Tag Archives: Little Ones

It’s Like They Just Know…

The other morning, I took my almost three year old twins to the Fairfax County YMCA for the first time. As younger siblings who spent two years in daycare, they’re generally pretty good about entering new environments. It’s rare that they cling to me when there is such obvious fun to be had.

And what could be more fun than a kids’ gym complete with coloring tables, obstacle courses and a bounce house? Apparently, whatever I was leaving to do. Because my people-person daughter decided to be shy and demand that I take her with me.

I had to peel her off my leg and promise that I’d only be gone for a little while. That I’d be right back and of course, that she’d have SO MUCH FUN while I was gone.

Then I just hoped for the best.

Having never worked out there before. I was surprised and pleased to see that the cardio area backed up to a balcony overlooking the kids’ gym. How convenient! I could peek over to see how my abandoned children were faring.

I made sure to stand about five feet away from the edge. Then on tiptoe, I lifted my chin high enough to just peer over.

When I located them sitting at the coloring table, it seemed Eleanor had calmed down and was starting to enjoy herself.

Within two seconds, George looked up and locked eyes with me.

Then the screaming began.

It’s like they just knew…

How do they do it? Tap into this direct line to our psyches? They know exactly what we don’t want them to do without us having to say a word. They know exactly where we are no matter how quiet we try to be. The minute we decide to take a break…to have a private moment…to go to the bathroom. Their little prairie dog heads pop up out of their self absorbed play. Little ears perk up…little noses sniff the air…. What is that? That sound…that smell…that odd vibration…that change in the atmosphere…? I know – it’s mom trying to get away from us! Well, we can’t let that happen, now can we….

They just know.

But it goes beyond wanting attention. It’s a constant. An unseen umbilical cord that can’t be cut. Any move we make away from them, no matter how infinitesimal…

They just know.

After a long night of getting tiny teeth brushed, forcing unwilling limbs into pajamas, reading bedtime stories, running up and down the stairs with glasses of water and favorite stuffed animals, conducting search and rescue missions for missing blankies and pacifiers, cleaning up dinner dishes, folding laundry, putting away toys, and getting lunches ready for the next day… At the very moment that you fall into bed, your pillow offering the sanctuary and rest that you’ve been craving for hours…a child cries, “mommy!“

They just know.

Waking from an restless doze on the edge of a toddler bed, you slowly lower yourself to the floor. Core muscles tighter than those of any master pilates instructor, you hold balance defying yoga poses for minutes at a time as your child shifts, rolls over, sighs and half opens their eyes. After you’ve crawled, rolled and slithered your way out of the room, you slowly close the door, wincing as hinges squeak and floorboards creak. But even the echoing click of the latch doesn’t wake the sleeper. You’ve done it. You’re steps away from your bed now – almost home free. Free…two…one… “MOMMY!“

They just know.

Feeling a bit peckish, you decide to indulge in a piece of contraband Halloween candy. They’re busy playing. They won’t notice if you disappear for a minute. Employing near surgical skill, you slip that tiny Twix out of the plastic pumpkin without displacing a single Snickers. No rustles or crackles of any kind. You are the cat burglar of candy. Finally in the in the bathroom with the light off, you break the seal of the wrapper. And suddenly, a knock at the door, “mommy I want chocolate.”

They just know.

You need to look good. No – not just good. For this meeting/interview/luncheon, you have to look great. Put together. Confident. And after an hour-long wardrobe crisis, you finally pull out your favorite sweater. It’s a no brainer really. Why hadn’t you just put that on in the first place? Wishing you hadn’t wasted all of that time, you only have minutes for a quick cup of coffee and a piece of toast. The jelly slides off the bread, just missing your clothes and hitting the table instead. Breathing a sigh of relief, you pick up the baby to put him in his play yard. You think, “maybe I shouldn’t be doing this without a towel…we just burped him though…and he’s practically sitting up on his own now…he probably…he won’t….oh crap.” Of course he spits up all over your shoulder. What were you thinking?

They just know.

My mom has always said that children are so connected to their mothers that they can almost read our minds. And sometimes I believe her. From knowing what you’re thinking to picking the exact wrong moment to puke on you, they just know.

Not very convenient when you think you might sneak in some computer time while dinner is cooking and everyone seems to be happily entertaining themselves in another part of the house. Just a few minutes to catch up on e-mail, check favorite blogs, peruse the J. Crew sale….”Mommy! Where are you?“

Sigh.

But then you have a terrible day. Your boss claims that you aren’t putting in enough hours when as it is, you barely get home in time to put the kids to bed. Or you realize that you lost your grandmother’s gold bracelet – the one she gave you for your high school graduation, just weeks before she passed. Or you get the dreaded call that one of your parents is sick. You just want to climb into bed and never get out. You’re exhausted by life. Disappointed by the lot you drew back when you should have known that the game is fixed… You’re inconsolable.

Then your baby smiles at you for the first time. Your special needs child astounds you with an unexpected developmental leap. Your picky eater tries something new. Your nose picker asks for a tissue… “Mommy – I love you.“

Sometimes, they just know.

Make Mine a Double: Part II

*Did you get to see Nie Nie on Oprah yesterday? If you weren’t at home and weren’t able to DVR it – here is a short clip. As if her writing wasn’t inspiring enough…

Continuing my birthday tribute to George and Eleanor who turn three tomorrow, here is part two of their birth story (a re-post from last year). Last we left off my water broke while I was getting my hair did, and I had to borrow a cell phone to call my doctor. For the full version of Part I, go
HERE.

We last left off the evening of October 9, 2006, with me driving to the hospital with amniotic fluid soaking through my pants and into my car’s upholstery. How’s that for an opener? Didn’t catch the “Part I” post? Maybe you should read that first.

