Tag Archives: George

Home Alone: Day One

Chris is away until a week from Saturday night (a nine-day business trip to Las Vegas and a three-hour time difference). He has requested daily updates on The Big Piece of Cake. Probably because every conversation we have goes like this:

Kate: Hello?

Chris: Hi – how’s it going?

Kate: What?! I’m sorry – George is screaming.

Chris: I just wanted to say hi and check in.

Kate: Oh hi! Everything’s fine except for Oliver almost decapitating Eleanor with the cabinet door. But other than that, everything’s been great.

Chris: I miss you guys.

Kate: What?! I’m sorry – George is still screaming.

George: [screams like a baby girl]

Kate: Eleanor do you want to say hi to Daddy?

Eleanor: NO!

Kate: Say “no THANK YOU.”

Eleanor: [sullenly] No tank you.

Kate: Oliver, do you want to day hi to Daddy?

Oliver: HI DADDY!

Chris: Hi buddy! I miss you. What are you doing?

Kate: Yeah – it’s me again, he’s busy watching Blues Clues.

Chris: Okay – I just wanted to say hi and tell you I miss you.

Kate: George! Stop it! What? I’m sorry – George is still screaming because Eleanor took his Matchbox car.

Chris: I’ll let you go I just…

Kate: OLIVER! Get off the counter!

Chris: …wanted to check in.

Kate: Okaybye!

So. Here are some highlights for Chris:

I woke up at around 7 a.m. and heard the twins awake but talking to each other and playing. Then I was able to doze in bed for another 45 minutes (Dream. Come. True.) until I heard Eleanor calling, “Mommy! Where are you?” Oliver wandered in around 7:50 and I had to get up.

The rest of the day was a blur with the exception of the following:

We went to the At Play Cafe around the corner for the first time since it opened months ago.

Everyone loved it. And they played happily with only periodic visits to tell me that they bumped their head, wanted to say hi or just wondered where I was (our theme song is “Mommy! Where are you?”).

We will be there every day until they go back to daycare on Wednesday.

We came home for lunch and I made some “break and bake” Valentine cookies as a treat. Oliver still calls hearts “I wuv yous” (swoon).

George and Eleanor took crazy long (three hour) afternoon naps. Thank you At Play Cafe!

Oliver and I watched the Mary Poppins chimney sweeps scene twelve times.

Eleanor insists on dragging me to see everything she does, “C’mon Mommy – I show you!” And George clings to me like a baby koala bear, no matter what I’m doing (letting Eleanor “show me” things, washing dishes, going to the bathroom…)

All three kids played in the basement while I cleaned up the mess that grows weekly (as Chris continues to tell me that he’ll pick up while he’s watching TV…never happens).

Everyone refused to take a bath. I said, “fine.”

Everyone ate far too many snacks. I said, “fine.”

Everyone was content to play while I read Us Weekly. Unprecedented!

All in all – it was a long day, but a good day. That’s a red letter day when it comes to Hood family weekends.

Oh – and I watched I Am Legend after the kids went to bed, and it was kind of horrifying. I really hope that nothing like that actually happens. Because even if I was immune to the virus, I know nothing about artillery and have no idea how one goes about installing those iron shutters on windows. At the very least, I would hope that Chris wouldn’t be out of town when it happened. He has far better survival skills. And at the very least, he’d figure out how to shoot a deer for dinner before locking the zombies out for the night.

Is Nothing Sacred?

In a word? No.

I have entered a phase of motherhood that can only be described as a complete breakdown in reason, order and sanity. I really do feel like I live with three asylum escapees sometimes. And I saw it coming the minute I found out that I was pregnant with twins. It was right about that time that my oldest son turned one. He became a toddler, and apparently a crazy person.

And that’s exactly what I said to Chris: “it’s like living with a crazy person.” The tantrums over nothing – the mood swings – the manic activity. It was exhausting. And then we found out I was pregnant again. And then we found out that I was having twins. And then I realized that within just a couple of years, there would be three crazy people in my house. Actually five since Chris and I would undoubtedly be insane by then.

But of course, like all mothers, I adapted fairly quickly and found much of this unhinged behavior adorable. I readily admit that I do tend to find bad behavior amusing, and I often have a hard time addressing it appropriately (i.e. not laughing and saying “do it again! do it again!”). This would explain a lot about my children.

I don’t want to give the impression that I have bad kids. Absolutely not. They are very sweet and considerate demon spawn. And not one of them has a mean bone in their little bodies. Their daycare provider is raising them right! Just kidding about that last part of course (sort of). But my point is that they are just being their ages (three and two). And that involves a level of chaos that not even a team of Navy SEALs could suppress. And this translates into losing time that was once spent on personal priorities like reading, exercising, showering, picking socks up off the floor…

If you have toddlers, I suspect that I am describing your current home life. If you had toddlers a long time ago, you are laughing at me and saying, “just wait until they are teenagers.” If you don’t have children, you are thinking that you may just want to get a dog instead. Either way, I’m too busy fishing poop out of the bathtub to be affected by your validation, condescension or horror.

