If I could take it back, I would never have:
*See update below regarding margaritas.
Watched The Ring.
This was the scariest fucking movie I’ve ever seen in my life. That’s right, I said “fucking.” I rarely say it and never write it – but I really have to make this point. The point being that this is the SCARIEST FUCKING MOVIE I’ve EVER seen. When that black and white girl climbed out of the television, my face actually contorted in the same Silent Scream that that marked the faces of her victims. I have never been so horrified in my entire life. The people that created this movie are sick, sick geniuses. I hate them.
Watched The X-Files episode about the inbred Peacock family.
Oh. My. God. That’s right – I have to resort to an overused blogger’s writing device to communicate just how incredibly scarring this experience was. I watched this episode with a friend and I actually called her at work the next day to find out if she too was thinking of lighting her hair on fire and jumping out of her office window. I spent the day masochistically reliving the entire program in my head. Every small detail – from the moment that the kids playing baseball discover the newly buried monster baby, to the end when the last living brother climbs OUT OF THE TRUNK of his car where he was having a quiet heart to heart with “Mama.” If I even think about the scene in which “the boys” feed Mama chewed up bread, I immediately curl up in the fetal position and begin to weep. Who came up with this idea? The fact that someone actually had this in their brain makes me fear for their sanity. If armless, legless old women that have sex with their mutant sons regularly pop into their heads in a burst of inspiration…Well, I don’t know how they sleep at night.
Read Salem’s Lot.
Noticing a theme here? I don’t like the scary stuff. I will cut myself some slack regarding The Ring which I had thought was “a thriller” when we rented it. And I can usually take the creepy themes of The X Files. But I have had a reccurring vampire nightmare since I was a toddler – so I don’t know what pod person took over my body when I decided to buy this particular paperback. Once I opened the book, I only put it down to sleep or go to work. I read it in two days. On the second day I walked into the apartment after work, picked up the book and didn’t put it down until I finished it. When my husband tried to talk to me, I reacted as if he was interrupting my attempt to deactivate a bomb. Only when I finished reading the last page could I return to the reality of holding conversations with my husband and using the bathroom. Then I proceeded to sleep with a light on for three nights straight. And shades had to be drawn lest I look out the window and see one of the undead scratching on the window pane and asking to be let in.
Agreed to share a pitcher of margaritas with a friend one night in Hoboken.
I have overindulged on occasion. And I have paid for it in unpleasant ways. But I have never before (or since) had the pleasure of puking all over a popular bar town. I’ve seen others do it, and I’ve felt pity for them (poor wretches). I always assumed that they were pathetic degenerates or stupid teenagers. But a 30 year old woman who can kill a couple of bottles of wine with her husband and suffer little more than a headache the following day should be able to have a few margaritas without fear of alcohol poisoning. Nancy (my friend) and I never did figure out how that happened. The waitress at the scene of the crime suggested that we just order a pitcher since it would be cheaper if we each planned to have a couple of drinks (sadistic bitch). So we assumed that they must not be unusually strong. And maybe they weren’t (Nancy didn’t puke her brains out) – maybe I just didn’t eat enough that day. I don’t know, but it was quite possibly one of the most humiliating experiences of my entire life. No matter how fucked up (god – there is that word again – so I must be serious) I was, I knew exactly how awful I looked and the only two words that came out of my mouth were “I’m sorry.” Over and over and over again as I puked over and over and over again all the way from that evil hell hole posing as a Mexican restaurant to the train station (and in the train station and on the train and oh my god if only I had just ordered a diet coke). I think about this often and I always cringe. I really really really wish I could take it all back. But I guess it could have been worse. At least it was just Hoboken.
*Note to eveyone that seems to think that I drank a pitcher of margaritas by myself – I DIDN’T. I shared the pitcher with a friend – which made for about 2 1/2 each. I am stupid – but I’m not crazy. Hope I didn’t scare any of my Mormon friends away…
Told my mother that I DIDN’T want to do a semester in Paris my senior year of high school.
I can’t even write about this without wanting to go back in time and shake that stupid girl senseless. Okay – so I KNOW that I was a bit of a late bloomer and leaving the country for an entire season was a little outside of my comfort zone… But honestly – why couldn’t I have had more self confidence back then? Why couldn’t I have mustered up just a smidgen of adventurous spirit? I have it now. NOW I want to go to Paris for a semester. I’m ready NOW, Mom. And I have no concern that I’ll be missing out on anything going on at home. You know – since I actually stayed home and experienced a whole lot of nothing that semester. Fun nothing of course – but not once in a lifetime, change your perspective of the world SOMETHING. Oh well – I would also go back and rethink those white tights with the jeans skirt – but hindsight is 20/20.
Read The Notebook.
I know – everyone LOOOVED this book, and cried and marveled at a love so strong that it could endure blah blah blah blah blah…this is where I may as well have gone back to Hoboken for satanic margaritas since the whole thing just made me want to puke. I did hear that the movie was great – and maybe I’d prefer that medium for the story. But my distaste for the book has left me with little desire to see it. Years ago when I was talked into reading that syrupy snore festival, I honestly didn’t see what the big deal was. Maybe I was just going through a cynical phase, but I couldn’t get into it. It was SO BORING. And what was the deal with all of those references to how they lived a life “full of love and laughter?” All of that laughter was puzzling to me. I read the whole book and I can promise you, no one ever said anything funny. What could they possibly be laughing about? Anyway – I should have made this one of my Friday Confessions since I will most likely be dragged out of my house and stoned to death for blaspheming the eternal love of what’s her name and don’t remember his either. If I have a few last dying breaths, I’ll be sure to tell everyone what I really think about Dirty Dancing, Atlas Shrugged and Eyes Wide Shut.
