Who’s Big Idea Was This Anyway?

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What do you mean, “who’s big idea was this?” It was my Uncle Dick’s idea. Haven’t you read my posts from Monday and Tuesday? No? Here’s a quick recap. My Uncle Dick called me while I was half naked in a Target dressing room to tell me that I should write a Dear Abby style column for children. Oh right – and we are Covenys, and think we have better ideas than anyone else. I think that sums it up pretty nicely.

To conclude this three part series, I will now attempt to execute THE IDEA. The following letter is based on the experience of my oldest son when we tried to ruin his life by bringing newborn twins into our house – allegedly to be his siblings.

Dear Mrs. Hood,

I am a one and a half year old boy living in the DC metro area. Recently, my mother disappeared for several days, and then returned with two little things that she calls babies. They do not look like babies, and I am worried that she may have suffered an injury during her absence that is making her delusional. These “babies” do not coo or giggle, they do not have chubby arms and legs to tickle, and when I do try to tickle them, they scream. Then I have to sit on the naughty step for being too rough with the “babies.” My father is no help. It seems that he has lost his mind as well. At first I thought he may just be playing along while he tried to get my mother help, but I lost hope when the neighbors started showing up to “see the new babies.” It appears that these creatures have the ability to brainwash grownups. Everyone leaves our house talking about how adorable the “babies” are. They are in fact, not adorable. They look like turtles without shells. I like turtles – but not without shells. How do I make my parents understand that they are being brainwashed by shell-less turtle creatures, and that they should return these so called “babies” to the pit of hell from whence they came?

Sincerely,
Reviled in Reston

Dear Reviled,

First, I would like to compliment you on your advanced vocabulary and writing skills. Most 18 month old children are just starting to put two to three words together, so you are an exceptionally gifted young boy. But remember – you are a young boy, and your parents have a lot more life experience. They are not delusional, and they were just as thrilled with you when they brought you home as a newborn shell-less turtle. All newborn babies are small and twins tend to be even smaller. You may not believe it now, but they will quickly grow and gain those rolls that you would like to tickle. They will also start smiling when they are about six weeks old, and this too will make them more recognizable as babies. The reason that your parents send you to the naughty step is because they have not slept since the minute they brought the twins home; and when the babies scream, it makes them want to buy wigs and fake passports and hop on the next plane to Brazil. This is not your fault, but they are not exactly reasonable at the moment. While you are awfully young for this responsibility, you will have to be patient with them and understand that it takes a while for parents to adjust to a new baby in the house. Even more so for two new babies. You will be surprised at how quickly they adapt though, and in a few months they won’t even remember a time when the babies weren’t part of the family. And by then, you will be happy to see that your twin siblings will be cooing, giggling, ticklish, chubby babies that don’t look like turtles without shells. Until then – keep your chin up and watch a lot of TV. This will make your parents very happy. Guilty – but happy.

Sincerely,
Mrs. Hood

Hey! Not bad right? I will try to come up with these every once in a while. And in the meantime, feel free to send me any questions that you would like answered (either real or made up). You see – not only do I have really great ideas….I have answers for everything.

Sincerely,
Mrs. Hood

For Nie Nie: Silent Auction

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Many of you may have heard about the terrible plane crash in which Stephanie (of the blog The Nie Nie Dialogues) and Christian Nielson were severely injured. Two weeks later, they remain in critical condition at Maricopa Burn Center. Christian’s burns cover 30% of his body and Stephanie’s cover 80%. They have four small children.

This figure, “80%”, has the effect of a physical blow every time I think of it. Stephanie Nielson is one of the loveliest young women I have ever seen. Anyone familiar with her blog will know that she is not just physically beautiful. She has a true beauty of spirit that shines though every smile for the camera and every word she so lovingly writes about her family. Her personal sense of style and her creativity are inspirational and I never tire of her writing and photography. The idea that she would be suffering such physical pain right now brings tears to my eyes.

Gabrielle, who is well known for the websites, DesignMom.com and Kirtsy.com has urged other bloggers to hold silent auctions and donate the proceeds to the Nielsons’ recovery fund. I plan to participate in this on Thursday and will provide links to Design Mom, as well as AllMediocre.com. Both of these sites will be listing blogs running silent auctions. If you would like to participate but have trouble finding directions, feel free to contact me at bigpieceofcake@gmail.com.