The way I see it is like this. You have a baby. You bring that baby home. And after a few weeks or months of feeling like you have entered a never-ending twister in the tornado of new parent hell, you miraculously wake up in Munchkinland. You marvel at how the world suddenly became technicolor and can’t wait to see what lies ahead as you continue down this sparkling yellow brick road. Little did you know that it would be flying monkeys.

Once you get used to being a parent to a baby and really start to enjoy it, you see your baby like this:


Then your baby becomes a toddler – and they become this:


And I don’t mean that they become hideously ugly. Quite the opposite. They become even more mogwai-like in their cuteness. It’s just that they can’t help but wreak havoc in your life as a matter of course. It’s programmed into a toddler’s DNA to be a little gremlin in the house. And when you have multiple toddlers, you have multiple gremlins (thank god throwing them into a bathtub doesn’t create more).

How many times have I left a neat and orderly room for five minutes, only to return to what looks like a war zone? Um – pretty much every time I leave the room. Chris thinks we should just give up and never put things away. But guess what? I’ve tried that, and they manage to make an even bigger mess out of the original one. How does one manage to take a room that is completely ripped apart and make it worse? I have no answer for this, you’ll have to ask a toddler.

A perfect example of a simple daily activity that they manage to turn into a circus is going somewhere in the car. The car was once a zen-like refuge for me. I would quietly sip a coffee from Starbucks and listen to music or a recorded book. Traffic never bothered me because I could just tune it out and enjoy a little time to myself. No work e-mails to answer, no laundry to be done. Just a little peace and quiet. This no longer exists. Now I have an entourage.

Every weekday, I commute with my children. I drop them off at daycare on my way to work. Just getting them to ENTER the car is the first challenge. Inevitably, I find myself chasing them in circles. Then once I finally get them in the car, I have to drag them out of the driver’s seat, the “way back” (we have an SUV) and the space under the seats. I have to rip unidentifiable scraps of old food (at least I hope it’s food) out of their hands before they manage to reach their mouths. I have to force rigid abs of steel back into car seats so that I can buckle harnesses. I have to yell, cajole, tickle and spank them into submission (consistency is my middle name). Then I spend the majority of the drive time answering all 500 of my daughter’s questions, climbing into the back seat to re-buckle my oldest son’s seat belt at stoplights and moving the passenger seat forward so that my youngest son can’t kick the pause button on the DVD player. Once we arrive at our destination I have to replace socks and shoes that have been flung off and retrieve sippy cups from wherever they have been launched. I arrived at work completely exhausted.

Another previously sacred time was my daily shower. I am perpetually cold and like nothing better than to lose that chill in a nice hot shower. It doesn’t even have to be a long one – just five minutes of total warmth. But now the bathroom door is open, and two or three sets of eyes observe me rush through my morning ablutions. A ritual that now involves keeping one foot ready to nudge someone out if they decide to climb in with me (an activity often followed by the task of re-dressing them in dry clothing). The one positive thing about my shower experience is that it’s possibly the only time that I do something without at least one child attached to my body. It is no longer “daily.”

Evenings used to offer some nice, relaxing me-time. I’d have a little dinner, do some reading, maybe even watch some prime time television. Now I’m lucky if I can change out of my work clothes before it’s time to go to turn in for the night. If I do run upstairs to change, I have to answer to a chorus of “Mommy! Where are you?” or keep an eye on them as they open every drawer in the room while I’m pulling on my sweat pants. If they don’t follow me upstairs and I don’t hear any concern for my whereabouts, then I know I’m in trouble. I’ve already related the incident of the black and orange Halloween clings stuck to the playroom ceiling. But there are unlimited others that involve “working together” to create some kind of mess or mayhem. Recently I came downstairs to see my three year old son hand a full, OPEN gallon milk jug to my two year old daughter. Eleanor, who is lucky if she weighs 25 lbs soaking wet, immediately began to fall backward, and I only just made it there in time to grab her before she was taken down by the jug of milk.

So no – none of that is sacred anymore. Not my personal time. Not my personal possessions. Not my personal space. But in spite of all of that, I can’t really complain. I have something far more sacred now: their time – this time. Someday I will have time to read and go to the movies and have leisurely dinners out with Chris. Someday I will go on vacations and actually sleep on the plane. Someday I’ll be able to just get in the car and go without any concerns about forgotten lunch bags or lost blankies. Someday I’ll have alone time again.

But I’ll never again have two little bodies cuddled in my lap as I smell their freshly washed hair and read them Go Dogs Go. I’ll never again have a little boy say, “I wuv you mommy,” as I tuck him in at night. I’ll never again watch three little people dance with wild abandon around the house pretending to be the chimney sweeps in Mary Poppins. So if I have to put up with some mess and chaos and drastically lowered expectations for personal time and appearance? I’ll take it. Because this fleeting moment in my life as a mother is worth it. This time is more precious and sacred than any other I could imagine.