My mom encouraged me to study abroad as well and I was too chicken shit. I wish she would have pushed harder. I wish I could smack some sense into the 19 year old me!
And, yeah… I hated The Notebook too.
That is the only X-Files episode that I remember vividly, and I actually did watch a lot of them. That one stuck with me, though, which is disturbing on multiple levels.
I did see the movie version of The Notebook – it was OK, but I have no plans to read the book.
a pitcher of margs…. wow.
I didn’t do the study abroad thing in college and totally regret it too.
I never read the Notebook or saw the movie. I knew I’d hate it.
Haven’t tried a pitcher of margaritas but have done the puking thing more often than I’d like to admit. Hangs head in shame.
Kate – Wow, where can I start? What a fantastic post! And all the F words…that’s so not like you but I loved your passion.
I hate scary movies, books,shows so I haven’t seen any of those.
The Notebook sucked as a book. I completely agree BUT you have to see the movie. It was so much better than the book, which is very unusual. I’ve cried many times at the movie. Great actors and really well made.
The puking thing…well, this will tie in two of your things-you-could-take-back because I did study abroad and it was during that time that I had a similar very unpleasant experience. But thank goodness for both of us that the experience wasn’t in our home towns!
First, Salem’s Lot, I’ve never read the book, but when I was very young (maybe 4), my parents left me in the care of a teenage cousin, her boyfriend, and my older brother. They decided to watch Salem’s Lot on TV. They told me not to watch, but I didn’t listen. I peeked through my fingers and saw that light-green-skinned thing coming out of a coffin or something (who knows I’m not watching it again to find out). I can still picture that thing perfectly. Maybe this is why I don’t like scary movies.
Now for The Notebook, I am astounded that the book made him a millionaire (I’m pretty sure he writes that it made him a millionaire in Three Weeks with My Brother – a much more interesting book). The Notebook is okay if you like a love story (they’re all a version of Romeo and Juliet, right?). I didn’t see what all the hubbub was about. Sorry this comment is long, but I loved the post!
Whoa! the F-bomb!
I can’t stand the scary stuff either. My husband knows me well and informed I was NEVER to watch The Ring.
I’ve watched almost all X-files episodes and I totally agree. That is one of the few I can remember the whole thing (and wish I couldn’t).
As for the vampires, I just don’t care for them. But friends with similar tastes say they enjoy the Twilight series. It’s next on my reading list.
Notebook movie was so-so. It takes me so long to get around to reading a book, they normally come out with the movie about the same time. I always watch the movie before I read the book or else I’m highly irked at the director/screen writer/editor/producer for cutting out stuff.
IM so with you on the ring and Ive even been with you I hate to admit in a smilar experince getting fucked up it involved wine and sausage (dont ask) but I guess it made me who I am today…I guess
I see dead people. NO JOKE – it’s scary sometimes…and thus I regret watching the Sixth Sense. And The Others. I would probably die if I watched the Ring. ON that note, NEVER EVER let anyone convince you to go to Markoff’s Haunted Forrest in MD. EVER.
:)
I feel the same way about The Ring….or any scary movie. I don’t like being scared.
I love Marg’s but I’m not sure I could drink a pitcher either.
The Ring is the scariest movie EVER. I loved The Notebook – I am a dork. And although I was never given the opportunity to study abroad, I am fairly confident that I would not have gone.
I also hated the Notebook. And it looks like we’re not alone in that.
And I turned down a study abroad session as well. Although mine was for an archeological dig in Israel during a flare of the Intifada so fears of personal safety may have been involved.
Oh, and forgot to mention…tequila is the only alcohol I can drink without getting sick. Seriously. Must be a genetic thing. :)
Your Paris is my Barcelona. Too bad you didn’t go, though, because I hear that it’s a movable feast.
I hate it when they hide scary movies under the term “thriller.” I feel the same way about Zodiac. Scared the ever-living crap out of me.
And you haven’t lived until you have a gorgeous Greek guy at your apartment after a night on the town with friends, you think you have to pee so you go to the bathroom and realize halfway through that you’re going to hurl, only to be found by the gorgeous guy with your head in the bowl and your pants around your ankles.
And that was after my year in England…I could TOTALLY hold my liquor back then.
Aargh, Kate! I had finally wiped this X-files episode out of my mind and now it’s back! I’m calling you to chat at 2 a.m. when I’m too freaked to sleep! :)
My “if I could take it back” would be the movie “8 mm” with Nicholas Cage. DO NOT SEE IT!
Also, my Junior year when my father offered to take me to Hawaii and I said I was too busy with my SORORITY PIG ROAST!
I loved the Notebook! Hated Forrest Gump. Which I know goes against all things people hold to be true and dear in life.
Saw your comment on Neil’s blog – saw you grew up in DC. I’m living there now. Where are you from?
i hated the notebook….
This is an awesome post – love it! I hate horror of any kind. Will not watch or read it, period. I once read the first chatper of Stephen King’s “It” and it is one of the biggest regrets of my life. Still haunts me. Yeah, you struck a nerve with me. I agree!!
Oh and The Notebook – thumbs down.
Hilarious!! I’ve never read the Notebook, so I know not to now. Saying no to a semester in Paris!?!? I cringe with you on that one. I never studied abroad either and I wish I would have had the oportunity in college. And it would have been in Paris. C’est magnifique, non?
Thanks for submitting your post!