On Thursday, I will be auctioning off several items:

  1. Jewelry for BOTH women and little girls designed by my friend Christy,

  2. Silk handbags that I sell,

  3. AND a beautiful BCBG coat.

Please forward all of this information to friends and family. And keep the Nielsons in your thoughts and prayers.

Jefferson…Einstein…Coveny….

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When we last left off, I was in a dressing room at Target wondering what parallel universe I had just entered. I mean, entering Target is pretty much entering a parallel universe for many reasons (all different, depending on the individual)… But seriously, to be talking to my father’s older brother while I’m more of less naked in a Target dressing room? Never saw that one coming.

As I explained yesterday, he called to let me know that he reads my blog (hi again Uncle Dick!) and that he had this really great idea about something I should write. Now before I get into the details, I need to address the obvious question that this will elicit from many of my readers: Your UNCLE has an idea about what you should write in your blog? And you’re actually going to consider this?

Well – yes. You see I am a Coveny by birth, and we are idea people. We have a lot of great ideas. All the time. And we don’t hoard all of these breakthroughs for ourselves. Oh no – we are very generous people. We SHARE our ideas with others. We know how much they can benefit from our wisdom and creativity.

And of course, we are not shy about this. You can ask my friend Christy. I have ideas about what she should be doing with her jewelry design business ALL THE TIME. I have sent her many via e-mail and we have discussed them at length on the phone. If Christy could hire me full time, I’m fairly certain that we would make millions. Unfortunately, we are both a little too busy with our day jobs – but maybe someday… I have (in rare moments of objectivity) asked Christy if she minds me sending her all of these gems – and she has verified that they are good ideas and much appreciated. That’s a good thing for you Christy – because there are plenty more to come!

So in light of the fact that I am an idea person myself, how could I not be open to a suggestion from an “idea man” over 30 years my senior? And because it would go completely against my nature to actually get to the point before paragraph number six. Let me tell you just a little bit about my Uncle Dick.

Uncle Dick is about sixty-eight years young (and no – he won’t be mad that I am telling everyone how old he is – Covenys are not vain about age). He is my father’s older brother and has three beautiful daughters, all around my age. He has a successful background in business and can recognize talent when he sees it (hello! my blog…) He liked my idea of having a weekly feature (as of last week, I’m now doing “Friday Confessions“), and he had another suggestion for me.

But before I get to that, I should mention one other thing about my uncle. He is not just a dreamer – he is an achiever. Several years ago, he suffered a stroke that left him with fairly severe paralysis. He was told that he would never walk again. His response? “Just watch me.” Initially, he had to spend some time in a facility that offered full time care, and was surrounded by much older people that had pretty much given up on their own rehabilitation (as if being over eighty years old made it not worth their while). But my uncle’s determination was infectious, and he left there having given hope to many (and also having received a marriage proposal from a wealthy older woman – but that’s another story). After years of physical therapy, he is now living by himself in his own Manhattan apartment and makes a point of being outside of it as much as possible.

Uncle Dick is retired – but he’s never idle. He’ll always have ideas. And here is the one he had for me: He thinks that I should do somewhat of a “Dear Abby” kind of thing for kids. So they can write me for advice on how to deal with their unreasonable/embarrassing/you name it parents. Of course – it wouldn’t be REAL kids writing me. Real kids are not known to be enthusiastic letter writers – not even for advice from idea people like me. No, I would have to make them up – which is even better since their questions would be ones that I can actually answer. Score!

I spent most of Friday evening and Saturday too busy with my own kids to give much thought to the “Dear Mrs. Hood” advice column, but was reminded of THE IDEA when Uncle Dick called me again on Sunday to discuss it further. I will admit that this is not an easy one for me – but I’m going to give it a try. But not tonight.

It’s getting late (and this is getting long) so I’m going to have to finish the story tomorrow. I know! Cliffhanger number 2! It’s like watching episodes of Lost – except I don’t make you wait another week to see what happens next. So – until tomorrow…

You Really Can Get Anything at Target

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On Friday, I had a very odd experience at Target. Please don’t stop reading if you think this already sounds boring. I promise it’s not. And there is nudity involved.

