my advice, I’d just like to put it out there that everyone is OKAY.

With the exception of maybe me… Though my robotic ability to shut down emotions when they threaten to render me unable to cease crying for the rest of my life did kick in about five minutes into my nervous breakdown. So that’s good.

This talent of mine serves me well because at the core, I’m a very fearful person. I worry about everything. When I was little I would worry about tidal waves and twisters. I worried about nuclear war and my parents dying. I had night terrors and no matter how irrational, I couldn’t stand next to my bed after dark without imagining a hand reaching out from under to grab my ankle. The world was fraught with danger and I was keenly aware of every awful thing that could possibly happen to me. I saw shark infested waters – both literally and figuratively.

So now, I disconnect. I just don’t think about it anymore. I simply don’t have time. I have too much to juggle and it’s made me very practical. I’m a good person to have around in a crisis. I’m calm and analytical. I wait to hear all the facts before forming an opinion. And I don’t consider the worst until the truth grabs me by the neck and slams me against the wall. Even then I’ll hold it together. For me, it’s a matter of survival.

But we all have our breaking point. And I hit mine yesterday when for about five to ten minutes in the late morning, I lost Oliver. Meaning, I searched my immediate neighborhood and I couldn’t find him anywhere.

One minute I was walking in my front door to get Eleanor a cup of water and the next I was racing around our block, frantically calling his name.

When I left him, he was sitting about ten feet away from our house in (of course) a patch of dirt. He was drinking the first cup of water I brought out for Eleanor since he drained his own so quickly that I just gave him hers and ran back in to get more.

When I stepped back outside, I found George engrossed in turning on the water for the garden hose and the absence of Oliver. A yellow plastic cup lay on its side on the patch of dirt. No spills – no mud. He drank all of it.

Ignoring Eleanor’s constant chatter behind me, I asked George to turn OFF the water – he knows that he’s not allowed to play with the hose – and WHERE did Oliver go.

My younger son pointed vaguely down the block and said, “down the hill.” It was obvious that George had no idea where his brother went, but I started walking in that direction. It was as good as any other.

Oliver tends to wander off. Never far, and typically to predictable locations, but I always have that brief pang of “what if?” The one that we barely register since it borders on unnecessary drama and fully crosses the line of unlikely. And by the time it could possibly gather momentum, the child appears – blissfully ignorant of the big bad world and its predators lurking behind every theoretical corner. Then we yell or hug or get distracted by another child. But the resonance of that pang stays with us long enough for a glimpse of perspective. What truly matters in our lives. Those lost earrings become a welcome price to pay – the trade off for this moment of relief. So lucky…a charmed life I’m living, really.

But when I reached the end of our townhouse row and turned the corner, my child wasn’t there.

And when I turned the next corner, he still wasn’t there. Or the next corner. Or the next. And suddenly, I was back where I started.

I looked at the strange men doing landscaping and noticed for the first time that they all drive vans. Then I asked George again, “WHERE did Oliver go? Is he inside?” Before even hearing his answer, I crossed the street to look in the good climbing tree. Then I doubled back to try the path to the bridge where we throw rocks in the water. Our neighbor was walking his dog there and said he hadn’t seen Oliver. So I went up another set of steps that would lead me back to the area behind our house.

Then I quickly returned to the front and ran into the house, still calling for him. Eleanor said he wasn’t there but I kept calling. At the door to the basement, I heard how hoarse my voice sounded. I didn’t notice that I was still holding Eleanor’s second cup of water until I hurled it down the stairs.

Back outside. More searching.

Too much walking and running and calling “Oliver…Oliver…OLIVER…OLIVER…OLIVEROLIVEROLIVER!” The twins echoed my calls and I realized that they were now both on the front lawn, trying to aid me in my search. Within minutes they would be lost in the neighborhood too, so I pushed-dragged them to my friend’s house two doors down, and barked, “stay there I don’t know where Oliver is stay THERE!”

We had all been at this house earlier for a casual brunch, and several other mothers were still there. My friend asked if she should call the police and I think I said yes – but I may have just showed her the yellow cup in the patch of dirt. Because he was JUST there a minute ago.

But more than a minute had now passed. Many minutes. Too many. And with each one, the vapor of “unlikely” continued to gain substance. I ran back across the street and through another cul de sac, distantly aware of other voices calling my son’s name.

