“We always hated that name.”
If you are between the ages of 30 and 50 and don’t recognize that quote, crawl out from under your rock and rent Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Even if you don’t love the sophomoric humor of this movie (which even I do), it’s a fun trip down both the good and bad sides of memory lane.
I’m using this famous cheerleader’s words to introduce my Friday Confession because it illustrates exactly how I feel when it comes to managing all holiday, birthday and event planning responsibilities for my family. For some reason, there is this predetermined expectation for me to be the “Booster Club” of the Reston, VA Hoods. It’s up to me to make sure that we’re on track for sending birthday cards, responding to invitations, buying gifts and decorating the house. It doesn’t matter that I have a full time job, children to feed and bathe, mountains of laundry to fold and a time consuming blog. As the woman and wife, I’m in charge.
How many times have I heard my husband tell someone on the phone, “I don’t know – you’ll have to ask the boss.” That’s right – I also rule our social calendar. It is literally my domain. This has its benefits of course, but having the final word on our RSVPs comes with its own set of responsibilities. Sometimes it’s not so “good to be the King” [an allusion to a more obscure quote – dedicated to my father who has jokingly used it on many an occasion]. I have been known to lose track of our engagements from time to time, and I’m notorious for enthusiastically over committing. I used to think that I was an organized person. But if you keyed into my house while I’m not there to hide clutter and close bedroom doors, you would see how very false that is. All of this housework, child rearing and paycheck earning has seriously impacted my interest level in the more festive aspects of keeping house.
Where is the confession in all of this? Well, it’s twofold. First – I’m bored with it and would like to outsource. Second – I’m not very good at it anymore and feel like I’d need a personal assistant to actually get anything done, and done well. Since both involve hiring staff, I’m assuredly not getting relief anytime soon. Though it must be admitted that shortly after bringing the twins home from the hospital and changing our grownup per baby ratio from 2:1 to 2:3, Chris did propose a time management solution. Using Big Love as an example, he suggested that we bring in another wife to help out. I can honestly say that I looked right into his eyes and responded without a hint of irony, “at this point, I’d seriously consider it.” I can hear John and Kate Plus Eight guffawing over how easy I have it…but I can only work with what I know. And I know that I’m tired and right now I don’t have the energy to even consider buying a single birthday card.
Once my friend Michelle and I joked about how many hours we spend on the activity of buying birthday cards, signing them and mailing them. I think we came up with approximately 24 hours per year. That doesn’t sound like a lot – but it IS a full day with no sleep. And that’s just birthday cards. I’m not even scratching the surface of the card buying genre if you consider baby showers, wedding showers, weddings, sympathy, graduation, congratulations….etc. Do you know how many cards of any kind my husband has purchased in the past year? [Insert stony silence here.]
Obviously, greeting card coordination is only one line item to check on this Julie McCoy’s activity clip board. But instead of calculating how many hours I spend making sure that everyone has appropriate holiday attire and whipping up the dessert for a get together with friends – I’ll just skip to the end and say that it all translates into a full time job that no one really has time to do.
Is it me, or is everyone else’s team spirit flagging. This Spirit Bunny needs a break. I give up. I’m relinquishing my command and looking for a replacement. Thirty-six sounds like an early age for retirement (and a bit premature considering that my children aren’t even out of pre-school), but what other options do I have?
One would be to channel John Belushi from Animal House and yell “Who’s with me?” as a prelude to running off without a single look back. But that really wouldn’t work since – you know, I kind of have to come back to make dinner for the kids. So escape is out…
The only feasible direction to take – now that I’ve established that we can’t afford staff and have decided against polygamy – would be to shift this role to my husband, Chris. Yeah – let Chris do it for a while. He can take time off of work to drive Oliver to his pre-school grocery store field trip. He can remember that my grandmother’s birthday is next week, and set aside time to inscribe a thoughtful message in her card. He can RSVP for any future birthday parties, play dates and neighborhood gatherings. Let him be the King of the calendar for a while.
But then I recall how Chris can barely remember his own birthday – let alone anyone else’s. He takes a year to get around to making even a dentist appointment. And once while discussing the complications of having an 18 month old Oliver around breakable Christmas tree ornaments, his proposed solution was to just not have a tree that year. Do I really trust him to make sure Eleanor has the right shoes to go with her party dress? Create an attractive floral display for our Thanksgiving table? No?
Look for my next post complaining about how I can’t get my children to pose for a holiday card. I guess it’s not quite time to hang up those pom poms… I wouldn’t mind dragging them around if there was just a little more enthusiasm from the team. Maybe I need to organize a pep rally…We Spirit Bunnies secretly enjoy our role, if not the title. We’re just looking for a little appreciation.