Can’t Catch Me…

My son Oliver has recently become obsessed with The Gingerbread Man. He bursts into spontaneous quotes at random times and I’ve started to hear the “run, run as fast as you can – can’t catch me, I’m the Gingerbread Man” song in my sleep.

His preschool class had been reading and acting out the story in December and even had a little Gingerbread Man holiday party before Winter break. So at least I know the root of this new mania. And honestly – it’s pretty cute. His garbled version of “run, run as fast as you can” always makes me smile.

I only worry about what will happen when he returns to his class in January and they have moved onto a new book. I wonder if Oliver will try to stage a Gingerbread Man coup d’état. I wouldn’t be surprised given his aversion to change. Either way, I expect some indication of alarm (“What? No Gingerbread Man? What are you trying to do? Ruin my life?”)

In fact, I worry about all of my children and their reaction to the disappearance of holiday decorations, treats and DVDs. We have been rockin’ around the Christmas tree (literally) for about a month, and I don’t think they remember what life was like before. I thought that their obsession with Halloween pumpkins was bad – but that was nothing in comparison to LIGHTS! Every day after I pick them up at daycare, I have to take them on a tour of the neighborhood light displays. Their daycare provider lives in a predominantly pre-fab neighborhood where people think nothing of displaying 50 plastic lawn ornaments (none of which have anything to do with the holiday season), so you can only imagine what they can do with holiday lights and inflatable snowmen, santas and various cartoon characters in holiday garb. To be fair, the kids will sometimes yell for pumpkins – but that’s only because some of the houses still have a few plastic jack 0’lanterns on display.

Luckily for me, I can distract Oliver from this defection of holiday cheer with Gingerbread Man videos. Chris has started pulling up these clips on YouTube, so now the little weirdo demands to see them every time he catches sight of a laptop. Okay – so maybe “luckily for me” isn’t entirely accurate… But I try to drink from the “half full” cup of insanity that seems to come with unlimited refills.

We have found some really bizarre ones, which are surprisingly (or not so surprisingly) some of Oliver’s favorites. Here are a couple (if you are not familiar with the story, I suggest watching this old school version that Oliver also likes):


Lately, I’ve been feeling a little bit like the Gingerbread Man. Everyone is out to get me. Just kidding! (Sort of.) But I do feel like I have a frightening number of responsibilities chasing me toward inevitable doom. Or at the very least toward an even bigger holiday weight gain than I expected. Stress eating + holidays = “fat clothes” coming out of their closet hibernation.

I meant to take last week off from just writing, but all of the last minute work projects, holiday events, children home from daycare and the never ending disaster of my messy house have taken their toll. I haven’t read or commented on any of my favorite blogs. I haven’t responded to e-mails from friends. I haven’t caught up on any of my prime time television viewing… I’m a holiday slacker. But as I said before – the holidays are almost over. So no more running. I’ll just let it all catch up with me and hope that I don’t get eaten alive.

Don’t forget to enter the jewelry giveaway! Comments open until TOMORROW, Tuesday, December 30 at 9:00 p.m. EST.

Guest Post from Jozette of Regardez Moi

*Don’t forget to enter my giveaway from Stacy Cakes! Click here for details. Send me an e-mail letting me know that you’ve posted about my December giveaways on your site and I’ll give you a second chance to win!

Remember my idea about asking everyone that I invited to my virtual dinner party to guest post on my blog? Okay stop laughing about the virtual dinner party nerdiness and listen to what I’m saying. Remember that? No? Well – I thought I’d randomly ask the people from that “guest list” to guest post for me – probably once a month. So far, we’ve heard from Kacy and Anastasia, but got derailed in October when Jozette from Regardez Moi postponed. Twice.

Now I think I’ve given her a hard enough time about this, so I’m just going to be happy that she FINALLY got her loosey goosey act together and sent me the damn guest post already.

Seriously though – I do love Jozette. She funny and quirky and not afraid to be honest. She’s had a tough year. One of those years that makes us look back and say, “how did I do that? I should be dead by now.” But she’s so lovely and deserves a great year to make up for it. So I’m hoping that 2009 will be the year that Jozette “got her groove back” (possibly with the hot young guy from work). She deserves it!

Welcome Jozette!

I am not a mother. Well, a motherfudger, maybe, but I have no children to speak of. So why-oh-why did Kate pick me to guest post on her blog? I have no idea. (It’s because I’m awesome.) But I am more than flattered and happy to oblige. Even though I, um, you know. Bailed on her. Twice. Because I was uh. Busy.

