Tag Archives: Me Myself and I

The Good News and the Bad News (New Writing Opportunity and BlogHer 2011 VOTY)

10 Replies

First, the good!

I’m going to write regularly (twice a month) for a new website, HealthNews. And no – I don’t have any knowledge of or experience in the health industry. Unless you count two maternity ward stays and a hernia repair surgery in the hospital. I haven’t confirmed this, but I actually don’t think that counts… There is a blogger community growing there though – people who write about all things parenting. And I DO have knowledge of and experience in that!

I’m honored to be part of this, and just posted my first article: I Didn’t Know.

Here is the beginning:

I have three children and my oldest, Oliver is six. He is a big boy – tall and strong – and all boy. He climbs trees and hurtles into swimming pools. He loves nothing better than a good patch of dirt. We jokingly call him Pig Pen since he will often return from such a spot, haloed in dust – his clothes emitting puffs of dirt with each step. Ice cream cones are a full body experience. Napkins are a joke. This degree of messiness requires a wash cloth at minimum. His requests to “come look at this,” often involve a worm.

These are some of the qualities and quirks that come to mind when I think of Oliver. They are so defining. And they are almost all related to sensory integration disorder. Which includes auditory processing disorder…which translates into significant language and communication delays. It also affects his motor planning. My amazing son who can walk a balance beam like a gymnast – who taught himself to swim – who can carry a full basket of folded laundry up the stairs…can’t hit a tennis ball. He can’t follow simple directions to touch his left hand to his right ear and his right hand to his left ear. He can’t process that kind of information – hear it, understand it, do it. It gets scrambled. For all of his strength, coordination and love of physical activities – he can’t play sports. Or even tag.

This can change – but it will take time. And hard work. And money. And a label recognized by the public school system.

It’s both encouraging and daunting.

Having a special needs child is not something I ever thought about when I was pregnant with Oliver. Everyone knows that it’s possible, but I think we tend to see that possibility the same way we do car accidents and winning lottery tickets. We know it could happen, but we don’t expect it to happen to us.

And many of us don’t even know that it’s happened to us until our children are long past the early months of worry. The more serious worries over SIDS and their “ability to thrive,” and the less serious (but all consuming) concern about sleep schedules. Oliver was two when we discovered his delays.

Click here to read the rest…

So that’s exciting…

In other news – meaning “the bad” – I got my “thanks for submitting, but…” email from BlogHer for this year’s Voices of the Year today.

And just like most others in the same boat, I find it more disappointing than surprising (if that makes sense). And a small disappointment at that since I saw submitting my work more as an act of self validation than a request for recognition.

You see – I’ve already thought it through. Last year in fact. And I wrote about it then. I’d like to repost (most of) that here so anyone feeling rejected or slighted (or generally shitty about things) might drop by and feel validated by me. For having the courage to put yourself out there. To think you’re worth recognition, and to let others know about it.

Anyway – here it is for what it’s worth:

BlogHer Voices of The Year Were Announced Today! My Reaction: The Good the Bad and the (Sad But True) Ugly

First the good!

When I glanced through the list of finalists this morning, I was thrilled to see that some of my very favorite bloggers (and even friends) will actually present in a couple of weeks at 2010 BlogHer Voices of the Year. I can honestly say that I’ve read pretty much every post from some of these writers (I mean – since I’ve been blogging…their pre-2008 material is before my time), and to think that they have been honored for words that made me laugh and/or cry makes me feel part of something bigger than my own little piece of Internet real estate.

So the very first thing I want to do is congratulate…

[blah blah blah – love her – link – blah blah blah – love her – link…]

I can’t wait to hear them read their words on stage AND to see the art that will be auctioned off reflecting each piece.

[blah blah – friend contributing her photography for the auction – link – blah blah… seriously – I am congratulating my ass off here…]

But what about the bad? What could be bad about that?

Well – here’s the bad.

One of MY nominations that I was so confident would be in the top 15 didn’t get picked. But it’s not all bad…

[blah blah – that friend and some others WERE actually in the top 75 and would be recognized at the reception – blah blah – GO TEAM!]

So yeah – many wonderful blog friends have been recognized in one way or another. I’m really happy for them – and can’t wait to tell them so in person.

But.

There’s the ugly…

I’m sorry – but I’m trying to keep it real here because…well no reason really – I just feel like it today. And lucky you – you get to hear about it!

Before I get into the muck and grime, I’ll start with a little tale about a three year old angel of a girl named Eleanor. Eleanor is a delight. She’s lovely and full of fun (and – cough, cough – my daughter) – and she is at a very impressionable age.

The other week, we were in California on vacation with my in laws who had a fantastic time being a very bad influence on my children. Late night baseball game outings…unlimited snack food that they never get at home…special presents just because they want them… You know – grandparent stuff. And one evening my sweet little girl was lucky enough to have their undivided attention. They played a kids’ bingo game with the odds drastically stacked in Eleanor’s favor.

And then the sh*t talking started.

Mama Sue: Eleanor – we’re not going to let Papa win! YOU’RE going to win.

Eleanor (very much liking this line of thought): Yeah! YOU’RE not going to win Papa. I’M going to win. You CAN’T win!