I – like every other good suburban mom – use Target as a one-stop shopping resource when I need a variety of items that are not usually found in one place: diapers, socks, light bulbs, margarita glasses, Goldfish crackers…what have you. But I must admit that it has taken me a long time to allow myself to consider buying my own clothing there.

I first tried to dip my toe in that water when I was pregnant with my first son and heard all of the hype about how fantastic the Liz Lang collection was. Apparently the Target near my work at the time was periodically attacked by locusts, because it looked like a war zone and the maternity section offered only a few pairs of black pants (none of which were in my size), some metallic “evening wear” ensembles and about 50 purple t-shirts. I didn’t return.

I was eventually drawn back by the promise of nice but inexpensive clothing for my children. But I resisted their women’s apparel for years based on the premise that I felt uncomfortable buying my own clothes in the same store that sold Halloween costumes for dogs.

This past summer, I got over myself right around the time I walked by an Isaac Mizrahi display and couldn’t deny it any longer. I had to admit it. I saw things. I liked them. And I heard the actual words reverberate in my head, “oooh – that’s cute.”

My first purchases were mainly tops, and since I can usually buy a shirt without trying it on, I never actually had to use the Target dressing rooms….Until Friday. I saw a dress. I loved the dress. I had to have the dress. But the idea of bringing it home and it not fitting sounded unbearable. Or more accurately, I was there without any children and was feeling less lazy than usual – so I sought out the dressing room. Here is where things get weird (and partially nude).

As I entered my dressing room (noting how clean and roomy it was by the way), I was surprised to see that there was not only one – but two mirrors in the space so that I could have both a front and back view of myself. This is pretty impressive for a store that sells dog food.

I quickly took off my own clothes and tried the dress. I was excited – I really wanted it to fit. And it did! It looked great. And forgive me for this minor tangent, but I actually saw it worn by a star’s fourteen year old daughter in a copy of Us Weekly from last week that I finally got around to reading on Saturday. This tells me two things. First that I have a youthful sense of style and second that I am woefully behind on my tabloid reading.

I took off the dress and triumphantly tossed it on top of my purse. No need to put it back on the hanger – I was taking it home! Then my cell phone rang. Since I was on my lunch break, I assumed it was work. I grabbed the phone and right before answering, I caught sight of something that stopped me in my tracks. I saw a full, flourescent lit view of my backside clad in only underwear. And not underwear that resembled a bathing suit either – I mean there was very little left to the imagination. It was disconcerting to say the least.

Now I’m not going to get into an unproductive critique of my various physical flaws. In fact – I’m pretty comfortable with the size I’m wearing these days. But after 36 years and two pregnancies I am not going to be visiting the MTV beach house anytime soon. I look my age. And I look like a mom. But at the very least, I would rather not look at my bare backside.

(That’s it for the nudity – so if you’re still bored, you can stop reading.)

After this moment’s pause, I answered the phone. It was my Uncle Dick. I don’t know if my Uncle Dick has ever called my cell phone before – or my home phone for that matter. I usually talk to him when I’m at my parent’s house.

If there is one thing that I wouldn’t have imagined doing ever in my lifetime – it’s chatting with Uncle Dick while I’m naked in a Target dressing room. But – you know, it was good to hear from him and all.

Apparently, he called to tell me that he’s been reading my blog (Hi Uncle Dick!) and he really likes it. This was actually quite touching since I didn’t really think that many of my family members (aside from my parents and brother) had been following it.

But he wasn’t just calling to give me compliments. He was calling to give me an idea for something he thought I should write. Something he thought could be really big.

I’ll have to leave it at that for now, since this is getting kind of long. (I know – cliffhanger!) But tomorrow’s post will continue where I’m leaving off. Until then, you’ll just have to be satisfied with the image of me staring with horror at my cellulite while brainstorming about blog posts with my Uncle Dick.

Withholding Love

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Since my week of confessions seemed to be so well received, I thought I’d make it a weekly feature on Fridays. And no – I’m not concerned that I will run out of material. I have enjoyed a full 36 years of embarrassing myself. So here is my first official Friday Confession:

I never give anyone someone else’s love.

I think we can all say that at least a few times a week, if not more, we encounter the request, “give [insert name here] my love.” It’s almost a formality. Something people say to be polite, like a pleasant send off. A token to prove that they care.