Back to the story. I was very lucky in that I didn’t start having painful contractions until I arrived at the hospital. It was only when I was sitting in some light traffic, that I started thinking about the fact that I might not be able to drive if my barely perceptible contractions became more intense. I was definitely rethinking that decision to let Giacome finish my blow dry before leaving for the hospital.

Ideally, Chris would have been driving me – but it was important that I go to the hospital immediately since I was definitely going to have a c-section (George, “baby A,” was breech). And Chris had to drop our 18 month old, Oliver off with friends before coming to meet me.

It was a little anti-climactic when I first arrived. I drove around for a bit looking for a good parking place, and then I stopped to give someone directions on my way into the building. Once I reached the reception area, I had to wait in line behind people who were interrogating the receptionists about whether it was possible to order vegan meals from the cafeteria. Okay – I just totally made that last part up. But I did have to wait in line behind a bunch of people that did not have blood pouring out of a gunshot wound OR amniotic fluid streaming down their legs.

Eventually I was sent up to Labor & Delivery where I finally got a little service! Actually – it was a bit disconcerting because when I provided my name, the nurse said, “oh – your doctor just called. She’s very worried about you.” I asked if I should be worried about me. She clarified that since surgery was necessary, they wanted to check me out right away. So off I went to triage.

Here is where the pregnancy crazies come into play. The young nurse who “checked me out” said, “oh yes – I can feel that head.” Now – this made me very excited because last I heard, George (who was positioned to be the first one to come out) had his little heiny jammed firmly into my birth canal. Could he possibly have turned? Could I skip the whole major abdominal surgery thing and have the twins the old fashioned way? I was really getting psyched about this.

Then my doctor arrived. She is great and I trust her implicitly, but that woman is strictly no nonsense. I told her about the miraculous head sighting (or feeling), and she gave me one of her famous looks. “Kate,” she said, “it is almost impossible for that to happen now. They have very little room to move at this point.” But I wanted my fantasy to be real, so I begged her to check – just to make sure. She agreed to go get the ultrasound equipment, and I could literally feel her eyes rolling as she walked away from me. Long story short, the nurse gave me false hope. She felt George’s butt, not his head.

Shortly after my disappointing news, Chris arrived looking like he had just parachuted onto the front lawn of the hospital. He was excited though and I needed some positive energy in my little corner of triage. Then I noticed that he only had one bag with him. I had packed two. Was it the bag with my skincare products and my toothbrush and my comfy socks? No – it was the bag with my DVD player and my books and magazines. I asked him if the other bag was in the car, and he said, “what other bag?” I said, “um, the one sitting right next to this one?” Nope – didn’t ring a bell. I expect that when I called to tell him my water had broken, he didn’t register anything more than, “water broken…blah blah blah…hospital…blah blah blah…Oliver…blah blah blah…bag.” Oh well – at least I could watch some Gilmore Girls if I got bored.

As much as I really was dreading the surgery part, I was happy to see my anesthesiologist and get the news that it was go time. The contractions were becoming more than uncomfortable. And Chris was starting to get on my nerves, all windblown and positive with only one suitcase… Men.

Since I had expected to have a c-section, I knew what to expect. I kissed Chris and told him that I’d see him in the OR. He had to scrub in. Then the anesthesiologist and I walked down the hall together. Which seemed weird. I was kind of expecting to be wheeled in on a gurney. Or to at least be pushed in via wheelchair.

The next thing that I remember finding a little unnerving is that when I lay down on the operating table (which was so thin I thought I might fall off – is it me or do you picture something more along the lines of a dining table?) I was completely stripped below my chest. I don’t know why this would surprise me since I’m familiar with the area where they make the incision. But I just didn’t picture being naked. Especially with strange men wandering around talking about sports. Everyone seemed a bit too jovial for my liking… What did they think this was, Gray’s Anatomy? Were they going to be too busy flirting across my blood and guts to notice that I was bleeding out? No – I wasn’t overly fond of the banter. I wanted them to come to MY surgery with their A game.

Anyone who has had a c-section before may have noticed that I skipped the part about having a needle poked into my lower back to administer the spinal block. It wasn’t my favorite part – but it was over quickly enough. Let’s leave it at that. But the actual effects of the spinal block made me want to jump up and run screaming out of the room (if I could actually move my lower body that is). They had positioned me so that my knees were up in the air, and then suddenly my lower body just disappeared. But I knew that my feet were on the table and my knees were bent. BUT I couldn’t feel them. This made me ca-razy! But once they moved my legs back down so that they were on the table again (couldn’t feel it – but I knew they were doing it – eeeeww!), I felt better.

I also noticed that the numbness reached up to my chest and I was finding it hard to breath. Of course that could have been due to the general sense of panic, but the numbness didn’t help. Finally I couldn’t stand the jokes and the sports and the numbness and the tiny table and that fact that I was AWAKE for all of this, and I pulled off my oxygen mask and clutched the arm of the closest nurse. I dragged her down so her face was right next to mine and said, “listen – I just need to tell someone…I’m REALLY SCARED.” She kindly patted me on the shoulder, replaced my oxygen mask, and told Chris who had just entered the room to come hold my hand.

And then it started. I of course couldn’t see what was going on since there were about ten inches of sheet screening my view. But Chris had to actually avert his eyes since he was sitting up. He was given instructions to stay facing me if he didn’t want to “see anything.” Chris and I are pretty much in agreement when it comes to the inner workings of the human body. We never want to see anything.

Most of the procedure was a blur – but suddenly, there was George with a full head of dark hair. He was pink and screaming – and he looked nothing like my first baby. So it was kind of like having my first baby – if that makes sense. I had never seen anything like him. Chris went to go look at him as they started to pull Eleanor out. She looked a little bizarre since she was up in the top of my uterus and didn’t get washed off the way George did when my water broke. She was covered in vernix – but she looked more like Oliver did when I had him (just a little light brown hair on her head). But she was a girl and that was new to me. Chris watched them clean her off and saw both babies get weighed. Born at 9:23 p.m. and 9:24 p.m. (respectively) George was 5 lbs. 11 oz. and Eleanor was 5 lbs. 12 oz. They were so tiny.