And so on and so on and so on [insert uproarious indulgent grandparental laughter here].

SO CUTE, right?

I actually thanked them at the time for my own future hell to come when faced with the next preschool gaming situation.

Fast forward a couple of weeks, and we are playing another bingo game at home (what is it with us bingo anyway? We may as well hustle on over to the community center for seniors’ night out this Friday…) Anyway – we were playing a very fair game that included Eleanor, a semi-involved George and a completely disinterested Oliver. Eleanor immediately started in with her “I’m gonna win” talk, even though her brothers couldn’t have cared less. Since no one was getting special treatment, George (who may have been in the kitchen looking for snacks at the time) won.

Chris said, “Hey look! George is the winner!” And…Eleanor fell to pieces. She really believed that she would always win. No one ever talked to her about the reality of losing. So after some piercing glares and and semi-subtle head tilting from me, Chris took Eleanor aside to talk about what it means to lose.

And as I listened, it occurred to me that the bottom line is the same for everyone regardless of age. If you lose – you have to keep trying. Don’t get mad – just try again. It’s not anyone’s favorite answer. In fact, it’s tedious at best…but it’s very simply true. You really can’t win them all. In fact you might lose them all – but you have to try to have a chance.

SO that brings me to the ugly involved in this year’s BlogHer Voices of the Year selections. As much as we are over the moon excited for the winners – it’s unavoidable that some others were very disappointed.

Because you know what? I’m one of them. And I’m hideously embarrassed to admit that.

When a good friend asked if I’d like her to submit anything for me, I honestly hadn’t considered even trying. I mean, I like what I write, and my small circle of friends and readers give me positive feedback – but I’ve never been the one picked out of the crowd. Always a bridesmaid and never a bride and all that… And really that’s been kind of fine with me because I’ve always felt far more comfortable in the faded perimeter of the spotlight.

But just the idea of submitting something of mine gave birth to “what if.” And that is a very powerful concept. So for once I was bold and asked for recognition. I forwarded two links to posts that mean a lot to me – ones that fill me with emotion when I read them – and said “send them in.” Doesn’t sound like much – but it’s a BIG deal for a mild mannered girl such as myself.

Then time passed and my “what if” was put into the proper perspective. It was a “wouldn’t that be nice – but it’s highly unlikely” (the overcompensating, insecure hope of “what if”).

Most of the time, I really didn’t consider it, but every once in a while something would be mentioned about Voices of the Year, and I’d notice that pretty little “what if” sparkling on my right hand ring finger. I’d taken it for granted, but was happy to admire it now and again.

At some point last week, I read that the 75 finalists as well as the 15 winners would be announced today. And I did something previously unthinkable.

I hoped.

I dreamed.

I even planned.

Why not? I typically live so small – what would it hurt to think big for a little while. Even knowing that disappointment was probable, couldn’t I weigh the universe in my favor with my longing? The Secret said it totally works! Ah well…I think we all let our imaginations get the best of us sometimes.

Last night when I was talking to Chris about BlogHer and the agenda (he’s in the conference planning world, so he’s actually interested), I explained how the Voices of the Year session was planned. I mentioned that I had a couple of posts submitted, “but – they’re two out of a thousand – so you know…”

His reaction was a little more positive though. He said “why not you?”

And that small part of me that wants to be bigger than I really am thought, “that’s right! Why NOT me?” So for one whole night I believed in myself. Not just “what if” – but “why not?”

Well – I don’t need to give too much detail on the obvious outcome. Even if you’re not familiar with the list of finalists, you can pretty much guess that I wasn’t one of them.

And I was disappointed. Not so much that I wasn’t one of the top 15 (remember – I like the peripheral area of the spotlight), but more so because the words that once poured directly out of my heart weren’t even an almost.

It’s not pretty – but it’s the truth. And we’ve all experienced this at some point in our lives, so I’m not afraid to put it out there. I would be very surprised if there was anyone who couldn’t relate to this on some level.

But you know what? I don’t think disappointment or jealousy or envy are so bad. They’re just feelings. And at the very best, they are a sign of trying. Of wanting. Of putting ourselves out there and risking rejection. There is honor in that. And I’m proud of my battle scars.

Envy isn’t a particularly attractive emotion – it’s even classified as a sin (one of the top seven!). But a little green eyed monster never hurts anyone if kept on a short leash (and kenneled as quickly as possible). At worst – it shows our ugly. At best, it keeps us real.

So for anyone else who felt a little “why not me” today (or even “why never me?“), I’d like to honor you for trying. It takes courage to try. You’d be surprised how many people never do.

And in return, I’d like to ask you one thing. Please read my own small attempts:

I Never Thought I’d Wear Sunglasses (Alternatively Titled: Shooting Practice Starts Tomorrow)

I am so proud of those words. This blog is the first real writing that I’ve ever done outside of work documents and personal e-mails. I always lived so small – never tried to be noticed. I had ideas but didn’t bother to recognize their value.

Then I started a blog. A small thing really – but so big in my own cautious little world. Putting words online is literally putting yourself out there. Asking to been seen and heard – and it’s opened my eyes to endless possibility for me.

