Tag Archives: Little Ones

Goodbye Summer

I doubt many people are reading blogs this holiday Monday. Hopefully, you’re all enjoying your last day at the pool, or grilling with friends, or just marveling over how quickly Summer has passed us by.

But I do have a quick Monday’s Muse for this unofficial end of Summer (now – new and improved without the usual avalanche of words to muck up the simplicity of a picture!)


Farewell Summer – see you next year!

Don’t forget to grab a button and add your Monday’s Muse link over at Cinnamon & Honey every Monday!

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Pre-September Post: The R Rated One

I was thinking that I had to post something today since I was gone for a week, but then I realized that it’s not September until tomorrow. And my parting words were, “see you in September.” BUT I already had an idea for a quick post and I may as well do it. Plus – I need a Monday’s Muse post.

So here is my muse for this week: TMI from my daughter AND family nudity. I know – not really a muse…but I haven’t had much time to think about it.

As you may have known, we just drove down to Florida to visit some of Chris’ family and ended up at his Uncle’s beach house in Long Boat Key (outside of Sarasota). On the way, we visited some barbecue places for Chris (he just loves his pulled pork), and captured some of it on film (disc? memory chip?) for his food blog. He’s been posting these little vlogs all of last week – some about the food, but most just bits and pieces of us at the beach and pool.

You can see all of them HERE – but the one he put up yesterday was a little shocking. Before I get to that though, I’d like to announce that my daughter is far worse than her brothers when it comes to the potty talk. She absolutely delights in telling you she farted and nearly dies of ecstasy when she can point out that someone else did. Seriously – if I shift the wrong way on a leather chair, she’ll scream, “mommy FURTED!” I’m just waiting for her to do this to one of us in public…

She is also all about what’s going on under the diapers, and has been proudly pointing out her business (which she calls her “kiki” – something she must have picked up at daycare) for a few months now. Just I’ve been waiting for her to start talking about her brothers’ business…

Well – that finally happened today. And all morning I’ve been answering the same questions about the boy’s anatomy:

Eleanor: Mommy – does Oliver have a PEE-NAHS?

Me: Yes. Because Oliver is a boy.

Eleanor: Mommy – does George have a PEE-NAHS?

Me: Yes. Because George is a boy.

Eleanor: Mommy – does Oliver have a PEE-NAHS?

And on and on and on. Another conversation I’m not looking to coming up in public. I’m sure it will be something like, “Mommy – you FURTED! And George has a PEE-NAHS!”

But enough about furting and pee-nahses. Want to see something really shocking? Visit Chris’ blog HERE to see some nudity.

Don’t forget to grab a button and add your Monday’s Muse link over at Cinnamon & Honey every Monday!

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I Never Thought I’d Wear Sunglasses (Alternately Titled: Shooting Practice Starts Tomorrow)

A few weeks ago when we were in Rehoboth Beach, my mother in law and I packed up the kids to drive over to Bethany where one of my friends has a house. She and her sister were staying there with their five children, four of whom were boys.

Once we all found each other, we spent most of our time by the water. We stood sentry watching all of our boys hurl themselves into the surf. And we counted heads in the foam while trying to hold a conversation between exclamations of “don’t throw sand!” and “that’s too far, come back here!”

My boy was right in the middle of this. This sensory overload of wind and water and squishy, grainy sand between his toes. He was in his element – in the elements. He needs to feel things and he needs to immerse himself in the moment without inhibitions. And what better place than the beach?

He also loved being in the middle of all of those boys. They were his people. They understood the joy of throwing wet sand in the air just to feel it splatter all around them. They wanted nothing more than to live in that moment with the waves crashing around them, drowning out the sound of their screams of laughter. They were just like him.

In that moment.

But only in that moment.

They called to each other and knew when to push and when to pull. They knew when to stop and when to start again (obviously when mom was looking the other way). They understood the rules of the game. They both made and discussed the rules. In bits and pieces of course – but still, they communicated. Communication came easily to them.

Communication does not come easily to my boy. He doesn’t know when to stop. He doesn’t know when pushing isn’t welcome. He doesn’t know the rules. He doesn’t know how to join. He wants so much to join – to play. But he doesn’t know how. So he just watched.

And I watched him from behind my sunglasses, happy to see him having fun even if it seemed a little lonely. Happy that he couldn’t see the tears welling in my eyes. Happy that my friend couldn’t see the tears either and only heard me talking about doctors and school and how well he’s doing. Because that’s really all I want anyone to see.

