My First Big Interview: Fashion Designer Kathlin Argiro

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There is nothing I like more than thinking that I know important people. Well – maybe there are a few things like more…my children playing together happily, a nice dinner with my husband, blah blah blah. But seriously – I do know some really interesting people and I LOVE talking about it.

And if there’s anything that runs a close second to my love of feeling important, I mean, my family, it’s a well designed dress. I’m not kidding. Admittedly, my daily uniform does tend to revolve around pants lately – but that is based more on practicality than self expression.

I’m a dress girl at heart. I once devoted my summer wardrobe to what could only be called “worship” of the classic sun dress. There was even a time when a funny male friend called all of the girls in my 20-something beach house “the sundress brigade.” And I’m not even embarrassed by that – we were hot.

So you can imagine how much I have enjoyed telling people that I know successful NYC fashion designer, Kathlin Argiro. And on Friday, I had the opportunity to actually interview her. How appropriate for Materialistic Monday!

As a fellow graduate of Georgetown Visitation High School, I have followed Kathlin’s career and the success of her label (going on 11 years now). I’ve seen her designs on the Today Show and Fashionably Late with Stacey London, as well as in Vogue and In Style magazines.

While Kathlin does maintain a couture line, she is quickly becoming best known for her ready to wear line, Style Me Chic. I have purchased some of her pieces through sample sales (always one for the bargains, me). And a particular dress that I bought on a whim several years ago has actually become my “go to” for evening events (a long black lace column with tiny spaghetti straps…how can I go wrong?)

Kathlin’s designs are known for their classic lines, but always with a twist. When I asked about her design philosophy, she explained that “while women ultimately want to wear simple clothing, there has to be a reason to buy it.” Life is fast and busy, and we all want to look great without spending hours on that look. But we also want to have fun with current trends. Designing clothes that translate well for multiple occasions while staying fashion forward in the details is a signature of Kathlin’s design style.

One thing that I love about Kathlin’s designs is that she is always coming up with something new. This past summer she released a dress trademarked as the Dressong. I had to laugh because I actually bought a sarong style skirt from her back when I was in high school (I knew you when Kathlin!) The Dressong is a “unique dress/sarong that can be worn countless different ways and takes you from the beach to poolside cocktails with a simple twist of fabric.” No kidding! Check this out:

Now that summer is over, the Dressong will have to hibernate for the colder months (with the exception of tropical locations and resort wear needs of course). Fall is at our doorstep, and those of us feeling a chill in the air are ready for long sleeves. One of the biggest challenges of the “in between seasons” is finding clothes that will be comfortable in fluctuating temperatures. Enter my favorite solution: The wrap dress.

Kathlin favors this dress for her own lifestyle and finds that it can move easily from a business meeting, to a custom fitting, to an evening out. The jersey fabric doesn’t wrinkle, the simple lines can be dressed up or down and the color and pattern selection offers something for every personality.

When I asked Kathlin about her favorite styles for this Fall season, the wrap dress was at the top of her list. She continued that purple is an important color in fashion this year. In fact, the long sleeved wrap dress in chocolate brown and purple has been selling out faster than they can get them in stock (one drawback to online shopping…I seem to have slower fingers than most…)

I followed up with a request for Kathlin’s advice on how those of us with decidedly unglamorous lifestyles can look stylish for the holidays (the office holiday party, a neighborhood open house, etc.) While the wrap dress presents an excellent option since it is both comfortable and versatile, she suggested trying to add a bold color or print for a little drama. This will still look appropriate in less formal settings, but makes for a great alternative to the ubiquitous little black dress.

If your needs do tend to run more formal, Kathlin also offers a line of customized ready to wear that can suit your personal preferences for style and color. This “design your own dress” option “allows you to create your own unique, semi-custom dress in a simple 3-step process.”

Step one: pick a silhouette Step two: pick a fabric Step three: pick a treatment

This is particularly popular with bridesmaids since they can each wear the same length and fabric with a variation on style and finishing. And what better way to look at these dresses with your bridesmaids, than to visit her New York studio at 265 West 37th Street!