I may never win anything – but I’ll keep trying. Because “what if” holds far more power then “why bother.”

And what about you? I want to hear your voice too. Did you submit something there or elsewhere? Did you find out that a friend did so for you? OR did you not even try for fear of disappointment or exposure? Send me a link to the words that make you proud, the ones that make you believe in yourself – or should. I will read them.

I still believe in myself. And I’ll probably submit something of my own next year. I hope you do the same.

Have courage. Be bold. Keep trying.

Hey – it worked for Susan Lucci.

So that’s what I had to say about BlogHer VOTY in 2010. It’s how I still feel in 2011.

And you know what? I totally submitted that.

An Audacious Start to the Summer

14 Replies

School ended for Oliver yesterday, making today our first official day of summer vacation. Typically, this would find me scratching my head over what I can do with them ALL DAY.

We have the pool and the YMCA – but that really only covers two or three hours at a time. And playing outside can’t be an all-day event in Washington, DC heat…

So it goes without saying that television time is inevitable. They enjoy a snack and some AC while watching a cartoon or two. And I’m able to clean up and MAYBE even get in some computer time.

Until this summer.

This summer, I decided that we would try something absolutely insane (for us…for me). An idea that in previous years would make me laugh, roll my eyes or simply say, “good luck with that.” Or all three.

I unplugged the TV and told the kids that it’s broken.

This has nothing to do with any negative opinions about television. I’ve always had a fondness for the idiot box. I watched an ungodly amount of TV growing up and think back with nostalgia on the days when you would settle for whatever you could find on the six or so available channels. How else would I have seen every episode of The Facts of Life and Laverne and Shirley?

Yes – I watched a lot of TV…but I also read more than any of my friends and still managed to spend hours of each day playing outside. My brain didn’t rot and my imagination didn’t suffer. I am not anti-TV.

And I’ve never felt like the constant stream of DVDs, Netflix on demand or PBS Kids programming has ever negatively affected my own children. They don’t sit drooling in front of the television – they play. And given the option, they would pick playing outside over any favored cartoon. If anything, TV has given them all kinds of new information via Sid the Science Kid or Dora-Dora-Dora Can’t IGNORE YA! As annoying as children’s programming can be – most of the current preschool genre shows are pretty educational.

But here is my current problem: For a while now, Oliver has been picking up the dialogue and gestures presented by the characters in the shows he watches.

It started with Thomas and Friends. Can I tell you how many times a day he says something in a British accent? And while it’s super cute – it’s not exactly normal. Especially when he’s saying things like, “Nonsense! I am very cross, indeed.” I’d say that on any playground in America, that’s just asking for an thorough ass kicking. Indeed.

And it’s gotten worse since we put Netflix streaming on our Wii and they now have access to all kinds of cartoons like the Pink Panther, Tom and Jerry and the more recent, Pingu. At least he was using actual words when he was emulating the locomotive inhabitants of Sodor. NOW he’s starting to use cartoon postures and gestures (and worse – weird noises) to communicate.

I am not raising a mime. If this is what the TV is doing for his language development right now? Then we need a break.

And I also think George could do with a little less time on the Wii. It makes him aggressive and obnoxious. I’m not going into detail – but take my word for it – George needs a break too.

So…no TV for a while. It’s been three days, and surprisingly, not all that painful. No one has died of boredom or driven me to drink (well, no more than usual). I think we may all actually survive my outrageous act of hubris. Only time will tell.

Another rather bold (for me) move I’ve made in the the past few days is to nominate a few of my posts for BlogHer’s Voices of the Year. Like everyone else, I’ve had friends offer to nominate posts for me, but I liked the idea of doing it myself. They can say, “just send me the links and I’ll nominate you,” but if I’m the one actually selecting the posts…then I say just do it. Claim it. Own it.

Where’s the shame in that? Even if no one else thought my writing was worth anything – I did. And that’s certainly worth something.

I actually submitted three of my posts. One in the category of Life (which is vast) and two in Niche (one of which probably wasn’t best categorized by “niche” – but too late now). Ironically enough – I couldn’t come up with something for Humor. From this blog which I had originally started as a humor blog… I guess I’ve raised my standards for funny. 

Besides, the idea of standing on a stage reading a humor piece to the sound of deafening silence? I may be feeling bold…but I’m not feeling suicidal! I thought it was best to stick with a few un-funny submissions.

So there it is – I’m starting the summer with some bravado. I’m I’m triple dog daring it to just try to get the best of me. I’m seeing its heat and torpor and raising it a water balloon fight.

And all on a low carb diet. I’m out of control!

I may be chasing kids around the pool for hours on end and running endless laps at the YMCA to buy them some time in the kids’ gym – but hey, I’ll be super thin.

Or just too tired to notice that I’m losing my mind…

It’s going to be a long ten weeks.

Activity Fail, My Gout and Little Sisters

7 Replies

I’m not sure if I’ve gone into it here…but I’ve probably mentioned in the past that my kids have of yet to be enrolled in any kind of activity like soccer or ballet or even Gymboree when they were babies (though we did attempt “blast ball” with Oliver last year and decided he wasn’t ready).