It was only when I was looking down a hill at the nearby creek that I heard my name. Someone (or everyone) was calling for me. And that meant they found him. It never occurred to me that it could have been anything else. Anything else would be unbearable.

As I rushed back up the street and my house came into view, I saw another neighbor helping Oliver step out of my car. MY CAR. He was in my car.

Me – the city girl who once never left her car unlocked for a single minute. Not even to run into the house for forgotten sunglasses. Because leaving a car unlocked meant that strangers could get in. Maybe steal it. At the very least, pilfer the meter change hidden away in the glove compartment. That city girl, now lulled by her quiet suburban neighborhood and distracted by multiple children let locked car doors fall off the radar. Constant vigilance was reserved for boiling pots of water on the stove and cleaning fluids locked under the sink. Not the car.

And my five year old son climbed into a black Ford Expedition with tinted windows and child safety locks in 90 degree weather.

If one of my friends hadn’t seen a flicker of movement, who knows how long it would have taken for me to find him there. And what that could have meant.

Let’s play hide and seek mommy! Where’s Oliver…

That is real fear. The vampires and sharks of my childhood look like Smurfs and Care Bears when pitted against the fear of losing my child.

I barely said thank you to the people who helped me search for Oliver as I silently led him into the house. And the minute the door closed, I burst into tears. I was SO scared. I couldn’t find you. You were LOST.

I could have yelled or spanked him. I could have sent him to his room for the rest of the day. I could have held him tight and asked if he was okay, told him everything would be alright. I’m here now. Mommy’s here.

Instead I sat and cried and said I was scared. So scared.

At first he laughed. The nervous laughter we’ve all experienced when faced by something impossible. It wasn’t just a crack in his mother’s composure. I dissolved before his eyes. I fell to pieces and I couldn’t help myself.

But I think this probably made more of an impact. If he was scared while locked in the car, he didn’t show it. He has his own walls – his own habits of disconnecting with reality. But he too has a breaking point, and apparently, it’s me. We both cried and said we were scared. And said we were sorry.

Then joined by the twins, we fell into a teary, sweaty heap in front of the TV and decided not to leave the house until it was time for Oliver’s therapy appointment.

I sat with all three of my children and basked the luxury of knowing that they were safe. Nothing bad could happen to them in that moment – I could protect them with four walls, air conditioning and the tedium of passive parenting. With my physical presence. As long as we could see each other, nothing could touch us.

Hours passed, therapy was received, and commuter traffic was endured. And when we returned to the slower speed limit of our neighborhood, the last traces of our anxiety dropped away. I opened the windows and turned up the radio. Warm air rushed in to remove the chill of fear.

In my side mirror I saw Oliver putting his hand out the window to feel the breeze. Part of me thought, “keep arms and legs in the vehicle at all times…” but I remember pushing my own palm against the wind when I was his age. No tree limbs or other cars ever came close enough to hurt me. I never worried about that. Earthquakes maybe…but not losing my hand to swerving motorcyclist.

So I decided not to worry about it now. I put my own hand out the window and felt the pressure of wind. My own flesh and bone, solid and invincible against the blast. With a little tension and concentration, I couldn’t be moved. I could even push back.

The what ifs will never go away. They linger on the edges of our every movement, decision, omission… And sometimes they catch up with us. There is always a terrible story to hear. To simultaneously feel sorrow for others and immense gratitude for our own luck, grace, karma.

I once read a brilliant line about what it means to become a parent. While the source left my memory long ago, the sentiment stayed with me – that someone’s child was born and “fate took a hostage.”

Every day I feel the truth of this. And it humbles me. I have to take responsibility for my power and accept my powerlessness and ultimately just hope that my luck will hold.

And I do that every day. I guess we all do.

It’s a charmed life I’m living. Really.

Random Availability

So I really was meaning to write something here this week… But Netflix sent us a couple of Weeds DVDs and my evenings have been pretty booked up with that.

And I’m not even kidding.

I actually did have something half written – but in the heat of some manic organization, I accidentally deleted it. So I feel really incentivized by that…

Instead I’m going to do one of those “Random Tuesday” posts. Which is very much in keeping with my personal style since, you know – it’s Thursday.

Here are some doings and goings on from the past week or two.

