Today, Maddie Spohr would have turned two. Her parents have been through so much over the past two years, and the loss they suffered several months ago was devastating.
But they’re not grieving today. Heather and Mike are celebrating the very short but very precious time they spent with their little girl. They are also working to bring hope and support to other parents of premature babies through Friends of Maddie.
Many friends of Maddie have written about this, but I think that this post gave very comprehensive information about what you can do to help. So I’ll just send you over there for further details on what we can do to contribute to this wonderful cause and help Maddie’s parents in honoring their daughter today.
Happy birthday and much love to you baby girl. You have given more to the world than you will ever know.
Yesderday I wrote a long, self indulgent post about my current anxiety over my life and how these feelings are so out of line right now… I never really write about that kind of thing to begin with – and wow, I can see why!
But I did include some very important information about a family in need of support. At the very end. It may have “flowed better” that way, but it does seem rather backward from a priorities standpoint…my angsty feelings about my life are really secondary.
So I’m reposting that part today. There are actually more direct places to get this information (visit Heather Spohr’s site). But here is what I wrote yesterday.
There are far better things that you can do with your time than feel sorry for yourself. You can help Mike and Heather Spohr defray the cost of the service for Maddie on Tuesday (which is apparently something like $7K).
I personally, have no extra money to spare at the moment, but I donated a few dollars. There is always something to forgo…a cup of coffee, the more expensive brand of frozen pizza, this week’s copy of US Weekly (although that one really hurts…) And if hundreds of people give a few dollars…
the Spohrs don’t have an income right now. Insta-Momwrote about this today and provides far more detail, but in her words, “Heather was laid off last year and has been at home caring for Maddie since; Mike is an independent contractor and is understandably not working right now. They have no income. And they have a daughter’s funeral to pay for–an expense for which none of us ever expect to need to save.”
Note: If you do choose to read this – please keep in mind that it isn’t a post abouta beautiful baby girlwho left this world too early. It’s about me and my bad qualities. The beautiful girl and information on how you can help her family are at the end.
I really did mean to write something yesterday – and today…but to be honest, I just haven’t felt like it. Not that I generally report on every lack of inclination to write…but usually my blog neglect is due to being busy or distracted. This time, I’ve just been feeling a little sad.
Sometimes hearing bad news – even when it’s very far removed from your real life – can have that effect. It’s harder to care about what’s going on at work, to be concerned about the fact that your children aren’t wearing pants or to feel inspired to be creative in any way. And then that just builds into a general malaise better suited to college students who can skip class and sleep all day than to working mothers who can’t afford a cleaning service.
I have no business being sad or lazy. But sad and lazy, I am. One day I’m feeling terrible about someone else’s loss, and then two days later I’ve let all kinds of other bad feelings in. Selfish, self indulgent ones that make me add “generally shitty person” to my list of character flaws.
It’s a snowball effect. Or a butterfly effect? Which one relates to eating a pint of chocolate ice cream for lunch? Well either way, sloth and envy saw the crack in my foundation and happily seized upon someone else’s tragedy to kick the woe is me attitude up a notch.
So I haven’t been in the mood to write. And a good thing too since the past few paragraphs are borderline obnoxious. How did my talk of counting blessings and appreciating today get lost in envy of people who don’t worry about money and job security? How can I live with myself, feeling envious of anyoneelse’s good fortune? Like I said before – I have NO business feeling anything but deliriously happy for another perfect day of so-so.
I think Heather Spohr would take money worries and job dissatisfaction plus a bonus helping of feeling fat over her very real and unbearable grief. And I’m sure Mike would gladly join her in pushing my cement encased body off a pier. I have nothing to complain about when I currently have the rosy fingers of a tomorrow with my children lighting up the horizon.
So basically, I’m disgusted with myself. And I’m this close [insert pinching hand gesture here] to deleting this whole thing and posting a cute picture of a kitten hanging from a tree limb (hang in there blogosphere – it will all turn out in the end)… But sometimes you have to hang out your ugly. People don’t have to look at it if they don’t want to… And I’ll pull it off the line soon enough. Maybe tomorrow. No – definitely tomorrow. I think I’m done with it now. Cathartic writing seems to help. Wish I knew that in high school. (Mmm – maybe not – I can only imagine the notebooks of cringe-worthy angst I would have burn now…)
If you’ve stuck with me so far (and I’m kind of hoping you skipped down to this part…), I’ll leave you with this: there are far better things that you can do with your time than feel sorry for yourself. You can help Mike and Heather Spohr defray the cost of the service for Maddie on Tuesday (which is apparently something like $7K).