The truth is, I really was busy. And also? I was drained. I didn’t have any idea what to write; what could I possibly say that her blog audience would appreciate? And… I’m really bad with deadlines. (I originally type-o’d ‘dreadlines’ which is so apt.) When I know there’s something due, I completely put it off. Even if it’s something that I would normally look forward to doing. I shut down, fold up. Like the cheap extra table you bring down from the attic only at Thanksgiving. I’m the kiddie table covered in a sticky vinyl tablecloth from the 70s.

I tell myself I’m unreliable (which, I can admit, I tend to be.) Not on purpose. I’m just, you know, emotionally unstable. And sometimes just the slightest bit of pressure can render me utterly useless. Straight to the couch in my crusty old sweatpants with a plate of cheesy refried beans. (Note to the single male readers: pipe down, I know how hot you must think I am right now. Try to keep it in your pants, please. This here is a family blog.)

This post is going nowhere really fast.

Oh, I never introduced myself. Hi. I’m Jozette. I’m the flaky non-committal blogger who loves words but sometimes has difficulty putting them together. A 30-year old emotional roller coaster on the verge of divorce. A real keeper.

Now to the meat of the story: Kate commented on my blog not too long ago and her words have stayed with me.

She said:
You were one of my first non-mommy blog readers. You’re one of the people I think about when I’m writing and say, ‘I don’t think every poopy diaper needs to be documented. There’s more to me than just that.'”

And that really touched me, you know? Cause I’m all sentimental and sh*t. And that was really nice.

Oh.

Were you expecting something deeper – more eloquent than that? Yea. You’re barking up the wrong tree.

I think my point here, although deeply hidden and camouflaged better than um, you know, an army guy wearing camouflage, is that her comment made me think about how mired we become in our daily existence. How our WHOs often get lost in the WHAT of our lives. How important it is not to lose your WHO. (Who shot who in the what now?)


WHO are we really? WHO the filth am I? That’s the question I asked myself when I read her comment. It’s something I try to figure out on a daily basis. It is partially the catalyst for my blogsistential crises numbers one and two.

Caterpillar: Who are YOU?
Alice: This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. I — I hardly know, sir, just at present — at least I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.
Where was I going with this?

Um….

Oh. I am not a mother. But the majority of blogs I read are written by women who are. I delight in their writing and their honesty about not only their children, but about themselves. Who they are as women. Women who lead completely different lives than me; women who live scattered all over the world. Wildly intelligent, strong, hilarious (to the point of involuntary pants-peeing), take your breath away, wonderful women and mothers whom I worship. Whose words I devour every day. Who teach me about the kind of woman, the kind of person, the kind of mother I would like to someday be. (Oh no. Now I’ve gone and ruined my street cred. Let’s just keep this last paragraph between us, okay?)

So, thank you. Thank you for being an inspiration to me. Thank you for sharing your lives and for allowing me to share mine.

Or something.

Now I feel awkward. Like I just had semi-stranger sex and am having difficulty making eye contact. Like I’m sitting on my hands at the edge of bed, biting my lip. Ummm.

You guys are great.

*Slaps you on the ass*

Now hit the showers.

*Jozette is currently on a blogging hiatus – whatever that means. Hopefully she’ll be back soon! You can do your begging in my comments section or e-mail her directly at regardezmoiblog@gmail.com.

Farewell to the Mullet

Mullet: A mullet is a hairstyle that is short in the front, top, and sides, but long in the back. The hairstyle was popular from the early 1980s to the early 1990s. Mullets have been worn by males and females. The mullet is distinct from the rattail, which consists of a long, narrow “tail” of hair growing from the back of the head. Mullets also vary in length from side to side and do not necessarily share a single, consistent length.

As I have mentioned on many an occasion, my daughter, Eleanor is follicley challenged. It is only now, at age two, that she has FINALLY started to grow some hair already.

She’s always had very fine blond hair, and I’m sure that if she was my only child, I wouldn’t think anything of it. But she is a twin. And her brother George has had a full head of hair from birth.

Ah – all of that explaining to people that he is not her older brother…”no, she’s not younger – just bald.” Thank god those days are over. As are the days of men seeing me with the twins in the stroller and Oliver at my side, and saying, “three boys – nice work!” (Incidentally – Eleanor was usually wearing pink or leopard print – or something else that no self respecting one year old boy would be caught dead in – but whatever.)


Even as babies – George was able to wear a barrette. Eleanor? Not so much. That one above is literally attached to all three of her hairs. And why would we have a picture that involved George wearing a barrette? I have two words for you: mean grandma.

Unfortunately – this new growth pattern just wasn’t very attractive. Since she always had some hair on the back of her head (I know – cute right?), that pre-existing hair has continued to grow at the same rate as the new hair on top of her head. The result? A bizarre hairstyle alarmingly reminiscent of the mullet.


It’s a bit dark – but truly displays her mullet to best effect.