When I was a teenager, all of my friends wore sunglasses. but I never did. I didn’t like them. They gave me “raccoon eyes” in the summer and felt out of place with my coats and hats in the winter. Not to mention the fact that they never did look good on me. Back then it was always about how I looked.

Now I’m the one doing the looking. I don’t care as much about how I look. Sunglasses will never compliment my face with its long, slightly crooked nose – but I need them to see my children through the glare. I need them to see the road when I’m driving on a sunny day. I need them to be responsible. So I wear them. And I’ve found that they are pretty useful. They allow me to be the observer and they can hide what I don’t want people to see.

I also wear my sunglasses at the neighborhood pool where I take my children most late afternoons. After the twins wake up from their nap, I load up all of our towels and waters and changes of clothes and snacks and push the double stroller uphill, calling for Oliver to wait for me at the corner. Which he always does – but I ask him to anyway, just in case.

When we arrive, we head straight for the baby pool. At two, the twins are still too little to stand in the shallow end of the big pool like their four year old brother. This suits me just fine since Oliver is still young enough to be satisfied with the baby pool and I can sit with a magazine while they play. Or at least I can for a few minutes at a time, since I frequently have to administer warnings and time outs for bad behavior.

One thing I like about this time of day is that the pool tends to be rather deserted. More accomplished mothers are thinking about cooking family dinners at 5 p.m. My children will only eat kid food and my husband and I don’t usually have formal meals together due to all of the corralling required before their late, but “works best for them” bedtime between 8:30 and 9:00 p.m. When no other families are at the pool, only our own rules apply.

If Oliver is splashing, I can ignore it. That is, as long as his siblings don’t mind. And they often join in. If Oliver is being too rough and pushing them as part of some inexplicable game of his, I can just watch and see how it goes. I don’t need to stand or look alert as a show for the other parents. I can see just fine from my shady seat. My sunglasses cut the glare. Everything is crystal clear and I know exactly when to step in and when to let them work it out.

But more often than not we arrive at the tail end of another family’s pool time. And I have to stand and administer twice as many time outs as I would if we were alone. I have to find ways to tell the other mothers that Oliver has a hard time knowing when to stop. In Oliver’s mind, if another child seems to like being splashed at from across the pool, why wouldn’t they like it at closer range? And at that point, why not cut out the middle man and just shove them back into the water? Sounds fun to him!

So I can spend an hour having the same one-sided conversation with him over and over. Telling him to stop. Asking him to be gentle. Pleading with him to listen.

He wants to comply. I know he does. He wants to please me and he wants to please these desired friends (he has the makings of “a pleaser” – something else that worries me – but that’s another concern for another day). He wants to get it right. He just doesn’t know how.

I always keep my sunglasses on when we’re at the pool.

The other day, a few kids a year or two older than Oliver were in the baby pool during adult swim (everyone seems to call it “break” now – is “adult swim” no longer PC or something?) Anyway – they were being rowdy and Oliver was thrilled. They were pulling out the hose that was supposed to be filling the pool with more water. They were spraying each other with it and splashing and eventually ran to get their water guns.

As they stood there spraying each other and yelling unintelligible things about Star Wars, a movie that I doubt any of them has actually seen, Oliver decided to join in.

It didn’t work. He didn’t know the rules.

He splashed around in the middle of them when no one was splashing. They asked him to stop, but he didn’t understand. If they were shooting water at each other, then why wouldn’t splashing be allowed? A younger sister in the group, exactly Oliver’s age, explained, “we’re playing Star Wars now – you can play Star Wars too, but you can’t play with us if you keep splashing.”

So of course I had to intervene.

At this point, I didn’t think I had ever said, heard and thought the word “splash” so many times within the space of five minutes. It had completely lost all meaning and was just a rude noise that made me feel decidedly uncomfortable. It was an expletive. A swear word. I wanted it to not exist anymore. I was done with it.

But Oliver wasn’t. He didn’t understand, and I had to pull him aside. No time out though. How could I when he had only the best of intentions? Instead I offered to drag him around the other side of the pool. Something he loves and I hate. He loves the feeling of the water rushing all around him from head to toe. I hate the feeling of hunching over to pull a 60 lb. four year old from one end of the baby pool to the other.

Meanwhile Star Wars continued, Oliver still didn’t understand what was wrong with “splashing” (excuse my French) and I hid behind my sunglasses.