Eleanor turned 16. Or at least she thinks so. The exasperated “oh MOM!” sighs from my three year old daughter are plentiful these days. But she’s also been delighting me by parroting my own overused turns of phrase. Sometimes they aren’t the most attractive of reflections:

Eleanor [downstairs]: Mom – can I have some water?

Me [upstairs]: Sure – but please come up here instead of yelling.

Eleanor [probably rolling her eyes since she’s impersonating a teenager]: But I’m watching TV…

Me: Well – I’m making dinner, so if you want it, you’ll have to come up.

Eleanor [stomping up the stairs]: OKAY! But I really don’t have time for this right now!

Nice work, mom…

But then she also does things like cup her hands on either side of my face, look me in the eyes and say, “you are my very special girl.” So I guess I can live with the rest.

George has been rather challenging lately. Which is to say he’s a very bad little boy. Lots of drawing on walls, destroying expensive blush with manicure tools, screaming for candy at 8:00 a.m… And he’s so intense – he literally loses his mind when he becomes agitated. I’ve mentioned before that he’s a screamer, and I don’t think I could ever fully convey through the the medium of written word exactly how piercing that sound is. I believe it’s one octave lower than the pitch of a dog whistle. The highest note audible to human ears. It’s not a good sound. So it’s not surprising that he has been led to believe that candy may be a breakfast option every now and again…

I worry about George.

But his “quirks” will have a little more time to develop while I focus all of my immediate attention on doing everything I can to prepare Oliver for Kindergarten. His IEP is DONE! And I’m fairly pleased with it. I didn’t get everything I asked for – but close. And at this point, I think he really needs to be there before I can decide if he needs more services.

And I have high hopes for additional progress over this summer since he’ll be doing a number of different things in the way of therapy. OT on Wednesdays, a social skills group on Fridays (hard to explain that one…play therapy?), and most exciting – auditory processing therapy. That last one is kind of controversial, but we’ve had him doing a home listening program that has already produced some pretty impressive results.

Initially, I thought I’d try to be very cautious about my expectations – to keep my hopes in check and just see how things go. But you know what? Fuck that. I’m going full tilt The Secret on this one. My feelings? So don’t matter. If any single shred of positive attitude can tilt the universe in favor of my son’s success – then I think I can handle whatever disappointment comes my way. I’m expecting a miracle. And I can actually do that, because I have a black belt in adapting to whatever garbage life throws me. I’ve been doing it for years, and I can do it again as necessary in September. Because I’m going to be thrilled with any results I see.

And then of course there is the abyss of “the Summer” looming. Tomorrow is the last day of preschool and I will no longer have that bus pick up to break up the day and give us some structure. I’m going to have to come up with a schedule of sorts (aside from Oliver’s Kindergarten boot camp training that is). So that’s a new project for me.

Fun things coming up include a trip to the West Coast to see Chris’ family the first week of July. We’ll be at the beach in California for half the time and will then drive to Phoenix to stay at my inlaws’ house. I haven’t been there since Oliver was a baby – so I’m really looking forward to it.

Then just a few weeks later, I’ll be going to BlogHer. I’m actually pretty excited for this since I’ve never been able to go before. And NYC is so close. It’s one of my favorite cities, so I’m hoping to work in a little time outside the conference hotel. So far – no big plans, but I’m starting to ask around about meeting up with various online friends. Will you be there? Let me know.

Oh – and I’m writing this on a new netbook since our computer is dying. Apparently “the motherboard is going.” I don’t know much about computers – but as a “mother” I thought this sounded rather ominous. Because we all know that “when the mama ain’t happy – ain’t nobody happy.” Or something like that.

Until we replace the computer, my posts may be rather photo-free. I have no idea how to access images from my new external hard drive. So far it looks like the netboook’s motherboard isn’t all that compatible with external hard drive. While the external hard drive is physically present, it seems impossible to retrieve any of the data. I’m starting to get a little frustrated…these aloof external hard drive types are so draining. No matter what I try, it just won’t let me in. Things aren’t looking good as my motherboard surely won’t stand for this kind of treatment. And all I want are some family pictures. A few fond memories to pop into an otherwise meaningless post. Apparently, this means nothing to the all take and no give external hard drive. At the moment, nothing is available to me. Emotionally unavailable external hard drives…they’re all the same.

