October highlights via Facebook… (What is this? All answers are HERE.)
October 1
5:52 p.m.
Aaaaaand third verse, same as the first (or second, since it’s Mr. Robinson again). George wrote ANOTHER apology letter tonight: “Der Mistr Ropsin, I em sore fr beying rood ad idrubing [and interrupting]. I em going to be god [good]. Frum, George” I can’t even…
October 4
8:06 a.m.
Last night when I got back from the Scary Mommy event…
Me: You know how this is one of my favorite tops?
Chris: No. When did you get that?
Me: I’ve had it for years – wear it all the time. Anyway – tonight when I put it on, I realized that it might be getting outdated… Have you ever put on a favorite shirt and thought it looked different?
Chris: No.
Me: Well it’s disconcerting. Normally, I put this on and think, “oh, I LOVE this top.” But tonight it was more like, “wow – that’s A LOT of ruffles.” Ruffles were really popular for a while, but now that they’re not, the ruffles on this collar seem less “pretty detail” and more “Queen Elizabeth’s Court.” Like even though I still LIKE this top, it doesn’t look the same to me anymore. Like something is off. I feel a little sad about that.
Chris: …..
It’s nice to have a partner in life with whom I can process these things…
10:00 a.m.
Just few of my gorgeous new bracelets from Simply Om. My favorite is the pink jade.
4:36 p.m.
My mother just had to get off the phone with me because my father can’t find Great Grandma Ruth’s leather-bound journal. He remembers packing it, but doesn’t remember UNpacking it when they moved into the new house and it’s very important that Mom helps him look for it THIS VERY MINUTE. #RetiredPeople or more accurately #MyParents
October 5
12:31 p.m.
So sitting in front of a rec center, waiting for a police officer so I can give him the KNIFE I just found on our neighborhood trail is not quite how I envisioned spending my Saturday afternoon…
8:10 p.m.
Conversation in the car on the way home from a dinner date with first grader Eleanor…
Eleanor: Mom – you want to hear something crazy?
Me: Sure.
Eleanor: Blake has a crush on someone!
Me: Is it you?
Eleanor: No!
Me: Is it someone at your table?
Eleanor: No.
Me: Is it someone in your class?
Eleanor: No.
Me: Is it someone I know?!
Eleanor: No – it’s a third grader.
Me: Really? Ambitious.
Eleanor: Well…Blake has a lot of dates.
Fast crowd at Yellow Table this year…
October 6
6:33 p.m.
Me: (following Eleanor outside) There’s George…can you find Oliver for me?
Eleanor: (looking down the block) He’s over there.
Me: (can’t see that far with my bad eyesight) Where?
Eleanor: Playing with the other kids.
Me: You mean George?
Eleanor: No – Oliver is there too.
Five year old neighbor: He’s making “chalk smoke.”
Me: Oh – then that’s definitely him.
October 8
2:58 p.m.
I think that the toy companies once had a big meeting with the paper product companies where they all went in on a profit sharing deal, stipulating that the toy companies would package toys in anything BUT a six-sided box as often as possible without raising suspicion. End game: parents would start spending THOUSANDS of dollars on $2.50+ gift bags and the required tissue paper. In popular Disney character prints of course (because you KNOW that group was in on it). They could feel fairly confident in their success since NO ONE in their right mind wants to waste time trying to wrap something with approximately 36 different angles!
October 10
5:03 p.m.
I have noticed a direct correlation between my children being really happy and really annoying. We all want our children to be “happy” but I’m wondering if “content” is an adequate compromise… Related: we are now leaving Target.
6:13 p.m.
So it sounds like George started his group for kids with impulse control issues at school today. I know this because when I asked if he was being good in class, he said: “yes – I’ve been ver’ good – ‘cept for once when someone mistracted me and I forgot.” [forgot to be good?] Then he went on to explain, “we talked about it in my new REpulse group. You know what REpulse means, mom?” His explanation was largely unintelligible, but I gleaned enough from it to confirm that he understands what an impulse is. Diction aside – I’m glad he’s getting help.
8:00 p.m.
I just e-mailed Oliver’s teachers my suggested “action plan” for picture day…the goal being that he NOT refuse to have his picture taken (which he has done for the past two years). Bribes will be involved. Even if he offers the photographer that rictus smile he gives me when I aim the camera at him, I’ll consider it a win. In fact, I’ll FRAME the damn thing. I’m on a mission…
8:12 p.m.
Remember that movie title, “There Will Be Blood”? I’ve decided that my parenting movie title would be, “There Will Be Bribes.”
October 12
10:23 a.m.
Pssst! All of my high school/college friends who excluded “year” from birth date in their FB profile… I know how old you are :)
7:03 p.m.
“Sniffing butts is NOT funny!” As far as ridiculous things I find myself saying to my children go… It’s up there.