Kathlin has started holding regular Shopping & Champagne parties at her studio, combining efforts with various co-sponsors such as Social Diva, Smashbox Cosmetics, Arbonne International and Lingerie Fit Expert. Guests sip champagne, shop for dresses and recieve demonstrations on the co-sponsor’s products and services.

These events are only advertised by word of mouth and e-mail, so contact the studio if you want to be on the list. It is also possible to organize private parties at the studio, as well as at your own home. Something I wish existed when I was planning my own wedding!

At the end of our interview, I asked Kathlin how she would describe the woman who wears Kathlin Argiro. Her response:

“The Kathlin Argiro customer is a woman who wants to be noticed in the ‘right’ way. She wants to be stylish but always appropriate. She likes sleek, chic, feminine, sophisticated, timeless clothes that are easy to wear and make her feel GREAT!”

Don’t we all…

Thank you again Kathlin. Can’t wait to see what you come up with next!

EXITING GIVEAWAY ANNOUNCEMENT! Remember our friend Brooke Galardi from Bee Gee Bags? She has offered to give away one of her gorgeous clutches to a lucky Big Piece of Cake reader! Check back tomorrow for a picture and details.

Do You Find Meaning in Beauty?

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Before getting into another embarassing anecdote for my Friday Confession, I’d like to thank the adorable Winona of Daddy Likey for quoting me in her post yesterday. I – like her brother – do love me some Tim Gunn. And now the world knows it: I want him to come live in my closet and help me get it together every morning: “come on Kate, it’s “make it work time!”

This week’s Friday Confession is an embarrassing one. So big breath in…and out…okay – here it is. I use infomercial skincare products.

That’s right – I didn’t change the channel the minute I saw the recognizable celebrity face replaced with “Jill from Laguna” talking about how this product has changed her life, I didn’t just pay attention long enough to figure out what she was selling (this generally takes anywhere from two to ten minutes), and I didn’t lie on the couch passively watching while thinking about how I should really get up and find the remote control. No – I gave this infomercial my full attention. I viewed all 30 minutes of it and then I ran for the phone so I wouldn’t miss out on the promised free gift to everyone who “acted NOW!”

This all happened about five months ago when I turned on the TV to do an exercise video (yes, I do exercise every once in a while – and I do still say “exercise video” even when it’s a DVD). While I was getting the DVD out of it’s case, I was distracted by the image of a very unwrinkled looking woman named Pam who was saying that people have been asking her if she’s had any work done. Considering the fact that Pam looked to be in her thirties, I guessed that she was actually fifty and either (a) really DID have some work done or (b) discovered a miracle product that transformed her from an unnoticed, wrinkly middle-aged women to a glamorous infomercial success story. Turns out it was (c): all of the above, with the exception that the work had nothing to do with her youthful face (it was obviously of the cleavage-enhancing variety).

Typically, I would not have taken Pam that seriously – I mean we’ve all seen these infomercials with their strategic lighting and minuscule disclaimers scrolling across the bottom of the screen. But then Cindy Crawford’s face filled the frame and the rest of the world disappeared. She was so pretty. And she really wanted me to have the soft, smooth skin that she enjoyed. For years she had been seeing Dr. Sebagh, a French dermatologist who has perfected a ground breaking anti-aging formula – a fountain of youth if you will. He’s impossibly expensive and booked years in advance, but Cindy has found a way to bring his brilliant services and products to people JUST LIKE ME. All in the form of this simple system with a 60-day money back guarantee. And she’s SO pretty.

Cindy has been working on this project for several years. During that time she had to decide whether to launch a big budget ad campaign with expensive packaging, which would require a matching price tag, or to go with lower budget advertising and simple packaging. Cindy’s vision was to bring this magic to the little people (LIKE ME! And she’s SO pretty). So she went with the latter, and relied on infomercials and word of mouth to advertise Meaningful Beauty.

I’ll skip the details of the products (I do ramble on…) but you can click on the image above if you are interested.

I was in the market for a new skincare regime as I had been using Aveda for years and felt like a change. And I was planning on switching to a line that my friend Ainsley sells through Shaklee (FYI – you may want to adjust your audio if you click on that link – it just nearly blasted me out of my seat). I had already read up on it and was just about to place the order. But then Cindy brainwashed me with her perfect skin and French dermatologist and courage to take off all of her make up on camera to demonstrate the products. And she’s just so goddamn pretty damn her! Ainsley is very pretty too of course, but she doesn’t have a brainwashing infomercial. Sorry Ainsley.