I’ve never had a mullet or anything resembling one. In general, I’ve had different variations of the same hair style since high school. Albeit, with a few blunders such as perms and fringe bangs thrown in for future blackmail pictures – but never a mullet. No one in my family or Chris’ family has ever had a mullet. And I’ll be damned if my own daughter will be known as the neighborhood toddler with a mullet.

So of course, that means that the day we have been waiting for – for so long (really, really long) – had finally come. Eleanor’s first haircut!

Here are some “before” pictures:


So serious.


I told you it was bizarre.

Then during:


No tears. Pretty impressive considering that her brothers always cry and flail.


The back is now the same length as the sides.


And a blow dry no less! The last time she was in a stylist’s chair with a hair drier over her, she was in my stomach and my water was breaking (ah – memories).

And when it was over:


She got to pick out a barrette. But it was too big for her skinny little hairs. Maybe next year.


A lollipop made up for the barrette disappointment. (For me, I mean. She could have cared less.)

Sorry I don’t have any good “after” shots of the back of her head. She wouldn’t let me take any. Scenes from my future as the mother of a teenage girl: “Mom – stop it! You’re so embarrassing.”

I’m so proud of my mullet-less little girl. She didn’t cry or flail and I didn’t leave covered in toddler hair and snot. Maybe I should bring the boys next time so they can watch her work. My little girl took it like a man (a man WITHOUT a mullet).

They’re Writing Memes of Love But Not for Me

Anyone that has a blog has heard the term “bloggy love.” And I am absolutely on the list of people who like to talk about the other sites I love. I ask people to guest post, I have a list of blogs on my sidebar (one that I try to keep managable so visitors will actually click on the links), and I’ve even participated in a “virtual dinner party” providing links for some of my favorite bloggers.

But the truth is – I generally don’t like memes and awards. That is my Friday Confession – and it’s a big one for someone with a blog. It’s like telling other mothers in your play group that you really don’t like children that much. I may be banned from Blogger for admitting this – but I just don’t care for memes, awards, and most things that could be labeled bloggy love.

I even find words like “bloggy” annoying. I’ve never been one for the cutesy stuff, and anything that ends in a “y” tends to fall into that category. It kinds of reminds me of high school when all of my friends said “awesome” (a lot) and I just couldn’t. It made me feel like I was trying too hard. And this has come full circle since you may have noticed that most people with blogs use the word awesome ALL THE TIME.

Now I’m not saying that I have opinions about other people who love to participate in memes and hand out awards (or overuse the word awesome – without a hint of irony). It’s just not for me. Probably the biggest reason is that I hate making people feel left out. Of course that’s never the point of these things – but it’s an inevitable byproduct.

When I put together my list for the virtual dinner party I made a point of including parameters that would exclude a lot of the people who might expect to be invited. You were supposed to list 10 blogs and I decided to limit it to blogs that I thought wouldn’t be on anyone else’s list (because they were “blogs that may not be read by the people who are participating in the dinner party planning OR blogs that are still somewhat undiscovered”). I included Anastasia from The Gift, Anna from An Inch of Gray, Kacy from Every Day I Write the Book, Jozette from Regardez Moi, Winona from Daddy Likey, Suzie from Up the Hill Backwards, Amy from Doobleh-Vay, and Heather from Dooce (oh yes I did – but you’ll have to visit the original post for an explanation). Then I couldn’t think of anyone else that would fit my “profile” so I left two spots open for crashers.

I did like the idea of directing my readers to other sites that I really enjoy (there you go: bloggy love), but I could only do it if I knew that I wouldn’t offend anyone. In fact, one of my favorite comments ever was made on that post by Melissa, who said, “I’m having trouble with this, too. I don’t want to make either of my two readers upset if I don’t include them.” Exactly! I don’t want to alienate people who actually take time to read my mediocre attempts at writing. That would just be wrong.

So when I see a meme or an award on another blog and I’m not included in the recipient list, I just breathe a sigh of relief. It’s too much pressure to pick a limited number of “favorites.”

And I’ve had some lovely people honor me with an award. First Renee of But Why Mommy gave me the “Brillante Web Blog – Premio 2008” award (oh yeah – and awards seem to always have very bizarre and slightly foreign names). Then Melissa gave me the Premio Arte y Pico award (seriously – is “premio” a word in ANY language?) Finally, Tiffaney gave me an “Este Blog Investe e acredita na…PROMXIMIDADE.” No idea what this is supposed to mean.

These three women are wonderful people whom I’ve enjoyed getting to know online. I took their acknowdlegement in the spirit in which it was offered. But I haven’t always reciprocated. It’s not that I don’t want to – I just find it very hard to do.

I am a little embarrassed about not posting my awards with a list of other blog friends that I like. But it’s kind of a catch 22. If I just never aknowledge them I feel like my community membership may prematurely expire, and when I do join in the fun, I worry about seeming silly and frivolous (because – you know, I usally write about hard hitting topics such as potty training and giving my children candy for breakfast).