As proper as I tend to be, I’ve never really done this. At best, I ask that someone is informed that I said “hi.” I’ll never ask you to send anyone my love. And if you ask me to do it – well, I won’t.

Of course I say I will. That’s all part of the ritual. But to me, it’s more like a “how are you/just fine” exchange. It’s not that I’m purposefully thwarting etiquette. I just never remember to follow up. It’s a sin of omission. And I feel better for confessing it.

I think that this deserves some kind of penance as well (oooh – should this be part of my weekly feature? hmmm – we’ll see). So in addition to making my sin known to the virtual world (that counts for something right?), I will make a concerted effort to be more diligent about this and always tell people when someone I know has sent their love (unless I forget).

But in the spirit of more immediate gratification for anyone that knows me well: Oh, by the way – [insert name(s) here] send(s) you his/her/their love!

Have a great weekend. And tell [insert name here] I said hi.

Why Good Girls Go Bad

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The other night, we were in the middle of our evening routine (dinner for kids, baths for kids, bedtime for kids, bottle of wine for parents) and had the conversational equivalent of a wardrobe malfunction.

It was Eleanor’s turn (we’re still doing separate baths since Oliver goes to bed later and George…well – the explanations are boring and not based on any real logic – we just do it that way most of the time). Anyway – Chris agreed to do the bath while I cleaned up the kitchen, and he brought my daughter over for a goodnight kiss.

I said something about it being bath time and she tossed back the house party line, “no.” I explained that she had played outside that day and that her legs were so dirty that I could wet my finger and write my name in the filth (kind of like what people to do my – I mean – dirty cars). Actually – I didn’t say that to her because she wouldn’t have any idea what I was talking about, you know, not being two yet and all…but it’s good imagery for the amount of grime she had acquired during the day.

The rest of the conversation went like this:

Me: Okay – I love you – night night.

Eleanor: No!

Me: Yes – you need a bath. You are SOOO dirty. You have to clean up.

Eleanor: NOO-HOO-HOOO-HOO!

Me: YE-HEH-HEH-HESS! You are too dirty. You HAVE to take a bath.

Chris: That’s right – cause you’re a dirty girl.

(long pause as parents take in the words that seem to inflate like giant porn balloons in the air between them)

Kate: Don’t ever say that again?

Chris: Yeah – that didn’t sound good…

In My Opinion, You Can Never Have Enough:

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1. Icing on your cupcake (but only if it’s the homemade kind – the canned stuff is sub-par).

2. Butter on your baked potato (unless you have a dairy allergy and have to use fake stuff like Molly McButter – it’s just not the same).

3. Help with a newborn in the house (unless this involves family members that make you feel like you are 7 years old and playing with dolls).

4. Pairs of black heels (because regardless of what our male contemporaries think – they are all TOTALLY different).*
*This of course only applies to women – and drag queens.

5. Time to do nothing with your children (unless they are whining and crying – then they should go immediately to daycare where that magical woman turns them into pod people for the day).

6. Comments on a post (come on – this is a blog!).

7. Memories of great times with your friends that have nothing to do with the opposite sex (unless you are gay – and then you have to imagine that you have a whole group of friends where no one has ever hooked up. What? So I like The L Word).

8. Glasses of wine to come up with a lame list of things that you can never have enough of (and the inclination to think ending sentences with prepositions is just fine and no one will notice).

9. Respect and appreciation from your spouse/partner (finally – one that applies to all!).

10. Friends that remember you as you were in the past – and love you all the more for it.

That’s My Giant

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Last week I was invited to a lunch hosted by Giant Food at one of my favorite DC restaurants, Chef Geoff. Aside from being a fan of the food at Chef Geoff, I particularly like this restaurant because the owner (that would be Chef Geoff, of course) happens to be a good friend of one of my husband’s best friends from college. So I kind of know him by proxy – which makes me feel very important.

Giant is one of the main grocery stores where I shop (that’s right Washington Post Express – I don’t spend all of my millions at Whole Foods). So the lunch seemed to apply to me. AND it was free. While not everyone likes to admit it – we all like free stuff. Even rich and famous bloggers like me.