Five months later, my take on Meaningful Beauty? I’m not sure… My skin is soft and I don’t think I look too wrinkly…but who is to say that this should be attributed to my skincare products. Maybe any products would have this effect. Now I regret not having taken a “before” picture. Of course, most of my recent pictures look like “before” pictures, but I mean a close up of my crows feet. One that I could compare to a close up taken at the three month mark when the secret formula really starts to do it’s work (yes – I noticed that this doesn’t line up with the 60-day money back guarantee). I’m sorry – but three months later, I don’t even remember what my eye color was. I just don’t pay that much attention these days (trying to avoid the sight of wrinkles and all). So I suppose I’ll just continue to use Meaningful Beauty until I tire of it and feel like a change.

So there you go – I’m like your great aunt who watches QVC and collects ceramic thimbles and commemorative plates. I have succumbed to the siren song of the beauty product infomercial. Cindy Crawford didn’t snare me in her early 90s exercise video conspiracy – but now I’m older and slower. I could run but I couldn’t hide. She’s a marketing genius and she’s finally trapped me in the web of my own vanity.

Style Stalled in 1996: Part II

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When we last left off from yesterday’s post (you may want to read that first – otherwise this might not make any sense), my early twenty-something friends and I were staring at older thirty-something women and thinking that we must have fallen into a time warp.

In the Fall of 1996 I was two years out of college and fully committed to my short skirts (skorts even!) and Jennifer Aniston shag. On this particular night, we were helping my roommate with some envelope stuffing for the non-profit she directed. The non-profit was established by Georgetown University students, so there were a number of older alumni on the board of directors.

The four of us were sitting at a table looking like a low budget version of the cast of Friends. How full of ourselves we were – and how confident in our style. Although we had varying poor body image obsessions, we managed to mask them with well thought out wardrobe choices. And as any self respecting insecure young women should be, we were very aware of the appearance of others.

It was obvious when we arrived that we were the youngest ones there, and we joked about how we were banished to the “kids table” in the front room while the older group that had known each other for over a decade gathered around a larger table in the back room. Our position afforded us a perfect view of everyone as they entered the house. And what a parade of 1980-ugly that was! (That last line was from the point of view of an obnoxious 24 year old fashion snob of course.)

When each woman walked by, our “Rachels” would swish in unison as we tracked their progress to the back of the room. Every one of them sported trends that harkened back to Ally Sheedy’s St. Elmo’s Fire wardrobe of boxy blazers and drop waist floral dresses. And horror of horrors, most matched the color of their heels to their outfit! We could barely contain our giggles and finger pointing. Of course I’ve exaggerated a bit for effect…we didn’t ALL have that particular Rachel-inspired hairstyle. My friend Maureen preferred a shorter “Monica.”

I started to list some of the comments I remembered us making, but deleted them since they made us sound far meaner than we actually were. We felt comfortable in our cattiness among friends, but wouldn’t have wanted anyone else to hear us (such is the way with everyday derision…). Let’s just say that our conversation included the following words and labels: “feathered,” “Laura Ashley,” “yoke,” “Forenza,” “pumps,” “electric blue,” “fire engine red.”

After a fair amount of laughing down memory lane, Maureen astutely observed that we would be next. She said, “ten years from now, younger girls will be sitting here laughing at us with our flip hairstyles and clunky shoes.” While this honest image made us laugh louder than any of the snide quips did, it also made me think. It actually made me a little uncomfortable – and this had nothing to do with the body suit I was wearing. I just didn’t like the idea of being outdated.

And I still don’t. But starting with that minor observation from a friend, I had to recognize the fact that I would someday show traces of my own early style influences. And I would likely get stuck in my own fashion time warps. I would get busy with life and not notice that hair didn’t curl up anymore. I would continue to clomp around in my sturdy heeled pilgrim shoes while other women tippity tapped on pointier toes. While I couldn’t predict the future trends that would sweep past the stake I had so firmly driven into my claim for a 1996 identity, I began to feel the noose I had been fashioning for myself.

