No matter what our size (the skinny girls included), we have all at some point taken umbrage to the insinuation that someone thinks we are a little fluffy, or have cellulite, or inherited the family knee pudge, or…well you get the idea. Every single one of us has once had the thought, “what are you saying – are you calling me fat?”
This doesn’t even have to be in response to a criticism. Years ago, I bumped into a girl I hadn’t seen in several months and she said “Kate! You’re so skinny – I didn’t even recognize you!” I think I may have dropped a few pounds since I last saw her…but we’re talking one dress size, not several!
This idea that I was unrecognizable implied (to me at least) that I was just HUGE the last time we met. And it’s not like I was rocking skinny jeans or anything. So yes – I would have to start out pretty large to have been altered to that degree.
You may be thinking that I’m awfully touchy since this was probably just an over the top compliment from one prone to exaggeration. And you are partly right – but not entirely. This old friend was known for her competitive nature and back-handed compliments. So I absolutely thought “what – are you saying I was fat before?”
I hate to make myself sound vain, or give the false impression that I’m super model svelte. But I have managed to stay a healthy and (I think) attractive size for a while now. And in effect I’ve become rather comfortable in my own skin. Skin that is a little saggy here and there due to childbirth and riddled with hereditary “problem areas”….but good, respectable skin nonetheless.
So I do tend to become a little miffed when someone insinuates that said skin has stretched a bit to accommodate a few extra pounds.
Enter my husband. My poor husband who “doesn’t like skinny girls.” One would think that I’d be thrilled with this preference for the curvy ladies. But no – I’m a terrible, ungrateful wife who would rather be thinner than what he likes.
I have noticed a direct correlation between my weight increasing and his advances increasing. The tighter my waistbands get, the more approving glances I get. And the better he thinks I look, the worse my self esteem. It’s just flat out wrong and I am 100% at fault.
Because I go there… The minute he says anything about me looking good… I refuse to be happy with the compliment and immediately jump to conclusions: “Oh great – so I’m getting fat.”
Sigh. I have problems.
In light of this, I was particularly interested in his most recent blog post (what – you didn’t know he had a blog too?) He saw a study on what men prefer when it comes to a woman’s size, and he was feeling pretty validated by the results:
Which girl do you think he found most attractive? And what did I think? More importantly – what do you think? Check out his post here – and give him your thoughts on the matter. I already did.
Oh Kate, talk about a sticky wicket! He likes you better heavier than you like yourself? I can’t even imagine how to work around that one …
I remember seeing that study and photographic comparison a while back. Those sizes are British sizes, btw, as the study was done in England. I’m betting you chose Miss 8 and he Miss 12. I can honestly – HONESTLY – say that all three women look simply mouth-watering to me.
I just commented on Chris' blog…
I see three gorgeous women! They all have glowing smooth skin. No wrinkles, sags, divots or signs of aging. They look plumped up with the hydration that is youth. Beautiful girls, regardless of their sizes!
Sadly, we women are entirely too hard on ourselves, regardless of where we are at on our own body spectrum. Another fabu post, and I left some love for Chris as well.
PS I'm seeing Eryn for dinner in Philly this weekend while we are up there for annual!
PPS Give my regards to Mr. Stewart.
I totally don't buy that the chick in the middle is a size. No way. You did marry a good one. I know I feel better about myself skinny and I'm sure act differently which appeals to Jeff. It's a vicious cycle. And I really need to go on a diet.
Kate, you do look fabulous these days – I've known you for about ten years now, and when I saw you at my baby shower last summer I may not have said but I thought to myself – hot damn Kate looks good in that bikini!
I meant to comment on Chris' post earlier – will do so now.
I don't buy that the girl on the right is size 16. Not in my world. I think they all look fabulous.
My husband would pick out thinner girls than I would as attractive… but yes, those three all look pretty good whatever the labels in their clothes might say!
you are a svelte… and beautiful :)
MMM I thought they were all the same….. interesting! good post!
I'd pick size 8. Is there something wrong with me?? Have I been brain-washed? I don't know anymore! Thanks for visiting my blog. :)
All those women look fabulous.
I am comfortable with my size 10 divots, love handles and saggy parts. I have decided they are "kid" marks! I have to say the girl who is size 16 looks hot and does not look like size 16 at all!
I think they are all beautiful.
Personally I believe this is the number 1 problem with women today, we don't love ourselves. I loved my body when I was 350 lbs and I love is still at 275. I loved it when I was 175 and 150..
I just think that we need to look past the number and be stoked with what we have to work with.
Bounce those curves ladies, Rock out your flat abs and big ole but!
Be proud and don't give two hoots what people think about how you look.
Just be comfortable being YOU!
That is so great. It is I swear if you ever gain a few pounds you can relax and not freak out
Kate is insane. Case in point…
I get home from work, loosen my tie, take off my suit jacket and head to the kitchen to start our dinner. She is in the other room taking care of the kids and wanders into the kitchen and opens the fridge to get the tykes their milks and bends over to reach them. I give her a little pat on the butt (maybe more like a squeeze) and say, "You're lookin' good baby." Her reply.."Shit. Oh no! I guess I'm getting fat". Crazy.
Sigh. We are so hard on ourselves. I think they are also all beautiful – but I can guess which one a lot of women would think is the best looking.
I try to remain comfortable in my own skin – and I maintain around a size 12 thanks in large part to a good metabolism. Would I like to be an 8? Sure – but apparently not enough to actually change my eating or exercise habits.
The flip side is I know women who have had eating disorders and that is such a tough mental disease that is fed by so many images out there today.
It's a tough one, Kate.
I agree with your hubby. They girl on the left looks the best.
Great post, Kate. All of the good comments have been taken. I have nothing to add. Just that I really liked this post.
They do all look fantastic–being young and having great skin tone will do that for you-regardless of your size.
I think it was on an episode of "The Wired" that a zaftig black woman, who was delivering a plated of soul food to a guy she had her eye one, said, "I hope you enjoy it–I can throw down in the kitchen–as well as other places." I think that is the vibe your husband likes.