Had to take the blog offline for a couple of months – but now that we’re back up and running… Here is a DOUBLE “They Coulda’ Been Great” for May-June! (What is this? All answers are HERE.)
May 1
5:10 p.m.
Just got this birthday card and I LOVE it!
5:21 p.m.
One birthday cake candle for “First Wife.” (Of course I am!) — with Cathy McCarthy Trocchia and Diane Cooper Gould
May 3
9:47 a.m.
Told the kids that I’ll be gone all day for my show (Listen to Your Mother DC) and Oliver keeps referring to it as my “Magic Act.” I think he understands this producer job more than anyone else… #LTYM
May 4
8:23 p.m.
Motherhood is checking and re-checking the crispness of crinkle cut fries in the oven so they don’t come out too “potato-y”
May 7
5:12 p.m.
Eleanor is trying to show me dance moves she learned at school, and the dog is losing her mind. Alice cannot abide dancing. There will be no “walk it out like granny” on her watch… It’s like freaking Footloose around here.
May 11
5:00 p.m.
Doing homework with a 6 year old…
Me: Okay – #1. What is a word that starts with the sound /sh/?
6yo: Can it be a curse word?
Only in my head, buddy…
May 12
6:38 p.m.
George: I’m more of an indoor person than an outdoor person.
First of all – that’s not even true, let alone healthy for an eight year old. And second of all…what are we, CATS?
May 13
4:41 p.m.
Earlier this morning:
Me: Do you want a bagel?
Chris: No.
Me: No thank you….?
*I should note that he was distracted – looking for one of his shoes at the time. But still – manners, please!
6:45 p.m.
The responsible picky eater remembers to wear safety glasses for dismantling a piece of bread.
May 14
1:42 p.m.
Earlier this morning, Eleanor asked why there are never any female composers featured on Little Einsteins (disclaimer on her behalf: she does NOT actually like Little Einsteins – it just happened to be on TV). I explained that it was rare for women from Mozart’s time to be given the the same opportunities as men, and that they were generally expected to stay home and look after their families. Her expression was solemn and disapproving, so I continued that things are very different for women now.
Eleanor: Yeah. I mean you get to do all kinds of great things now.
Me: [thinking – yes! I used to work full time and I now produce an annual stage show…] You think so?
Eleanor: Oh sure – you can take us all kinds of places. Well…maybe just on the weekends…except for when you took me to get my ears pierced. That was during the week and THAT was awesome.
Me: ….true.
Then about twenty minutes later she comes over to me flipping her hair around and says, “hey Mom – I think this is the best high ponytail you’ve ever given me”
Ooooh – a personal best! She really needs to stop before my head gets too big. If there is anyone in this world who can keep me humble (albeit unwittingly) it’s my daughter.
May 15
6:50 p.m.
“Sorry I peed on your shoe.”
Filed under things my boys have said to me in the bathroom.
May 16
6:16 p.m.
Since this won’t last long…I’ll just enjoy it. At any rate, it takes my mind off the 1,387 Angry Birds stickers I’ll eventually have to scrape off the door.
May 19
6:43 p.m.
“No taping people into boxes.” … Just added to the ever growing list of Hood family rules.
8:02 p.m.
Our neighbors just adopted the cutest kitten on the planet. So of course…
Eleanor: Mom, can we get a kitten?
Me: No. Only one full sized animal at a time in this house [circumventing the inevitable “BUT” by allowing for the wretched hermit crabs that continue to live despite a high degree of unintentional neglect].
Eleanor: What about when Alice [who is only three] dies?
Me: Eleanor! That’s terrible! And besides – you guys might not even be living here anymore when Alice dies.
Eleanor: What?! Don’t dogs live for 20 years?
My daughter is eight…
May 20
6:56 p.m.
“Mom! Don’t throw them away!”
Oliver’s loyalty to inanimate objects is OUTOFCONTROL. We have this conversation about every pair of shoes he destroys. He never wants to throw anything away. I’m STILL hearing about the old black truck and giant 80’s TV we got rid of last year. #FutureHoarder #NoManLeftBehind
May 21
8:32 a.m.
You know when your child comes home from school with a little Dixie cup filled with dirt and a tiny sprig of green, and begs to plant it in the yard (and in our case, there is only a FRONT yard)? Well – meet our new GINORMOUS ornamental cabbage plant. #We‘reAllAbouttheCurbAppeal #Don’tMindtheWeeds
5:43 p.m.
Sometimes I think that growing older is a gift. And sometimes I look in a mirror and wish I had a gift receipt because this age does NOT fit!
10:29 p.m.
Chris just referred to Matt Dillon as “that Rumble Fish guy.” I don’t even know what to do with that.
May 22
11:37 a.m.
Great Moments In Parenting!
That time I stepped on something sharp and realized it was a tooth I had stuck in my back pocket the night before, while playing tooth fairy. The best part? I actually stuck TWO teeth in my back pocket so tooth #2 is still at large.