And I made plans.

Apparently shooting water at each other is generally okay at the pool. Or if it isn’t, it’s not unusual for kids to not know when to stop. Quite simply – it’s not weird.

So while I pulled Oliver around the pool, I made plans to take the kids gun shopping the next day. We didn’t own any water guns, but we would soon own an arsenal.

Oliver could learn to shoot a water gun. And the next time there was a game of Star Wars at the pool, we’d be ready. You don’t need to have good communication skills to play shooting games.

I never thought I’d like sunglasses. And I never thought I’d encourage my children to play with toy guns. But I guess I never thought I’d be doing a lot of things.

I have a friend who also has a son with special needs. His are very different from Oliver’s but there are so many parallels to our lives… I love this girl. She speaks my language. The language of mother grief. Of future worry. She worries that her son will wear all black and write dark poetry about death and Japanese anime. I worry that Oliver will be Tommy Boy. We have to laugh. It’s necessary – and we both understand this.

It’s nice to be understood. And that’s probably what most breaks my heart about Oliver. No one really understands him. So I’ll give him a water gun if that helps. And I’ll laugh, and I’ll hope. And I’ll always wear my sunglasses. Just in case.

Polarn O. Pyret: A Giveaway and Some Boring Home Movies of My Kids

This morning, I got a little slap on the hand from BlogHer for hosting a giveaway above a certain price point on a page displaying their ads (seems I’m not so good at reading the fine print on contracts). So I had to take a break from my blogging black out week to move that post HERE.

I’ll be taking entry comments both here and on the new post, so no need to comment a second time if you’ve already done so. Sorry for the confusion.

Okay – back to my vacation!

Last Sound Bytes of the Week

Okay – I had a few more – one from each child. So I thought I’d do a final installment of Sound Bytes.

Starting with Oliver.

We have several kid DVDs that mention The Great Wall of China (Little Einsteins, National Geographic, etc.), and I guess he recently took notice of this landmark. Suddenly, he gets really excited whenever he sees it and yells, “Look Mommy – the BIG Wall of CHINAAH!” Now all three of my kids call it The “Big” Wall of China. This is a source of endless amusement for me.

Then George. (Or as he likes to say, “now George – now George!”)

On our daily walk to the pool, we pass a house that displays several garden gnomes in throughout the landscaping. The twins can’t get enough of them and point excitedly every time they come into view. It’s like they’re actual gnomes running around pushing wheelbarrows and mending bird wings. Anyway – it took about two weeks for George to be able to say “gnome.” He insisted on calling them “omens.” He could easily manage the phonetic pronunciation of “nome” – yet no matter how many times I (and Eleanor, my self appointed T.A.) would ask him to, “repeat after me – NOOOOME,” his response would always be, “OOOOOMEN.” (With a huge smile) Finally yesterday he said “NOMES!” and I though, “FINALLY!” Then Eleanor said “OMENS!” Sigh.

And last but not least (never least), Eleanor.

Yesterday, George took several crayons and drew all over one of the couches. Literally right behind my back. I heard a scribbling on fabric noise behind me (at this point of motherhood I know that sound well) and when I whipped around to find the source, there he was working three crayons at once at Looney Tunes speed. Within seconds he managed to cover the entire back of the couch. I was furious. We talk about “only drawing on paper” something like…oh, I don’t know…FIFTY times a day.

While he was in solitary upstairs , I used a magic eraser to eradicate the marks, and Eleanor kept me company with her running commentary on the entire debacle:

Eleanor: George drew on the furniture. He drew right there.

Me: Yes and we NEVER draw on the furniture.

Eleanor: No. George is in time out. Because he drew right there.

Me: That’s right. He’s in time out because we NEVER draw on the walls or on the furniture. ONLY on paper.

Eleanor: I only draw on paper. Or I get time OUT.

Me: Yes – because drawing on furniture is VERY naughty.

Eleanor: [in wide-eyed seriousness] And it’s VERY dangerous.

I laugh every time I think about this. I guess they do tend to get in trouble for doing things that are “dangerous.” But George’s couch graffiti doesn’t quite qualify. Well – at least one of them is listening to me…

Sound Byte: And of Course, Oliver…

There is a reason why I didn’t have any sound bytes for Oliver this week. Speech isn’t his strong suit. He says and does plenty of hilarious things that make me laugh, but they’re not always the kind of stories that other people would understand. It’s all very, “you had to be there” – these anecdotes in the world of developmental delays…

But in just a few words of his off kilter conversational stylings – he can reduce me to a muddy puddle in the public showers of motherhood tears:

Oliver: Big hug Mommy!