Now that was just sad…I’m going to quit while I’m ahead (or only slightly behind). Since I can’t leave you with an uplifting image plucked from that daily miracle we call motherhood, you can just close your eyes picture three smiling faces, smudge free and without a trace of impending drama, trauma or tantrums. Also know that this doesn’t exist anywhere in the Hood family hard drive (external or not). But when given creative license, you may as well run with it.

G Money

My son, George is already exhibiting signs of a rather unpleasant obsession with money. Specifically coins.

The good news is that living in the US and not in Europe, I don’t have to worry about him extracting anything significant out of my purse while I’m not looking. Seriously – if confronted with a hundred dollar bill and a couple of pennies, he’ll opt for the literal version of “cold, hard cash.” Not that he has many (any) opportunities to help himself to a hundred dollar bill out of my purse…but I’m sure I’ve got a few crumpled singles floating around at any given time.

This coin mania has become incredibly annoying in that he will actually yell, “MONEY! MONEY!” when he wants a penny to put in his pocket. Usually in public of course. Possibly from the bottom of the shopping cart while I’m screaming at one of the other two to “sit DOWN” or “put that back!

I frequently thank my lucky stars that I’ve found a way to not really care what anyone else thinks. Much.

But George is a man of many, um…quirks. And we just try to have a sense of humor about it (while stuffing a piece of candy in his mouth to shut him up).

Recently, we had a good laugh over this particular gem when it was paired with his other more commonplace three year old practice of not always recognizing certain things as gender specific (see this post for another example of that).

A couple of weeks ago, we were eating lunch at a local chicken wing place. And by “eating lunch” I mean that my husband was eating chicken wings, I was eating a salad and something like mozzarella sticks (because wings encompass pretty much every meat-related phobia I have) and the kids were ignoring their plates while playing with the various video games and vending machines.

We do this two or three times a month, so we pretty much have a system down. There are only three of our five family members at the table at any given time and I spend a considerable portion of the meal trying to hide the most offensive of the cheap trinkets they bring back to us in those plastic bubbles I remember from my own youth. And I sometimes wonder if some of said trinkets may have been in the vending machines that long.

One that I actually kept because it was so hilarious was a Ricky Martin medallion, circa 1999. But on this particular day, George was gifted with something far more special than the usual super balls and army men. He opened his plastic bubble and found a “necklace.”


Isn’t it gorgeous? He was so proud of it and had no idea that he looked like a tiny white aspiring rapper. At three, he has no idea what a rapper is – but we immediately dubbed him G Money and took about 500 pictures with my iPhone.



He insisted on wearing his special necklace every day until it mysteriously disappeared. Strange how these things always seem to happen while they’re sleeping… Anyway, a couple of weeks later, George acquired a new look to wear out in public:


Yes – those are two Scooby Doo band aids on his face. Earlier in the day, he got into a package of hot Thai seasonings that somehow blew into his eyes. Luckily, I was right behind him and could immediately stick his face under the cold tap. Of course, he didn’t understand that I was trying to help and screamed and thrashed, alerting the neighborhood to one of the many acts of child abuse that goes on in my house on a daily basis.

While his eyes were fine, it did hurt a lot and he had some burned patches. And in the universal expectation that a band aid can fix everything, he insisted on applying a couple (which I made sure were placed on unburned skin lower on his cheek bones). Then we went out to lunch.


And to be honest, I really could have cared less. It bothered me a little bit that he looked like someone had been beating his face…particularly since the side of Eleanor’s nose was green from a rather nasty fall on her face while playing outside the day prior… But what can you do?

I love this about children – the disregard for the opinions of others. It doesn’t serve me well when I’m trying to shame them into realizing that you can’t go outside without pants – but it does make me feel better about their ragamuffin end of season apparel that looks like it came off the costume racks for Oliver Twist.

So I’ll embrace George’s prerogative to scream for money and wear lip gloss and bling and demand band aids on his face that resemble war paint. It’s so easy to get caught up in what other people think – to be insecure. I admire the guileless self confidence of youth.

But I also know that it ends – or goes on hiatus from time to time. And someday when George is older and regrettably wiser, and feels the pinch of derision from the outside world, I’ll pull out these pictures and an old line from Swingers, telling him, “you’re so money and you don’t even know it.