Initially, the fact that I worked full time made the weekday activities for babies and toddlers impossible. And of course, there has always been the issue of expense.

While my days are now devoted to the care and feeding of my kids, the concern for money flying out the window never goes away. And to be honest – the idea that we should be spending hundreds of dollars each month (or week!) so that our preschoolers could twirl in tutus or practice their off balance somersaults with a professional instructor seemed a bit ridiculous. They can do that here! We have a carpeted basement and a dress up box. AND there are three of them – which is kind of like a class…

But now that they’re getting older and watching their friends arriving home in leotards and white pjs, it’s started to seem a bit cruel.

So as you know we’re trying out Tae Kwon Do for the boys (and Eleanor by default) and dance for Eleanor.

We’ve been lucky with the ballet class – no reasons to skip it. But Tae Kwon Do… The last class they attended was last Monday. We were told that the Friday and Saturday classes would be cancelled due to tournaments (or whatever they’re called in martial arts).

So instead of Saturday, I planned to take them to the following Wednesday class. But then Wednesday was SO HOT. Like high 90s, sweltering, jumping into cold water without wincing hot. And I couldn’t imagine forcing them all into those synthetic white pjs, marching them into an oven-like car and then making them actually exercise. We went to the pool instead.

I thought, okay – well miss a week. Not a big deal. But then the following Monday, Oliver had a fever and I took Eleanor to the doctor today… Now we’re shooting for Friday or Saturday. I think I’m experiencing the frustrating “activity fail” experience that I’ve been hearing about for the past year at our bus stop. Now I get it.

And that may be the most boring 5+ paragraphs I’ve ever written… DON’T say anything – let me have this one…

Moving on, I also got a call today about my gouty knee. It is in fact NOT gout. Blood work was clean and the x-ray didn’t indicate any issues with my bones. But here’s the thing: it still hurts. And it looks a little bit puffier than the other one. I’ve been popping ibuprofen like tic tacs – which I’m pretty sure isn’t good for you long term – so I kind of need another assessment.

So next week, I will have an MRI. My second MRI in the past six months. The first one was for something completely unrelated. Can we say domino effect. Once my hip breaks, it’s all over right?

I’ll keep you posted on my health developments. It’s all so glamorous and exciting – I just have to share.

But I did have something kind of amazing happen this week – yesterday to be exact. I heard from two little girls (now young women) I used to babysit when I was a teenager. And what makes it relevant to this blog is that I once wrote about them! About they were like little sisters to me. [Never Underestimate the Power of a Girl if you’re interested.]

We haven’t been in touch since I was in college, but they both just friended me on FaceBook. All of my FaceBook friends know that I’m kind of a lame FaceBook friend…I’ve never gotten that into it. But this is one of the reasons that I keep my profile. Best thing that happened to me all week (which as you know – isn’t saying much…but still!).

I know I was supposed to post about the big boy/girl bedroom overhaul we did over the weekend. And I will – but I have to download some pictures I took first. Add that to the list of many things I didn’t do today.

So I will fall back on something else that thrills me/bores others to no end. I will charm you with my photography! The new camera is my new boyfriend. When was the last time Chris gave some thought to his auto settings, I ask you? It was inevitable…

No – he’s not ours [pouty face].
Neither is she [ditto].

Tomorrow – pictures of bedrooms. Which have now been talked up far too much. I apologize in advance for the anticlimactic viewing.

P.S. You’re welcome for all the back-links. I’m nothing if I’m not thorough.

When in Doubt…Gout?

11 Replies

Last week, I had one of those increasingly frequent inexplicable physical ailments that make me think my body is literally falling apart. It’s age right? I’m just getting old. As if wrinkles weren’t enough of a reminder…

This time it was my knee. Not my favorite body part on the best of days, it decided to become even less attractive by swelling up and turning bright red. And it really hurt, which made me worry about injuries to my knee cap. Chris once had a torn meniscus and it took months to heal. There were even crutches involved.

And I’ll tell you right now that I CANNOT be injured like that at the moment. It’s the beginning of summer!

I have to entertain two four year olds and a six year old all day every day, and had planned to do that with trips to the pool, walks in the woods and general avoid the TV at all costs so Oliver won’t pick up any other bizarre cartoon mannerisms that make him look like a mini-mime activities. I was actually mentally preparing myself for this, as I’m not a naturally energetic and playful person.

I’m also not one to make a big deal out of aches and pains (or even swelling), so everyone knew I was serious when I pulled out the ibuprofen and ice packs. I even harassed Chris by demanding an examination and prognosis every ten minutes and detailed descriptions of what a torn meniscus felt like.

I considered going to the ER.

I know – it sounds like a huge overreaction, but I wanted to know exactly what was wrong and what I should be (and shouldn’t be) doing so I could fix it as quickly as possible.

Chris told me that it would probably look better in the morning, and if it didn’t I could see my doctor.

It didn’t. And I did.