It was at this point that Chris decided to come back and talk to me. Big mistake. Or it wouldn’t have been if he turned back the way he had come: facing me. Instead he went in the other direction, and got a perfect view of the intern inspecting my uterus (outside of my body) and then shoving it back in. A nurse had to grab his arm as his legs started to buckle. He didn’t actually faint, but he almost did. Now that’s an image that will haunt your dreams. And he wasn’t too keen on what he saw during the “regular” birth of our first son. You know how the doctor says you have to wait six weeks before you can have sex? Six weeks after I had Oliver, Chris looked at me and said, “I’m not ready.”

Stop making faces Chris – that last line is crucial to the story. Well maybe not – but it’s really funny.

So that’s it! We got to hold our babies and take a picture and then all kinds of drama began the next day. But that is a story for another day. Today is a birthday. And while I’ve never been one to get sentimental the miracle of birth – I’m VERY sentimental about the birth of my own little angels.

Happy Birthday George and Eleanor. I love you so very much.

Make Mine a Double: Part I

So there I go announcing that I’ll be a fiction writing machine, cranking out stories every Friday – only to realize that this Friday is George and Eleanor’s third birthday!

But I think I can get away with skipping the heartfelt tribute. It’s not like they can read (thank god I didn’t buy that infomercial product that teaches your kids to read by the time they are 8 months old – close call!)

No – I don’t think they’ll notice. And I doubt my readers won’t mind one less “three years ago today a little angel entered this world and my heart” post. Does that sound cynical? Sorry – I just spent an hour talking George down from the “I want to sleep in YOUR bed” ledge. We have GOT to stop that madness… No – I love my twins to pieces, but I’ll sit that hokey pokey out this year.

Instead, I’m reposting their birth story. Which was kind of epic and full of thrills (spoiler: my water broke in public). Part I today and Part II tomorrow.

Since the twins won’t be tuning in to The Big Piece of Cake on Friday, I will attempt another little story. So check back to see how that goes.

And now…Part I of “Make Mine a Double”:

Exactly two [now three] years ago (give or take a week), I looked like this:

And yes – it was just as uncomfortable as it appears. And what is even more outrageous is that I remember looking at that picture and thinking it was “flattering” – that it made my stomach look less gigantic than it actually was. So apparently, I was even bigger in real life. People who have never been pregnant before can pick themselves up off the floor now. It’s not like that happens overnight. You do have some time to get used to it.

Enough about my enormous stomach though (shut up – I mean then, not now!). I am showing embarrassing pictures of myself as an opening for the story of the birth of my twins. It’s their birthday! On October 9, 2006, at 9:23 p.m. and 9:24 p.m. (respectively) I gave birth to George and Eleanor Hood. They looked like this shortly after they departed my body:

And no – they were not nearly as angelic as they appear. Actually, they were perfectly sweet babies – it’s just that there were two of them. And having had one newborn already – I knew the difference between one screaming baby and two screaming babies. It’s simple math: 2 x 1 baby = 1 seriously deranged mother. But that’s another story.

On the morning of October 9, 2006, I had a feeling that the end was near. While my scheduled c-section (my “baby A,” George was breech) wasn’t supposed to take place for another week, I just didn’t feel right. And of course I was already four centimeters dilated and showing some “signs” that are TMI for even this blog. Also, we had just moved into a new house three weeks prior and I was still carrying my 35 lb. 18 month old up and down the stairs. This probably helped to speed things along.

The bags were packed and waiting by the door and I was finally resigned to the fact that George was not going to turn over for me, and I would have to have my first experience with surgery. Awake. One word: barbaric.

We were as ready as we were ever going to be – and I decided that I would spend the day trying to wrap things up at work, even though it was a federal holiday and the office was closed. It’s like I knew…

I won’t get into the details of the day – mainly because I barely remember them. But at about 5:00 p.m. I was ready to leave. I felt the urge to do some errands, so I called Chris and told him that I would be running late, and that he’d have to do Oliver’s bedtime routine (which he was more or less covering already in preparation for my post surgery limitations). Then I was off to the mall.

First stop – the cosmetics department at Nordstom. I was running low on concealer, and you know – this is a huge priority for someone that expects to be sequestered to their house for several months. I have to look good for the mail man and all. Then I headed over to Suissa, a hair salon where I had a history of success with random stylists (I’m notorious for being a walk in client).

When I arrived, the receptionist smiled at me and told me that I was the third expectant mother to come in that day. My first thought was that I hoped the others were as far along as I was and also sporting ill fitting maternity clothes that hinted at a penchant for inappropriate belly baring. I didn’t want to be “the big one” when they talked about the run on pregnant ladies that day. She told me that Giamcome would be able to take me immediately. (I don’t remember his name – but I once had another stylist named Giacome, and I think it suits my no name guy.)

Giacome? Not that much of a talker. But that suited me well enough, as my mind was racing in fifty different directions, and I didn’t mind NOT playing 20 questions with him as he pretended to be interested in my pregnancy. But one persistent thought running through the rest was that I was starting to worry about incontinence (don’t worry – this isn’t a story about incontinence – but it’s relevant in context). All day, I had been feeling a little…well, loose – for lack of a better word. I had never experienced incontinence before, and I was wondering if this was an early sign.

It was while my hair was being washed that I had the first pang of concern. There was definitely something going on down there – and I was feeling extremely grateful for the long black gown that covered my legs. At this point, I was thinking that I might look as if I had just had accident – or more accurately, that I looked like I HAD had an accident. But at the end of the day, I’m an optimist, and I hoped that it either wouldn’t show once I was standing up – or that maybe it would be dry by the time I had to unveil myself.