Coach Kate’s Play Book – the Good News and the Bad News…

My week’s experience in the world of sports has certainly lived up to “the agony and the ecstasy,” as described by some famous person I would know if I wasn’t completely clueless. There have been some very promising days and some disheartening ones…

So I’ll start with the good. Last we left off, Oliver’s first Blast Ball practice was “okay” and he only hated it about 90% of the time. So I was feeling positive about the future.

I thought it would be a good idea to get him used to the field by having some of our own practices each day. I was only able to fit in two before the first game last Saturday, but that seemed to be adequate.

Our first practice was Wednesday morning and after a brief hesitation, Oliver saw the empty field and was thrilled to play with his new batting equipment. The twins were too since they are three years old and get excited about everything from lady bugs to Target runs. Everyone was happy.

I set up our tee and used an old magna doodle for the base (there is only one base in Blast Ball). First I tried to get the twins to stand in the “outfield” while Oliver was at bat. But they were having none of that. Everyone wanted to hit the ball, so I gave up and just had them focus on that. I could teach fielding another day.

Getting them to run to the base and back was easy once I established some terminology they could understand. Hit the ball! Now drop the bat! Run to the base! Now stomp on it! Now come back come back come back! No this way! Over here! Run over here! Good – you’ve got it! Now stop! Stop! Stop! N0 – seriously, come back! I yelled the entire time we were there. To anyone passing by, I must have sounded like one of those hard core sports moms. I’m not kidding – I was hoarse by the end.

They improved very quickly, but once the novelty wore off, some new distractions complicated things. Oliver discovered that he could climb a tree about ten feet away from where we were playing, and insisted on doing that whenever it wasn’t his turn. Then Eleanor kept wanting to play with the base and George was terrorized by the cloud of gnats that descended upon our shady spot.

Things degenerated after about 20 minutes, but then I did some ball chasing with them like Coach Keys’ drill and figured that we had a great first practice. It was time to quit while we were ahead.

The next practice a couple of days later was less successful – but it was all George’s fault. He had a melt down because I didn’t bring the bat he preferred and during this hysteria, his gnat phobia took on epic proportions. He screamed and swatted at the air as if he were in submerged in piranha infested waters. I had to pick him up to calm him down and this interfered with my ability to help the other two with their batting form. So after a few runs to the base, Oliver played in the tree, Eleanor had a snack and I talked George off the ledge.

At this point, I was a little anxious about Saturday’s game. While Oliver enjoyed playing with his small family, I knew that he would be intimidated by the bigger group of strangers and all of the cheering noise. Pushing him up to the tee would be much like sitting him on Santa’s knee at the mall – depending on his mood and the crowd, it could go either way.

And here is where the bad news comes in. The game was a complete disaster. Instead of taking place on the patch of grass that was now so familiar, we were on a different, more official playing field. And it was ten times more loud and crowded than I had expected. Oliver was terrified.

He didn’t mind sitting and watching – but the suggestion that he join his team sent him into a panic. He wanted nothing to do with it and refused to wear his new shirt and hat. There was crying and even a little screaming when I tried to bring him over to bat. Even Coach Keys’ adorable older son wasn’t able to get Oliver to come out of his shell. He had pretty much shut down.

All parents know their child’s limits and this went far beyond what I knew he could handle. Between his sensory issues that amplified the din of the crowd, to his inability to make sense of the rapid fire directions from the coaches, the entire situation was a recipe for failure.

And while I want to encourage Oliver to try, I’ll never set him up to fail.

So a decision now needs to be made. Do we push through and hope that he warms up to it? Or do we remember that we embarked on this adventure with the attitude that if he wasn’t ready, we’d just drop it? If we quit Blast Ball, does that make us quitters? Or people who do what is best for their kids regardless of personal feelings? And what is the “best” thing for him?

Coach Keys offered to let Oliver just come to practices since that seemed a bit more doable for him. But when I tried to get him to wear his Rattlers shirt yesterday, he ran in fear – like I was trying to drape an actual rattle snake around his shoulders. I have little hope of getting him to put it on for practice today.

Then of course, there is the more practical complication of who will watch the twins while I take Oliver to practice at 5:30. Chris’ injury makes it impossible for him to do public transportation and his driving commute is twice as long. Even if he left early, he’d never be here in time. While I had originally thought I’d be able to bring them with me at this point and just sit with them on the sidelines, that’s not looking possible.

