Tag Archives: Daddy Can Cook

Why I Really Shouldn’t Be on a Reality TV Show About Bloggers (Alternatively Titled: PorkHer)

*Disclaimer: I know that I said I wouldn’t write anything else about BlogHer until I returned, but this isn’t about the conference. It’s about…well, just read it already!

If you are on Twitter, you have most likely seen numerous calls for comments on “audition” posts for Project Mom Casting interviews that will be held next week in New York. The casting call? Mothers who blog. For a reality show. Whether this will be a heartwarming documentary about how the Internet has changed the cast’s lives OR a campy Real Housewives take on their sensational blogger antics remains to be seen. But my guess is that the former is more likely.

Now, the fact that I’m a mother AND I have a blog makes me pretty much 100% qualified for this. Right?

Um – no.

As much as I love the idea of watching a good friend become a household name, I think it’s pretty safe to say that I would not, myself make a good candidate. Aside from the fact that my husband would probably divorce me if I involved him in anything like that (ooooh – I smell a story arc….), there are some very specific reasons why I wouldn’t even attempt to audition:

1. My house is too messy. I like to think of myself as a very neat and organized person, but I happen to live with four slobs. The only way that my house would stay spotless is if I spent the whole day cleaning. And THAT would mean I wouldn’t have any time to spend on my blogs which are really the only current activity I have that doesn’t involve some form of care taking. So I have to choose: clean house or personal identity. And the winner is… Anyway – don’t even talk to me about hiring professionals to come in every couple of weeks. The biggest slob in the house would say we can’t afford it. Then I look at all of his clothes on the floor and say, “pick up your shirt.” And then he looks at me and says “take off your shirt.” And we’re at an impasse. Messy house it is.

2. The camera does not love me. I am not particularly photogenic, and this applies to all things video as well. I have had many jokes made at my expense regarding the way I pose for pictures. And I can’t really blame anyone because I pretty much have it down to a science. At some point in high school I figured out that I have a very definite good side (the result of a deviated septum and visibly crooked nose, which for some reason I didn’t recognize until an ENT asked me when I broke my nose, giving me a massive complex since I have NEVER broken my nose…but that’s another post for another time). And I learned that if I tilt my head just so to the right, I look remarkably better than if I don’t. My friends called this “the Kate Coveny [my maiden name] head tilt” and over twenty years later, it’s stuck. Even Chris makes fun of me. Since there is no way to keep your head continuously tilted and angled toward the camera for optimal effect while being filmed… I just don’t think the producers would like my look. Asymmetrical doesn’t play well with an audience.

3. I’m boring. I mean, I myself am not a boring person to be around. But there isn’t anything going on in my life that would keep people perched on the edge of their seats, dying to hear more. I don’t think I need to give an account of what my life is like since, you know – I have this whole blog about it… But in case you’re not familiar with The Big Piece of Cake, I’ll just say that no one is making a movie of my life story anytime soon.

Here is an example of #3 (and #2 for that matter). Chris has a (currently lapsed) food-related blog that he would often update with clips from our video camera. It started with cooking stuff – but then he put together a kind of series on barbecue places on a drive through the South. Last summer, we did a road trip down to Florida to see a sick relative, and we took what must have been hours of footage at those restaurants. And I star in most of them. Here are some clips I pulled from Dad Can Cook:

This was my “debut.” Chris asked me to take pictures of a pulled pork dinner that he basically assigned to me. The camera was broken, so I vlogged it:

All right Mr. De Mille, I’m ready for my close-up.

Then of course, some barbecue joint clips:

That’s a lot of pork-related footage for someone who isn’t that much of a fan. The things we do for love…

NUDITY even!

Okay – not really “nudity”…but I did always say that I wouldn’t sell out like that.

So what do you think? Reality show potential there? No?

I agree. But I know several people who do have some star quality. So visit these links and let them know that you concur.

Ann – Ann’s Rants

Jessica – Bern This

Loukia – Loulou’s Views

Jill – Scary Mommy

Amy – The Bitchin’ Wives Club

Heather – The Extraordinary Ordinary

Kelcey – The Mama Bird Diaries

Go on! I may not have “it” – but I recognize it when I see it…

Note to producers of Project Mom Casting: This is my personal endorsement of blogs that I read religiously. The writers would all be great candidates for a show about women who blog – who have engaging and inspiring stories to tell. I don’t think I’m what you’re looking for, but let me know if you ever have any ideas for pork-related programming.

Note to other bloggers: Do you have an audition post I haven’t seen? Leave a link in comments. I’d love to read it.

Note to self: Splash on a little makeup before coming within ten feet of any camera. Also, don’t let the head tilt mockers get you down. Until they’ve walked a mile in this nose…

AND……SCENE!