But knowledge is power right? And that evening, my friend inadvertently gave me some sage advice. You don’t really have to get stuck in a particular style era. And if you do, you can always pull yourself out of it. The first step is to open your eyes and realize that there is a lot of great style out there and not all of it conforms to what celebrities of the hour are wearing on screen. It’s perfectly fine to find a look that works for you – the trick is to make it translate into the current styles. This is where those 80s ladies went wrong. They didn’t update the styles that they liked – they just kept wearing the old version.

I’ve always preferred to learn from the mistakes of others. Seriously – let them do the dirty work. And I am happy to report that I am not in fact stuck in 1996. I’d say that I’m AT LEAST holding strong at a respectable 2006. So I’d like to thank those women who never gave up on their trusty green eyeliner or their tried and true Mia flats. And I’d also like to acknowledge any 80s die hards who stuck it out for another decade. If this is you – give yourself a pat on the back. Congratulations girls – the fickle fashion world is cyclical and you are now back in style!

Style Stalled in 1996: Part I

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Recently – my Aunt Jan and I had a conversation about style and how we don’t actually see it changing. Or maybe people like Tim Gunn and Nina Garcia see it changing – but people like me don’t notice that we’ve fallen behind until we look in the mirror and see styles made popular by the original cast of Beverly Hills 90210. Hey – at least those girls were wearing mom jeans and comfortable shoes. There’s no way I could keep up with this new emaciated generation of fictional Beverly Hills high school students.

Seriously though – I’m NOT still wearing baby doll dresses with t-shirts (and never did since I thought this made my hips look big) or roomy overalls (didn’t buy into that one either – just made me look like a giant toddler). My current style is fairly up to date…in a conservative, make-it-last investment suit plus cheaper trendy accessories sort of way. But I do think that you can often lose track of how styles are changing for periods of time, and find yourself stuck in a rut with one that got just a little too comfortable.

This is easy to do since each style era spends a significant amount of time being the basis for a progression of more specific trends. When you are in the middle of one of these eras, the styles you see around you become the standard for “normal.” I was in high school in the late 80s, and if I ever saw ANYONE in bellbottom pants, I would probably have raced right over to peg the legs for them. But then when I entered college in 1990, I discovered boot cut jeans. Within just a couple of years, my standard for normal looking jeans had completely changed. And of course, several years later, those jeans were looking decidedly flared. Did I notice this progression while it was happening? Of course not. But I was young and automatically kept up with the changes.

Aunt Jan remembers being right smack in the middle the polyester and afro haired glory of 1972, and thinking that there wasn’t really a “feel” for the 70s. Not like there was for the 60s and 50s. No – with the emerging 70’s styles, “everyone just looked normal.” A thought that probably flew into her head at the sight of a white man using a pick to fluff up his globe of tight curly hair. Right…no feel…

But I remember having the same thought in the mid 80s. I was probably reading a Seventeen Magazine article on how neon is the new black and listening to the Footloose soundtrack when I came to the realization that after several colorful decades marked by distinctive styles (the poodle skirts of the 50s, the miniskirts of the 60s, the bellbottoms of the 70s…), my skin tight Guess jeans with the zippers at the bottom were so plain (hmmm…and my hair was feeling a little flat…time to poof up those bangs with some more gel).

Now I’m smarter – I KNOW that in about ten years were going to look at old pictures and see a bunch of…well….I don’t know because of course it all looks so normal right now. But I’m guessing that my Lucky Brand jeans with heeled boots will not be au courant.

Here is my fear (and the point of all of this): As a generally overworked, underpaid suburban mom of three, I don’t have a lot of time or money to invest in fashion. What if I get lazy? What if I get stuck in a rut? What if everyone around me is wearing micro minis with moon boots and I’m still wearing boyfriend jeans with flats? Of course I don’t think that particular scenario is likely as I’m not loving Katie Holmes’ look of pegged boyfriend jeans (famous last words…) – I’m just illustrating my point.

Interestingly enough, I can pinpoint the exact moment that this idea of style stagnancy took root. I was just a couple of years out of college and sitting with friends as we watched women ten years older than us file in to the room looking like a throwback to our older sisters’ high school graduation pictures.