So maybe the universe is trying to tell me something. Maybe it was a good idea, but ultimately not going to work out right now. Maybe our very limited experience was enough. It gave me some incentive to put aside my own distaste for games and put on my coach’s hat. It’s provided me with inspiration for games I should be playing with my kids this summer – ones that will help get them ready for the sports that will be part of their school experience.

As much as I hate the idea of quitting just when I was feeling so committed, I have to remember why I was doing it. This was for Oliver, not me. And it’s looking like he may not be ready. He’s come so far, and I know that he could do this if we went out with his team every day and really worked at it. But practice only takes place once a week – and even with our family practices, that’s not enough.

So unless I can find someone to watch George and Eleanor this evening, I think that we may be leaving this Blast Ball season before it really even started. And for what it’s worth, I’m proud of everything we achieved. Both Oliver and me. We faced some demons, we had some fun and we learned a new game.

Personally, I realized that coaching my child in sports is no different from every day parenting. You provide them with rules and guidelines. You encourage them and praise them. You teach them what you know and learn from them in the process. And you put your own fears and hang ups aside to help them succeed.

And at the end of the day, you throw away the play book. Every child, every family and every day is different. And the old sayings don’t always apply. You often hear that quitters never win, and winners never quit. This is usually a good motto, but I don’t think that’s true for us today. Because I know my team better than anyone else. And a good coach always knows when it’s time to take a player out of the game.

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ELSEWHERE:

On Wishing True

Thank You Notes to the universe

Elva Fields glamour

A Little Bee and a Giveaway

On Style Key West

Seaside Inspiration

Monkey in the Middle


I have three children born in the following order: Oliver, George and Eleanor. And as number two out of three, George won the title of middle child. By default of course, since he’s a twin… But boy, has he lived lived up to it.

When I was pregnant with the twins, I knew that I was having a boy and a girl and that “Baby A” (the one who would be delivered first) was a boy. The order seemed rather inconsequential to me since the c-section that was looking probable would put a single minute’s span between their individual entrances into the world.

So it astounded me when people talked about George being my middle child. How could he be Eleanor’s “older brother” when they shared a birthday and the same 18 months’ age difference with Oliver? It was just silly.

But – laugh as I did, I’ve also found there to be some truth to this. Because George engenders many typical “middle child syndrome” behaviors.

First – he’s very aware of ownership. And once he stakes a claim on something, he will fight to the death to protect what is his. Like all other toddlers, he did his fair share of screaming “MINE!” and redefining “share” to mean “gimmie that.” But it doesn’t seem to be a phase that he’s quickly outgrowing. It’s not that he wants everything…just a few things to lord over his siblings. The red Lightning McQueen sippy cup? His. The scooter with less dirt on the foot board? HIS! Please don’t touch the merchandise. Trespassers will be prosecuted and punished to the full extent of the law.

And this makes sense to me. Oliver is the oldest and has always had his own things. Two thirds of the toys in our house belonged to Oliver first. Of course, he’d rather play with toilet paper or cups of water (or worse – both)…but that’s another post in and of itself. Most of George’s things are hand me downs.

Also, since Eleanor is a girl – and a girly girl at that – she automatically has her own possessions that the boys have no interest in sharing. She has no need to defend her territory. And as a girl, she is treated differently – more gently. Not on purpose, but I can see how it happens. She gets babied more. And has taken over that role. She’s the baby of the family. And George fell into the only position left in the line up.

Like most other “middle” children, George has had to develop a strong personality to enforce his demands (of which there are many). He is tiny for his age – even smaller than his twin sister – but he is most definitely a force to be reckoned with. Woe to the unlucky traveler who crosses his path when he’s in a temper. The volume of his cries for justice can do more damage to your eardrums than close proximity to amps at a rock concert. He’s a screamer. And he’s loud.

Most middle children I know remind me of George in their need to be seen, heard, understood and appreciated. But I’ve also noticed that many of them – like George – aren’t a true “middle.” For example, they may be number two or three in a family of four kids. Once the number exceeds three, it seems that anyone who isn’t first or last gets a shot at middle child status. It could also be gender…physical or emotional challenges…anything to set them apart from the rest as the one who needs just a little more validation and attention. The one who isn’t handed a position title. Their resumes would include terms such as “self starter” and “results driven.”