Pre-September Post: The R Rated One

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I was thinking that I had to post something today since I was gone for a week, but then I realized that it’s not September until tomorrow. And my parting words were, “see you in September.” BUT I already had an idea for a quick post and I may as well do it. Plus – I need a Monday’s Muse post.

So here is my muse for this week: TMI from my daughter AND family nudity. I know – not really a muse…but I haven’t had much time to think about it.

As you may have known, we just drove down to Florida to visit some of Chris’ family and ended up at his Uncle’s beach house in Long Boat Key (outside of Sarasota). On the way, we visited some barbecue places for Chris (he just loves his pulled pork), and captured some of it on film (disc? memory chip?) for his food blog. He’s been posting these little vlogs all of last week – some about the food, but most just bits and pieces of us at the beach and pool.

You can see all of them HERE – but the one he put up yesterday was a little shocking. Before I get to that though, I’d like to announce that my daughter is far worse than her brothers when it comes to the potty talk. She absolutely delights in telling you she farted and nearly dies of ecstasy when she can point out that someone else did. Seriously – if I shift the wrong way on a leather chair, she’ll scream, “mommy FURTED!” I’m just waiting for her to do this to one of us in public…

She is also all about what’s going on under the diapers, and has been proudly pointing out her business (which she calls her “kiki” – something she must have picked up at daycare) for a few months now. Just I’ve been waiting for her to start talking about her brothers’ business…

Well – that finally happened today. And all morning I’ve been answering the same questions about the boy’s anatomy:

Eleanor: Mommy – does Oliver have a PEE-NAHS?

Me: Yes. Because Oliver is a boy.

Eleanor: Mommy – does George have a PEE-NAHS?

Me: Yes. Because George is a boy.

Eleanor: Mommy – does Oliver have a PEE-NAHS?

And on and on and on. Another conversation I’m not looking to coming up in public. I’m sure it will be something like, “Mommy – you FURTED! And George has a PEE-NAHS!”

But enough about furting and pee-nahses. Want to see something really shocking? Visit Chris’ blog HERE to see some nudity.

Don’t forget to grab a button and add your Monday’s Muse link over at Cinnamon & Honey every Monday!

What Would Bobby Flay Do?

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My husband, Chris from Dad Can Cook and my good friend Christy from What We Eat (also of A Lil’ Welsh Rarebit fame) are having a burger throw down today.

In this corner, we have Dad Can Cook’s Chris’ Southwest Burger:

And in this corner, we have What We Eat’s Spicy Lamb Burgers:

Visit both sites to see the recipes and then VOTE HERE.

What burger am I voting for? The one less likely to give Chris terrible breath. It’s going to be a close one…

Have You Ever Wondered What I Look Like?

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I don’t know about you, but I really like to know the faces behind those blog posts. So I love pictures and vlogs. And of course, I never post pictures of myself and I never vlog. This is mainly because I’m never in any pictures (I’m generally behind the camera) and I never have anything to vlog about.

But that all ends today! Chris asked me to take some pictures of a little sous chef work I did for his cooking blog, Dad Can Cook yesterday. When our crappy camera started acting up (you know – the one George semi-broke at the beach), I decided to vlog it.

So go HERE to see the face (and voice, god help me – just as bad as on the voice mail greetings…) behind The Big Piece of Cake and Wishing True.

Before you go though, a few disclaimers/lessons learned:

1. Our kitchen is a hideously outdated galley, so you will most likely see flashes of cheap cabinetry and decorative tile.

2. People with thin lips should really splash on a little color before vlogging. I make Morticia Adams look like Angelina Jolie.

3. A low chignon-like pony tail is not a great look on camera – particularly in bad lighting (see makeup issue above).

4. It is absolutely time to get that deviated septum corrected. My nose looks like it’s on the side of my head.

5. The issue with still images featured on vlog windows when not playing being horribly unflattering seems to apply to me as well. Times 100.

6. This is my first ever attempt at a vlog – so treat it as you would a preschooler’s Mother’s Day art project (“Oh, that’s VERY good! Not quite sure what it is…but it’s very special.“)

What – Are You Calling Me Fat?

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No matter what our size (the skinny girls included), we have all at some point taken umbrage to the insinuation that someone thinks we are a little fluffy, or have cellulite, or inherited the family knee pudge, or…well you get the idea. Every single one of us has once had the thought, “what are you saying – are you calling me fat?”

This doesn’t even have to be in response to a criticism. Years ago, I bumped into a girl I hadn’t seen in several months and she said “Kate! You’re so skinny – I didn’t even recognize you!” I think I may have dropped a few pounds since I last saw her…but we’re talking one dress size, not several!