I’ll have to stop now and get back to that tomorrow, as this post already quite long. Come visit me tomorrow to hear the rest.

By the way: If you are enjoying these little blasts from the past – I suggest visiting my friend Connie over at The Young and The Relentless. She started a new feature called The Connie Diaries. At the end of every month she posts excerpts and pictures from her old diaries. Here is a quote from last month: “August 1, 1985 – Only 2 more days until my party! I am mega excited. I am decorating with steamers in blue, red, yellow, green, pink and white!! It will look awesome!!” And how about this one from Monday: “September 20, 1985 – Lola and Shirley asked Sean’s friend Keith if he would ask Sean if I could wear his football jersey on Friday. I told them not to but did they listen to me? NO! I am so embarrassed!” Can’t wait to see what Connie is up to in October 1985. Sounds like the details of her first kiss will be exposed…

Six Things a Woman Should Know About Herself

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I’d like to welcome Anastasia from The Gift as my second virtual dinner party guest poster. See my last guest post from Kacy if you have no idea what I’m talking about.

Anastasia started a blog this summer with a promise to heself to write every day. While she didn’t start out with a specific theme, her subjects have fallen into the category of women’s issues (I know – yesterday – handbags, today – women’s issues – the men in my life have decided to stop reading this blog altogether!) My friend Anastasia is at times kind of a nut, she isn’t afraid to be contraversial, she has no problem asking women to “clear the forrest” and keep their armpits to themselves, and she has even challenged the pharmeceutical world (if only on her own site) to justify their attitude that the blue pill is more important than the pink pill.

Oh! And she’s also writing a book. Thanks for visiting Anastasia!

Six Things a Woman Should Know About Herself

  1. What is your blood pressure and cholesterol? This is a no brainer. Heart disease is the NUMBER ONE killer of women in the United States (a woman dies every minute in the U.S. from a cardiovascular event) and high blood pressure and high bad cholesterol are two significant indicators of your risk of heart disease. We need to take these two elements seriously.

  2. What is your BMI? That’s Body Mass Index and it’s important to know where you are on the scale of underweight, normal, overweight or obese. I’m not one of those people that thinks women should be a certain size to be beautiful, sexy or happy (trust me, I don’t think I’ve been in the “normal” range since high school) but it’s critical to know where you are and how this score correlates with other possible risk factors for your health.

  3. How to feel your breasts. Yes, I said it. You need to feel yourself up correctly and often. It’s so important that you know how your breasts feel on a regular basis so that you can immediately spot an abnormal lump. Early detection can save your life!

  4. What you look like down there. The Virginia Monologues went a long way to try and dispel the taboo of using the V word but I still have a hard time using it or saying it out loud. But that doesn’t mean I don’t think it’s important for a woman to know what it looks like and feels like. I’m concerned about the health aspects more than anything (there are other reasons why you should be familiar with it but that’s for another list altogether!). If you know what it should look and feel like, you will immediately know if something is not right and will get it checked out by your doctor.

  5. Whether you have bad breath. OK, this is not life threatening but I still think it’s important. This is especially important when you first meet someone. It takes just a few minutes to make a first impression and sometimes years to dispel it. That person could have been an amazing force in your life but you’ll never know because your bad breath scared them away for good! You never forget someone with nasty breath. So I say that it’s absolutely appropriate to ask a close friend or sibling to “smell my breath” if it means avoiding the situation outlined above. Also, chronic bad breath could be an indicator of possible health issues.

  6. How you look naked from head to toe. Again, this may not save your life but it’s still important for your physical and mental well being. You have one body and one life and whatever shape or size you are, it’s good to own that body. To own that body, you should look at it, accept it and love it (OK that last one was even hard to type let alone DO but it’s something to strive for).


With that I leave you to be healthy and happy!

MARK YOUR CALENDAR: November 4 we’ll hear from Jozette from Regardez Moi who writes about pretty much everything from work and travel to fashion and being a single girl in the city (that means Philly all of you NY/NJ people who assume “the city” means Manahattan – you know who you are!)