The haircut was uneventful. It was looking exactly like what I had requested and Giacome continued to play the strong silent type. But about ten minutes into the blow dry, something rather significant happened. I suddenly knew that I was not experiencing incontinence. I had my water broken for me in the hospital when I had my first son, and while this was not the same, there were definite similarities. It finally dawned on me: I wasn’t peeing my pants – I was going into labor.

I had never spontaneously gone into labor before. My 9 lb. 2 oz. first born was a week late and I had to be induced. And I was expecting a scheduled c-section for the twins. So I was completely unprepared for the slapstick situation of having my water break during my blow dry at the Tysons Corner Suissa where I was a goddamn walk in for god’s sake. Oh my god! Damn!

But I’m nothing if I’m not practical. And I never panic. So I quietly weighed my options as Giacome continued to smooth and straighten my hair. I had done this once before, and I knew that I had some time before I actually went into real labor. At this point I wasn’t even having contractions. Oh what the hell – my hair was only half done, and I figured that it wouldn’t hurt anything if I just let him finish. I deserved to have perfect hair for my first surgery. Awake. BARBARIC I tell you!

Plus – I kind of needed time to figure out what I was going to tell Giacome. I couldn’t imagine that this was something that happened every day at Suissa. So when he finally finished his last flicks and fluffs, it was time for me to break the news. I said, “so Giacome…I have to tell you something. I THINK that my water may have broken.” He looked at me blankly – and if he did say anything, I don’t remember what it was. At this point I was beginning to wonder if he was actually mute.

Then I stood up and he removed the vinyl drape. And that’s when I realized that my water hadn’t really broken yet – it was just starting to break. It was only when was vertical and gravity took over that it really BROKE. All over. With sound effects. I was truly in a sitcom from hell. And as an added bonus, that morning I decided not to wear the black pants that I had sported every day for the past two months. No – I was feeling “khaki.” And there was no camoflauging the river of amniotic fluid running down my legs.

Giamcome looked me. I looked at him. And then as if we had the same thought at the same time, we both looked at the chair where I had been sitting. Thank god it was the usual fake leather. I can’t even imagine the humiliation of leaving a soggy chair in my wake. I guess I expected more of a puddle – but maybe my pants absorbed most of it. All that was left was what you might find after a very sweaty person in shorts got up from a vinyl seat. And in silence, stoic Giacome switched on the hair drier and commenced to cleaning up my mess.

The receptionist’s desk was conveniently located directly behind me, so I grabbed her attention and explained that I’d have to settle up rather quickly. And I would have to use her phone because – of course – I left my cell at home that morning. I called Chris – told him to get the bags, make the necessary calls, take Oliver to our plan A person, and if she wasn’t home, to our plan B person. And then I was ready to go.

The receptionist was incredibly sweet and asked if there was anything she could do for me. I couldn’t really think of anything… She wasn’t a doctor, and she had already helped me with the walk in appointment… And a pedicure was definitely out of the question. So I said that I thought not. But then she offered to get my car for me – and that sounded like a great idea since I seemed to be losing gallons of amniotic fluid with every step I took. And I was pretty sure that I’d needed to keep some in there for another hour or two.

After some discussion about where I may or may not have parked (pregnant women NEVER remember where they park), I told her to “walk in that direction and just start clicking.” Eventually she’d hear the “beep-beep” noise.

While I was waiting outside for her, strategically covering my soaked pants with my purse, it occurred to me that I hadn’t called my doctor. Rookie mistake! And I didn’t have my cell… so had to again rely upon the kindness of strangers. The only person in speaking distance was a touristy looking guy who I think I remember as being Japanese (I know that there were characters on his phone screen instead of letters/numbers). Either way – he definitely didn’t speak much English, and I could only hope my appearance made up for any confusion over the translation for “broken water.” Apparently it did since he handed the phone over without any questions.

Just as I signed off with my doctor’s answering service, the receptionist peeled around the corner in my car. I handed the man back his phone and realized that I had never said goodbye to Giacome. Seems like we should have hugged or something. But it was too late, and it didn’t seem appropriate to hug the Japanese tourist. We didn’t have quite as much of a history, and you know – I was really wet.

With effusive thanks to the receptionist and the tourist, I was finally on my way to the hospital. As I drove off into the twilight, I wondered what my story’s cast of characters would make of my cameo appearance in what seemed to be just another ordinary day at the salon. Would they reminisce about me in months to come? Would they wonder what happened to me and wish me well? I didn’t know – but I didn’t have time to think about it. My real journey was only just beginning…

Cool ending huh? Like something from a really bad romance novel. Yeah – I just kinda went with it.

What’s that? Yes – I said “ending.” Have you noticed how LONG this post is? It’s definitely a “to be continued.” I’ll finish up tomorrow. And here are a couple of spoilers: I realize that when you have surgery you have to be naked, and Chris almost faints. In that order. But the two are not related. Till tomorrow then…

My Children and Gross and Annoying – Part II


I hadn’t originally planned to do a part II for this, but since I wrote the first post, I’ve noticed about five billion things that I should have included.

Then Jill from Scary Mommy continued my train of thought by writing about how gross her kids are. So I decided that I needed a second installment featuring more of those special moments that I’ve shared with my children.

Let’s start with gross. I didn’t mention eating habits in the last post (aside from the booger eating of course), and that is kind of a big one in my house.

I’ve mentioned before that my oldest, four year old Oliver has a lot of sensory issues. For him this translates into extreme messiness. He can’t just eat a quesadilla – he has to peel it apart, extract the cheese and mush it around a bit for good measure. And if he’s had enough to eat, the left over food is perfect to use as a prop in one of his many Thomas the Tank Engine tableaux. Mushed up cheese can be pretty much anything featured in a train crash, from a mountain to a pile of…well, mushy cheese (hey – it could happen).