Luckily I could get a morning appointment since their Friday hours are shorter. And expecting the actual consultation to be fast, I didn’t bother looking for a last minute sitter for the twins. It wouldn’t scare them to see a doctor poke at my knee, and I wouldn’t have to worry about the TMI aspect of say, an annual internal exam with my gynecologist. So I figured I could just bring them in with me.

We arrived and waited a bit, then FINALLY, a medical professional took a look at my giant, puffy knee cap and said, “huh…”

Apparently, the fact that I was able to walk and stand without excruciating pain ruled out tears or other serious problems with muscle and bone. But the lack of an obvious point of entry (like from a bug bite) or bruise didn’t provide any other answers.

I told her about how I thought I may have banged my knee on the car door a couple of days before, but that it was hard to remember since I do something like that roughly a thousand times a week. That didn’t help to shed any further light on the subject.

I also pointed to what looked like a slightly bluish area next to my knee that could possibly be a bruise. But then she pointed to a soon-to-be varicose vein and said the discoloration was probably connected to that. Talk about insult to injury! Bringing my unsightly old lady leg veins into this…

But wait! It gets better. She started to give me a long technical explanation about what they look for in cases like mine that sounded something like, “blah blah blah swelling blah blah blah point of entry blah blah blah bruise blah blah blah pain blah blah blah blah blah blah gout blah blah blah…”

WAIT a minute! Stop right there. Did she just say GOUT? As in “I may have gout?” Seriously?

Seriously??

Okay – so there may have been a couple of other unintelligible and unmemorable possibilities that were mentioned…but I guess I only have ears for “gout.”

Remember – I just had a hernia repair surgery a few months ago. You can’t give me gout now. What am I? An eighty year old man?!

It’s just wrong…

So after she revived me with smelling salts (just kidding), she handed me two orders for tests. First, blood work upstairs and then an x-ray downstairs. All of which took an additional two hours to complete.

I have to throw in there that my four year old twins were major troopers about the whole thing. On top of their concern that mom might “get dead” (because needles and machines make things seem pretty serious), we spent a lot of time in waiting rooms where they had to sit still and be quiet (epilogue: they did neither).

A few days later (featuring elephant-size doses of ibuprofen every eight hours), the swelling has gone down considerably. And while still sore, it feels more like I have a bad bruise than a leg threatening disease. So I’m no longer concerned about my forced march of an active summer being put at risk.

Still no word on the test results though. I was told it would probably be another day or two before I got a call – and I really don’t think I have gout…but I’ll let you know either way.

The important thing is that I’m feeling better. And that I’ve been humiliated with ANOTHER potential ailment associated with men who are on their third wife and their fourth red Ferrari. Can’t wait to see what comes my way next! Check back in a few months to hear all about how my sciatica has been acting up.

See ya’ around the Senior Center!

Weeks Later…I’ll Jump Right in…

10 Replies

Okay – several things…

First? A couple of months ago when I said that my surgery was so easy and no big deal and I would happily do it again for the two days in bed in nothing else? That was the Percoset talking. The healing process sucks.

I still need to hold my incision scar when I cough (high five allergy season! It’s been a blast). And when I sneeze. And when I laugh… It’s annoying. Also? I’m sometimes hobbling by the end of the day because I have the hubris to think I can stand for more than five minutes at a time. I mean – I’m going to be forty next year, not EIGHTY!

Since I am not really into being sick, hurt or injured in any way, I thought I’d better check in with my doctor to make sure I’m not doing anything to prolong recovery time. And the good news is that I’m not. The bad news is that it may take a long time to heal completely and I may always have little aches and twinges (check back often for my imminent weather predictions, “My bum ab is acting up again – looks like a storm’s coming our way…”)

Seriously though. I’m fine and I’m not really all that bothered by any of this – I just wanted to get reassurance that it’s still okay to lift my 60 lb. six year old off his bike and drag him upstairs at bath time. You know – the everyday parenting stuff. And I did. Get reassurance, that is. But she did say something technical about ligaments and anti-inflamatories that resulted in a decision that I should take Motrin for a week.

One would think that in the two times I’ve been out since that appointment I would actually make the effort to buy the Motrin…but I guess I’ve been too preoccupied with more pressing concerns such as whether I was really in the mood for a Starbucks coffee or if I should pick up another case of magic erasers for what has become the great wall cleaning event of 2011.

So with little interest in dragging the twins back out in the rain, I decided to see what was in our medicine cabinets. And I did find Motrin! But it was Motrin PM. I don’t think I can even take that in the evening as it says on the label the you should only use it if you plan to have “a full night’s sleep.” What is that? I stay away from medicine with directions I don’t understand. I’ll have to figure something else out.

In other news – we went to Key West for a week and I wrote a rather negative post about how tired I was. And that was all true – but there was also plenty of fun in there. Like this:

Wait – that wasn’t the fun part… I meant, like this:

And related to Key West – I FINALLY finished all of that data entry for the online shop AND launched the new Style Key West website!

Please add the blog to your reader. I’ll be posting daily – and even if you’re not really into the decor thing, I could use some followers (and don’t forget FaceBook and Twitter)!

Finally (third – or last), I recently confirmed that I will be able to attend BlogHer in August. I’m so excited and currently trying to convince a number of my friends to join me. Will you be there? I’d love to see you.