In My Clutches: Beautiful Bags from Bee Gee

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First, a disclaimer: None of the men that I know and love will have any interest in this post. Not even you Dad, even though I know you read all of them (and send me sweet e-mails with pictures of your own shoes that you’ve had since the signing of the Declaration of Independence). No – this is a post about handbags – and I just can’t imagine that any of my boys will be able to relate.

Second, a spoiler: Next Monday I will feature an interview with fashion designer Kathlin Argiro. I was supposed to interview her on Friday (and thanks to a suggestion from my friend Jozette, even got my technology challenged ass in gear and set up skype on my computer so I could record the interview and not rely on my dismal shorthand skills) – but we had to postpone a week. So definitely check back next Monday for that!

This week’s Materialistic Monday features Brooke Galardi, creator of Bee Gee Bags. I have been a huge fan of these clutches ever since I found them in her Etsy shop last Spring. Here is the one that I bought:

Isn’t that fabric gorgeous? Looks like she’s made more, so if you must have a “Waterlilly” clutch, you can buy it here.

Brooke lives in my hometown, Washington, DC, and is self taught. Inspiring no? Makes me think, “come on Kate – learn to make something already! All of this whining about wishing you could sew is getting old…”

How much do you want this one?

That much? Hmm – I think you may want to rethink you’re priorities. (Just kidding – ME TOO!)

While this is a very new business that has only just started selling to stores in the DC area and California, one of Brooke’s bags has already been featured in the June 2008 issue of Glamour Magazine. I don’t know about you – but I’m impressed.

Here is another little gem (love the ladybug detail):

The vintage feel of the fabrics and the simplicity of the designs make these bags timeless. Each one looks like it could be a cherished family heirloom passed down from Grandma. I’m thinking that Anthropologie should pick up this line pronto. Bee Gee Bags have become popular bridesmaid gifts – and seriously, if I was getting married this year, I’d be contacting Brooke. Talk about a gift that your friends can use again!

Before wrapping up, I’d like to leave you with one last thought:

Sigh. I think I will be dreaming about this one for a while…

Don’t forget to visit me next Monday for an interview with Kathlin Argiro. This innovative lady has set herself apart with a line of custom ready to wear dresses and hosts frequent champagne and shopping parties at her NYC showroom. I’m already feeling glamorous…just the escape I need from my daily life of potty training and commuter hour gridlock!

Drink Me

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For this week’s Friday Confession – I’m going to admit to something really dumb I did last year. And I blame it entirely on the fact that I had infant twins and was clocking an average of 3 hours of sleep each night.

Right after I had the twins, my mother in law came to stay with us for a couple of weeks and help out. She noticed that my only hair dryer really needed to be replaced (seriously – it was pathetic – felt as if someone was standing next to me blowing on my head). She purchased a new one for me, and for the first time in months, I actually had the ability to blow dry my hair straight without any noticeable frizzing. Did I do this very often? No. But the fact that I could gave me some hope of one day, having a normal appearance again.

Time passed, and I began to use the hair dryer on a more frequent basis. Once my maternity leave was over, I had to look semi human during the week. Before I knew it, the twins were a year old, and my hair dryer was still going strong. It was perfect for me: no fancy settings, just high (which I use) and low (which I don’t). There was only one problem. I was beginning to notice that the cord was a bit on the short side.

It made me wonder for a moment if it was possible for me to have gotten taller. Like the infamous Alice (whom I’ve related to before), I felt as if my world was starting to shrink. Except I didn’t happen upon any strange bottles that said “Drink Me.” And unlike a fictional child, I’m far too smart to actually drink something without knowing what it is (unless of course I’m jonesing for a Diet Coke and the bottle looks to have some good potential in that direction). At any rate, I knew that it was next to impossible for a 35 year old woman to suddenly start growing.

Maybe it was because I had recently started wearing my hair shorter and the new style required more contortions on my part. All I knew is that I began finding it very difficult to reach the back of my head. I don’t know that I’d ever had that problem with another hair dryer – but I did know that as much as I liked it, it was a cheap one. So I assumed that it must be a matter of getting what you pay for. I knew that I should buy a new one, but I never seemed to get around to it. I just continued to suffer.

Finally the day came when I picked up my hair dryer and thought I was losing my mind. The cord was not only short but SHORTER. So short that it could not even come close to reaching the back of my head. And I KNEW that cord had been longer the previous day.

