It’s no secret that my seven year old son, George has never been a big guy. His twin sister has outweighed him for years and people are starting to assume that he’s my “youngest.” In comparison to his GIANT brother (who is actually only 18 months older) this is understandable…but his TWIN SISTER?
Regardless, he makes up for his diminutive size with a larger than life personality. George does everything BIG. When he’s happy, he is ECSTATIC. When he’s sad, he is DESPONDENT. When he’s angry, he is FURY INCARNATE. No joke – his berserker-like reactions make me wonder if there is some recessive Norse warrior gene involved…
And he has recently decided that he wants to play football. Like, he thinks this is even a remote possibility. Oh yeah – he wants to play professionally. “On TV.”
When he first brought this up, I said, “Dad makes all sports-related decisions.” Just the thought of games makes me feel like I might slip into a coma. Seriously – I shut down. No Monopoly…no poker…forget about physical competition. I find the OLYMPICS stressful. PEOPLE FALL. PEOPLE LOSE. PEOPLE DON’T GET TO STAND ON PLATFORMS WEARING SHINY MEDALS AND WAVING TO ADORING CROWDS. It’s too much for me. I’m a big fan of the “participation trophy” trend.
Since my husband doesn’t want me to “ruin” any of his children who exhibit athletic inclinations, I just direct them to him regarding all things “my team-your team.” Chris is about 5′ 8″ and knows all too well what it’s like to be a great athlete who just isn’t big enough. He looks at his mini-me George and wants him to pick a sport where he can have fun and not be limited by size…and not get killed.
Chris said, “what about soccer?” George said, “I want to play football.” Chris showed him videos of lacrosse – bought lacrosse sticks and looked up lacrosse leagues. George said, “yay! I want to play lacrosse! And football.” Chris said “FINE – but you have to be BIG to play football. Maybe if you grow really big, you can play football in HIGH SCHOOL.”
So George is now on a mission to “get big” by the time he’s in high school.
He asked what he needs to do to make this happen, and Chris explained the importance of diet and exercise. Healthy food and a lot of it…building muscle…increasing endurance… They talked about how George may end up being a good kicker. It’s all very Friday Night Lights (my only solid touchstone for the concept of football).
Attention future football players at George’s high school… Please take a moment, and give it up for your FUTURE TEAM MANAGER! I’m just kidding. Maybe…
A lot of information there… So let’s break this down:
- Football is “a wrestle game where you can get injuries and it’s good for you because it’s exercise.” Just so you know.
- Oliver isn’t wearing pants. And he wants a “peanut butter rice cake.” This describes 99% of the time he is at home.
- Football is fascinating.
- There is entirely way too much crap on my dining room table. This describes 99% of the time that my family is at home.
- George’s plan is to “keep on exercising and doing all kinds of stuff that’s good for him and doing too much laps for him and it’s way too good for him and he’s going to keep on doing it!” So there.
- From now on George is going to eat healthy foods.
- Eleanor thinks this includes vegetables.
- George doesn’t acknowledge advice that includes vegetables.
- Chris has a cold (he’s the one who keep sneezing).
- George will eat fruit like strawberries. He likes strawberries.
- Pepperoni is a protein – so George will eat that too.
- George’s exercise plan is to do “a lot of exercise each and every day.”
- More specifically, this exercise will consist of “10 slides and jumps and push ups and sit ups, and 13 running up and down the stairs, and running round the rooms until it starts having him eat healthy stuff.” Or something.
- This is his plan to play football on TV. So he will just keep on doing it until dinner time.
Can’t lose!
Oh – I don’t know…maybe he really will play football. Or maybe next week, he’ll decide that art is his thing. The possibilities are endless. But I have no doubt that whatever he does, it will be done with great enthusiasm. Maybe even on TV.