When I arrived at the lunch, I was surprised to see that it was a fairly intimate group – probably about 20 people in all. This also pleased me because I like anything exclusive (as long as I’m invited). So far, so good. I was feeling important and elitist and I was getting a free lunch. Ah – just another day in the life of a suburban mom…

But seriously – what was I doing there? Why WAS I invited? I really had no idea. It seemed that the guest list was primarily made up of women who write for DC Metro Moms. And I don’t write for DC Metro Moms. I’ve only had a blog for about two months. But I am a mom, and I grew up in DC and now live in the Metro area….so maybe I should write for DC Metro Moms. I seem to be qualified… But for the purpose of this particular line of thought (why I was invited), there didn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason for it. I could only guess that they saw the title of my blog and thought I was a foodie. Well, as much as I like to eat, I have to admit to being a fairly reluctant cook. But if serving my children different variations of cheese on bread for dinner and then making my own dinner out of some cheese and crackers and a half a bottle of wine every night makes me part of Giant’s target audience….then it all makes sense.

As usual, many words have passed and not many points have been gotten to… So back to the lunch. The primary message that Giant seemed to want to relay to us is that they value the mothers that shop in their stores. Seriously – it just kept getting better. I could now add “valued” to the list of pats on the back that I seemed to be getting out of this experience. Then they filled us in on the current programs they are developing as well as various family-related changes that will be taking place in their stores.

The first item that caught my attention was the improved family-friendly check out lines. They not only eliminate candy and tabloids – but also provide activity pages with stickers for the kids, healthy snacks and various items that a parent may need on the go (like hand sanitizer). My first thought was that this aisle didn’t really appeal to me. I mean where would I get my reward for doing the shopping (candy) and how would I suffer through waiting in line without some kind of entertainment (Us Weekly)? Frankly, activity pages and Fig Newtons just aren’t going to cut it for me. Then I remembered that I would only be using this aisle if I had my children with me (something I actively avoid). And that this information was being presented to me since I’m a mom. Oh yeah – that’s right – I am! Then I thought the idea was genius.

The next point that seemed to apply to me personally was that Giant will be putting reminder signs in their parking lots so people won’t make it all the way through the checkout line before realizing that they left their reusable grocery bags in the car. Anyone that has been reading The Big Piece of Cake recently may remember my confession about this a few weeks ago. And if you caught my post on Friday, you will know that a local publication decided to slander me publicly for it. Okay – that’s a bit extreme, but I didn’t sense any eye rolling over the OTHER blogs they quoted that day…

Another point of discussion that got everyone all fired up was a new scanning system that will allow you to place an order at the deli counter and then come by to pick it up later. Women were literally vibrating with excitement over this. I was thinking about how I don’t much care for lunch meat, but then I considered that I could want to buy something at the deli counter at some point…so then I got into the spirit and joined in the ooohs and aaahs.

The presentation covered much more than this, but those new developments were the ones that seem to stick out for me. During part of the the presentation, Chef Geoff himself gave us a demonstration on how to prepare risotto. He put on a good show, and entertained us with culinary jokes and stories about his kids. The whole time I was thinking about how my husband (who actually does like to cook) would have LOVED to be there, and how he would have been the biggest suck up in the room, asking lots of questions about technique (love you honey!). This risotto was served with a scallop the size of my head as an appetizer. It was phenomenal, and I guarantee that if I tried this “easy” recipe at home it wouldn’t be nearly as good – regardless of Chef Geoff’s instructional skills.

While we were enjoying our entree, Andrea Astrachan, VP of Consumer Affairs gave us all kinds of tips for staying healthy, saving money and other stuff that would be of interest to moms. Andrea sat next to me and she was just cute as a button. Look at her picture – don’t you think so? AND she grew up on a farm. Did you know that? What – you say you had no idea who she was to begin with? Well duh! Neither did I, but you have to start somewhere. So start with this – Andrea grew up on a farm! And she has two sons. And she has a lot of style (you can’t really tell from her head shot – but she dresses well). I think that’s enough about Andrea for today. But that’s okay – it takes a while to really get to know someone. One last Andrea-related detail though – she went to the trouble of providing everyone with several handouts on the content from her presentation. And I will have every intention of reading these and until they slip though the bottom of my purse and into the black hole that consumes pretty much anything handout, brochure or “reminder” related.