After several seconds of open mouthed incredulity, a thought came to me. In wincing realization, I reached down and (I think you’ve figured it out by now) pulled the cord. That’s right – it was retractable. So apparently, it had been slowly retracting over the past year and I only discovered it when I literally could not hold the damn thing up over my head!

Awesome.

I’m that Mom: Part II

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Yesterday I started a list of reasons that I’m not winning any awards for mother of the year. I had to cut it short because I was starting to feel depressed. Or more accurately, because I wanted to stretch this material for a couple of days to free up more time for work, I mean, my kids. Here are ten more things that make me “that mom.”

11. I’m that mom who threatens my three year old with naps even though he hasn’t napped in over six months and I have no intention of following through.

12. I’m that mom who will finally break down and offer my children candy if it will make them submit to my will.

13. I’m that mom who will bring my kids out to run errands before cleaning the magic marker off of their arms and legs.

14. I’m that mom who says I won’t let my kids taste raw cookie dough because “it’s not good for them” – when what I really mean is that I’m afraid that they’ll find out that it is in fact, much better raw. Then I eat some when they’re not looking.

15. I’m that mom who will let my toddlers play with things they shouldn’t (i.e. our cell phones, the dishwasher, the clean laundry, toothpicks) because I’d rather have them be happy and quiet than screaming while I try to assert my authority.

16. I’m that mom who will wait until Monday morning to realize that I have no clean school clothes for my son and then madly search through the dirty clothes for something that can pass for clean.

17. I’m that mom who will trick her son into leaving the (dreaded) pet store by saying, “I bet John and Cheyenne [John’s dog] will be out playing ball when we get home.” I’d rather deal with the consequences of that later in my own house where it doesn’t smell like gerbil poop.

18. As a continuation of #17, I’m that mom who will let her son believe that we are going to the park or the pet store, when we are actually going to Target or daycare. I don’t TELL him that we’re going where he thinks we are – I just don’t tell him that we’re NOT. So it’s not a lie as much as an omission. Right?

19. I’m that mom who answers my daughter’s thousands of calls for “MOMMY!” with “ELEANOR!” instead of just saying, “what is it honey?” And then she answers my “ELEANOR!” with another “MOMMY!” And because I find this incredibly entertaining I just continue the cycle until we end up enacting a personalized game of Marco-Polo. Except we’re not in a pool. And she knows exactly where I am.

20. I’m that mom who believes that ice cream is the solution for everything. For my children – and myself.

I’m That Mom: Part I

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I have a running list in my head of things that fall under the “what not to do” category of motherhood. Not that I’m saying I’m a bad mother. I do many things well. I’ve had uncounted triumphs, moments of genius and mental high fives. But I often fall short as well. At the very least I’ve had to look at myself from time to time and say “not your personal best, Kate.” Here are some examples:

1. I’m that mom who lets my three year old eat Goldfish crackers for breakfast when we’re in a rush – because “it’s just easier that way.”

2. I’m that mom who allows my nudist children run around in underwear all day as long as they stay inside (although I sometimes have to retrieve them from the front lawn).

3. I’m that mom who doesn’t even bother trying to force my kids to eat vegetables at dinner anymore. They eat them for lunch with that magical woman at daycare – so that takes some of the pressure off.

4. I’m that mom who lets my toddlers believe that Tic Tacs are “candy” and that they’re a BIG TREAT. They will find out about Reeces soon enough.

5. I’m that mom who accidentally locked myself and my twins IN my three year old’s bedroom with him on the outside (you can click to read what happened but if not, don’t worry, we all made it out without tragedy).

6. I’m that mom who hoisted my three year old over a chain link fence rather than walk a mile carrying him while his “accident” soaked through my shirt. More on that one another day…

7. I’m that mom who sometimes skips every other page of the longer bedtime stories because I’m tired and hungry for my own dinner which is at that very moment sitting on the kitchen counter getting cold.

8. I’m that mom who may know the children are doing something in the other room that I expressly told them NOT to do, but pretend I don’t see it so I don’t have to deal with it.

9. I’m that mom who will yell at my children and then hug them and tell them how “good” they are. Just to stay consistent…with the inconsistency.

