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First of all, I’d like to say that I really have meant to personally respond to all of the kind comments left on my highly dramatic mind dump last week. But time has gotten away from me – so it might take a while.
Needless to say, I am feeling much better now.
The truth is – nothing has changed. But we now have a “point A” from which to work. “Point Z” is very far down the road, a road that I’ve heard is a hard one at that. But it’s far from being the one less traveled. Many people out there with similar experience have offered advice and encouragement, as well as tan, toned virtual shoulders to cry on (is it just me, or does everyone else have a much better body online?)
That said, I have learned a few things since my uncharacteristic breakdown last week:
1. It’s okay to feel sorry for yourself for short periods of time – but never longer than necessary.
2. There are always worse problems to have, so you have to focus on everything that is good and right about your lot in life.
3. Feeling sad is a waste of time unless you know WHY you are feeling sad – how else can you learn and recover?
4. Little pitchers DO in fact have big ears (though no one really knows what baseball has to do with anything) and if a child has a delay or disability, they are still far smarter and perceptive than you could ever know.
5. I often lose track of my thoughts and have no idea where I’m going with this list.
RIGHT – so I know that I had a point beyond platitudes…unfortunately, it now eludes me.
But what about Oliver?
He’s fine. In fact, he’s great. Still wonderful and amazing and miraculous. And still very delayed and on the Autism spectrum.
But like I said last week – that’s just a label. It defines his current behavior and challenges. But it doesn’t define him. And it certainly doesn’t define me.
I knew that things had shifted for me when one night in the dark, a disembodied voice (don’t worry – it was just Chris) asked me, “Oliver will be okay, won’t he?”
I answered without hesitation, “of course he will. Because I’ll make sure he is.” And I knew that was absolutely true.
So if you got scared when you noticed that I had disappeared from my angst ridden ledge – don’t fret. I just crawled back in the window while you weren’t looking.
It was a bit too breezy for my liking. I get cold easily, so I thought I’d better go get a sweater. And once inside, things didn’t seem quite so dire anymore.
There were sweet little babies who needed my attention and several pleasant hopes for the future that needed dusting. Someone was making dinner, and I realized that I was ravenous. I can always be distracted by snacks. And shiny objects. And if you haven’t noticed, I’m a little obsessed with my blog life.
Frankly, I’m just too busy to hang out on ledges with the pigeons. They aren’t the best conversationalists. And they eventually flew away when they tired of me hogging their spotlight. You know pigeons – it’s always all about them and their problems…
Right! AND (I just remembered) because:
6. Self pity is for the birds.
I am so proud of you and Chris and the way you have put your priorities in the right order. Of course, Oliver will be all right. He will be more than all right. He’ll be remarkable because the care and attention he will get both at home and in all his outside therapies will be way more than just all right. By the way, Little pitchers have big ears is a very old saying that comes from the fact that the handle on a pitcher was called an “ear”. Weird, huh?
Love you all!
Love this! I think it’s good for us to be pitiful once in a while. It helps us to refocus on our blessings and reminds us to put our energy into things we CAN influence or change.
Glad you’re feeling better! And, yes, Oliver will be GREAT!
Well said! You’re so right.
I also love your blog empire!
Don’t forget us little blog people when you’re blog rich and famous.
:)
I’m glad to hear that you allowed yourself the feelings and also that you are now doing better.
You crack me up Kate.
You have a wonderful perspective on this whole thing. Oliver is lucky to have such a great mama:)
I’m so glad you’re feeling better! And your whole family is lucky to have each other. And I’m with Anastasia – just make sure you remember the little people who supported you when you’re blog-famous!
I’m glad you’re feeling better. Please don’t hesitate to email me with any questions, comments, concerns. I’ve been there, Kate Coveny Hood.
You’re a wonderful mother (probably because you were raised by one!). Oliver’s blessed to have you.
You’re all doing great! I’ll keep everyone in my thoughts and prayers.
You are a really good mom. And a really good writer. I’m really glad you didn’t jump.
Glad you’re feeling better about the situation. And I think you’re right–Oliver will be fine, because he’s got you, and you’ll make sure he’ll be fine. Hope you’re having a great day!
You would appreciate Jess, from “Make under my Life” blog – she is linked on my blog roll. There is a fantastic post on perseverance that you will find inspirational.
pve
What a great mama Oliver has!
And remember, we’re all here to support you and help pull you back in if you feel like going out on that ledge again.
Just stopping over from SITS. I’m glad I found you. I hope you will visit me. I’m a Follower, now.
Yes, it’s alwayssss about them!
i’m glad you are doing better. thing will be okay. xo
I am sooo glad you are feeling better!!! Your right it is ok to be sad for short periods of time! We just talked about this in counsiling and its like a car needs a oil change every 3000 miles every one needs a break down every once in awhile!! I think that writing about it helps to you have a whole world of support! HUGS!
Glad you’re back, and crawled back in the window! All the cool kids are inside ;)
Plus pigeons are just totally gross.
Excellent list, especially the part about Oliver being okay because you will make sure he is. That is what good parents do – and Oliver is a lucky boy!
Always lean on your great sense of humor to help yourself and, when needed, the rest of the fam out of the doldrums. You can make anyone smile – use it! You guys are going to be just fine.
You are going to be okay. It seems that you subscribe to my motto: Laugh and live, cry and die. I remember feeling the same way–that I would gladly give every fiber of my actual being to my disabled son if it would just make him whole. He won’t ever be in this life but I know he is much healthier than he would have been if it weren’t for my determination. I know of kids who have overcome autism–having a fighter like you for a mom will go a long way for Oliver. :)
I’m laughing, in a good way, at what Anastasiaspeaks said about your blog empire. I love it too. :)
Brave, loving, and lovely post.
I’m getting caught up. I am so sorry I wasn’t here the day of your big mind dump but I did go and read it. Oliver will be fine because he has such a great mom and dad to get him there. You are both obviously wonderful, caring parents, he is a lucky little boy! Hugs!