And no – I don’t immediately transfer teeth to plastic bags carefully labeled with my children’s names. Because I just can’t bring myself to own “bags of teeth.” Aside from the fact that I forget that I put them in pockets, of course…
May 23
1:50 p.m.
Oliver: That sounds like music to my ears Mom.
Me: What sounds like music?
Oliver: The music.
Me: Where is the music?
Oliver: On the radio.
Me: Where is the radio?
Oliver: In my brain.
Duh!
May 24
8:35 a.m.
Eleanor just picked up my 21-Day Fix DVD and as she was looking at it, Chris joked, “that’s what Mom is going to look like in 21 days.”
Me: No – Eleanor and I have already discussed the fact that people who look like that exercise for a living. I’m not not making exercise my job – I just want to feel healthy and strong. Expecting to look like that after 21 days would be an unrealistic expectation for me.
Eleanor: Yeah – and at your age…
I love her.
May 27
8:48 a.m.
Oliver is suddenly very anxious about summer (transitions are hard for him – but this is unusual…) I asked him why he was suddenly so worried about summer. His response: “Because I don’t like the season of the summer.”
While I’m endlessly charmed by his ESL-esque patois, I’m also keenly reminded of something his first special needs preschool teacher said to me: “sometimes it’s hard to be Oliver.” This kind of applies to everyone, right?
To Do List:
*Be more patient with Oliver. Sometimes it’s hard to be him.
*Be more patient with everyone else. Sometimes it’s hard to be them.
*Be more patient with myself. Sometimes it’s hard to be me.
8:48 p.m.
While standing at the mirror, brushing teeth…
George: Mom – want to see my nose hair?
Me: I don’t see any.
George: No – look. See it in there?
Me: Oh – way back in there…I see it. But I wouldn’t have if you didn’t point it out. I don’t think children have visible nose hair.
George: I can see yours really well.
Good to know.
May 28
4:57 p.m.
Warning: when you ask your very large 10 year old for a “big hug,” you may be body slammed and crushed within an inch of your life. #lovehurts
May 29
5:01 p.m.
On the way to the pool…
Me: IN GENERAL keep arms and legs…and hands and feet…and heads IN the car!
George: What about butts?
May 30
2:09 p.m.
Standing in line at Dairy Queen with Oliver, it occurs to me that he’s still wearing the shirt he had on yesterday. It’s 2:00 pm. Even better? What tipped me off was the dried Cheeto crumbs stuck to his sleeve. #raisedbywolves
June 1
9:55 a.m.
Chris and Oliver made bread yesterday. Oliver felt it prudent to wear protective head gear. #SafetyFirst
6:21 p.m.
Over the weekend, a friend invited George to come with his family to the father’s work event on a lake. They kayaked and canoed and George had the time of his life. In fact, my son had SUCH good time that he just invited all of us to come with him next year.
And that pretty much says it all about George.
June 2
8:23 a.m.
“And no pretend swearing either!”
It’s a thing.
June 3
9:07 a.m.
Exercise instructor is all, “yeah baby – it’s LEG DAY!!!” And I’m all “I miss ice cream.” #notsoulmates
June 4
4:35 p.m.
Why was George in the Quiet Zone today?
“At art I was jking arand and being on the flore.”
Sounds about right.
June 9
9:19 a.m.
So when the kids got up at the crack of dawn this morning, I noticed that Oliver was wearing the same orange shirt and tan shorts he had on yesterday. I put a a clean outfit on a chair and told him that he needed to change. Two hours of breakfast serving, lunch packing, homework finishing, trash removing, teeth brushing, justalittlebitofworkonthecomputer sneaking, kitchen cleaning, bed making, schoolbus rushing and dog walking later…I walk into the house and notice this. Good job mom! The tone of the day has officially been set. “But I tried” is truly the theme of my life.
June 10
8:24 a.m.
Chasing the recycling truck with two bags of glass bottles counts as exercise for the day, right?
June 16
6:43 p.m.
George just got a haircut that seems to have involved A LOT of gel. Fingers crossed that it looks like what I asked for when un-sculpted… Here is a picture of him holding up his “hair sample.” What? Doesn’t everyone request hair sample keepsakes?
June 20
12:52 p.m.
Heading to the beach for the afternoon with Chris, the kids and my in laws. Made sure to pack my book. Because it’s a nice fantasy…
June 24
10:07 a.m.
In the car…
George: Look – another “port-ee-potty”!
Eleanor: It’s “port-AH-potty.”
George: Don’t correct me Eleanor – it’s cute!
Eleanor: It’s CUTE??
George: Yeah – that’s what mom always says.
Damn straight G.
June 28
4:20 p.m.
And I thought I wasn’t a boat person…
5:09 p.m.
When I give no fucks about my wrinkles in pictures.
*****
Those last two pictures were taken in San Diego. I didn’t want to post about being “in California” while our house was empty for 10 days…so no fun vacation pictures on Facebook. But don’t worry – we have about 5,000 of them for our own personal enjoyment. And thanks to selfies – I am in approximately four.