…and it’s totally ridiculous. Okay – maybe just 60% ridiculous. For me. For someone else it would only be 30% ridiculous. BUT for others it could be like 99% ridiculous (I can’t damn someone to 100% ridiculous – I mean I’m not DEAD inside). So I’m not too far gone for this semi-ridiculous idea.
I want to reinvent myself.
Of course, I’ve been talking about this long enough that it’s not exactly news. Or maybe I’ve just been talking to the voices in my head (who incidentally, are super negative sometimes and totally gave me a 90% ridiculous…they better start paying rent soon, or I may have to evict them for good!)
Either way – I know I’ve at least mentioned that I feel like I took several wrong turns when it comes to career and finding my true calling. And that’s okay. I can’t have any serious regrets since I am a VERY lucky girl right now. I have a wonderful family (including a new dog who is only 30% annoying and 25% gross – but she IS a dog for goodness sake) and exceptional friends. And I live in a nice house in a nice neighborhood and have found fantastic services and teachers for my special needs son (who is 100% miraculous). So if I’m a little late to the party career-wise, I think I’ll survive.
But the fact remains that I’m no longer young and cute. No one is going to discover me. Any redefining that happens in my life will require hard work. 100% of which will be for me alone. Bottom line, I’m not exactly ingenue material here.
Seriously. I’m 40.
Newly-so in fact. My birthday was April 27th.
Don’t bother scrolling down. There was no “it’s my birthday!” post. I was one week out from Listen to Your Mother DC and so busy updating that website every day, that I never made it over here to put on my birthday girl hat. The confetti packages remain unopened. The party horns silent. I had a lovely day with friends and family, but I didn’t get around to even a quick mention HERE on my personal website (which may actually be blog sacrilege or something…)
So yeah. I’m 40.
Now, I’m not going to make a big deal about how old 40 is. I know it’s not. But it’s different.
Definitely different from turning 30. At 30, I was working and didn’t have kids yet. My life was still all about me. And let’s face it – as much as the twenty-somethings cower in the face of their own fast-approaching decade change, 30 isn’t quite the same as FORTY.
Like I said, the birthday itself was great – as all birthdays should be. Your own little VIP holiday. Pick up some wine at the grocery store and you’re an instant celebrity! “May I see your ID? Well – hey now – HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” Loved ones check in to wish you well. Your FaceBook wall posts runneth over. You may even get a present or two. I don’t care about getting older on my birthday. Birthdays are fab.
But then it’s the day after your birthday…
You know that old joke that newly married women make: “Yesterday I was a bride! Now I’m just a wife…” Oh – that shift from YOURBIGSPECIALDAY to every day life. A month ago, it was my fortieth birthday! Now I’m just 40.
And it’s fine. No different from any other age really. Except for the cougar jokes, maybe… They make my head explode. I mean, a “cougar” is an older woman actively seeking the attentions of much younger men. NOT a woman who is 40+ years old. Think about it. Is your mom a cougar? I didn’t think so (and if she is…I’m sorry OR Good for her! or whatever the appropriate response would be).
But cougars aside, my only true aversion to this birthday is that I’m officially in the age group that I always assumed had its shit together. When I think of 40 year old women, I picture established careers whether they are outside of the home or family focused. Forty year old women are supposed to be honing skills and expanding knowledge that they already have.
I’m just starting to wonder what I’m going to be when I grow up.
I have some ideas of what I’d like to be. But how do you start at 40?
I guess I’ll figure it out. I’m feeling pretty confident at the moment. The odds aren’t THAT bad (and will definitely improve when all three of my children are in full time elementary school this fall).
But it will be hard. And I have always preferred easy… Oh well.
I’m not really going anywhere with this. Just felt like putting it out there in black and white. Almost like a dare to myself. Okay old lady. Time to get serious. DO something already – or do MORE.
I really think I can. Reinvent myself, I mean.
And after this self pep talk, I’m feeling like it’s a little less ridiculous. Maybe just 40%.
You are a rockstar, Kate. The woman I know now is so different than the one I met 8 years ago. I think you already have reinvented yourself in lots of ways, or at least, let more of your awesomeness shine through. LTYM was ahmazing. I think you are 100 percent capable of reinventing even further. Excited to see what happens next! Xoxoxo
As Deb Rox is famous for saying “It’s all happening.” You are already on your way–trust the journey!
oh yes! you most definitely can and will make a go of it and succeed– big time. i have every confidence in you!
anna see recently posted..Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey, I mean Jack and Margaret’s Mom
You can. You absolutely can.
And besides, who said you have to have it all together by 40? I’m turning 43 in a few (very short) weeks and depending on which day you ask me I’m either a tender manager, editor, fine art photographer or certified lactation consultant. All very real, and all utterly different, and each one providing a different piece of the answer.
Follow your heart friend, it won’t steer you wrong.
xox
Robin from Israel recently posted..St. Peters Square (and a very watery run-in with disaster)
You can do whatever you put your mind to Kate. I agree with Gwen – you’re already WELL on your way. Can’t wait to see you soon, and to see what you become! xoxo
christy recently posted..summertime sickie
From where I sit, you’ve already done an amazing job of reinventing your career to fit your passion and interests. You’re definitely on your way to totally making it what you dream of…I mean look at what you’ve done just in the last few years!!
I seriously miss you. When can we get together? We can meet half way. :)
I honestly think you could make pretty much anything happen. You are awesome.
Stimey recently posted..Dysthymia
I have this talk with myself every single day.. I am struggling with whether or not to send my youngest to school next year and I am wondering if it has crossed my mind that I may be using it as an excuse to get my shit together.
Your public declaration is a huge step. I look forward to following your journey Kate.
Poppy recently posted..Brother Unhinges Jaw Like Python To Kill Senior Project
Well first, happy birthday! I’m about eight months from that “big” occasion and I feel this post with all my heart. I was talking about what the hell to do with my life and when was I going to grow up and how could I go back to school at 40, etc., with someone and they said something that sticks with me: “Well you’re going to be fifty in ten years whether you do something to change your life or not.”
Huh. Reinvent away, I can’t wait.
anymommy recently posted..Morning coffee
This has been the year of re-inventing or making dreams come true or something like that for me. Over the last 2 years I had the same question you’re facing…who and what do I want to be? It’s a leap, a risk to explore that question and then a greater leap to go for it.
I hope you get to answer your question and then live in it. I’m excited for you. And, truthfully, I think you’re already well on your way. You’re smack in the middle of it.
heidi recently posted..uptight