This idea that I was unrecognizable implied (to me at least) that I was just HUGE the last time we met. And it’s not like I was rocking skinny jeans or anything. So yes – I would have to start out pretty large to have been altered to that degree.

You may be thinking that I’m awfully touchy since this was probably just an over the top compliment from one prone to exaggeration. And you are partly right – but not entirely. This old friend was known for her competitive nature and back-handed compliments. So I absolutely thought “what – are you saying I was fat before?”

I hate to make myself sound vain, or give the false impression that I’m super model svelte. But I have managed to stay a healthy and (I think) attractive size for a while now. And in effect I’ve become rather comfortable in my own skin. Skin that is a little saggy here and there due to childbirth and riddled with hereditary “problem areas”….but good, respectable skin nonetheless.

So I do tend to become a little miffed when someone insinuates that said skin has stretched a bit to accommodate a few extra pounds.

Enter my husband. My poor husband who “doesn’t like skinny girls.” One would think that I’d be thrilled with this preference for the curvy ladies. But no – I’m a terrible, ungrateful wife who would rather be thinner than what he likes.

I have noticed a direct correlation between my weight increasing and his advances increasing. The tighter my waistbands get, the more approving glances I get. And the better he thinks I look, the worse my self esteem. It’s just flat out wrong and I am 100% at fault.

Because I go there… The minute he says anything about me looking good… I refuse to be happy with the compliment and immediately jump to conclusions: “Oh great – so I’m getting fat.”

Sigh. I have problems.

In light of this, I was particularly interested in his most recent blog post (what – you didn’t know he had a blog too?) He saw a study on what men prefer when it comes to a woman’s size, and he was feeling pretty validated by the results:

Which girl do you think he found most attractive? And what did I think? More importantly – what do you think? Check out his post here – and give him your thoughts on the matter. I already did.

It’s Okay – I Didn’t Jump Off the Ledge…I Just Climbed Down When You Weren’t Looking

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*Don’t forget to enter my Blair Waldorf approved giveaway from Andrea’s Beau! Click here for details.

First of all, I’d like to say that I really have meant to personally respond to all of the kind comments left on my highly dramatic mind dump last week. But time has gotten away from me – so it might take a while.

Needless to say, I am feeling much better now.

The truth is – nothing has changed. But we now have a “point A” from which to work. “Point Z” is very far down the road, a road that I’ve heard is a hard one at that. But it’s far from being the one less traveled. Many people out there with similar experience have offered advice and encouragement, as well as tan, toned virtual shoulders to cry on (is it just me, or does everyone else have a much better body online?)

That said, I have learned a few things since my uncharacteristic breakdown last week:

1. It’s okay to feel sorry for yourself for short periods of time – but never longer than necessary.

2. There are always worse problems to have, so you have to focus on everything that is good and right about your lot in life.

3. Feeling sad is a waste of time unless you know WHY you are feeling sad – how else can you learn and recover?

4. Little pitchers DO in fact have big ears (though no one really knows what baseball has to do with anything) and if a child has a delay or disability, they are still far smarter and perceptive than you could ever know.

5. I often lose track of my thoughts and have no idea where I’m going with this list.

RIGHT – so I know that I had a point beyond platitudes…unfortunately, it now eludes me.

But what about Oliver?

He’s fine. In fact, he’s great. Still wonderful and amazing and miraculous. And still very delayed and on the Autism spectrum.

But like I said last week – that’s just a label. It defines his current behavior and challenges. But it doesn’t define him. And it certainly doesn’t define me.

I knew that things had shifted for me when one night in the dark, a disembodied voice (don’t worry – it was just Chris) asked me, “Oliver will be okay, won’t he?”

I answered without hesitation, “of course he will. Because I’ll make sure he is.” And I knew that was absolutely true.

So if you got scared when you noticed that I had disappeared from my angst ridden ledge – don’t fret. I just crawled back in the window while you weren’t looking.

It was a bit too breezy for my liking. I get cold easily, so I thought I’d better go get a sweater. And once inside, things didn’t seem quite so dire anymore.

There were sweet little babies who needed my attention and several pleasant hopes for the future that needed dusting. Someone was making dinner, and I realized that I was ravenous. I can always be distracted by snacks. And shiny objects. And if you haven’t noticed, I’m a little obsessed with my blog life.

Frankly, I’m just too busy to hang out on ledges with the pigeons. They aren’t the best conversationalists. And they eventually flew away when they tired of me hogging their spotlight. You know pigeons – it’s always all about them and their problems…

Right! AND (I just remembered) because:

6. Self pity is for the birds.