As a bonus parting gift, we were given a preview of the NEW Giant logo. That’s right – The “big G” is going away. I can’t show a picture of the logo or even describe it. If I do they’ll have to kill me. It’s top secret information until its unveiling on August 22. We were informed that we were the first people in the DC area to see the new logo – which of course made me feel very special and elitist again, ending the event on a resounding high note.

On my way out the door, I bumped into another attendee that I thought looked familiar. Turns out we went to high school together (hi Stephanie!). So we had a quick, high pitched chat before I had to run back to the office. Well – I’ll speak for myself regarding the high pitched part. I tend to walk away from this kind of reunion wondering when I turned into Minnie Mouse. Seems to be a girl thing since I’ve been with Chris on numerous occassions when he’s run into an old friend, and somehow there is no significant rise in octaves involved…

All in all – it was a great day. As a suburban mom, I don’t get out as much as I used to. And since I left my somewhat higher profile meeting planning job (for one with more “family friendly” hours), I don’t even get invited to that many professional events. Now when I peruse my latest issue of In Style magazine, I don’t have to envy the celebrities at fashion shows and charity events, picking up their bags of Jo Malone and Tiffany & Co. swag. I’ll just look at my reusable Giant shopping bag holding my new logo calculator, adjustable apron, multi-use clip and box of Simply Enjoy brand cookies, and smile as I relive the fond memory.

Thanks again Giant Food and Chef Geoff for putting together such a lovely event!

I’m Having a Party and Everyone’s Invited

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Actually – that’s not really true, but “I’m having a Party and Only Ten People are Invited” didn’t have as much of a ring to it. Barking Mad has started a virtual dinner party trend. You can view the details here, but the general idea is to list 10 blogs you read and why the writing makes you think they’d be fun and/or interesting dinner companions.

This was really supposed to be more of a community building exercise and not the usual exclusionary BS that makes people so angry, jealous, insecure or any other number of unproductive reactions. Unfortunately – it’s kind of impossible to avoid this. If someone has the inclination to feel left out, a disclaimer or mission statement won’t make a difference. So I find myself conflicted about how to proceed (I know – so just don’t do it – but I really like the idea!)

I saw Anymommy struggle with this last week as she invited something like 50 people and managed to get them all drunk and topless in the process. She decided to be a rebel and break the rules with unlimited invitations. Since I don’t like to be a copycat (and I’m just too PG-13 for that Girls Gone Wild action), I am unable to increase the head count.

Instead – I’m going to increase the limitations. I am only going to invite people that I don’t think will be on anyone else’s guest list. This doesn’t mean that I think they aren’t well loved of course. I’m thinking more about blogs that may not be read by the people who are participating in the dinner party planning OR blogs that are still somewhat undiscovered (I can particularly appreciate this second one since I’m fairly new myself).

So here is my list:

Anastasia from The Gift. This will come as no surprise since I have mentioned her on other occasions and she is a good friend of mine in the “real world.” She likes to talk about everything and anything (which is lucky for her since she challenged herself to write every day for a year), and loves a good debate. She is also incredibly funny and will regale us with great anecdotes about growing up among the cast of outspoken characters that she calls her family.

Anna from An Inch of Gray. Anna may be starting to think that I’m her stalker. I comment on almost every post and I act like we’ve just known each other forever. This is probably because she has managed to provide somewhat of a window into her life. While she’s quite witty – she doesn’t hide behind humor. Her posts are funny, poignant and – again – funny. I often think that if Anna and I lived near each other, we would be really good friends. That is, as long as she didn’t request a restraining order…

Kacy from Every Day I Write the Book. If you have been reading my blog for the past couple of months, you will have seen this one coming. How could I ever have a dinner party without the funniest woman in the blogosphere. I have already provided an excerpt from her post of hate mail to her hamster. But if that isn’t enough for you – check out this and this. Although – I might not want to invite her to my party since it would be one of those things where she’d be “discovered” and then everyone would be inviting her to their parties and then I wouldn’t see as much of her. Which would be really sad since blog life has gotten so hectic lately and we never just talk anymore.

