Without a hint of spring in sight…at least we made it through February. Here are the Facebook highlights. (What is this? All answers are HERE.)
February 1
7:04 p.m.
“So do you want to say hi to my mom, or are we still talking?”
-Eleanor’s way of saying she’s ready to get off the phone.
7:58 p.m.
Me: So what exactly is the “Puppy Bowl”?
Chris: WHAT?!?
Me: I mean, I’ve heard about it, but I don’t know what it is… Is it kids playing football? Or puppies…?
Chris: IT’S PUPPIES!
Apparently, I’m fired. (In my defense, I don’t watch the Super Bowl.)
February 3
3:04 p.m.
“Hello Mrs. Hood, this is Emily from Hunters Woods Elementary. Everything is fine, but I just wanted to let you know that George was in the infirmary a little while ago. He said that a globe fell on his head in his classroom. There isn’t a cut or anything but there is a faint red mark at his hairline. He had his ice and went back to class – I just wanted to to tell you what happened.”
I could have stopped listening at “a globe fell on his head.” Of course he’s fine and of course HE will tell me aaaaallll about “what happened” when he gets home…
4:54 p.m.
Eleanor: Mom! My 3-dimensional fox is going to be in the art show!
Me: Wow!
Eleanor: When we go, don’t look at the names. Just tell me which one is your favorite. Then I’ll tell you which one is mine.
SUPER plan…
February 4
7:37 p.m.
I’m helping George with math and one of the problems was:
33 – 18 =
This is the first time I’ve had to deal with 3 – 8 and had no idea how they’re doing this now… George didn’t know the strategy either, so I ultimately just had to teach him the method I learned in school (borrow a 1…3 becomes 2…13 – 8…then 2 – 1…)
I’M SURE there is a new strategy for this…so I circled the question and told George to explain to his teacher that I only know one way to do it and that she’ll have to walk him through anything new.
George’s response: “I’ll just tell her you showed me the ‘classic’ way to do it.”
Feeling very vintage…
February 6
6:38 p.m.
I’ve decided that if I had to write a memoir based on the chronic state of my house it would be titled, “My Life In Dog Hair.”
February 7
4:22 p.m.
Back at the Kennedy Center, waiting in line to get our Gigi poster signed because OF COURSE WE ARE. (No – we did not see the show a second time. I wish!)
9:27 p.m.
George: Mom – what do think is better: my brain or my teeth?
Me: Uh… Well, I’d say they’re both exceptional… But your BRAIN is responsible for all of your fantastic ideas.
George: So you pick brain.
Me: Fine. If I HAD to pick, I’d say brain.
George: So it’s okay if I never brush my teeth again.
Nice try.
February 8
7:34 p.m.
Working on what just may be the most repulsive “Valentimes” I’ve ever seen (gummy Krabby Patties – shudder).
8:04 p.m.
I got to cuddle this today. (I mean the baby – not the sign.)
February 17
8:55 a.m.
George: Mom! I just saw this commercial that said there are these cell phones that can save you a million dollars and I just don’t think that’s true.
Me: I don’t think so either.
George: Yeah. Because there’s ONLY a thousand dollars in the state.
Me: The state?
George: Of Virginia.
Me: Where did you come up with that number?
George: I researched it. In my brain.
Can’t imagine working with THAT card catalog. Assuming there is no Dewey Decimal System involved…
10:47 a.m.
Just saw the following subject line in my e-mail box:
“Blog Idea: Why Dirt is Critical to our Kid’s Health!”
Grammatical errors aside, I feel very validated. I KNEW there was a reason why Oliver is my healthiest child.
February 18
7:36 a.m.
Sometimes it really annoys me how these kids don’t get my Grease II references…
9:42 a.m.
George: Mom! You want to know what the C word means in a bad way?
Me: No.
George: No – I mean in a “bad way.”
Me: Still no.
George: But MOM…
Me: Fine – what does it mean?
George: Fart.
Me: What is the C word?
George: C-R-A-…
I really keep overestimating their knowledge of “bad words.”
1:53 p.m.
Eleanor has never heard the song, “I Got You Babe” before so I showed her this Sonny & Cher video on YouTube. Her response: “Can I watch All About that Base now?” #kidstoday
10:06 p.m.
The only thing that makes me feel older than witnessing the 40th anniversary of Saturday Night Live is remembering that I used to have the 15th recorded on a VHS tape.
February 19
5:21 p.m.
Current favorite thing: my kids singing, “this is that ice cold Michelle Pfeiffer that white gold.”
5:51 p.m.
George: Mom is there such a thing as cloud constellations?
Me: you mean cloud formations?
George: No – constellations. I see one out the window.
Me: You do?
George: Yes! It’s a crown. A girl wearing a crown on her head.
Me: That sounds pretty.
George: Yeah – but now it looks like a donkey chasing an egg.”
#traffictalk
February 20
9:23 a.m.
This may just be the snow day cabin fever talking…but those Diary of a Wimpy Kid movies are pretty funny.
11:21 a.m.
There are boys running around my house playing some kind of hide and seek/chase game that I can’t figure out. Just heard the youngest yell, “I’m going to aim for the middle of the neck!”
I don’t even want to know…
11:53 a.m.
Officially beyond empty threats. Just halfheartedly yelling things like, “if I hear screaming, I’m going to be mad…” – then ignoring the screams. I’m pretty sure they know I’ve given up.
3:18 p.m.
Then I got this e-mail and decided to drastically limit the time George has access to my phone…
February 22
10:42 a.m.
Stephanie Stearns Dulli and I are so incredibly excited to announce the 2015 Listen to Your Mother DC cast! Mark your calendars for May 3rd!
February 24
12:45 p.m.
Co-pilot courtesy of Eleanor. #ThisCloseToSettingItFree
5:07 p.m.
Me: Eleanor – why don’t you start your homework?
Eleanor: I have a math worksheet, but I don’t think you’ll understand it. So I’m just going to do it with Ms. Edwards.
Me: I could look at it. I might understand it.
Eleanor: No – you definitely won’t understand it.
So I guess we’ll all in the know regarding my lack of math skillz…
February 26
8:10 a.m.
Oliver: Mom, can I have Girl Scout cookies?
Me: Oh…sure. It’s a snow day.
Oliver: Can I have two?
Me: Yes. [then seeing what he actually has in his hands…] Wait – no! Not two BOXES!
#PleaseGoToSchool
12:52 p.m.
In honor of the snow day, I’m having a glass of wine with my lunch. And by “lunch,” I mean cheese.
February 28
8:10 a.m.
Sometimes I wonder if the hermit crabs are happy. Sometimes I wonder when they’ll just die already. Mixed feelings about our hermit crabs…
3:55 p.m.
Making the bed, I can’t decide which annoys me more…Alice’s dirty paw prints on the coverlet or Chris’ sock lumps. #livingwithanimals