Me: [gasping for air in his bone crushing embrace] I love your hugs honey. They’re the best ones.

Oliver: Best hugs, Mommy. Best friend hug.

Then time stopped and I didn’t know if I’d ever breathe again.

Through the series of fireworks exploding in my heart [LOVE! HOPE! FEAR! ANGER! GRATITUDE! aaaand….wait for it….wait for it….UNREASONABLE, UNMITIGATED FAITH THAT IT WILL ALL TURN OUT OKAY!], I wished with every fiber of my being that he’ll one day look at me and roll his eyes at the ridiculous notion that his mother would ever be his best friend.

If that makes any sense.

Sound Byte: And I Was Actually Serious When I Said It…

Just a sample of the ridiculous things I’ve heard myself say to my children recently:

Honey, be gentle with the inchworm…you’re scaring him.

You guys – DON’T hug the mannequins…

I love you too…can I have my head back now? No really honey, I can’t breath.

Don’t lick people!

[To a whining crying Eleanor in the car] Me: What’s wrong Eleanor, you don’t like Barry White? Eleanor: Nooo-hooo-hooo-hooo. Me: Well, that’s too bad sweetie [turning up the volume] because I looooove Barry White. [This was less ridiculous than it was mean – but honestly, WHO doesn’t like Barry White?!]

Oliver, honey, please stop kissing the mannequins.

Hey! Naked people stay inside! NAKED PEOPLE STAY INSIDE!

Oliver sweetie, what are you eating? Show me what you have in your mouth…okay, but just please tell me that it’s food.

George – do NOT spit that out. I want you to swallow. I mean it – you swallow. Don’t spit! Swallow!

Week of Sound Bytes Continues…

I don’t have much time to write – but there have been some little things that the kids say that make for a nice little sound byte.

One of the funniest things (to me of course) that they’ve done recently is this:

Me to George & Eleanor: Can you guys ask Daddy to come upstairs?

George & Eleanor: [walk over to the top of the stairs and yell in unison] CHRIS! HONEY!

And I wonder why they can’t grasp the concept of an “inside voice…”

Parenting Skills at Their Best

I try to limit the potty training references since I have some readers without kids – and one of the perks to not having children is NOT having to spend your day talking about poop. So I’ll warn you now that it IS going to come up in this one. And it’s not going to be pretty.

On Monday evening, I arrived home alone with the kids. Chris had to drive separately that day, and as usual, he had metro problems delaying him by at least an hour. Now, I am home with alone with the kids quite a bit since Chris has to travel for work. But I’ve been finding it increasingly more complicated since the twins ceased to be blobs (that’s right all you Angelina haters – babies do start out as BLOBS) and have joined their older brother in his daily mission to make me a lunatic.

Actually, it’s been a while since anyone would call George and Eleanor “blobs” – but in the recent past, they were far more sedentary. Approaching their second birthday, they are now a force to be reckoned with, and taking your eyes off of them for more than a minute can result in nothing short of global thermonuclear war. Or at least a toilet paper trail from the bathroom that circles the first floor ten times.

The first half hour was a whirlwind of the usual chaos – a blur of kids playing, crying and climbing on furniture while I tried to make dinner, get the daycare bag emptied and start lunches for the following day. It’s impossible for me to remember the exact sequence of events up until the first minor crisis – but that that pretty much sums it up.

Once everyone was busy eating dinner and watching (surprise, surprise) yet another Wiggles DVD, I ran downstairs to change a load of laundry. Suddenly, I could hear Oliver calling to me, “Mommy! Mommy!” But it didn’t sound like he was upset, so I yelled, “just a minute” a few times until I was done. When I came upstairs, I realized that he was calling me to let me know that he had to go potty. He is really only 75% potty trained and still needs help getting through the process. So all I could do was hustle him into the bathroom as quickly as possible and hope that he could at least “finish” on the potty.

Though I was fairly sure he was done, I settled him on the toilet anyway and then ran to answer the phone. It was Chris. He was calling to let me know that he was still stuck on the metro and would get back to me once he was in his car. At this point, my half naked son walked into the kitchen to announce that he wanted ice cream. I asked if he was finished on the potty and then realized that not only was he finished, but he had the subject matter smeared all over his rear end (must have happened when I was pulling down his pull up). I instructed him to “stay right there” (which he didn’t) while I ran for the wipes. Then the phone started ringing again. I ignored it.