But have you noticed the abundnce of links that I’ve included? This is my compromise. It’s also a cop out. I just won’t pick and choose favorites from the many blogs I love. It’s too difficult and I wouldn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I think this is better though – since I can include several links without actually listing a “top 10.” It’s the perfect solution for me and my paranoia. And you know what we bloggers like to say when we’ve come up with a geat solution to a problem….awesome.

How Do WE Get Ready for Halloween?

As a family primarily populated by small children, we’re really just beginning to create holiday traditions. For a long time, it felt like we were the house of babies, then toddlers. And now that everyone is between the ages of two and three, we can actually say “we have three kids.” They are finally all able to understand Halloween – or at least the various decorations and activities that go along with it.

Now we have three very enthusiastic little people in our house who just LOVE PUMPKINS! So number one on the list of what we do to prepare for Halloween? We talk about pumpkins incessantly. The word “pumpkin” must be included in every other sentence – at least. And if we are driving in the car, there must be constant speculation about where the pumpkins are, how many there are and which direction should be taken to find them. Oh – and if there aren’t any to be seen? Get ready for some screaming.

We also make it our first order of business to purchase a hideous plastic light up pumpkin:

My three year old, Oliver felt that this was a “must have” on one of our trips to Harris Teeter – LAST MONTH. At the time, I thought, “what the hell? If an ugly light up pumpkin decoration adds to their Halloween experience, why not?” Why not? Because it’s now the most important feature of the house and must be plugged in at all times. Plugging that stupid pumpkin in is my first priority when we get up and when we come home in the evening. I’m starting to worry about what will happen when Halloween is over and the pumpkin is put away (hidden). How will they function without their tacky idol to worship? Will I have to buy them a plastic light up turkey?

The next Hood Halloween tradition is to buy our costumes early. And demand to wear them ALL THE TIME:

Unfortunately – George tired of his Yoda ears a couple of weeks ago and decided to hijack his brother’s costume:

If I don’t hide the Superman top, George will demand to wear it everywhere: to daycare, to bed, to the mall, in the tub (seriously – we’ve had some BIG fights about that). I’ve written before about George’s tendency to get attached to things. And I think that he would shatter all of the glass in the house with his screams if I dared to take that Superman costume away from him and let Oliver wear it. Luckily Target had more. So we’ll have two Supermen this year. I don’t care – at least Eleanor is happy as a ballerina. And I suppose I should be pleased that George isn’t demanding her costume.

But I think our most festive new Halloween tradition is “decorating the ceiling.” What – you’ve never tried this? Well let me tell you how it’s done!

It all started with one of my great ideas for kid friendly activities. I have these all the time – but they never turn out quite the way I have in mind. This particular gem was inspired by stickers. My kids love to put stickers on paper, but do tend to get frustrated when they can’t peel the stickers off the paper to re-stick them. So what could be more fun than reusable stickers? The answer? Halloween window clings! Have you ever heard of these? They’re like little gel stickers that you can put in your windows. I thought this could keep them busy for a long time while I made dinner, got lunches ready for the next day, changed out of my work clothes… And that it did.

While I put away dishes and Chris was on the computer, Oliver had the genius idea to rip the orange and black gel shapes into tiny pieces. Because shredding things is fun! Then he decided that if the pieces would stick to the window, they would stick just as well to ceiling!

I told Chris that I was running upstairs to change and caught Oliver in the act. He was mid-fling and obviously thrilled with the results of his work. We don’t have particularly high ceilings, but I had to be at least initially impressed by his skill. He had only gotten a few good throws in at that point, so I told him he had to stop, took away the pieces in his hands and called to Chris to make sure that nothing else happened until I came back downstairs. Assuming that my husband was in charge downstairs, I wasn’t in a rush. But apparently I should have been since my directions were not followed.

I came downstairs to find this:

Here is a close-up:

Now, I don’t usually take pictures of my children using their powers for evil. But this was just too outrageous. I needed proof. So before starting in on the husband evisceration, I grabbed my camera. That small detail out of the way, the whoop ass can was opened.

Unfortunately, no one was overly concerned with my rage. Chris thought the whole thing was hilarious and even tossed a few scraps himself. Just another example of men taking inappropriate pleasure in their sons’ misbehavior. It’s all about example setting at our house.

Anyway – the fun ended when we had to pull the pieces down later that evening and realized that they had stained our ceiling. But orange and black is festive for Halloween…and it makes the ceiling look old…like in a haunted house… Oh who am I kidding – it looks like crap. And I’m fairly certain that it won’t be re-painted until next Halloween. Chris is a bit of a project procrastinator. I mean, it takes him a year to make a dentist appointment (sorry honey – but it’s true).

So here it is October 30th, and we’re all ready for the big night! When darkness falls and the festivities begin, we’ll have our plastic pumpkin blazing, our children dressed as Supermen and ballerinas (costume wearers to be determined), and our ceiling stamped with the signs of much mischief. If you think about it, with the exception of costumes, it doesn’t deviate much from everyday life a “the house of kids” – where every day is Trick or Treat.