And he doesn’t even have to try to make a mess. A perfect example is the way he eats peanut butter. Given his druthers, Oliver would just eat it straight out of the jar. But since that’s not happening on my watch (though it often does when I’m looking the other way), it is usually spread on a rice cake.

The very first thing he does is lick as much peanut butter off of the rice cake as possible. And once he makes a thorough job of that (which can take an ungodly amount of time), he’ll finish off the remaining rice cake. Then he’s ready to eat all of the left over dregs on his siblings’ plates (he REALLY likes peanut butter).

And there are always dregs because almost three year old George, who mimics the peanut butter licking portion of Oliver’s procedure will never actually eat the rice cake. For George the rice cake is strictly a vehicle for moving peanut butter into his mouth.

By the end of snack time both Oliver and George are covered in peanut butter from forehead to chin. And Oliver tends to have it all over his stomach and thighs as well since he hasn’t quite caught on to this napkin trend that’s been sweeping the nation.

George’s twin Eleanor isn’t quite as messy of an eater as her brothers are – possibly because she enjoys food so much that she doesn’t like a speck of it to miss her mouth – but she really outshines them on “the back end” so to speak.

I’ve already mentioned Eleanor’s love of potty humor. Oliver and George could care less about the fart noises that send their sister into paroxysms of giggles (they’re probably too busy rubbing peanut butter all over themselves to notice). But that’s okay, because Eleanor is gross enough for all three of them. And the other day she took it to a whole new level.

I was enjoying a peaceful moment at the computer while Oliver played on the floor at my feet and George watched Noggin in the basement. Unfortunately, Eleanor was not on board with the whole quiet play thing. Instead she leaped about asking me questions, singing unintelligible songs and whining about her non-existent boo-boos.

While she looked pretty adorable spinning around in nothing but a diaper (yes – I have almost three year old twins who still aren’t potty trained – what of it?), I hoped that semi-ignoring her and suggesting she go find favorite toys might encourage her to entertain herself for a while.

Finally, in a last desperate attempt to get my attention, she proclaimed that she wanted to be “nudie” like Oliver (my children are naked about 70% of the time they are at home regardless of season, room temperature or the presence of non-family members in the house). And in one sweeping gesture she ripped her diaper off, brandished it over her head and sent about fifty poo balls of varying sizes flying in all different directions.

I think I screamed. I know Oliver laughed. And I believe that Eleanor was just as shocked by the turn of events as the rest of us.

It was at that moment that George came meandering around the corner (also in nothing but a diaper), and ignoring the poo balls that I was now frantically trying to pick up before anyone stepped on one, announced that he wanted some milk.

Since I was too busy crawling around yelling, “DON’T touch anything!” he took matters into his own hands and yanked the half full gallon bottle out by himself, sloshing milk all over the floor.

Sometimes you just have to laugh.

But annoyance set in about an hour later when I could still smell poop. And it took me several more reconnaissance missions to locate the hidden stray next to the refrigerator.

THEN a while later, I realized that in spite of copious amounts of Fabreez sprayed into all corners of the room, it STILL smelled like poop. With “linen and sky” top notes perhaps…but poop nonetheless.

I was able to forget my irritation briefly during another moment of quiet computer time (what a surprise…all my children seemed to have disappeared…) I even forgot about the smell. That is until George wandered upstairs to visit (hey – HE wasn’t the one who flung poop all over the kitchen).

He looked at me and said, “poopie!”

I said, “yes, I know – that was a big mess.”

Then he repeated, “no – poopie!”

I acknowledged that, “yes – it does still smell like poopie.”

Finally he pointed and said, “NO – POOPIE.”

It was then that I looked behind the computer and saw the hidden stink bomb left over from the first explosion. Ah – the one that got away…

I would have closed my eyes and taken a few deep calming breaths, but couldn’t since the room literally smelled like ass.

Luckily, that really was the last of it, and the stink is entirely gone. But it’s just another nudge to my mental cocoon of denial that we really need to start potty training boot camp asap. Which opens the door to a entirely new world of “gross”…

Since I have barely touched upon “annoying”, I’ll save that for another time. Look for Part III sometime next week!

When in Doubt – Wear Pajamas


This is my son Oliver.

He has been Superman for Halloween two years in a row. And no – it’s not because he loves superheroes. It’s because he would NEVER abide any kind of “costume” that involved head gear, make up, heat trapping fabrics or accessories that must be held or clipped on. Basically – he wouldn’t wear costumes. Of any kind.

So I tricked him.

Target sells pajamas that look like superhero outfits. Superman was the only one that didn’t necessarily look like jammies though (the detachable red cape that he only noticed and ripped off 50% of the time was a nice touch). So Superman it was!

That was my solution. It was a win-win for all. I had a cute little costumed toddler/preschooler and he got to be comfortable.

It was such a success that we even suited up George (18 months younger than Oliver) in the same pjs last year.


Not sure what we’ll do this Halloween… Now that he’s four, Oliver likes costumes, and comfort may not be as much of an issue.

He’s pretty big – so I could possibly dress him up as the Incredible Hulk.

I wonder if he’d let me paint him green. Probably not. But maybe if I let him paint himself….


This post is part of Better in Bulk’s Give Me Your Best Shot! Friday. Lolli is another founder of Moxie Media and organizer of Around the Blogosphere in 5 Days.

Hope Floats…and Flutters

Last summer we thought we might lose my mother. I flew down to Key West with my son Oliver on literally a day’s notice.

Her cancer came back after nine years of remission.

It was sudden and terrifying and full of uncertainty.

And darkness.

But on an island that practically trademarked sunlight and sparkling water, it’s impossible not to look for hope.

Hope is something I do well. And of course my talent for dissociation doesn’t hurt…but I’d like to think that hope is the dominant of the two.

Pretty much everything we did that week involved entertaining Oliver, and what could be better inspiration for hope than a child?