While I was cleaning off my three year old, I heard little voices coming from the bathroom. Great! Now the twins were in there, and most likely throwing things into the toilet. After another directive for Oliver to “stay there” (which he didn’t) I ran to find the twins and was relieved to see that they were only trying to climb onto the sink and not anywhere near the toilet. “Okay – everybody out!”

Once I got Oliver clean and busy with an activity, I saw that it was time for the twins’ bath. They raced up the stairs yelling “water!” and happily scampered into the kids’ bathroom. While simultaneously running the water, getting the twins undressed and blocking them from the tub until they were in fact naked, I saw that I was going to have a big problem on my hands… George must have run into his bedroom at some point, and was now clutching his blankie.

George is obsessed with his blankie, and I spend quite a bit of time tricking him into letting go of it so I can throw it upstairs while he’s distracted. I thought I had accomplished this when we got home, but my efforts were foiled by his wily reconnaissance. Now “Linus” wanted to bring the blankie into the tub with him. He is a toddler, and neither willing nor able to listen to reason. And since his current vocabulary consists of “car, truck, train, bus, more and thank you,” there was no point in trying to engage him in discussion about it. I had to forcibly remove the blanket and put him into the water kicking and screaming.

Eleanor splashed happily while George wailed and tried to climb out. I just washed him off quickly and then set him free to reunite with the blankie. Knowing that he had left the bathroom and could, that very minute be peeing all over the second floor, I rushed through Eleanor’s scrubbing. George and his blankie returned within minutes and I was just in time to stop him from throwing the paperback that he was aiming at the water. This was the final signal for bath time to be over, and against Eleanor’s vehement protestations, I pulled the plug. Within seconds I had two naked toddlers in Oliver’s room (where we have all of the bedtime books). One was crying (Eleanor) and one was trying to sneak out the door (George). I closed the door, placed myself in front of it and started stuffing them into their pajamas.

At this point, Oliver decided to come see what all of the commotion was about and tried to open the door. After a few seconds, I realized that he couldn’t get in, and that’s when it hit me: the door was LOCKED. The previous owners installed the door knob to Oliver’s bedroom so that it locked from the outside. I gratefully took advantage of this when we moved Oliver to his toddler bed, and found it comforting to know that I could lock the door and not worry about him wandering the house while I slept. But it never occurred to me that I could get locked in with him on the OUTSIDE.

Never one to panic, I responded to Oliver’s increasing anxiety with comforting promises that I would “fix it” and a lot of the ever popular, “in just a minute.” All the while, I was running through possible action plans. Climbing out the window was not an option since it would be a three story drop, but I thought a neighbor might be outside. So I opened the window and started calling for help. No dice. Everyone was inside their air conditioned homes.

Meanwhile Eleanor, sensing the terror in Oliver’s cries to get in, started crying even louder – which in return increased Oliver’s anxiety. George was furious that I had closed the window (because, you know – that was so much fun), and started crying as well. Great – now I had thee screaming children.

I considered trying to break the door down, but after one half hearted attempt, accepted the fact that I was not the Incredible Hulk. Then I remembered that there were a few wire hangers in Oliver’s closet. DUH – all I had to do was to use the end of a wire to poke the little hole in the door knob and spring the lock. Chris showed me how to do this in our old apartment when I used to worry about Oliver accidentally locking himself in the bathroom.

Within a minute, I had a red-faced, hysterical Oliver in my lap and equally upset twins climbing all over us. Once I had everyone somewhat calmed down, Oliver started dragging us out of the evil room that had kept us away from him for the TEN MINUTES that this drama probably took to unfold. I knew that only one thing could snap everyone out of their hysteria. So I asked, “hey – who wants ice cream?” And then all was golden.

While the twins should have been settling down to sleep and Oliver should have been preparing for his own bath, we sat around the kids’ table exclaiming over the miracle that is ice cream while traumatic events quickly disappeared from our blessedly fickle short term memories.

Good times.

Originally posted on July 24, 2008. I kind of jumped the gun on this last week with that Short Rant to a Short Man falshback. For some reason I thought it was the last Friday of the month… Ah well – one less post to write this week. Visit Scary Mommy for links to more Flashback Friday Posts!

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