Today is Michael Jackson’s memorial service, and there were some morning commute music block tributes on the radio. I enjoyed this immensely and rocked out to Shake Your Body (Down to the Ground), P.Y.T. and Dirty Diana.

But it also made me think about him and his very weird, sad life. I’ve avoided saying anything about his death since I do have some pretty serious thoughts on his life. And it’s not like I’m a newscaster here. I’m not reporting world events (because to people like me who consider reading US Weekly, “catching up on the news,” Michael Jackson’s death is a major world event).

So I haven’t considered writing about it. Until this morning when I was picturing him singing Shake Your Body and then P.Y.T. and then…what happened to him!?

Back to my rather harsh judgement (or opinion really, since I didn’t know him personally and am not in a position to judge – have I missed any disclaimers?)

We’ve all heard that saying, “If it looks like a duck and it quacks like a duck…”* And at the end of the day, COME ON! There are WAY too many variables going on here for MJ to be completely and perfectly innocent of the child molestation accusations.

If you still think that’s not quite fair, I’ll give you a “duck” example from my own life.

At my last job as a conference planner, I met a man who worked for…oh, let’s say DHS (it was a different office, but I’m all about protecting privacy here – for non-celebrities I mean). I was walking our Annual Expo show floor with a co-worker who knew him, and stopped with her so they could chat.

Since I wasn’t part of the conversation, I had a little time to just observe. He was very handsome and impeccably dressed. His obviously groomed eyebrows were still subtle, so only a woman would be likely to notice. He looked to be in his 30s, but the flat stomach and broad shoulders could easily have walked off a college lacrosse field.

When I came to from this daze of admiration for such a fine specimen of a man, I realized that he was talking about (or more accurately gushing about) his niece and nephew.

So let’s see…beautiful Canali suit, perfect hair and eyebrows, rock hard work out body AND routinely chats about his niece and nephew…yeah – he’s gay.

As we walked away, my friend commented on how gorgeous he was and how she always felt so nervous talking to him – with the raging crush and all. And of course, I said something to the effect of it being too bad for her that he was gay.

And OF COURSE she was incredulous as to why I would think that, and doubted my expertise on the matter. Which is fair enough – because I’m certainly not an expert. I just see a duck who quacks like a duck and form my own conclusions. While no single one of my observations would make me assume that he was gay, all of them together created a rather flaming red flag.

Epilogue: A year later after returning from an international conference where delegates usually brought their spouses, that same co-worker dragged me into an office to tell me that – what do you know – I was right. Mr. Gorgeous arrived on site with his life partner (and a wallet full of pictures featuring the niece and nephew).

Integrity of Kate’s gaydar: 1. Naysayers: 0.**

I would apply this same line of thinking to Michael Jackson being accused of molesting young boys. Let’s review the facts:

1. He had no childhood and an physically abusive father.
2. He was a child star in an industry where plentiful drugs and loose morals were a given.
3. He was the darling of said industry and exposed to who knows how many people with said priorities.
4. Sexual predators are everywhere and a child like Michael Jackson would be an easy target for the adults populating his life (admittedly, this is conjecture – but still quite probable).
5. He changed his appearance so many times that by the end he was barely human looking.
6. He had high profile romantic relationships with female celebrities, also known for being somewhat damaged.
7. No one ever really bought these romances which had the distinct air of being more friendship based and possibly just for show (more conjecture – but tell me you didn’t think the same thing).
8. He had his first two children with a woman who relinquished all rights as a mother, so I’m going to say there was no romantic relationship there.
9. Those children do not look like their father would likely be a black man (or at least not 100%) and the possibility of all three looking so Caucasian is pretty slim (if this statement offends you – pull out your old high school biology text book and read about dominant genes).
10. Before even becoming a father, he built an estate called Neverland that would be a fantasy home for children (the child he never got to be).
11. He had the monkey thing.
12. He had the Liz and Liza thing.
13. I could go on and on but the big, bottom line is that he had children, including 12 year old boys sleep over. In his own bed.

Each one of those items is not in and of itself condemning, but all together? It doesn’t sound like this was a man who was able to have normal romantic relationships with women. It does sound like a very sad, damaged person who made some bad choices. And it does sound like a very good candidate for pedophilia.

Again – I’m no expert, so maybe I’m wrong. But when you invite 12 year old boys into the your bed, you kind give up your right to being given the benefit of the doubt.

And on the possibility that he was in fact a sex offender who was able to buy his way out of jail, I wonder how those children, now adults, feel today. Are they rocking out in their car to P.Y.T.? Are they just happy it’s over? Are they in a good place now and able to forgive? That’s their story. One that fell off the radar long ago. And it’s probably for the best since they would at the very least deserve a chance for a normal life now.

I can’t judge Michael Jackson, but I can consider him. I can have pity for the child he never got to be, but also have contempt for the man he chose to be. And I can love the music in spite of the man. My personal opinion can waver on the details and find firmer ground in the big picture. But none of it makes any difference.

Do I think people should be held accountable for their actions? Yes. But after they’re dead? I don’t know… Because that really doesn’t make a difference either. Those of use who are living have a future and when we do look back at the past, we’ll all see different things.

Some will chose to see only the good, and some will choose to see only the bad. But both are there to be seen and considered. And in the end, I choose to see it all. With wide open eyes, and dancing feet.

*I Googled this saying since I wasn’t sure if it was “quacks” or “walks” and discovered that it’s actually a quote from Douglas Adams. And a pretty witty one at that: “If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family anatidae on our hands.” I may have known this once – but I don’t tend to retain factoids or information that isn’t relative to my life experience. So sorry Douglas – you just didn’t make the cut.

**Why do I keep talking about gay men on my blog…? I don’t even have that many gay friends now that I live in the burbs and lost touch with most of the hospitality industry contacts from my meeting planning days. Too bad I don’t live in the city anymore – I obviously have some serious fag hag potential going on over here…