From pushing my father into the pool (thanks Dad – great idea for a game!) to walking up and down the docks looking at fish (luckily the Push Grandpa in the Pool game didn’t seem to translate), Oliver kept everything light. We lived in the moment and were thankful for the distraction.

By far, Oliver’s favorite activity was visiting the Key West Butterfly Conservatory. It felt like we went every day, and I didn’t mind a bit. There is nothing more uplifting than walking into a room filled with fluttering butterflies.

It’s very hard to capture pictures of butterflies, especially when they are in motion, so this picture my father took seemed like a mini miracle.

As did my mother’s recovery. Something that wouldn’t have been possible a year or two prior.

Hope isn’t always easy to capture – but maybe it’s not meant to be held too terribly close. Letting it surround us without trying so hard worked best for my family.

Our hope didn’t just float – it also had roots. Ones that grow stronger every day. My hope now constant, and it’s both solid and lighter than air.

This post is part of 7 Clown Circus’ Wordful Wednesday. Angie is another founder of Moxie Media and organizer of Around the Blogosphere in 5 Days.

Oh Right – I Was Going to Write About Our Summer Vacations…

Honestly, I kind of forgot about this.

I kind of forget about a lot of things of course… But this is such an easy one! Post a few pictures, complain about whining in the car, embarrass future adult age children with online stories about nose picking… Yet – I did forget.

For the exact same reason that people don’t write in the beautiful journals they purchase: there never seems to be time when they’re thinking about it, and they’re never thinking about it when there’s time.

Blogging for me isn’t online journaling. I don’t chronicle every day and I don’t record even 25% of the important things in my life. Partly because I can’t imagine that each and every one would be interesting to someone reading my blog and partly because I don’t have a computer keyboard permanently attached to my fingertips (remember – I forget stuff). That would be cool though, right? I mean a detachable one of course. Someone invent that please.

But back to my point. I probably had a ton of ideas for funny, touching and insightful posts regarding the two family vacations we took this summer – but they’ve left my short term memory for the moment. I hope they’ll check in from time to time, but for now it seems that we lost touch indefinitely.

So thank god for cameras!

Here are some highlights:

Rehoboth Beach, DE – July 2009





And then George (the deceptively angelic looking little guy on the right in the last picture) knocked the camera out of my hands and broke it. It’s come back to life a few times – but I can’t download anything. Sigh.

Road Trip to Long Boat Key, FL – August 2009

(using the camera option on our video camera – kind of grainy, but sometimes it looks like that was what I was going for…)














I was going to include some video clips too, but I hear Oliver’s school bus coming around the corner… Maybe another time! That is – if I remember…

This post was part of Tribute Tuesday at Mayhem & Moxie. Another founder of Moxie Media and organizer of Around the Blogosphere in 5 Days.

My Children Are Gross and Annoying

You think I’m kidding?

I’m not.

You think I’m awful?

Okay – maybe I am. But I’m just stating facts. As adorable as they may be, my children have their flaws, and the toddler/preschool years have been a real treat.

Let’s start with “gross.”

Oliver picks his nose. And he eats it. I probably shouldn’t admit this because there is nothing funny about it. No justification through laughter and commiseration. It’s just gross and embarrassing and I LIVE for the day when I can tell him how he used to torture me with this revolting (and seemingly unbreakable) habit. Later in life, I will in turn, torture him with the knowledge that he was a nose picker (and eater) as a long past due punishment. Probably in front of his high school girlfriend.

Also, he’s obsessed with dirt.


Meaning that he can’t walk past a patch of dirt and NOT shuffle through it. He likes the big dust clouds that result since they are reminiscent of the steam clouds he sees in his bajillion Thomas the Tank Engine DVDs. He calls this “down tracks” (as in trains going down the tracks). I get it. I know what he’s going for. But to the rest of the world? It just looks like a giant four year old in a cloud of dust. We’ve started calling him Pig-Pen. Which sounds much cuter than it actually is.

But the real gross out factor of this love affair with dirt is that ANY form of dirt or dirt-like substance will do. Rolling around in sand at the beach? Acceptable. Shoving your hand into public ashtrays on the street? Disgusting. “Oliver! No dirt!” has become my signature bellow around the neighborhood.

Then there’s George.


And George? Pees. Everywhere. On the carpet, on the stairs, on the basement couch (by the way – you should TOTALLY come over to watch movies one night…sit down, make yourself comfortable…), on the bathroom floor IN FRONT OF the toilet… It’s like having a puppy. Except I can’t whack him on the nose with a newspaper when he does it.

There is no potty training-related excuse for this behavior because he LOVES going potty. Especially flushing. While Oliver gained 10 lbs eating mini marshmallows as he sat on the potty, George has needed no incentive beyond flushing. And he’ll keep going if I let him. We’ve had to enforce a strict one flush rule in our house for fear of George running up the water bill – or just breaking all of the toilets. Which is entirely possible since he will go from potty to potty if I don’t watch him. It’s a “round the world” of potties if you will. Maybe he’s marking his territory? That would explain all of the peeing on the floor…

While I wouldn’t say that Eleanor is gross, her delight in anything gas-related would put a twelve year old boy to shame. I’ve already written about this – but it doesn’t seem to be a phase that she’ll outgrow anytime soon. She also loves to simulate the noises, and has become quite good at it.

I’m trying to get her to replace her squeals of laughter with a simple “excuse me” when she does “furt” (her pronunciation), but she’s not picking it up. Here is a recent conversation we had:

Eleanor: Mommy! I FURTED!

Me: Well what do you say when you fart?

Eleanor: I say PPTHTTTT!

Me: Let me clarify that…What do you say AFTER you fart?

She only came up with “excuse me” when I gave her the answer.

Oh – and if you think it’s crass that I actually let her use the word “fart” instead of “toot” or “pass gas” or some other more ladylike variation…we’re so beyond that at this point…I don’t even try.