7:21 p.m.
Highlights of college football are on TV and I overheard Chris telling the kids that the “Game Cocks” are South Carolina University’s mascot. Then George (who is operating on a particularly nasty combination of too much sugar and “stuck inside on a rainy day”) started chanting “Game focks! Game focks!”
Me: “It’s not ‘focks’ it’s…oh never mind…”
Feeling grateful that their school’s mascot is the “Mustang.”
October 13
12:58 p.m.
Eleanor: Just walk like a robot. Makes you feel better.
I like to think this would apply to pretty much any situation.
October 14
7:38 p.m.
Um – when did my eight year old turn 17? #BackFromTheBeach
7:40 p.m.
Clearly George had a terrible time… #BackFromTheBeach
7:42 p.m.
All cartwheels, all the time. #BackFromTheBeach
7:46 p.m.
We even brought the dog! #BackFromTheBeach
7:50 p.m.
One more! What DON’T I like about this picture? Oh – about 98 things… What DO I like about it? It looks exactly like me on a day with my kids – no makeup, hair pulled back, “practical clothes,” and all. More importantly, this is probably how my kids think of me, so when they see this picture, they’ll know “this is mom.” And Alice.
October 15
7:58 p.m.
Me: I’m confused. Why is baseball on? Isn’t it football season?
Chris: It’s October!
Me: But isn’t baseball over?
Chris: Haven’t you heard the term “The Boys of October”?
Me: I’ve heard “The Boys of Summer”…
Chris: The World Series is ALWAYS in October. What is the ONLY team to have won the World Series in NOVEMBER?
Me: [blank stare]
Chris: The Diamondbacks!
When someone asks why baseball is still on in October, do you think they would be able to guess who won the World Series in November? Has he met me?!
October 16
4:51 p.m.
George just wowed our neighbors by demonstrating his best pole dancing moves on the corner sign post. Yes – he said “pole dancing.” Guess I’d better GET ON IT and sew those velocros into his new tear-away outifts… Thanks Diane Cooper Gould!
5:49 p.m.
Finally joining the rest of the human race in worshiping at the alter of Breaking Bad. And I have to say, the 30 minutes I spend doing second grade homework with Oliver each day is eerily similar to watching Walter try to explain chemistry to disinterested high school students…
7:00 p.m.
THIS is how much I believe Oliver WON’T refuse to have his picture taken OR make a face so bizarre that he’ll be “that kid” when his classmates look at their yearbooks 20 years from now. Please send prayers/good vibes/voodoo if you can.
October 19
10:33 a.m.
Mah culuhs ah blush and bashful.
11:37 a.m.
It never ceases to amaze me how seriously kids can take their bizarre little games. Like…say…taking turns whacking a pumpkin with a stick. Apparently, shit gets real when one of them steals someone else’s turn. NO CUTSIES!
1:45 p.m.
Three words a busy parent most dreads hearing from small children: “Can I help?“
So laundry folding will take twice a long…
3:47 p.m.
Hawking popcorn at the school harvest festival. Total carnie now…sneering at all the norms…
October 27
2:43 p.m.
Realized I forgot paper products for Eleanor’s birthday party. Asked Chris to run out to buy paper plates and napkins. For a SEVEN YEAR OLD GIRL’S PARTY. So obviously…
October 28
7:26 p.m.
I kind of love the fact that Eleanor’s barometer for whether she’ll wear something or not is, “can I do a cartwheel in it?”
October 31
4:56 p.m.
Just finished taking some Halloween pictures of the kids! You should DEFINITELY hire me as your family photographer…If you want me to yell a lot and tell everyone that they’re “DOING IT WRONG!” I’m all about the fun.
5:14 p.m.
Oliver has been talking about Halloween since June – so he is THRILLED to finally be a “scary vampire” tonight. THIS is the child who refused to wear a costume until he was six. I had to trick him by putting him in superhero pjs. We’ve come a long way baby!
5:16 p.m.
Eleanor decided to be a witch again so I would only have to worry about costumes for TWO children this year. Okay – maybe that wasn’t her intention…but it didn’t go unappreciated.
5:18 p.m.
George is going as Rick Grimes “after” – because, you know, it’s only a matter of time… Of course, he just thinks he’s a “Sheriff Zombie.” But the grownups will think it’s funny.
Next up: NOVEMBER when Oliver calls PETA on Thanksgiving and the twins make into the Guinness Book of World Records for the number of times they can say “penis” within a 24-hour period. Stay tuned…
Kate! I think I pretty much say the same thing every time I read these which is that I love, love them. I’ve seen them on FB, but gathered together here makes me think they would be great in a book. Your family is awesome. Those plain paper plates and napkins kill me. Annie was cartwheels all the time, too. Now it’s pirouettes.
Love you!
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