I personally, have no extra money to spare at the moment, but I donated a few dollars. There is always something to forgo…a cup of coffee, the more expensive brand of frozen pizza, this week’s copy of US Weekly (although that one really hurts…) And if hundreds of people give a few dollars…
the Spohrs don’t have an income right now. Insta-Mom wrote about this today and provides far more detail, but in her words, “Heather was laid off last year and has been at home caring for Maddie since; Mike is an independent contractor and is understandably not working right now. They have no income. And they have a daughter’s funeral to pay for–an expense for which none of us ever expect to need to save.”
Me on the other hand… You can ignore my flailing attempts to get back to the pier. I’ll make my way back soon enough – and the ugly will fade as I let the sun dry me off. The warm glow of another tomorrow – even if it’s just one – is always worth the swim back.
I had a few different ideas for a post today, but all of them flew right out the window at about 7 a.m. At 7 a.m. I realized, for about the hundred -thousandth time that I am in fact the luckiest woman alive.
You see, I live in semi-squalor with a terminally messy husband and three toddler sized monsters in child costumes. These little demons don’t listen and they scream constantly and create mass destruction wherever they go. But it’s worse when they’re quiet because then we know that something really bad must be going on.
We’ve even given the kids little nicknames to match their evil alter egos. We call Oliver, George and Eleanor (respectively), Id, Chaos and The Brains.
We often speculate about about the white hairs appearing in my husband, Chris’ black hair. He’ll say, “I call this one ‘Oliver,’ and this one ‘George,’ and this one ‘Eleanor’…” And every once in a while, I’ll have my own namesake in there. VERY infrequently though.
Several times a week (or weekend to be honest), Chris will look at me in the middle of our daily anarchy and jokingly say that our lives just kind of suck right now. As in, “it will eventually get better – but for now, it’s a gaping abyss of suckiness.”
As much as I appreciate the humor, I have to beg to differ. We have three beautiful, healthy, larger than life children. This is what makes me the luckiest woman alive. Simply this. Because this is quite simply all that matters.
This morning at 7 a.m. I read that Heather and Mike Spohr, a couple that I have gotten to know through their blogs over the last year, lost their beautiful young daughter Madeline Alice, best known as Maddie. Maddie passed away on Tuesday, April 7, 2009.
How many times do I hear about a terrible tragedy involving a child?
Every day.
How many times does it make me count my blessings for the fact that my own children are at that moment alive and well?
Every single time.
But this is a little different, since this is a child whose face I know so well. It’s one that has made me laugh out loud and sigh with admiration. Maddie’s face is one that you don’t easily forget, so lit up with joy, laughter and wonder.
I can’t imagine what the Spohrs are going through right now. Or more accurately, I CAN imagine it and it scares the hell out of me. But more importantly, it puts everything into perspective.
I don’t care if my house is a mess or if I hate my job or if we have a kitchen the size of a postage stamp. How could any of that matter when right now at this very moment, all three of my children are safely tucked into their own beds with all of their blankets, pacifiers, books, Matchbox cars and stuffed animals. They may be curled up on their stomachs, little bottoms resting lightly on their crossed ankles. Or they may be sprawled on their backs with arms recklessly flung out with palms up – ready to grasp the morning that we all take so for granted each day…
This was a day that I took nothing for granted. And all day I carried Maddie’s sweet little face in my heart.
The Spohrs have asked that in lieu of flowers, donations be made to the March of Dimes in Maddie’s name:
My heart, so full of Maddie right now, goes out to Maddie’s parents, as well as everyone else whose life she touched.
There were many. And many more today. Including me.
So no honey, Our lives really don’t suck. We both know that this life we have right now is nothing short of miraculous. And every time we laughingly complain about it, we also count our blessings.
I can count at least three blessings. And their names are Oliver, George and Eleanor.
Today, mothers who read Maddie’s story felt sad, angry and grateful for today – this one more day with our children. We held them a little tighter. And we counted our blessings over and over and over…