Eleanor is probably more annoying than she is gross though. So I’ll start with her on that topic.

Eleanor has to be the center of attention at all times. And she’s a quick study. So I have to think long and hard about what might constitute positive reinforcement.

She used to be such a tough little cookie and would barely pause to brush the bloody gravel off her knees after a fall while playing outside with her brothers. So OF COURSE I would fuss over her when she did cry. That always meant that she must be really hurt.

I’m not entirely sure when this changed, but at some point my little Camille figured out that a few tears would be her golden ticket to spotlight city. So now she’s always hurt.


I should really count the number of times that she says “I hurt my neck” on a given day. I’m not sure why that’s her injury of choice, but the fact that she usually points to her stomach or her elbow when she says it, doesn’t provide any clues. And she can squeeze out some real tears too. She’s got skillz, that one… But you know – it’s really annoying.

My mother recently noticed that every time she talks to Eleanor on the phone, she gets an update on all of her granddaughter’s boo boos.

Good god, but it’s like she’s an old woman! If you ask her how she’s doing, you’ll hear all about her ailments “well…I’m coming down with a head cold and my sciatica has been acting up…but I’m getting by…” Sheesh!

But her twin brother, George has an even more annoying method for getting attention: he screams.

And when I say, he screams, I don’t mean he cries or yells or even bellows. I mean, he makes noises that would rival the shrieks of any Von Helsing vampire bride. He can shatter glass with his screams.

As an “intense” child, George seems to find a multitude of triggers for his screams. It could be something as obvious as a sibling snatching a toy from him to more unusual transgressions, such as my insistence that he wear pants when out on the front lawn.

Either way – his screams are unsettling. And cause sharp pains in your ears. Hopefully, he’ll grow out of this. Or cultivate a successful future career as an opera singer.

And last but not least, there is Oliver. The dirt flinging is pretty annoying – but he’s got so much more to offer than just that!

I’d have to say that he is most annoying when he’s feeling particularly boisterous. Sensory issues play a huge role in his special needs and this boy really likes physical contact. He doesn’t just sit next to you…he sits on you. And if you think you’ll just teach him a lesson by sitting on top of him for a change, you should save yourself the effort. He’ll love it.

I can’t bend over to pick up toys without bracing myself for the inevitable impact of his assault. He’s not a violent child. He just feels the need to lunge at the people he loves.

I’ve decided that I’d make a fantastic line backer now (minor league of course since I’m only 5′ 6″ and not exactly beefy). I can shift my center of gravity on a dime. I now have a sixth sense for detecting a sneak attack, and I rarely lose my footing. I went to Fordham University, so my sparse knowledge of football history includes Vince Lombardi. And I think I’d make a very respectable eighth block of granite.

But for all of their annoying qualities, I’m sure the feeling is mutual. I can only imagine how sick they are of my constant nagging:

“Don’t touch that!“

“Get out of the street!“

“Come back here!“

“Don’t hit!“

“Don’t eat that!“

“Don’t throw dirt!“

“Not around the neck!“

I suspect that a lot of eye rolling goes on behind my back. “God – she’s so shrill.“

So we all have our quirks. But I’m not nearly as gross as they are. Unless of course you count the mass quantities of junk food I put away each day. Though I don’t consider that gross as much as just flat out survival.

The Island of Misfit Toys

I’m over at DC Metro Moms today writing about something very close to my heart. Please read it even though it’s a bit long (of course it is – I wrote it!) and comment if you have your own story to share, a different perspective to present, or even if you only have time for a quick “so-and-so was here.”

The Island of Misfit Toys

Parenting is hard, and with school starting for Oliver this week, I’m in a very “we’re all in this together” frame of mind…

The Island of Misfit Toys

(click image if you have never heard of the “the island of misfit toys”)

On Friday, I went to the open house for my son, Oliver’s preschool. He’ll be in the afternoon class with the older kids, but the morning class for the younger ones was there as well, making it twice as chaotic and confused.

Everyone had questions about bus schedules, school forms and cafeteria lunches. Everyone tried to keep one eye on their children while maintaining appropriate eye contact with the teachers providing answers. Everyone forgot half the questions they wanted to ask as well as each other’s names seconds after every awkward handshake.

And since I had to bring my two year old twins along for the ride, I was probably the worst of the overwhelmed, overstimulated bunch. But there was one conversation that didn’t end with the tug of a small hand or the sudden realization that a child was no longer visible.

I met one woman who tugged at my heart with her obvious loneliness and her own perceived invisibility. Her need for connection and understanding was palpable. And I recognized all of this in her pleasant smile and bright small talk because I have felt all of the same things myself.

I too have a special needs child.

All parents of children with special needs have felt alone and confused. And we all need to find others. People just like us, who know what it’s like to watch other children effortlessly join playground games and amaze grownups with their precocious conversation. We’ve all been on the other side of that social fence, blending in like chameleons. Hoping that no one notices our own child’s challenges and questions them. Or worse – makes uninformed excuses for them.

I listened to this woman’s story about how friends she’s had since childhood now avoid her. They have typical children and no tolerance for her son’s “bad” behavior. They either don’t want to put up with it, or possibly they just feel uncomfortable around her. But the outcome is the same. She is alone. She doesn’t fit in with them anymore.

I gave her my phone number and told her to call me any time. Maybe we could have a play date since her son and my twins are very close in age. My twins are what I’ve learned to call “typical,” but I have no fear of exposing them to a child who isn’t. They live with one already. And I know how much that little boy, like his mother will need friends who understand.

Oliver is four years old and has been in Fairfax County’s special preschool program since he was two. Looking back, I realize how incredibly lucky we were to find out about his delays so early on.