10. I’m that mom who let my three year old grab all of the tampons that fell out of my purse onto the floor of the car – just because it was easier to let him have them than to try to take them away. Then I had to fight him to get them back once we arrived at the grocery store and I discovered that he had systematically opened each of them and ripped them to pieces. THEN I had to explain everything to my husband when he arrived home with wads of cotton clenched in his hands. Yeah…that was me…

I think I’m going to make this a “to be continued” post. I have more to add – but I like to keep my lists down to ten points apiece. (Plus I’m having a busy week at work and don’t have much time to write my usual novels.)

So come back tomorrow for ten more things that make me “that mom.”

The First Mommy

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What pregnant mother doesn’t imagine a day when her baby will look into her eyes and say “mommy?” It’s one of the things that we most anticipate and most take for granted. When we think about our unborn child, we don’t consider any of the potential obstacles and challenges that he or she may face. We just picture that cherubic face, shining with love for us and a sweet little voice saying “mommy.”

My babies of course did not select “mommy” as their first word. I was pre-empted for “ball” and “teeth” and “daddy.” You would think that out of three children, at least ONE of them would humor me with an early “mama.” But apparently, that’s not the way they roll.

As I’ve mentioned before, my oldest son Oliver has had some speech delays. While he did start using words at the usual age, his progress was a bit on the slow side. After having him tested at age two, he qualified for a county funded pre-school (so while you say “oh no – speech delays…” I say “oh yeah – free preschool!”) And his teachers have worked with him on some of his more quirky habits like jargoning (which basically means speaking in gibberish) and making up words.

An example of these quirks was his bizarre tendency to say “yo-yo-yo” before something he wanted, like “yo-yo-yo cookie!” During this phase we called him a little rapper and spent countless hours amusing ourselves with imitations (because that’s the way WE roll). He’d also replace real words like “mom” or “mommy” or even “mama” with made up words like “mo.” So, yes – for about a year, my first born son called me “mo.”

Chris, of course thought this was hilarious and encouraged it: “Oliver – where’s Mo?…Oliver – listen to Mo…Oliver – keep calling your mother ‘Mo’ even though she doesn’t like it – because I’m sadistic and like to torture her when all she ever asked for was to be called ‘mommy’ by shining cherubic faces…” You know – that kind of thing.

While I didn’t exactly encourage “mo,” I lived with it and just hoped that he’d grow out of it someday. At the very least, I would not allow “mo” to become my official name in the family. Dammit – someone was going to call me mommy!

The first day that I brought Oliver to school was pretty hard on both of us. He was so little (only two!) and I had never left him anywhere new before. He’d been going to daycare since he was three months old. It was unthinkable for me to just hand him to strangers and then walk away. But I had to. And then I had to listen to cries of “Mo! Mo!” as I took the longest walk of my life away from him.

The end of those three hours could not arrive fast enough. Even though I was busy at my office less than a mile away, I felt like I hadn’t taken a breath since I had let go of his hand (something I hadn’t experienced since the first day I left him at daycare). When it was finally time to collect him, I raced into the school wildly scanning the crowd for his little blond head and orange jacket.

When I finally did spot him, he sat with the other little kids, looking confused and forlorn. Not crying – but heartbreakingly unsure of what would come next. Then his eyes met mine, and his cherubic little face broke into the brightest, most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen. And then he said “Mommy!”

I have no idea what changed. Maybe the teachers referred to me as “mommy.” Maybe the other kids talked about their mommies. But for some reason, I finally stopped being “mo” and started being “mommy.”

Thank god!

As for George and Eleanor? Eleanor is a typical girl in her constant chatter. She started calling me mommy once she really began talking. And apparently, it’s her favorite word. It’s also the soundtrack of my life: “MO-MEE! MO-MEE! MO-MEE!” Be careful what you wish for – right? George is only just starting to call me mommy, but chooses to pronounce it “Ma-MY!” Of course he also calls Chris, “Da-DY!”

We find this insanely adorable. Weird. But adorable. Which I personally find to be an apt description for all of my children.

*This is part of the “Writing Motherhood” writing challenge and giveaway over at Mommyvents. Post a link to your own post in the comments section and you can win a copy of “Writing Motherhood.”