Jozette from Regardez Moi. I think that if I rescued a genie from his bottle and could make some wishes, I would wish that Jozette was my little sister. This of course, is based on unlimited wishes since I would have to be a bit more practical with just three. Three would require a lot of thought, and I’d probably end up agonizing over making the third one for world peace or a vacation home in Andalucia. But I just love Jozette. She is funny (guest post on Petunia Face) and she would never let me leave home wearing bad shoes. Plus it looks like she’s outnumbered by boys – so she kind of needs me.

Winona from Daddy Likey. Like Jozette, Winona is younger than me. And I think it’s refreshing to have child-free people at a party. They tend to keep the conversation from stalling at potty training and precious anecdotes. Winona has some definite thoughts on fashion, but she can laugh at herself too. And her travel stories alone would keep us on the edge of our seats.

Suzie from Up the Hill Backwards. I decided that I would be a Suzie fan forever when she commented on a post about my son being big for his age, by saying, “My son is really tall for his age and physical. He towers over the other boys at school. People tend to think he is a bit slow because he’s only three but he looks like a six year old with a pacifier and wearing mommy’s shoes.” She also comes up with gems like this. I can’t imagine that things could get boring with Suzie around.

Amy from Doobleh-Vay. Okay – this is strictly based on the fact that I haven’t seen her on a list yet. The truth is Amy is well loved (and read) by many. And for good reason. She is kind of a role model for the less conventional mother. She puts creativity first and greets each day with her kids as another opportunity to learn and grow. I love that she has just as many dreams for herself as she does for her boys. In the end this will make their bond all the stronger. Plus – she might arrive in a pirate hat – which in my book is an immediate conversation catalyst.

Heather from Dooce. HAH! See, I can invite her because I don’t think anyone else will. She’s like the really pretty girl in school that doesn’t get asked to prom because everyone assumes that someone else already asked her. But see, I’m the geek with borderline Aspergers who has no sense of fear. I want her to come – so what the hell, I’ll ask. And because it’s my theoretical dinner party, she is absolutely delighted by the invitation. AND she brings really good wine. She and Kacy can make Mormon-related jokes that no one else understands, but we’ll all laugh because they are just that funny. And because we drank too much of the wine Heather brought – except for Kacy, because she’s Mormon.

That’s it for the invites. And no – there is no mistake in falling short of the required head count of 10. I think that my dinner party would be particularly interesting if we had a couple of crashers. So what do you think? Want to come? Leave me a comment and let me know what you can bring to the party. Anyone can crash (since this is theoretical, I’ll just pretend that only two of you come) – even if you are read by millions and invited to all of the other dinner parties. I think you’ll like mine the best.

Bad Press Is Good Press

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When I wrote yesterday’s post about living big, taking chances and standing behind what I choose to say online, I didn’t expect to be faced with such immediate public consequences.

Before I had a chance to even think about what I would write next, I was given a clipping from a local paper that actually quoted me out of context AND made me sound like a suburban princess.

Every day my husband picks up The Washington Post’s free Express paper and reads it on the Metro. So does a woman that works with him (Hi Alicia!), and she saved us the Lookout Online page from July 30th. We were at the beach that week, but I still tried to get out a quick post (for a themed week of confessions) from the nearby inernet cafe each night. Who would have thought that one of my flaws would be picked up and then picked on.

This particular confession was that I have a hard time remembering to bring my eco-friendly shopping bags into the store, and as a result, have accumulated a bit of a collection.

Here is the piece that was published as part of the “Blog Log”:

“I HAVE 20 Whole Foods grocery bags in [my] trunk. I never remember to bring them into the store with me, so I continue to find myself buying new ones. I could just use the paper – but it’s now a matter of principle. That was the point of buying the first one.”

THEBIGPIECEOFCAKE.COM HAS CASH TO BURN NOT JUST ON GROCERIES FROM WHOLE FOODS, BUT APPARENTLY ALSO ON HER BAGS FOR THEM.

This paraphrased quote implies that I have tons of money because I sometimes shop at Whole Foods. I didn’t realize that I needed to clarify that I buy specific things at Whole Foods – not everything. Of course they left out the part where I say, “but when I go to the regular grocery store I use their plastic.” Wouldn’t one assume that calling the other option “regular” means that I go there, um, regularly.

Anyway – to get defensive and overexplain myself would be completely losing sight of my new devil may care attitude toward living online. So I will just say, “thanks Washington Post Express – I appreciate the plug.” Even if it wasn’t accurate.