Happy Halloween!

Out of Context (The Beginning of The Big Piece of Cake: Part II)

Tuesday was my 100th post. I’m celebrating by not actually writing anything new this week, and instead, re-publishing some posts that I wrote for a friend last Winter. This is the second of three.

Recently another twin mom I know mentioned that she saw me out shopping and tried to wave, but realized that I didn’t recognize her. She kindly suggested that she was out of context since we really only see each other at playgroups, and we didn’t have our kids with us. Then she laughingly said, “and I generally feel out of context when I’m not with my kids.” She is wonderful and I hate to use her comment as a negative example; but the truth is I never want to feel out of context without my children.

It would be so easy to just drift into the ongoing whirlpool of need that they generate. I could lose myself in that quite happily given the rewarding existence of being loved more than anyone by children who are for me, the bright, shining center of the universe. But then I remind myself that Eleanor won’t feel out of context without me when she starts high school, and then college, and then goes to Cancún for Spring Break, and then gets a beach house for the summer with her friends. I can’t lose myself in my children now, because I’ll be needing that identity back when they leave me to find theirs.

I’ve increasingly found that a major element of my motherhood experience is being both a mom and just me at the same time. “Just me,” being the side of me that watches me deal with melt downs and tantrums and dance with the Wiggles and walk out of the house wearing unflattering clothes because I’m in a hurry and I’m just going to the Safeway and I don’t have time to indulge in a wardrobe crisis. It’s the objective side of me that does the laughing and the storytelling and remembers to notice every detail of George’s 14-month-old smile because his face will have changed again by the time he turns two. The mother in me focuses on what needs to be done and really lives in the moment. I need her to take care of my children, but I also need that observer in me to appreciate them. And if I need to have “just me” to laugh about their daily antics now, I’m going to need that same part of myself to help let them go when they inevitably start to grow up.

Full Hands (The Beginning of The Big Piece of Cake: Part I)

Today is my 100th post. Considering the fact that I started this blog in late June, that seems to have crept up on me rather quickly… What can I say, I’m an enthusiastic poster. To celebrate this milestone, I decided to devote the next few days to the first posts I ever wrote.

They were written last Winter when The Big Piece of Cake didn’t exist, and my neighborhood friend Tricia, ask me to contribute some guest posts as a mother of twins to her blog, Reston Mom. I enjoyed this so much that after several months spent mustering up the courage, I decided to start my own blog.

This is the first of the three pieces I wrote for Tricia (this first one was broken in to three parts for Reston Mom, so it’s longer than the next two):

Full Hands

Recently, Tricia asked me if I’d be interested in contributing to her blog with some reflections on being the mother of twins plus a first child that was only 18 months old when they were born. This is a question that I get all the time: “So you must really have your hands full – how do you manage?” The answer to this would be that I have no idea. People say, “I just don’t know how you do it,” and I think, “me neither.” As my husband, Chris likes to say, we’re just trying to survive and our only real job right now is to keep the three of them alive.

Now that we’re out of the marathon phase of three-hour feeding schedules for infant twins (including three to four wake up calls each night), I think we can get past survival mode. Newer priorities include herding, refereeing, and keeping anything weapon-like out of reach. They’re not violent children – just very physical. The oldest probably sets the tone by initiating games that tend to involve knocking each other down on the floor and seeing who can hold the others down the longest (and as a 40 lb. two year old that looks like a 4 year old, he has a gross advantage over the other two pee wees combined). Honestly, after about six months of feeling like I ruined Oliver’s life by bringing home not one, but TWO unwanted siblings, I’m just glad that they all seem to like each other.

I just never considered that I might end up with twins. I knew twins and I babysat for twins. I listened to my friends muse that it would be so nice to just have twins the first time around and then be done with pregnancy. But I never had those daydreams myself. I always knew that this would be too much chaos for my orderly existence. When Oliver was born, I couldn’t believe how exhausting and all consuming he was; and I have a very clear memory of saying to Chris, “I don’t know how people have multiples – I just couldn’t do it.” But here we are, and somehow we’re all alive, and I find that I don’t need to have everything in order anymore.

It’s impossible to predict what a weekend day at home with the kids will bring: how many battles of will I can expect, what moods I will encounter when I enter their bedrooms in the morning, who will have a runny nose, or when they will actually start the day (it could be anywhere from 5:00 to 7:30 a.m.). What I do know is that I will have a pile of laundry that will never be completely folded until everyone goes to bed, that I will never get around to that vacuuming that needs to be done and that I will very possibly not even leave the house or put on shoes. But I also know that I will witness a developmental leap in speech or motor skills, I’ll receive innumerable hugs and kisses, both requested and offered, and I will discover yet another amazing skill that I didn’t know I possessed, such as fixing matchbox cars or leaping over hurdles Bionic Woman-style to reach a 2 year old attempting to push his little brother down the stairs (all in good fun of course).