Now that I’ve got the Style Key West site up and running, I’m going to try to get back to blogging regularly here. Though as evidenced by this snore of a post, I’m already a little rusty after a few weeks. We’ll see…

Monday Links (and a post-op update!)

12 Replies

First the update. I’m tired.

The surgery itself was fine. In fact – it was better than fine. I was able to sleep the night before, I never had to experience hunger pangs with the 7:30 a.m. scheduling and it was outpatient, so I I was in my own bed sleeping by mid-day.

I honestly expected to be a ball of anxiety, but instead I found myself quite practical and only minimally nervous. New maturity or talent for dissociation? Maybe a little of both with a major emphasis on the latter? Either way – it’s over and I’m recovering. And I’m exhausted.

The painkillers made me a little loopy over the weekend (as my friends on Twitter probably noticed), but we were lucky to have a cousin come stay for a couple of days and help Chris corral the children. I actually spent most of my time in bed like I was supposed to, and that was nothing short of miraculous.

I’ve now cut my dose in half and I’m really feeling it. But my previous experience with a c-section gives me hope that in a few days, I’ll be able to stop taking them altogether. And be able to DRIVE again. It’s very strange to be trapped at home. While there are places I could go within walking distance – I can’t walk that far yet!

Okay – my update is boring. There are probably a ton of funny stories I could tell (or stories I could tell with a humorous perspective) – but I’m feeling very dull. My brain is fuzzy. And my eyelids are numb. Have you ever had numb eyelids? It’s weird.

I was able to do some blog reading – but mostly just those of friends. So my links today are pretty friend and favorite-heavy. If we have the same friends, I’m sorry for the repetition. Maybe there will be a few you missed:

Anna was a snoop when she was a kid. Were you? I TOTALLY was.

Kacy wrote what will hopefully be the first post in a series on “Momness.”

Stacey said goodbye to the nursery and saw some new potential there.

Marinka continues to keep hard hitting issues on the forefront of our thoughts with her USWeekly chats.

My friend Christy is so freaking cute I can’t stand it! Check out her new outfits.

Renee wrote about having a “conspicuous” family.

Rene writes because…

and today, Amy posted a six and a half minute video showing exactly what it looks like when water destroys civilization. In minutes. It makes things horrifyingly real for those of us who have found the news reports to be so incredibly surreal. In addition to praying, Amy’s added a Global Living link for donations to her sidebar.

Posting may be light this week. I’m toast.

Wish me luck!

13 Replies

I have my surgery tomorrow and big baby that I am, I’m really scared.

I’ve already admitted to my hospital phobia (with the exception of the 3-day spa vacation post twins c-section with that fab call button that made nurses take babies away for the night…) I also acknowledged the very brave women in my life who have been in the hospital for far more serious issues. And I’ve been focusing on the mandatory day or two in bed and the really good drugs that I’ll be taking…

So I’ve thought it through.

I’ll be fine. I’ll just be a little out of commission for a while.

The question is – will Chris and the kids be fine? Time will tell…

See you on the other side (of the surgery I mean – I promise that I won’t go into the light – although I do tend to get distracted by shiny objects)

Big hugs to all of you – even though I’m not much of a hugger. Special occasion and all…

-Me

When I open a bottle of wine at 5:00 PM…

8 Replies

…the following thoughts (internal AND verbal) occur:

It’s a little early, but I deserve this. It’s been a long day of whining and crying and whining and crying and whining and crying…

What’s wrong – why are you crying? What do you mean he called you a penguin? Why is that bad? I’m confused.

This house is disgusting, I need to clean.

Don’t you even think about bringing that light saber up here! Light sabers are downstairs toys and you know it.

Is wine giving me wrinkles? I think it might be giving me wrinkles…or is it smoking that gives you wrinkles? Okay, maybe wine is safe. Glass number two!

Yes, I have to cook that in the oven. No the microwave won’t work. I don’t care if it’s faster – it won’t work…Because I know…Because I’m smart…Because it will make the dinner CATCH FIRE!…Of course that’s true.

I lie to the children a lot…

Did you finish your pizza? You can’t have dessert unless you finish your pizza. AND WHY is it exactly that you’re complaining about pizza, again? Other children are forced to eat green beans and you are crying about three more bites of pizza. What is wrong with this picture?

I think I’m spoiling the children…

Oliver – go downstairs and let me get some cleaning done. No you can’t have more ice cream. I’m serious – go downstairs and play. I said go DOWNSTAIRS and play with your brother and sister. That’s why I HAD them!

Now THAT didn’t sound good. And it’s not even true…George and Eleanor were totally an accident – I mean, surprise.

[insert ridiculous amount of aimless puttering]

THIRTY MINUTES! You have THIRTY MINUTES to play before we go brush teeth. Yes you do. No Eleanor, I said thirty minutes. And ten minutes is less than thirty. Your bargaining techniques need some polishing.

She really is the prettiest little girl. Thank god, she didn’t get my earlobes.

No you can’t watch that DVD – it’s too long. We’re going upstairs in twenty nine minutes. We can watch it tomorrow. Oh I’m sorry, do you want to go upstairs right now? Because we can do bedtime right now… No? I didn’t think so. Yes – you can color.

Twenty minutes…I’ll read some blogs and finish the dishes later. Glass number three!

Yes you can sit on my lap. Okay – you too.

Awww. She’s so sweet… I’m so glad the baby’s okay. Virtual hugs to her in comments! And he cracks me up. That middle boy reminds me of George. I’ll have to tell him about the time George got sent home for biting… And she is so brave. I need to tell her what an inspiration she is to me. I mean, to go through all of that and…it’s just so unbelievable that any single person would have to…I need a tissue.

Oliver! What is all over your…? You need a bath. No it’s okay – it’s too late anyway, but I need to at least wipe some of that off.

Do I still buy wipes?

George stop pinching my fat, that’s not nice. No – that’s not my butt – my butt is much lower, but thanks for asking. You are too cute! Yes – I’m squeezing too hard because I can’t help it. Because you’re my baby. No – you’re not A baby, you’re MY baby. So are you. Yes you too. How many kids can I pick up at one time? Oliver – climb on my back.

So running around the coffee table really IS fun. Who knew?

Oh my god – we should totally make nachos!

I’m starving.

No wait – it’s time to go upstairs. Who wants a piggy back ride!?

[20 minutes later, everyone is in bed]

I really need to cut back on the evening wine. It makes me so sleepy.

More Than Just a Mom

4 Replies

Thanks to Crystal Light for sponsoring this post. To learn more about how Crystal Light can flavor your day with 30 refreshing flavors, visit http://www.facebook.com/crystallight.

So I have another opportunity to write a sponsored post for those Clever Girls… This one has the theme of “what you do to take time for yourself every day.” Basically – how do you feel like you have a life when you willingly handed it over to small people with huge egos and very little concept of anyone else’s needs?

The obvious answer is drastically lowered expectations.

And I’m not really kidding about that. Because pre-parenthood, all of your time was your own. Even when you didn’t think so – it was. Work meetings, family functions, awkward dates…technically, you could always walk away. Sure – there would be consequences…but nothing that couldn’t be rectified at a later time.

When you have screaming children in your home (or even just annoying ones), you don’t have the option to walk away and deal with the consequences later. The court system really frowns upon that kind of thing, you know.

So you go from having this whole life all about you and what you choose to do with it, to a whole life all about someone else. One with A LOT of have to’s. So yes – lowered expectations are a given.

And come on…it’s not all that bad. The little dictators in your house love you more than anyone else in your life EVER will. And they open you up to entirely new levels of patience, forgiveness, empathy and a true appreciation of uninterrupted sleep. It’s like getting your first pair of glasses: “oh my god – is THAT what I’ve been looking at all these years? I had no idea…brand new lease on life – SIGNED!“

With that fresh new perspective comes a herculean challenge though: Not losing yourself completely in Mommyland.

The reality is that there isn’t that much “me time” and when you have it, you tend to use it for previously under valued activities such as showering, napping and brushing your teeth. Your personal breaks are relegated to your children’s school hours and nap schedules. And often with multiple age situations, the two don’t always coincide. So you often have a sidekick for whatever passes for time to yourself.

That said, I did start out as a working mom, and during that period of my life (which would be when I had a two year old and infant twins), I survived by making the most of my daily lunch break and the odd personal health – I mean sick day. The rat race commute and the evening scramble to work in dinner, baths and play time before 8 p.m. frankly sucked. But the windows of “me time” to do a little shopping or just sit outside and read were a major perk.

Almost two years ago, I left the working world to stay home with my kids, and any shred of personal identity that I had previously clung to quickly disappeared. It may have lingered around the dry clean only clothes or the impractical shoes for a while…but I suspect it moped away once the dust started to settle over that now unused corner of my closet.

I didn’t notice. I was too busy scrubbing pee out of the carpet.

I was also busy enjoying this new found time to just “be” with my children. I didn’t lament those lunch break pedicures of yore – the trade off suited me just fine. I was actually discovering a new aspect of “me” – one that didn’t have two jobs demanding nothing less than 110 percent (who can give 220 percent of themselves I ask you?) That part of immersing myself in child rearing was actually quite liberating. So I focused on that – the gains not the losses.

This would be the second requirement for feeling like you have a life – I mean, keeping a sense of self – when you have little to no personal time. You have to embrace the role and make it your own. Tell yourself jokes during the day and marvel at how clever you still are. Start a blog even!

You have to make your mothering about you as much as you make it about your children. And I don’t mean that in a selfish Mommy Dearest kind of way. I just think that keeping yourself in the picture – like taking a break from the housework to put on music YOU like and dance with your children – can feel like taking time for yourself. You may not be all by yourself – but you’re still there (and possibly even the star of the moment).

But come on – at the end of the day we all want a little time to ourselves. And there are tons of ways to find stolen minutes here and there (rule of thumb: try to group them into about 60 at a time). But you have to give up being “perfect mom” in pretty much any scenario I can imagine.

If your children don’t nap anymore, institute “quiet time” for an hour every afternoon. Let them watch a little TV. It won’t destroy any brain cells – I promise. And there are plenty of educational options if you’re really die hard about 24/7 learning opportunities (fun fact: I am not). And DON’T use that time to fold laundry. That’s only allowed if you are multi-tasking while catching up on last night’s episode of Glee.

You can also find other women to share babysitting duties. I’m lucky to live in a townhouse community with friendly neighbors, and have made several good friends who also have small children. I think nothing of asking one of them to watch my twins while I run out to an appointment and don’t hesitate to take them up on offers to host play dates so I can have some time to myself. I do the same for them. It’s like Utopia! But one with time outs and pee pee accidents.

Don’t have that kind of neighborhood? Approach the other preschool/elementary school moms with invitations to their children for play dates. It’s amazing how disinterested your kids will be in you when a better option presents itself. You may not be able to immerse yourself in a Netflix movie – but you can probably sit on the couch with a magazine in between refereeing disputes over toys and snack breaks.

Or maybe you have a baby who won’t nap for more than 20 minutes at a time and there is no free childcare option. Well -remember that expensive stroller from your registry? Use it. Go for a walk outside or in the closest mall if the weather isn’t nice. I lost all of my baby weight pushing strollers up and down hills. And I kept myself entertained with recorded books on my ipod. That ended any complaints that I never had any time to read anymore.

And I could go on… If you put your mind to it, you can always find a way to carve out a little time for yourself (even if you’re not technically by yourself).

So let’s review. (1) Lower your expectations for personal time. (2) Embrace motherhood as a fabulous new facet to your fun, fascinating and clever self. (3) Create opportunities to have a little “me time” (even if a mini-me might be in the next room).

It’s not so hard.

But I would strongly encourage one more thing: Don’t forget who you used to be. She was pretty great too. Pick a few things that made her “her” and try to come up with some version of them that can be applied to your current lifestyle.

Former fashionistas should NOT be wearing sweat pants to the grocery store. It’s just as easy to come up with a few go to outfits that can be changed day to day with different accessories. Great shoes don’t have to sport a four inch heel. It takes minutes to apply a little lip gloss and mascara and YES – you can do this with one hand while holding a baby.

Athletic ladies who once never missed their morning run should NOT be be sitting on the couch eating potato chips and crying about those last 10-2o pounds that won’t come off. Gyms have childcare. Or if a gym membership isn’t possible, pushing the stroller up and down hills is a GREAT workout (see testimonial above). Older kids can ride bikes next to you while you run. Exercise videos are silly – but effective. And look for weekend sports teams – the whole family can cheer you on.

Life of the party gals who “never met a stranger” should NOT be crying about how isolated they feel. Get out there and meet other moms. I won’t give advice on how to do so since there are entire websites and countless books dedicated to the subject. Meet people and organize gatherings that include the wee ones. Then plan a girls night out sans ankle biters – I mean, little angels.

Never forget who you were before you had kids. Regardless of lowered expectations, you’ll still need her to get through the rough patches. And someday a million years (or a nanosecond) from now, you won’t have small children demanding your attention. There has to be more on our personal identity resume than “mom of three.” You’re more than that. And you always will be.


Off my soapbox now! Do you have any advice or suggestions? I’d love to hear them.

Remember, visit http://www.facebook.com/crystallight to learn more about how Crystal Light can flavor your day with 30 refreshing flavors. I was selected and paid for this sponsorship by the Clever Girls Collective, which endorses Blog With Integrity, as I do.

The Date

12 Replies

No – not that kind of date…I wish! (Chris and I do need to get out more.)

The “date” is the day that I will have my surgery: March 11. First thing in the morning so I don’t have hours to work myself up into a ball of anxiety. I’m such a sissy.

But like I said – at least I won’t be having to have alien abduction surgery (i.e. I don’t have to be awake during the procedure – like I did for my c-section). And it’s such a routine operation that I really can’t justify any high drama. I have women in my neighborhood who are battling breast and ovarian cancer. They’ve suffered painful exploratory surgeries, the removal of body parts and months of chemotherapy and radiation. I watched my mother go through all of that and more, and she did it all with humor and courage. All of them do. My situation is nothing in comparison and it would be insulting not to follow their lead.

I consider myself very lucky. Not only to be handed a very minor and fixable problem – but also to be surrounded by these beautiful warriors. They put my own fears into perspective and prove by example that I really can face anything that comes my way. We all can.

In the meantime – I have to remember to post more. No excuses since I’m now going for short and sweet.

So here’s what I’ve got for today:

Me: Okay George – remember what I said… If you want to go to preschool, you have to listen to your teacher. I don’t want to hear anything about you whining and crying today…

George: Okay Mom.

Me: Mrs. K is in charge and you need to follow directions. If she says that you spend the whole day whining and crying again, then you may need to stay home on Monday. So remember: listen to the teacher and NO whining or crying.

Eleanor: And no yelling either.

Me: Yes – no yelling.

Eleanor: And no fighting.

Me: That’s right – no fighting.

Eleanor: And no screaming or pushing or hitting or…

Me: …Let’s not set ourselves up for failure here. Just focus on “no whining or crying” okay?

Fingers crossed…