“We just want the crowd to participate and we want spirit from every little person in this entire school. Allll-Riiiight?”
In defense of men…we say “Let me ask the wife,” because THE WIFE CARES what we do! Dudes could care less what we do, but the wifey gets upset when we schedule stuff without clearing it! Just sayin’!
2! 4! 6! 8! Who do we appreciate?! KATE! KATE! Goooooooooo KATE!!!
I hear you sister and I feel your pain. It’s hard out here for a wife.
The trouble with outsourcing to your husband is that he doesn’t do it, but then guess who all the distant relatives blame when they don’t get a Christmas present?
I only have one baby – and because I’m addicted to the show – I’m always thinking, if Kate (G) can do this with 8 kids, surely I can manage with one…and I think our social calendar would be Lost in Space…if my husband were to be in charge. Loved this post!
this is the theme of my life….i was just on the phone w/a (male)friend last night explaining about my 2 full time jobs and the reason i’m always “too tired”
I have had more meltdowns during the photo sessions for the Christmas cards than at any other time! Good luck.
How many times have I had that same conversation with my husband/children? I feel your pain. I gave up on thank you cards a long time ago. Birthday notes are via email only. If they’re not on a computer (read: old people) they get a phone call. Deserts, flowers, appetizers for the party? All store bought. I cried uncle and never looked back.
Duuuude, that’s my skull!
I think I am too. IN fact I had my hubby send flowers to his own mother for her birthday this year. Yup I couldnt muster the energy this year.
amen!
I wish I had an assistant and even though my husband offers to pitch in, he can’t dress our son or is forever saying, “Honey, where’s the ______?”
Love the Mel Brooks reference, which I use myself, usually with a child who is complaining about my power wielding.
Maybe the answer is to relax on all of it, to try to reach a comfortable shabbiness instead of glittering perfection. These are the things I tell myself, naturally, and then completely ignore. I mean, does it matter if my children have perfectly matching outfits? Not one bit. Will anyone be seriously injured if a present isn’t just right, if it is, in fact, regifted even? Doubt it.
When my husband and I have this conversation, about how I get tired of doing all the family social managerial stuff, he politely reminds me of all the things he does that I have no interest in, but which make our lives that much more livable.
It’s all about finding the balance, right? If only that were easier …..
I am the ultimate Spirit Bunny! I live for Christmas and deciding what the kids will wear! I am even planning a Mother/Daughter Tea Party this year.
I buy all of my cards (birthday/anniversary) at the beginning of the year and once a month I pull them out and sign and stamp them. It makes keeping up with those things so much easier.
I loved, loved the Big Love reference! And I am loving your blog.
I am sooo with you. Outsourcing sounds good to me…
If it makes you feel any better i was an hour early for an appt on Wed. and a half hour early for an appt on Thursday and it was not my intention to be early to either of them. It happened b/c I literally forgot to look at the times in my book and just wasted an hour doing nothing except being pissed at me which always works out well for everyone :) I am a single mom so I can’t even shift this to my husband. I don’t even send cards anymore. I call or email. My friends get it and they do the same so everyone is happy.
I’m so there. I got yelled at by my in-laws this year because my husband didn’t call them on their anniversary. Yes, it was my job to remind him.
Mel Brooks, History of the World Part I…”It’s good to be the King!”
I’ve actually used that line numerous times in my house, for myself, my husband and most often my two boys (each at different times).
I feel your pain and love the outsourcing idea. It stinks how the card buying, rsvp-ing, etc always comes down on us. Holiday cards? Yep. Do our husbands even know we rotate the kids’ clothes in and out of the closets, weed out what’s too small and do the donations? Not at this house. Tonight Tom asked where we keep the sheets. Aargh!
Sometimes I just get too exhausted from trying to do everything. don’t you? and now I’m worrying about the damn Christmas card. thanks.
You covered so many things I can relate to. Except one. Sure wish my husband would call me the boss! hehe
Katie
Somebody’s got to be Spicoli.
i am in deep deep denial that it is pretty much that time of year again!!!
Being a mom is hard work sometimes! And exhausting! I feel like I do it all most of the time! My husband calls me from work to ask me to make him a hair appt! What???? Seriously???! Wears me thin!
Love the Fast Times at Ridgemont High quote…one of my faves back in the day…”My Dad’s a TV repairman, he’s got an ultimate set of tools….” tee hee
I am so there with you!! To much to do to little time to do it!! Okay well maybe if I did not blog I could get some of it done..lol..no card buying for me…nope..gave that up…to much to keep up with…so you go girl for all you do!! Here’s to you! Have a wonderful day!! :)
A problem in my house as well. Although, my control freak nature makes outsourcing or even delegating difficult. I tried handing over the pediatric appointments. My husband considered the 15 month check ups optional. Game over.