The truth is – everything about my twins was unplanned. I’m one of those controlling types that prefer to keep things logical and organized. I knew for a fact that I wanted a three to four year age difference between my (two) children so that I could get the first one out of diapers, into pre-school and engaged in some kind of intelligible communication before embarking on another round of sleepless nights with a second newborn. Well that didn’t work out. Instead, we ended up with three babies under the age of two, all in diapers, in daycare, and nowhere near the ability to communicate clearly with words.

Life was simple with just one baby. There was always one answer for everything: whatever is best for him. If there was an earthquake and a giant crack opened up in the ground, I could pick him up and run in the other direction. Now I’d need to get the stroller, strap in both twins securely and then convince Oliver to actually hold on to me while I carry him and push the stroller with my free hand. At this point, we’ve all been consumed by the giant crack; and trying to climb out with all three of them is beyond even my disaster planning skills.

I spend less time making future plans now (and forget disaster planning, I can’t even watch movies like War of the Worlds). Instead I focus on the next few weeks, days, hours. I’ve found that no one is on board with my preference for sticking to a plan (not even my husband), so I’ve given up. I just do the best I can to keep things organized and try to be ready for anything. But then – isn’t that the case for all families?

Toddler Confessions

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In honor of the twins’ birthday this week, I’m going to give them the mic. They will be taking over this Friday Confession. I’ll have to translate for them since they don’t really “talk” so to speak – but I’ll try to keep it honest.

First, we will hear from Eleanor:

Hello! My name is Eh-ni-ner [Interjection from Mom: This is how Eleanor pronounces her name]. I am pretty much perfect, but I do have one little fault. I’m just the teeniest bit of a princess. I demand to be the center of attention at all times, and whatever you have? I want some. Of course this is entirely justified as I’m in a word, fabulous. I’m terribly multifaceted though in that I’m what some of the neighbors call, “a tough cookie.” I fall down a lot (oh yeah – another flaw: I’m kind of a klutz), but I don’t waste much time crying. If I’m having fun, I can shake it off. Regardless of what may seem like a tomboy personality though, I really am quite the girly girl. I will only wear one pair of shoes. They are silver mary janes with little bows, and they are so “me.” Mom tries to make me put on these clunky brown shoes (must be a throw back from her past) and insists on calling the horrors my “school shoes.” Well I don’t go to school yet, and if school requires wearing shoes that Mom preferred back in “the olden days,” then I’ll pass. I have a reputation to maintain you know.

ANYWAY – I have also recently become addicted to barrettes. I call them “pretties” which seems to make everyone laugh. But when Mom first started putting them in my hair, she’d say “so pretty!” She didn’t say “so barrette!” What was I supposed to think? Mom says that she’s just excited because I was more or less bald until a month ago. I prefer to say “follically challenged,” but George is signaling to me that it’s his turn, so I won’t get argumenative about it. So…in conclusion…what were we talking about? Oh right a confession. I don’t really have one. I pretty much perfect.

Take it away George:

Right, thanks Mom. Hi there (big wave). HI…..hi……..hi (still waving). [Interjection from Mom: We could be here all day. He loves saying HI and BYE, and no one can out wave him. So I’ll get this started. “Hello. My name is George, and I am weird.”] YES – that’s right. I’m weird. Sorry about that – I just really like waving. It’s kind of my thing right now. But you know – like Mom said, I am weird. First – I’m obsessed with toothbrushes. I love them – and I want to brush my teeth pretty much 50 times a day. My parents have to hide all of the toothbrushes since I am a climber. And when I do have a toothbrush in hand? I dare you to try to take it away from me. You will find it next to impossible to prize it from my iron tight grasp. And if by some miracle you do? I will blast you across the room with my super human shrieking. I’m not kidding, you may have some temporary hearing loss. At the very least, you will drop the toothbrush.

The other weird thing about me is that I have just this week become extremely attached to a pair of shoes. They are lime green Vans that are just a little too small for me. Here is a picture of me in me half dressed for bed – still wearing my Vans:

Aren’t they rad? Vans are a West Coast thing, and people say “rad” on the West Coast. Or that’s what Dad told Mom when she said that they didn’t match anything (I mean – he said that Vans not matching your outfit is a West Coast thing – he didn’t say rad). Dad is getting a bit long in the tooth to say things like rad. Have you met my parents? They’re really old. They’re not rad. But they are very patient with me. And they’ve let me wear my lime green Vans every day this week, even though they don’t match anything. And now they let me wear them to bed. Well they kind of have to. Because if they don’t, I’ll scream. And I’ve already explained the consequences of that. So that’s pretty much it for me. I’m just weird.

Thanks kids! I can’t think of a good closing for this, so I’ll just go play with the little ones now. Playing with the twins generally looks like this: