I’m feeling just a little embarrassed about last night’s post. Did I actually say “once you go black…?” I’m cringing. That is a bit out of character for me. But here is my great excuse: I was drunk. No, seriously – this is the result of being left to my own devices (Chris is out of town) and making dinner out of a bottle of wine and a handful of cashews. Apparently, it made me think I was Samantha from Sex & the City.
Not that I meant to drink too much. I drank the wine over the course of several hours. It’s not like I was using a funnel (here is where I picture myself as Frank the Tank from Old School saying, “it feels so good when it hits the lips.”). The truth is I’m not a big drinker. I didn’t drink at all in high school or for the first two years of college. I don’t care for beer and will only drink a cocktail occasionally. But I do really like wine… So this was more like picking at a chocolate cake that is sitting out on the counter all day. There was a point when I realized that I didn’t really want anymore, but I failed to follow up on that thought. So there I was after putting the kids to bed – ready to finish up the post I wrote during my lunch break – just a little too tipsy for my own good. I think I will call this BUI (blogging while under the influence).
I’m sure anyone who indulges in a drink once in a while will know what I’m talking about (and I know some who don’t and I hope that none of this offends them). When you’re standing around at a party and you realize that you’re bored by the people talking to you, you may finish that first drink rather quickly and start the second far earlier in the evening than you would under different circumstances. Then that guy droning on about the flagstone he’s putting in his backyard starts to seem kind of funny. Those anecdotes about the workers tracking mud all over the carpet are a hoot! What does he do anyway? It must be something fascinating…. Investment banking? Cool! See what I mean? For me, wine makes people more interesting. AND it makes me funny…and hot (but that’s only when I’ve have A LOT of drinks with interesting people who think I’m really funny).
One too many drinks can impair judgment on many levels. Like buying weird stuff. Once when I was working my old association’s annual conference, I bought a black cowboy hat. We were in Dallas and everyone was at the Monday Night Event. “Everyone,” being my co-workers, a group of overworked, exhausted people, a bit punchy from this rare moment of free time. And we didn’t match – most of us wouldn’t have socialized outside of work, and didn’t look to have that much in common. But after working long hours on little sleep, we resembled a high school class on an overnight field trip. It’s been a while, but I remember the venue that night was a kind of ranch with abundant stereotypical Texas amusements. A mechanical bull, a quick draw shooting game, wagon wheels and bales of hay – all of the makings for a damn good party. After a private Dwight Yoakam concert, some follow up dancing to Asleep at the Wheel, several mechanical bull rides and of course, a few too many drinks, it was time to hit the gift shop.
Here enters another thing that can impair good judgment: cute young guys. My first reaction to young guys is typically very maternal with a lot of head patting and cheek pinching behavior. But those drinks were making me far too attractive to play mommy. Don’t get me wrong – I’m no Mrs. Robinson, but when you are 30 years old and married, a 25 year old guy seems a lot younger than just five years. So wasn’t I just full of myself, flirting away. He and a few of his friends had joined our group and REALLY didn’t match – but who cared? Everyone was buying shirts, belt buckles and hats. I tried on the black hat and asked my new friend what he thought. He said, “it makes you look hot.” So of course it was a given that I had to buy it. Then one of my work friends bought a tight tee shirt that said “cowgirl” across the front in rhinestones. Because really, you could get much more use out of that than a cowboy hat. She’s so practical. Her purchase was not at all influenced by cute young guys.
My wine-induced lapses in judgment are more local these days. The other night I asked a neighbor if her husband was her manny. And I actually said “manny.” I know her, but had never met her husband before. Chris claimed that he had and that it wasn’t the man that we see going in and out of her house with her kids. You would think that I’d be skeptical – and I was – but Chris was so adamant that it was a different guy. So after my second drink when I was feeling extra chatty I said, “who is that man that’s always with your kids?” She was like, “you mean my husband?” And then there were a few more exchanges that concluded with me saying that I thought he was her manny. Luckily, she found this incredibly amusing and hasn’t held it against me. I of course was mortified – but you can’t say I wasn’t interesting.
You are hilarious! I love this one…unfortunately, wine just gives me a headache but I’ll hang out with you anytime and drink a glass of wine. :)
LOL at least you didn’t ask if he was her ‘has been’!
I try not to blog when i drink red wine, the strangest things do come out. I love this post!
I did think it was “interesting” that you said what you did in your last post… but also pretty funny. So far, you’ve got the most interesting blog I read. =)
Thanks so much everyone! I’ve really been enjoying this. I’ve totallybeen ignoring the fact that I do have a day job – so I’m going to pay for it next week…
Love your blog and love this post. :-)
This post is awesome, Kate.
One night after the kids went to bed and I’d had one too many cocktails I ordered Tai Bo tapes. On VHS. I still don’t know why.
Ahh, drinks. The great “why did I do/say/think/buy that” tonic.
-Kim