So I wonder if it’s the age order or simply the way we treat our children that sustains this family phenomenon. Probably both. The oldest will always have more time and more new stuff as a byproduct of being first. And the youngest will be the last baby – a label that seems to stick. Everyone in between will need to find their own way, and this will be easier for some than others. It’s a lot of work for George, but I think he’s up to the job.

And of course – every family is different. Some have more kids than others…different gender combinations…various challenges and special needs situations… That has to play its part as well. Toss in the element of innate personality and you’ve got endless possibilities for middle child status assignment.

As I typed this, George was either sitting in my lap, climbing over my shoulder like a small monkey or yelling to me from another room. He’s just as good at playing quietly by himself – but he’ll never be lost in the shuffle. My inlaws once referred to him as a “howler monkey” during a beach vacation when he spent the entire week clinging to me and screaming. The fact that we later discovered a double ear infection didn’t change the perception. The nickname stuck for a while.

They say the squeaky wheel gets the grease, and I wonder if it’s a coincidence that George literally squeaked like a rusty hinge when he was an infant. I would listen to him creaking away as he slept in his infant car seat and marvel at how bizarre it was. I had never heard anything like it in my life. And I haven’t since. George is a true original. Would he have been like this no matter what, or did we unwittingly encourage it? We can only guess…but I wouldn’t change him. My middle child always keeps things interesting.

Sound Bytes from the Hood Kids

The Communicator

Eleanor: Mom – can you get me a favor? [translation: can you DO me a favor?]

Me: Sure honey – what’s that?

Eleanor: Well…a favor means…

Me: Yeah – I know what “a favor” means, Eleanor. What do you want?

We’ve been re-enacting this same conversation over and over for the past couple of weeks. Like we both have amnesia until she attempts a definition for “favor.” It’s starting to feel like Groundhog Day.

The Anthropologist

George: Only MommiesDaddies do dat!

George is so often being told that he is not allowed to do whatever it is he is doing: brandishing cleaning spray…climbing closet shelves…turning on the garden hose… And much of the time, it’s something that only grownups are allowed to do. So “only mommies and daddies” has become a bit of a mantra in his life.

As he’s puzzled out the various responsibilities and amenities of each family member’s role, it has apparently become clear to him that ANYTHING he can’t to is something that “only mommies and daddies” can do:

No climbing on furniture – only MommiesDaddies!

No eating boogers – only MommiesDaddies!

No running around outside naked – only MommiesDaddies!

Yes – Chris and I have quite the life…

The Reason that I Look About 10 Years Older Than I Actually Am

My oldest (just turned FIVE) son Oliver has many speech and communication delays/issues/what have you – so as a result, he has always been more of a man of action than words.

He does his fair share of chattering throughout the day, intelligible or not – but it’s when he goes radio silent that things get really interesting.

The other day, Eleanor came running downstairs saying, “mommy – look at Oliver’s hair – it’s CRAZY!” And since I had heard the water running for a while (yes – I ignore things like kids playing in the sink so I can get some work done without interruptions) I pretty much knew what to expect.

Sure enough, when Oliver appeared seconds later – his wet hair was swirled into an arresting version of a shiny faux hawk. I smiled and started with my ever-indulgent “OH – Oliver…” but stopped mid-OH. His hair wasn’t wet. It was slick. And after a quick reconnaissance mission to the kids’ bathroom – I found just what I had feared: an empty jar of Vaseline.

This is exactly the kind of thing that makes it impossible for me to place full blame on my husband for the kids using swear words.

Even after scrubbing Oliver’s head with real shampoo (which was a huge hit once the eye stinging set in), I still couldn’t get all of it out. And for the next several days he looked like he over did it a bit on product.

A post for another day will be about how I have to lock all the doors in our house and hide common household products in strange places so my childproof lock foiling children can’t get to them. They especially love anything that can be sprayed. This has triggered a Pavlovian response in me to become wary whenever I enter a room and notice that it smells particularly good.

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Team Why Mommy, Science, and At Least I Tried…

I have to be honest, I don’t love science.

I have fond memories of drawing pretty pictures of bacteria slides and plant cuttings in my 5th grade science notebook. But quizzes on genus, species, blobbedy, goobeldy gook, etc. etc. etc.? Not so much. Dissecting a fetal pig? Not number one on my list of most awesome activities ever.

