Scene: High school cafeteria – Lunch
Nice group of sitcoms is sitting at a long table, eating.
Raucous group of reality TV arrives in a cloud of overpowering cologne.
Reality TV: Um… This is where WE eat lunch?
Sitcoms: But we’ve been eating lunch here for over 50 years.
Reality TV: Wow. You’re OLD.
Sitcoms: There’s plenty of room over there [gestures to empty tables].
Reality TV: I’m sorry – do you know who we are?
Sitcoms: Not really…
Reality TV: You TOTALLY have to watch our shows. We’re awesome! Pretend “real people” cry and embarrass themselves and make tons of money acting like complete assholes. What do you do?
Sitcoms: We make people laugh.
Reality TV: How?
Sitcoms: Being funny?
Reality TV: Have you ever even SEEN a tanning bed?
Sitcoms: Well, what do you do?
Reality TV: WE make people laugh.
Sitcoms: How?
Reality TV: Duh! By featuring pretend “real people” who cry and embarrass themselves. Did you know that you can make a ton of money acting like a complete asshole on TV? It’s awesome.
Sitcoms: So you’re really just scripted like us?
Reality TV: Totally!
Sitcoms: But you pretend to be “real?”
Reality TV: We’re bored. Can you move now?
Sitcoms: No.
Reality TV: Okay fine. A few of you can stay… You nerdy science guys over there – we can laugh at you. Aaaand…the really attractive families – we won’t mind looking at you while you’re “being funny.” Hmmm….just ONE more… OH! The two men and the younger guy in that “family friendly” show with all of the sexual innuendo. You guys are actually pretty cool. So…yeah. The rest of you can go. Bye!
Sticoms: If you don’t leave us alone, we’re going on Facebook and telling everyone that you’re a big bunch of fakes!
Reality TV: Um… like – they already know that? And? They don’t care.
Sitcoms: …
Reality TV: Yeah. So you can move now? And don’t forget your tagalong reruns. Nobody watches them anymore.
Sorry sitcoms… I’ll keep watching as long as you are around. I’ll sign your petitions and attend your anti-bullying rallies. You have my vote for school president! But mean girls find power in numbers, and there are so many pretend real people acting like assholes on TV right now…
Admittedly, I don’t watch reality tv unless you count House Hunters or other DIY stuff. I’m just not interested, not in the drama or the ignorance or the embarrassment or their brand of funny. I actually do watch Cosby reruns. And The Fresh Prince. I’m glad my girls enjoy both. Now I need to find Roseanne.
Arnebya recently posted..Just Write: Tired, Get Out of My Vocabulary
There is nothing good on tv anymore! I find I mostly watch home and cooking shows, or just mindless flip. You’re post made me smile, it made me remember how great of a show the Cosbys was!
Lauren @ DC Healthy Bites recently posted..Vitamin D: A Natural Wonder Drug
When I was pregnant with Juliet and sick (and still in NY) I lived on the couch watching Everybody Loves Raymond and Seinfeld. Those were the days. :-)
Lady Jennie recently posted..How to Cook With Herbs
Ha…tanning bed! So true. I love my sitcoms too. Watching Friends is like my comfort food, especially if I can’t sleep.
Do you know what I am loving right now? The Mindy Project! If I remember correctly, you watch too. This last episode when she played Sarah McLachlan’s Building a Mystery as she changed her relationship status on FB?! I died.
heidi recently posted..who cares