He was our first baby, so we had no means of comparison. Sure, we have plenty of friends with children the same age, but when they’re so little, those differences can easily be explained away. You can say that all babies develop at different rates (true) and that their very unique personalities would encourage different areas of strength (also true). But without that personal experience of watching another child grow and learn, you just don’t have that instinct that tells you “something isn’t right this time.”

Some mothers claim that even without older children, they just knew. But I looked at my big (and I mean HUGE), healthy 18 month old and thought he was fine. In fact, I thought he was better than just fine. I thought he was beautiful, wonderful…miraculous. And he was…he is. But he does have significant speech and social delays.

He did then too. But he was so young. And so much could be explained away. AND he had just become a big brother to newborn twins.

What child wouldn’t withdraw, act out and even regress a little? So what if he didn’t quite fit in with the others? His whole world had been turned upside down. Of course it affected him. It all seemed pretty normal to me. But months later I had to admit that he just wasn’t catching up. He wasn’t like my friends’ “normal” toddlers.

With some prompting from concerned relatives, we took him to a private child psychologist who established that he was in fact very delayed and would benefit from early intervention as soon as possible.

Then we got smart and started talking to people. We discovered that there were county funded programs for special needs children (although we weren’t actually using that term yet…not yet…) And we contacted Child Find.

We learned that we never needed to pay for that first round of testing since our tax dollars afforded us free services. But of course this is the lot of special needs parents – to continually learn what we didn’t have to do, what we should have done, what we could have given our child, but just didn’t know…

But we quickly learn to move on from that and not beat ourselves up. Or at least we try.

It’s hard to accept this inability to identify your child’s need. Your baby cries and you feed him, change him or hold him. He gets sick and you take him to the doctor. He grows and you buy him new clothes. Your job is to meet these needs. Any and all needs. It is your new reason for being. The most important job you’ll ever have.

And then, one day you find that you failed.

But these new needs allow no room for self flagellation. There is too much to learn and do. And to waste time on guilt seems pretty selfish.

So does the new source of anxiety for a special needs parent: the fact that you no longer fit in either.

Special needs don’t start and end with the child. They are part of the family as a whole. You become a group of misfits. A band of intrepid explorers, thrust into uncharted territory without a map or a compass. All families are different, as are the journeys they take together – so no one gets a guide. Survival hinges on everyone doing their part. Loyalty to the team is imperative. There are no solo missions.

Unfortunately, the leaders rarely volunteer for the post. It’s the lottery ticket that no one really wanted or expected. And not one of us could claim to be instantly skillful team captains. Basically – it all really sucks, and our initial reaction is to avoid ever leaving the ship.

Suddenly the voice mail from a friend wanting to set up a play date doesn’t make you smile and run to check your calendar. It makes you begin the endless cycle of “what if” worrying: “What if he doesn’t want to be there and cries? What if he plays rough and hurts the other child? What if he refuses to listen to me and I have to go through the motions of yet another ineffectual time out, just to look like I’m TRYING to be a good parent?” And the deepest, darkest of worries – the one we so rarely speak aloud: “What if he embarrasses me?”

It’s so tempting to go for the isolation option. To stick with your own kind.

But all of that changes when you meet other special needs families. It’s so comforting to be with the other misfits. They get it. They don’t look uncomfortable when your son is rolling around on the ground. Or kicking up dust clouds without any regard for the people next to him. Or pushing other children to get their attention. They don’t assume that his age or size would make him more mature. They don’t assume anything. They just smile and nod. There’s no need for words. They just know. We all know.

And that is what special preschool has become for me. A safe haven. An oasis in a desolate landscape. A private island where no one gets voted off. Acceptance is mandatory. In fact, it’s second nature.

The children get the special services they so desperately need, but they also become part of a community. They meet children with the same challenges, with worse delays, with higher functionality and with very limited scope for improvement. They are all misfits. All broken to one degree or another. But all deserving of love and appreciation.

They are safe on their island, and they are loved. Their needs are recognized and prioritized, and their triumphs – no matter how small – are celebrated.

The parents spend no more time in the special preschool classroom than do parents of children in private preschools. But our hearts are there every second of the day. And not just in the expected way that parents claim to leave a piece of themselves behind at drop off. For those of us with special needs kids, those classrooms aren’t just a place for learning – they are a place for hope.

And oh – but isn’t that the most beautiful, terrible, spirit lifting, soul crushing, incandescent word that a parent can say, feel, pray….”hope.”

Because that’s what it boils down to in the end. We sit on that island with our polka dots and square wheels and inability to fly and our…what exactly was wrong with that doll again? I never did understand that one… But we all sit there together. And we hope.

Together.

Which is the opposite of alone.

But it doesn’t end there. It can’t. Because hope isn’t enough. You can’t live on an island.

It’s nice to have a port in a storm, but we all live in the real world where (to really beat a metaphor to death) it isn’t always smooth sailing. People are unkind. They are busy and cranky, and they would rather gossip than research. The real world isn’t perfect and neither are the people in it.

Which brings up an interesting point: no one is perfect.

No child is perfect. No parent is perfect. No family is perfect.

We’re all flawed. We’ve all felt like outsiders at one time time or another. We’ve all felt lonely – even invisible. So in a way, we’re all misfits. Atypical.

And what defines typical anyway? I think it’s simply a majority rule. But a majority based on sweeping generalizations.

Which is fair. Because who has time for case by case living?

But I would ask one thing of the more typical misfits out there. Please try to make time for compassion.

Don’t assume that a child is “bad” based on their behavior. Don’t assume that their parents aren’t trying. Don’t assume anything.

You never know when you might be on that side of that fence. And when you are, you’ll appreciate a little empathy. Not sympathy – never sympathy – but an acknowledgement that things are usually more complicated than they appear. Something that everyone knows from personal experience.

Your polka dots may not match my square wheels. In fact, you probably look like that totally normal doll (I think she may have had a psychological problem?) But we’re all misfits in our own way. And you should make a little time to recognize this.

Because it takes one to know one.