BUT – I really wanted to participate in the Team Why Mommy Virtual Science Fair.


Maybe it’s because my own mother had/has cancer, but I feel an affinity for any mother who hears terrifying news, undergoes treatments ranging from uncomfortable to unbearable, and still finds it in herself to look her children in the eye and say, “don’t worry, don’t be scared – I’ll be fine.”

I don’t know Susan from Toddler Planet personally, but we both write for DC Metro Moms, and we both shared a treasured friend in Jean from Stimeyland.

So when Stimey (Jean) sent out the e-mail about supporting Why Mommy (Susan) on the day of her surgery with posts about two of the most important things in her life, children and science, I thought I could come up with something that would be fun for my kids and not too painful for me.

Previously, this is about as close to science as we had ever been:


In light of this, I wasn’t going to jump right into anything involving beakers and chemistry. I figured Earth Science was a better bet.

So this morning we set out on a bug finding mission.

I live in Reston, VA which is literally “the sticks.” It’s 20 minutes outside of DC (without traffic) and I’m not kidding when I say that the woods are right outside our door. We are surrounded by forest. So of course, we are surrounded by bugs.

I grew up in downtown DC, I went to college in the Bronx and I never planned on living anywhere but a city. So of course I now live in the woods. It’s Murphy’s Law. Or something like that… Either way, I’m not exactly a nature person, but I do appreciate the walking paths in my own backyard and the lovely little piece of nature that would have once made me wrinkle my nose in distaste. Dirt is so…dirty…

Anyway – it’s been unseasonably hot and I couldn’t face an hour walk through the woods, so I figured we’d just hit the closest playground and crawl around looking at yucky insects.

Here are some pictures of what we did:








No – you didn’t miss anything. There was very little bug seeking when swings and good climbing trees were right in front of us.

BUT there was a spider web in one of the trees:


What – you can’t see that? You are blind. Whatever – that was totally Earth Science right there. Spider webs are an example of the perfection to be found in nature.

And my sensory boy Oliver got very hands on with the clumps of pollen covering his beloved mulch.


But I didn’t want to fail our mission. So I got serious. I told the kids that on the way home, we were looking for bugs – no ifs, ands or buts. And everyone got on board.

We left no stone unturned:




But after three years of battling armies of ants in my house, watching screaming children run from the bees buzzing around my front door, and bathing my family in insect repellent every time we leave our home from April to October, I can honestly say that we didn’t find ONE FUCKING BUG.

Please excuse the expletive – but that’s how I feel about the Reston bugs right now. Fair weather friends indeed! When it’s all about scavenging fallen grains of rice and scaring children and sucking human blood, they’re EVERYWHERE. But the minute I want to snap some photos they turn all shy celebrity, hiding from the paparazzi.

Not cool, bugs…not cool at all.

But we did FINALLY have one brief moment of success on our way home:



That’s a worm!

Worms are gross. And totally Earth Science, thank you very much.

All in all – it was fun in spite of the general failure. And I took a few pictures of my kind of nature:





Now THAT’S more like it.

This was a lighthearted post about children delighting in the world around them and – well, yes – the science of it. But the reason for this post is far from light. I could never do it justice with my own words, so I’ll conclude with the end of Susan’s last post before her surgery. About how she will make her contribution to the future lives of women…people…all over the world:

We need the research.

I will do my part. Tomorrow, as the six tumors are removed from my body, they will be flash frozen in vials designed to keep them usable by scientists and medical researchers. The doctors will use what they need for me, and then the rest will be sent to the IBC Biobank for future research or out for the Target Now Complete testing, one of the first to look at molecular markers that may indicate additional options for my treatment. I’m trying to make the latter work out, but if not, I’ll send it to the Biobank in hopes that it will help someone else.

I’ve checked ClinicalTrials.gov for inflammatory breast cancer trials, and signed up for Avon’s Army of Women to be notified when a researcher is looking for people to participate in studies of new treatments, complementary medicine, or information dissemination, online or in my area. It’s important, this research, and the Army of Women is gathering 1 million women together who are willing to participate, locally in person or online, with and without cancer, so that the scientists can study what causes, and what cures, cancer. If you can, please join the Army with me — and say yes to just one study this year if the opportunity arrives in your in-box.

We need the research. And we need it now.

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